Blue Quotes in Shanghai Noon (2000)

Roy O'Bannon: Alright, pay attention because I don't want any mistakes.

[displays a childlike diagram]

Roy O'Bannon: I've calculated the speed of the train and the speed of our horses. We meet at this vector; the only variable is the wind. Technically, if you travel...

Blue: Is this the train?

Roy O'Bannon: [crumples up his drawing] Alright, we're just gonna wing it.

[about Wallace]

Roy O'Bannon: Where did you get this guy?

Blue: Texas.

Roy O'Bannon: Texas?

[slaps him]

Roy O'Bannon: Are you insane?

Blue: G'day. The name's Blue.

Charlie Carbone: Charlie.

Blue: Heh heh. Nice to meet ya, Chezzar.

Charlie Carbone: Charlie.

Blue: That's what I said: Chezzar.

Blue: [after beating and robbing the man in apartment] Don't worry man, I'll leave you enough to buy a pack of Newports...

Dan: Good news boys!

Blue: You dying?

Dan: Ha! Better, it's mail.

Red, Blue: Your such an asshole! I can't believe you let me think we were actually friends!

Red: Well maybe I would be your friend, if you weren't such a goddamn LOSER all the time!

Blue: I'm a loser? I caught you masturbating to Animal Planet!

Red: That was one time! You're just racist against elephants!

[from trailer]

Rain: What are you doing here?

Blue: Ice... Cream.

Rain: You came here for Ice Cream?

Blue: You talk too much.

Frank: *Spanish*! Do you trust that we have provided you with enough rope so that your cinderblock will fall safely to the ground?

Spanish: Y-Yes, sir.

Frank: Blue, do you trust that I do not want to see you die here tonight?

Blue: Yes, sir.

Frank: Blue, you're my boy!

Blue: Thank you, sir.

[two girls are topless in the pool of KY jelly]

Frank: Are you sure you're ok with this, Blue?

Blue: Just ring the fucking bell, you pansy.

Frank: Blue, how come there's no ice in my lemonade?

[throws the lemonade into the pool]

Blue: Sorry, sir.

Frank: Drop down and give me ten. Now!

Blue: [bends down into a push-up position] Yes, sir.

Blue: Comin' to the stage now is a woman who's been in the game since Kunta Kente was big ballin' and shot callin'. They say tricks are for kids and she got four of them mother fuckers! Let's give it up for 'Trix'!

Dollar Bill: Blue, if have to raise out this chair gon' be trouble, trouble!

Blue: Dollar, I ain't tryin' to...

Dollar Bill: Now git out my face, before you git swole!

Blue: I just don't understand exactly why you're charging me twenty percent interest on the money that you loaned me, when you already taking thirty percent out of my check.

Dollar Bill: Welcome to the strippin' game, partner. Blue, you ain't nothin'. All you do is spin records, that's all you do. Who'd you think you is, DJ Quick? Kid Kapri? Oh, then you must be Jimmie Walker. Blue you ain't nut-zin! You don't deserve nut-zin, you don't get nut-zin. You get what I give you. I got a contract betwinx me and you that say you do what I tell you to do. Therefore, shut the fuck, don't say nothin to me, don't even look at me. Tell you what, you better get on up outta my office and outta my face, before you get swole.

Blue: Hey, Bill, I...

Dollar Bill: Hay for horses, hay for horses...

Blue: I didn't try to come up here and cheat you out of...

Dollar Bill: Blue, let me tell you somethin'. Blue, if I raise up, gonna be trouble... trouble, so go walk it off.

Black: You run your mouth too much. You learn to control your mouth, you might could fuck both of 'em.

Blue: I don't wanna fuck both of 'em. I'll fuck Carla, but that Bessie looking, bald head ugly bitch? I wouldn't fuck her if, god damn if I was on parole.

Blue: Tell her I'll have on some gym socks and a backstage pass from a Kool Moe Dee concert.

Blue: Tell her I'll be wearing cowboy boots with some click-clacks around my neck.

Blue: Tell her I'll be butt naked with a belt on, and a beeper, and some Blu-Blockers.

Blue: Tell her I'ma be butt naked with a 'Bout It radio sticker sign on my ass. And a gold necklace. And a class ring.

