Courtney Quotes in Your Highness (2011)

[from trailer]

[Fabious is bitten by a snake in the thigh ]

Courtney: SHIT!

Fabious: You have to suck out the venom!

Thadeous: I don't want to suck it, you suck it!

Fabious: I can't suck my own venom!

Thadeous: Yes you can! I'll help you!

[pushes Fabious's head down]

Thadeous: Suck it! Suck your venom!

Fabious: I can't reach it with my mouth!

Thadeous: Courtney, suck the venom!

Courtney: But I've never...

Thadeous: [pushes Courtney's head down] SUCK IT!

Courtney: It's my birthday today, you know.

Thadeous: Fuck that.

Courtney: Mom, tell the Zombie to stop saying stuff about me!

Courtney: [to the angry mob] Everyone STOP trying to kill my little brother, you're adults! .Stop it!

Courtney: I have cheered the uncheerable.

Courtney: O MG, you are such a liar.

Norman Babcock: God, I'm not making this up, I swear. She talks to me all the time.

Courtney: Oh yeah. Prove it

Norman Babcock: [smirks] She said, it not very lady like. To hide photos of high school quarterback with his shirt off, in your underwear drawer.

Courtney: [GASP] I... KNEW IT! UGH, YOU'VE BEEN SNEAKING AROUND, IN MY PERSONAL... UGH.

Norman Babcock: No I haven't grandma told me.

Courtney: YOU ARE THE WORST!

Neil: So what do we do now?

Norman Babcock: Uhh... I... I - I really don't know.

Courtney: Yes you do, Norman. You've gotta get to that witch's grave.

Norman Babcock: But...

Courtney: But nothing, you listen to me, buster. We didn't turn away when Daleridge High was slaughtering our volleyball team, did we?

Norman Babcock: Yeah, we did.

Courtney: No, we didn't. I have cheered the un-cheerable, Norman. And I'm not letting you give up now.

Courtney: [after a night of adventure and danger with zombies and witches, Norman's sister tries to further her relationship with Neil's older brother, whom she regards as "ripped"] So, I was thinking, maybe we could catch a movie sometime. Nothing scary.

Mitch: [Mitch is looking around the town square, seeming a bit distracted, even calling her by the wrong name] That sounds great, Cathy. You know, you're gonna love my boyfriend. He's like a total chick-flick nut.

Courtney: [after Michael tells her that the FBI agents are here in McDonalds] Well, what are we gonna do?

Michael Cruise: I don't know. Just keep him dancing and they'll just think it's a teddy.

Michael Cruise: That thing I was telling you about, it's in the teddy suit.

Courtney: Oh, no way. He's so cute.

Michael Cruise: Yeah, real cute. Listen, those guys who are following us, they're here.

Eric Cruise: [spinning a flower in a soda can straw] Maybe these are just flowers?

Courtney: How about a spaceship?

Debbie: Great.

Michael Cruise: Yeah, and then we have a close encounter of the third kind.

Sir Percy Ware-Armitage: And I've arranged for the Frenchman to be detained by a lovely young lady.

Courtney: Ho, ho, guvnor, I'll bet she's a bit of all right.

Sir Percy Ware-Armitage: You should know, Courtney, she's your daughter.

Courtney: But guvnor, she's an innocent young girl!

Sir Percy Ware-Armitage: Not IS, Courtney, WAS!

[first lines]

Big Red: I'm sexy, I'm cute, / I'm popular to boot.

Big Red, Whitney, Courtney, Darcy, Carver, Kasey, Torrance Shipman: I'm bitchin', great hair, / The boys all love to stare, / I'm wanted, I'm hot, / I'm everything you're not, / I'm pretty, I'm cool, / I dominate this school, / Who am I? Just guess, / Guys wanna touch my chest, / I'm rockin', I smile, / And many think I'm vile, / I'm flyin', I jump, / You can look but don't you hump, / Whoo / I'm major, I roar, / I swear I'm not a whore, / We cheer and we lead, / We act like we're on speed, / Hate us 'cause we're beautiful, / Well we don't like you either, / We're cheerleaders, / We are cheerleaders. /Roll call...

Big Red: Call me Big Red.

