Gage Quotes in Bitch Slap (2009)

Gage: [threatening Trixie with a dildo tipped with whirling blades] I love Home Depot... Now listen here, you fucking slag. I have a reputation for being very persuasive. And I know you're a virtuoso with them throat muscles. So you'd better start spilling - or I'm gonna send Thaddeus here right up your chutney tube!

Gage: [to Trixie] You take orders better than a Bangkok bum boy.

Gage: Blow me, you psycho rug-muncher!

Gage: That's it, show us your grabber.

Trixie: You like that?

Gage: Yeah, Daddy likes...

Trixie: Try *this* one on for size.

[Executes an aerial flip into Gage's lap]

Gage: Fuckin' hell!

Trixie: I call that move "shock and awe."

Gage: Oh God... I've never felt this way about a gash before.

Trixie: Oh! You are so sweet.

Gage: Oh, and you're decent and pure, and I love you. Now why don't we tie a knot, bump uglies, and ride the pork bus to Tuna City?

Gage: [to Hel] Who the fuck are you? Aside from one tasty little minge I'd like to slam like a screen door?

Gage: Well, well, well. Hiding out in a convent? Impersonating a nun? Juggling pussy in a pornographic circus? Oh, that is *tasteless,* even for you, Camero.

[to cops]

Gage: Right-o, lads, don't be afraid to use excessive force on this one.

Simon Caprisi: Something doesn't feel right.

Gage: That's how it feels when you're about to change history.

Gage: Simon, tell me those numbers look good.

Simon Caprisi: I don't know yet.

Gage: Well, I'm sure they're fine.

Gage: The reactor didn't cause this. Bad mapping caused this.

Simon Caprisi: What's that supposed to mean?

Gage: It means that F5s don't just magically appear, okay? And they're not conjured by what we did.

Gage: You touch that machine and you won't get a job at Best Buy.

Simon Caprisi: SHUT IT DOWN!

Gage: You know, I'd say that's the craziest thing I've ever heard if it wasn't the dumbest thing I've ever heard.

Simon Caprisi: Hey, where the hell are you going?

Gage: They're going to die with their families is my guess.

Simon Caprisi: What about you?

Gage: No. Never got along with my family.

Gage: Mr. Zuckerberg, do I have your full attention?

Mark Zuckerberg: [stares out the window] No.

Gage: Do you think I deserve it?

Mark Zuckerberg: [looks at Gage] What?

Gage: Do you think I deserve your full attention?

Mark Zuckerberg: I had to swear an oath before we began this deposition, and I don't want to perjure myself, so I have a legal obligation to say no.

Gage: Okay - no. You don't think I deserve your attention.

Mark Zuckerberg: I think if your clients want to sit on my shoulders and call themselves tall, they have the right to give it a try - but there's no requirement that I enjoy sitting here listening to people lie. You have part of my attention - you have the minimum amount. The rest of my attention is back at the offices of Facebook, where my colleagues and I are doing things that no one in this room, including and especially your clients, are intellectually or creatively capable of doing.

[pauses]

Mark Zuckerberg: Did I adequately answer your condescending question?

Mark Zuckerberg: I went to my friend for the money because that's who I wanted to be partners with. Eduardo was the president of the Harvard Investors Association, and he was also my best friend.

Gage: Your best friend is suing you for six hundred million dollars.

Mark Zuckerberg: [Sarcastically] I didn't know that, tell me more.

Gage: 39 days after the initial meeting with my clients and Mr. Zuckerberg still hadn't completed work on HarvardConnection. But, on January 1st, 2004, Mr. Zuckerberg registered the domain name "theFacebook" by, uh, Network Solutions. To the best of your knowledge, had he even begun work on HarvardConnection?

Eduardo Saverin: Not to my knowledge. No.

[Eugene is drinking from the faucet]

Gage: You might want to take a piss before we go.

Eugene: [sarcastically] And on the way there can we stop at Dairy Queen?

Gage: [answering phone] Gage.

Raymond: It's Raymond Blossom.

Gage: Do I know you?

Raymond: As well as you can know someone you have under 24 hour surveillance.

Gage: Oh, that Raymond Blossom.

[Talking on the phone]

Gage: First I play with Judd, then mommy came, and I play with mommy. We play daddy, we had a awful good time! Now, I want to play with you...

Louis Creed: What did you do?

Gage: [laughs wickedly]

Louis Creed: What did you do!

Gage: No Fair! No Fair, No Fair!

Gage: [on the the phone] Hi, daddy. I love you... Hi, Daddy. I love you.

[Gage bumps his father with his toy]

Gage: Uh-Oh!

Louis Creed: [Louis smiles] Uh-Oh.

[Gage throws his food at breakfast]

Ellie: Yuck! Gross!

Gage: Uh-Oh!

[Louis warns his wife about if Church's operation goes wrong]

Louis Creed: If anything does happen while he's under the gas, and that's a 1 in a 1,000 shot, but it does happen, you explain it to her.

Gage: [Gage throws food at Church's box] Church!

[Rachel kisses her husband before he leaves for work]

Rachel: Still friends, doc?

Gage: [Rachel and Louis kiss while Rachel holds Gage] I kissed you.

Rachel: [Rachel chuckles] Have a great first day at school, doc.

[Louis talks to Gage on the phone]

Ellie: Want to talk to Gage?

Louis Creed: Yeah.

Gage: Hi, daddy. I love you.

Gage: [Louis remains silent] Hi, daddy. I love you.

[Louis remains silent]