Blue: Tell her I'ma be asshole naked with some handcuffs and a whip, and a hula skirt. And a saddle on my back. And a big-ass NFL hat on.

Little Girl: Look, my mama want her money back.

Blue: How am I gonna give you the money back? You done ate one of the pig's feet.

Little Girl: No we didn't.

Blue: I got a magic lamp. Tell your mama she gotta rub this every Wednesday at 3:42 standing on one leg with Al Green playing in the background, her money will pop out. And tell your daddy to buy you another shirt.

Blue: They're gonna put me on fries and that's when I'll start making the big bucks.

Blue: [while in a wheelchair] What you need, homey?

Jake Hoyt: Crack. 20 bucks' worth.

Blue: Crack?

[looks at Alonzo]

Blue: Smells like bacon in this muthafucka. What I look like, a sucka to you, nigga? Fuck you, rookie.

Alonzo: [after forcefully pressing a pen down Blue's throat causing him to vomit the narcotics he was hiding in his stomach] What's that?

Blue: Motherfucking crack, man.

Alonzo: That's right, Jimmy Crack Corn. 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6. Oh, you're federally fucked now. You got crack... and a gun. You know with your record you can get 10 years per bullet? Now you gon' gimme a name.

[removes bullet]

Alonzo: That's 10 right there.

Blue: Come on, man. You know I ain't no snitch, man.

Alonzo: I know you ain't no snitch. Gimme a name.

[removes bullet]

Alonzo: That's 20.

Blue: Fuck!

Alonzo: Gimme a name.

[removes bullet]

Alonzo: That's 30 years. You wanna go to jail or you wanna go home?

[removes bullet]

Blue: He in the county!

Alonzo: Who?

Blue: Nigga named Sandman. That's all the fuck I know,man! Shit!

Alonzo: See how easy that was?

[removes bullet]

Blue: I'm sick of this shit, man.

Alonzo: You wanna collect the evidence?

Jake: Fuck that.

Alonzo: My nigga.

Blue: Civil rights violatin' mothafuckas.

Blue: I told ya'll I don't work for nobody. Why the fuck are ya'll sweatin' me any mothafuckin' way?

Leah: Yo. I was wondering if you guys know where I can get some weed or anything?

[Blue whistles]

Blue: You think we're some drug dealers or something man?

Leah: Uh... no? I just thought you guys maybe know were the hook is...

Blue: Nah, for real shorty... You can't be coming straight and ask strangers like that. Aright?

Leah: Are you serious?

Blue: Do I look serious?

[Leah walks away, Blue lights up a joint]

Blue: Hey shorty!

[Leah turns]

Blue: Don't do drugs, aright?

Blue: You feel this?

[pause]

Blue: I wanna marry you Leah.

[pause]

Blue: Will you marry me?

[pause]

Leah: Marry you?

Blue: Will you?

[pause]

Leah: You're not serious.

Blue: I'm dead fucking serious. Marry me.

Leah: But... we are so young.

Blue: Yeah, but something like this only happens once in a lifetime.

Blue: Hello.

Leah: Hi.

Blue: What's your name?

Leah: Leah.

Blue: I'm Blue.

Leah: That's your real name?

Blue: Maybe.

Leah: Why do they call you that?

Blue: 'Cause I'm always sad.

[pause]

Blue: Before I met you.

Blue: If I talked I could walk, but I ain't doing that shit.

[pause]

Blue: Fuck, I fuck up right when I met you.

Leah: Blue I told you, we're gonna figure it out.

[pause]

Blue: Is that what you think shorty?

[pause]

Leah: I always figure it out.

Blue: I fucking love you. You know that, right?

[Last Lines]

Blue: So... you gave it back?

Blue: [Last Lines] So... you gave it back?

Blue: You say you feel safe with me - how do you know I'm not the weirdo?

Will Penny: [Blue has just taken a shot of Catron's moonshine] How's she taste?

Blue: [Grimacing] Danged if I know... sure burns a dollar's worth...

Blue: [to Dutchy] Hell, one job's all I need. Sharin' a blanket don't make us married.

Blue: [referring to the severely wounded Dutchy] He's a good boy. This is no good way for him to go, Will.

Will Penny: Tell yuh, Blue, ain't no good way to go.

Blue: I'm tired, Mr. Parker... particularly of you.