Frederick Bronski Quotes in To Be or Not to Be (1983)

Frederick Bronski: If it wasn't for Jews, fags, and gypsies, there would be no theater.

[Frederick, Andre, and Dobish are disguised as Hitler and two Nazi offiers]

Lieutenant Andre Sobinski: Heil Hitler!

Dobish: Heil Hitler!

Frederick Bronski: Heil myself!

Frederick Bronski: It's a, it's a, it's a RAT hole.

Frederick Bronski: [as Hitler] All I want is peace. Peace! Peace!

[singing]

Frederick Bronski: A little piece of Poland, a little piece of France.

Frederick Bronski: [disguised as Prof. Siletski] Remember, Erhardt, I'm going to see the Fuhrer tonight. Who knows *what* we'll talk about!

[Anne has revealed another group of refugees to Frederick]

Frederick Bronski: More! What are they, Jews or rabbits?

[Frederick, disguised as Hitler, bursts in on Erhardt trying to assault Anna]

Colonel Erhardt: [weakly] Heil Hit... Hit... Hit...

Anna Bronski: Hitler.

Colonel Erhardt: Hitler.

Frederick Bronski: Heil.

Anna Bronski: I tried to tell him somebody big was coming.

Colonel Erhardt: Big! But...

Frederick Bronski: Come schatze, ve're late.

[Anna exits, but Frederick turns back to Erhardt]

Frederick Bronski: Vat's your name?

Colonel Erhardt: Colonel Er... Er... Er...

[sticking her head back in]

Anna Bronski: Erhardt.

Colonel Erhardt: Thank you.

Frederick Bronski: Erhardt? Erhardt? Aren't you the one who makes that joke about my becoming... A PICKLE?

[He leaves, slamming the door. Erhardt moans]

[Frederick, disguised as Professor Siletski, has to go to Gestapo Headquarters]

Frederick Bronski: Listen, sweetheart, if I don't come back, then I forgive you for anything that happened between you and Lt. Sobinski.

[He opens the door to leave, but turns back]

Frederick Bronski: But if I do come back, you're in a lot of trouble!

[Frederick has to stall Prof. Siletski while the others rush back to his hotel room to search it]

Frederick Bronski: Just don't keep me hanging much longer, I stink without a script!

Lupinsky: [under his breath] He stinks with a script.

Frederick Bronski: I heard that!

Frederick Bronski: Sondheim! Send in the clowns!

Colonel Erhardt: [referring to Capt. Schultz] I've always suspected zumzing wrong vit a man who does not drink or shmoke...

Frederick Bronski: You mean like our FUHRER?

Colonel Erhardt: Yes... NO!

[Frederick returns home, having succesfully impersonated Siletski at Gestapo headquarters]

Frederick Bronski: I did it! I did it! I gave the greatest performance of my life...

[sinks into a chair and peels off his fake beard]

Frederick Bronski: And nobody saw it.

Frederick Bronski: [Disguised as Siletski] Remember, Earhardt, I'm going to see the Furher tonight - who knows *what* we'll talk about!

Frederick Bronski: When this is allover, I'm gonna get you everything you need. You need a coat... you need a dress... you need shoes.

[Rubbing Andre's face, thinking he's Anna]

Frederick Bronski: and you need a shave...

[he thinks]

Frederick Bronski: ... a shave?

Colonel Erhardt: Cigar? Cigarette? Chocolate-covered nugats?

Frederick Bronski: Chocolate-covered what?

Colonel Erhardt: Nugats!

[Squishing one in his fingers]

Frederick Bronski: No. Thank you.

Frederick Bronski: If we don't make it through this, I forgive you for whatever happened between you and Lt. Sobinsky... but if we do, you're in a lot of trouble!