Frederick Quotes in Formula 51 (2001)

Felix: [after Elmo arrives to the airport, opening the trunk of the car and there's the dead chemist] Arrgh, What's this?

Frederick: It's Lawrence!

Felix: I see it's Lawrence, but what happened?

Frederick: You told me to take care of him.

Felix: Ah, shit! I meant to take care of him, not fuckin' take care of him!

Felix: Listen to this, I'm in fucking Florida, right. This southern prat comes up and he's like, uh, "Hey! England's small. You must know that John Fuckin' Smith guy, right?" Fucking Smith. I'm like, "oh yeah, yeah mate. That's right. John Smith, yeah, I do know him, but, uh, he doesn't come from England mate, no, he comes from fucking"

Felix, Frederick: Pricksville, USA.

Frederick: I thought we liked stripes this year.

Cruella De Vil: What kind of sycophant are you?

Frederick: Uh, what kind of sycophant would you like me to be?

[Frederick is talking about TV]

Frederick: You see the whole culture. Nazis, deodorant salesmen, wrestlers, beauty contests, a talk show. Can you imagine the level of a mind that watches wrestling? But the worst are the fundamentalist preachers. Third grade con men telling the poor suckers that watch them that they speak with Jesus, and to please send in money. Money, money, money! If Jesus came back and saw what's going on in his name, he'd never stop throwing up.

Frederick: You missed a very dull TV show on Auschwitz. More gruesome film clips, and more puzzled intellectuals declaring their mystification over the systematic murder of millions. The reason they can never answer the question "How could it possibly happen?" is that it's the wrong question. Given what people are, the question is "Why doesn't it happen more often?"

Frederick: I'm not interested in what your interior decorator thinks, okay?

Dusty: I can't commit to anything without consulting her first. That's what I have her for, okay?

Frederick: This is degrading. You don't buy paintings to blend in with the sofa.

Dusty: It's not a sofa - it's an ottoman!

Frederick: [sitting at the counter, preparing Tess' breakfast in the kitchen] Just back to pick up your accoutrements?

Doug Chesnic: [while making coffee] Speak English Fred.

Frederick: [Doug walks out of the kitchen and up the stairs to 'Tess' bedroom] Just back to pick up your shit?

Lloyd: [Barging in from the house] What the *fuck* is going on?

Belinda: Lloyd!

Frederick: Holy cow!

Poppy: I didn't know you were here.

Lloyd: I'm not. I'm in New York. But I can't sit out there and listen to two minutes, three minutes, one minute, two minutes!

Belinda: Lloyd! We're having big dramas back here!

Lloyd: We're having big dramas out *there!* This is a matinee, Love! There are senior citizens out there! "The curtain will rise in three minutes," we all start for the gents! "The curtain will rise in one minute," we all start running out again! We don't know which way we're going!

Brooke: You can't even get the door open.

[and, in fact, Gary can't]

Lloyd: [distant] Hold it.

Frederick: [entering with Belinda] Yes, but this is Mrs. Clackett's afternoon off.

Lloyd: [a little louder] Hold it!

Frederick: We've got the place entirely to ourselves.

Belinda: Look at it.

Lloyd: [Freddy tries to close the door but can't] HOLD IT!

[they continue to try to open or close their respective doors]

Lloyd: And God said HOLD IT!

[they stop]

Lloyd: And they held it. And God saw that it was TERRIBLE!

Gary: Sorry, folks. The door won't open.

Belinda: Sorry, folks, this door won't close.

Lloyd: And God said, "POPPY!"

Frederick: Sorry folks, am I doing something wrong? You know how stupid I am about doors.

Belinda: Freddy, darling, you're doing it perfectly.

Frederick: As long as it wasn't me that broke it.

Lloyd: [Poppy comes on stage] ... And there was Poppy. And God said, "Be fruitful and multiply, and fetch Tim to fix the doors."

[looking for Selsdon]

Frederick: I'm sure he wouldn't. Not during a tech rehearsal.

Dotty: Half a chance, he would!

Brooke: Would what?

Dotty, Gary, Lloyd: [Gesturing drink in hand] Glck! Glck! Glck!

Frederick: Alright, I see all that.

Lloyd: Oh no.

Frederick: I just don't know why I take them.

Lloyd: Freddy love, why does anyone do anything? Why does that other idiot go out of the front door holding two plates of sardines? I mean, I-I'm not getting at you, love.

Gary: Course not, Lloyd. I mean, why do I? I mean, Jesus, when you come to think about it, why *do* I?

Lloyd: Who knows?

Gary: Who knows. You see, Freddy?

Lloyd: The wellsprings of human action are deep and cloudy. Maybe something happened to you when you were a very, very, very small child that made you frightened to let go of groceries.

Belinda: Or it could be genetic.

Gary: Yes, or it could be... you know.

Lloyd: Could-could well be.

Frederick: Of course, thank you. I understand all that, but...

Lloyd: Freddy love, I'm telling you I don't know. I-I don't think the *author* knows. I don't know why the author came into this industry in the first place. I don't know why any of us came into it.

Frederick: All the same, if you could just give me a reason I could keep in my mind.

Lloyd: Alright, I'll give you a reason then. You carry those groceries into the study, Freddy honey, because it's just slightly after midnight, and we're not going to be finished before we open tomorrow night - Correction. Before we open TONIGHT!

Gary: Is there anyone *else* in the house. Mrs. Clackett?

Dotty: I ain't seen no one, dear.

Gary: Well, I-I thought I heard boxes... I mean I found these voices.

