Jedediah Quotes in Shanghai Noon (2000)

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Jedediah Quotes:

  • [Watching the three Imperial Guards at sword practice]

    Jedediah's wife: They're not like any Injuns I ever seen, Jedediah.

    Jedediah: That's because they're not Injuns, woman. They're Jews!

  • [after dropping off the Imperial guardsmen]

    Jedediah: Shalom!

    [confused, the Imperial Guard return the gesture]

    Imperial Guard: Shalom.

  • Jedediah: No problemo, Gigantor.

    Larry: Um, my name's Larry, first of all okay, Jed? See, I call you Jed, I don't call you tiny, right?

    Jedediah: What's that supposed to mean?

    Larry: Hey teeny, how does that sound?

    Jedediah: I... I don't like it. It hurts my feelings.

    Larry: Okay, well Gigantor makes me feel like some sort of freak.

    Octavius: I don't. I just call you Larry.

    Larry: Don't be a kiss-ass.

  • Jedediah: Fire up the iron horse, boys.

    Larry: Hey, blondie!

    Jedediah: Name's Jedadiah.

    Larry: Alright, Jedadiah, stop the train, please!

    Jedediah: Big no can do, crackerjack.

    Larry: What's going on here, huh?

    Jedediah: Somebody's got to pay.

    Larry: Pay for what?

    Jedediah: I don't know, just pay! Now stop whining and just take it like a man!

    Larry: Seriously, stop the train!

    Jedediah: Alright, stop the train.

    Larry: Thank you.

    Jedediah: [shouts] Now full speed ahead and ram 'im! Split his head like a watermelon!

    Larry: [Train hits Larry in the face] Ooh! Ow...

    Jedediah: Oh, for crying out loud!

  • Larry: I'm trusting you guys, alright? And if you don't do what I say, you'll end up like your little buddies in the Mayan world over there, locked up. Take a look. Do they look happy?

    [Shows a display with bars across it]

    Jedediah: [Shakes head] No. They look sad.

  • Jedediah: [discussing why he needs to blow up his display] It's Manifest Destiny!

  • [Jed and Octavius are popping Cecil's tires, and they are about to be blown away]

    Octavius: Save yourself!

    Jedediah: [holding on to Octavius] I ain't quittin' you!

  • Jedediah: I told you, I don't like to be manhandled!

    Larry: No, I will manhandle you, Jedediah! Now listen, guys, what is your problem, huh? Why can't you just get along?

    Jedediah: Look, we're men. We fight, okay? That's what we do!

    Octavius: It's kinda how we pass the time.

  • Jedediah: Wait, no. I ain't working with Toga Boy.

    Octavius: Romans work alone.

    [Jedediah hits him on his foot with his rifle]

    Octavius: Ow!

    Jedediah: That didn't hurt, don't be a baby.

    Octavius: [while hopping on one foot] Yes it did!

    Jedediah: No it didn't! Come on!

    Octavius: [hits Jedediah's behind with his sword]

    Jedediah: Ow! That was much harder!

  • Jedediah: Whoa, Octavius, hold on! This ain't your fight. This here giant's on our land.

  • Jedediah: Just living the Dream, Baby!

  • [last lines]

    Jedediah: Let's ride.

  • Jedediah: Why don't you take a picture, it'll last longer!

  • [from trailer]

    Teddy Roosevelt: Never run from a big cat, Lawrence.

    [Larry turns on his flashlight to make the lion statues chase it]

    Jedediah: You can't ambush me with that kinda cute!

  • Jedediah: Where the heck are we?

    [the Pompeii volcano starts]

    Octavius: Ohh... Pompeii.

    [They ran away in the Pompeii exhibit as lava comes after them]

    Jedediah: This is the last round up!

    [the lava comes close to them until Dexter the monkey pees on them and the lava to save them]

    Octavius: We must never speak of what happend here today.

    [Dexter pees on them again]

    Jedediah: Come on, that wasn't necessary!