Dotty: Voices? There's no voices 'ere, Love.

Gary: I must've imagined it.

Frederick: Oh my Go-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-d!

[as he yells, an amazing crash is heard backstage]

Gary: [pause] I *beg* your pardon?

Dotty: [She takes a deep breath] Oh my Go-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-d!

[as she yells, she bangs things together and knocks things off tables to make loud noises]

Gary: [Another pause] Why, what is it?

Lloyd: What's the line, Freddy?

Frederick: [with glue on his pants] I've heard of people getting stuck with the problem...

Lloyd: *stuck* with the problem.

Frederick: *stuck* with the problem?

Lloyd: *stuck* with the problem.

Frederick: I've heard of people getting *stuck* with the problem, but this is ridiculous!

Lloyd: [They are discussing why the sheik looks like Phillip] It is kind of a coincidence, Freddy. Until you reflect that there was an earlier draft of the play, now unfortunately lost to us, and in this the author makes it clear that Phillip's father, as a young man, traveled extensively in the middle east...

Frederick: I see. Oh, I see!

Lloyd: You see!

Frederick: That's very interesting.

Lloyd: I thought you'd like that.

Frederick: But will the audience get it?

Lloyd: Well, you must show them Freddy. With looks, with gestures. That's what acting is all about. Ok?

Frederick: Yes, thank you Lloyd. Thank you.

[Brooke has lost one of her contact lenses]

Belinda: Which one is it this time?

Brooke: Left.

Gary: It's the *left* one, everybody!

Poppy: Left one.

Belinda, Poppy, Frederick: [shouting] Left one!

[Everyone starts looking around for it]

Frederick: I'll just have a drink.

Renata: Right! Drink yourself unconcious. That's the sort of writer's cliche you've never had trouble adjusting to.

Frederick: Jealousy belongs to all if a woman belongs to none.

Frederick: I'm dying of silence, like others die of hunger and thirst.

Frederick: [Repeated pick-up line] You smiled! Don't deny it! You smiled! Marvelous! Life is beautiful! And you're just as beautiful!

Frederick: This mulled wine is splendid! It goes down like a seraph in red velvet tights.

Frederick: To your health, Baptiste. And to yours, friends. Tonight you drank with Julius Caesar. Julius Caesar or another. Charles the Bold, Attila, Henri IV, Ravaillac! Yes, I know it! It's my destiny to revive the giants of this earth. They played their parts. It's my turn now. Let me have my chance. Rise, Julius Caesar! Frederick is before you. I'll dust him off and cast his shadow across the boards. He'll live again to astonish the world once more! Thanks to me!

Frederick: Words and phrases leave you cold. You tell your story without speaking. And you do it so well. You really astonished me. Your legs speak, your hands answer. A glance, a shrug, a step forward, back and they understand up in the Gods.

Baptiste: They understand, though they are poor. I'm like them. I love them, I know them. Their lives are small, but their dreams are vast.

Frederick: First, my name, Frederick. Now tell me yours.

Garance: They call me Garance.

Frederick: Garance. How lovely!

Garance: It' a flower.

Frederick: A red flower, like your lips.

Frederick: You can't abandon me all alone on the Boulevard of Crime! When will I see you again?

Garance: Soon, perhaps. Chance will tell.

Frederick: Oh, Paris is so big.

Garance: Paris is small for those who share so great a passion as ours.

[Walks away]

Frederick: Is your door locked, my love?

Garance: I'm not afraid of thieves. What's there to steal?

Frederick: It's all nonsense, fantasy, air! What I like is reality.

[Grabs an actress on her behind]

Frederick: Only two acts, but well made. Compliments to the authors.

Frederick: Where did you go? Where did he take you? That nabob. To India?

Garance: I did go to India. But not for long. I lived in England most of the time. And Scotland.

Frederick: Is Scotland beautiful?

Garance: Yes... but it's so far away. I love only Paris.

Garance: Listen to the Gods! I used to laugh like that once. I'd burst out laughing, just like that, without thinking. But nowadays -...

Frederick: You're sad.

Garance: No, but I'm not cheerful either. A spring broke in the music box. The tune is the same but it's in a different key.

Frederick: This can't be happening to me. This is absurd.

Garance: What is it?

Frederick: I think I'm jealous. I don't know. I've never felt anything like this. It's insidious, unpleasant. It infects your heart. You reason, but your reason fails you.

Édouard, Count de Montray: Monsieur, you play the bloodthirsty brute so naturally.

Frederick: You're too kind. I merely played him as Shakespeare wrote him, as naturally as possible.

Édouard, Count de Montray: A peculiar fellow, this Monsieur Shakespeare. I hear he made his literary debut as a butcher's apprentice.

Frederick: Why not?

Édouard, Count de Montray: Which would explain the bestial nature of his plays and his popularity among dockers and carters.

Frederick: And kings!

Édouard, Count de Montray: How do you ply your talents these days?

Pierre-François Lacenaire: Since you ask, I'm putting the finishing touches on something that will cause a sensation.

Édouard, Count de Montray: A tragedy, no doubt.

Pierre-François Lacenaire: No, a comedy, a farce. Or a tragedy, if you prefer. It's all the same. There's no difference. Or very little. For example, if a king is deceived, it's a tragedy of infidelity. He's deceived not by his wife...

Frederick: But by Fate.

Pierre-François Lacenaire: Yes, Fate. But if it's a poor devil like you or me, Monsieur de Montray - and I use "me" as a figure of speech - it's no longer a tragedy, but mere buffoonery, a sorry tale of cuckolds.