  • Jedediah: [When Octavius is trying to get Jedediah out of the hourglass] I wanna get to the story of our relationship, the evolution from enemy to friends.

    Octavius: No!

    Jedediah: It'll make you cry.

    Octavius: No! Because you are going to live!

    [uses his helmet to smash the hourglass]

  • Kah Mun Rah: [to Jedediah in the birdcage] Why, they're no bigger than a tiny grain of couscous. Aren't you?

    Jedediah: You know, two words come to mind when I hear you talk. "Delusional" and "weirdo". And if I had to say a third, "goofy." Just goofy.

  • Octavius: What's a flapjack?

    Jedediah: It's like a biscuit... or a scone.

  • Jedediah: [referring to Kahmunrah] He is not a friendly; I repeat, *not* a friendly!

  • Jedediah: I didn't call you because we were in trouble... okay, we were in a pickle. But it wouldn't be the first time I had to fast talk my way out of a jam! I called you because you needed us.

  • Jedediah: [to Larry] That fancy suit you've been paradin' around in these last couple years, that there's a hangin' suit. All gussied up and dead inside, that ain't you. And I'll tell you another thing; this night ain't over yet. This midnight cowboy's got some fight left in him, and somethin' tells me you do too. Ho, now!

    [puts his fist to the glass]

  • Kah Mun Rah: You certainly know how to make an entrance, Mr. Daley. Hope for your little friend's sake here,

    [he shakes the hourglass]

    Kah Mun Rah: that you also figured out the combination.

    Larry Daley: [reaching for the hourglass] Give me Jed!

    Kah Mun Rah: Oh no, no, no, first give me the combination and hand over that Tablet.

    [reaches for the Tablet]

    Larry Daley: I'll give you the Tablet and the combination when you release my friends and give him back to me.

    Kah Mun Rah: I shall release what I want to release at the moment I want to release it.

    Larry Daley: Great, and I'll release what I want to release at the exact moment that I want to release it, okay?

    Kah Mun Rah: Tell me the combination and give me the tablet right now or i shall KILL all of your friends starting with this little shaggy-headed little cowman here!

    Jedediah: I ain't shaggy-headed! Gigantor, let me take this guy!

    Larry Daley: Don't worry, I got this handled.

    [to Kahmunrah]

    Larry Daley: You don't want to give me my friends, then you're not gonna get your combination or your Tablet.

    Kah Mun Rah: Alright, I'll tell you what, alright. They didn't call me Kahmunrah the Trustworthy for nothing, alright?

    [starts to hand him the hourglass]

    Kah Mun Rah: Here you go...

    [jerks it back]

    Kah Mun Rah: They DIDN'T call me Kahmunrah the trustworthy! They called me Kahmunrah the BLOODTHIRSTY, who kills whoever doesn't give Kahmunrah exactly what he wants in the moment that he wants it, which is RIGHT NOW, when I had also better get the combination and the Tablet!

    Larry Daley: That's what they called you?

    Kah Mun Rah: It was shorter in Egyptian.

  • Jedediah: Well, lookee here. If it ain't Mr. Big-in-the-Britches himself, come back in time to see us off?

    Larry Daley: Yeah, Jed, I heard. Look, I don't even know how this happened.

    [Larry's answers his cellphone]

    Jedediah: Yeah. Yeah, real mystery how this happened. Maybe the answer's on that magic buzzin' box there in your hand! You weren't here, Gigantor! That's how it happened! Ain't no mystery!

    Octavius: The fact is, Larry, there's no one else here to speak on our behalf during business hours.

    Easter Island Head: None, none, dum, dum.

  • Jedediah: You're crazier than a road lizard.

  • Micah: Do you really think it was all Isaac's doing, Jedediah? Do you? Who here thinks this? Were we not given signs? Was that not enough?

    Jedediah: But they found them! And they found us! Jesus Christ, Micah, they were our parents.

    Micah: They were adults! They were of that world and we have seen the way of that world, and it is evil.

Browse more character quotes from Shanghai Noon (2000)

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