Whitney: I'm W-W-Whitney.

Courtney: C-C-C-C-Courtney.

[Courtney makes cat snarl]

Darcy: Dude, it's Darcy.

Carver: I'm big bad Carver. Yeah!

Kasey: Just call me Kasey!

Big Red: I'm... still Big Red, / I sizzle, I scorch, / But now I pass the torch, / The ballots are in, / And one girl has to win, / She's perky, she's fun, / And now she's number one, / K-K-Kick it Torrance, / T-T-T-Torrance!

Torrance Shipman: I'm strong and I'm loud, / I'm gonna make you proud, / I'm T-T-T-Torrance, / Your captain Torrance.

Whitney, Courtney, Darcy, Carver, Kasey, Torrance Shipman, Jan, Les: Let's go Toros. /We are the Toros, / The Mighty Mighty Toros, / We're so terrific, / We must be Toros.

Courtney: Why does everyone have to go on a diet?

Sparky: Because! In cheerleading we throw people into the air. And fat people don't go as high.

Courtney: Can she yell?

Torrance Shipman: We'll try an oldie.

[Torrance tests a standard cheer on her]

Torrance Shipman: Awesome, oh wow! Like, totally freak me out! I mean, right on! The Toros sure are number one!

Missy: [cheering] I transferred from Los Angeles, your school has no gymnastics team, this is a last resort!

[back to normal tone]

Missy: OK, so I've never cheered before. So what? How about something that actually requires neurons?

Courtney: Darcy thinks she should get captain 'cause her dad pays for everything.

Whitney: He should use some of that money to buy her a clue.

Torrance Shipman: Courtney, this is not a democracy, it's a cheerocracy. I'm sorry, but I'm overruling you.

Courtney: You are being a cheer-tator Torrance and a pain in my ass!

Whitney: [Courtney and Whitney notice Torrance flirting with Cliff] Oh, don't play dumb. We're better at it then you.

Courtney: You were having cheer-sex with him!

Missy: [the squad is arguing about whether or not to stick with the Clovers' routine] You people are unbelievable! I mean, we're talking about cheating, here!

Courtney: Sorry, new girl, but *nobody* hit your buzzer!

Courtney, Whitney, Darcy, Kasey, Missy, Torrance Shipman: [Cheering at the game] Aaaaaaalllll right! We're sweet! We got the whip, we can't be beat. We're the best, our team's too cool. We got the class to rock this school. Aww...

Isis, Lava, Jenelope, Lafred, Courtney, Whitney, Darcy, Kasey, Missy, Torrance Shipman: [Clovers join in, humiliating the Toros] Yeah! We bad, we got the team, we can't be had. We're the best, so score them points. You win the game, we'll rock this joint!

Courtney, Whitney, Darcy, Kasey, Missy, Torrance Shipman: Go Toros! Go Toros! Go, go, go Toros!

Isis, Lava, Jenelope, Lafred: Go Clovers! Go Clovers! Go, go, go Clovers!

Isis, Lava, Jenelope, Lafred, Courtney, Whitney, Darcy, Kasey, Missy, Torrance Shipman: Our game is fierce and we are hip, so get on back, you can't touch this! Our game is bad, we're without peer, so get that weakness outta here!

Isis, Lava, Jenelope, Lafred: Tried to steal our bit, but you look like shit! But we're the ones who are down with it!

Torrance Shipman: We should get Big Red a gift. Or at least someone should say something.

Courtney: Pass!

Whitney: Good riddance. I don't believe in osmosis.

Torrance Shipman: I'm not brown-nosing! She's the departing captain; she did a lot for this squad.

[Courtney and Whitney both give her looks]

Torrance Shipman: Oh, come on, both of you sucked before she whipped you into shape.

Courtney: Oh, whipped? Is that what that was?

Whitney: No one will miss Big Red, Torr. She puts the 'itch' in bitch.

Courtney: She puts the 'whore' in horrifying.

Torrance Shipman: You know, it's her last practice; how would you feel?

Courtney: Big Red has no feelings!

Whitney: Just testicles.

Courtney: Let's not put the "duh" in dumb!

Courtney: I hate to be predictable, but I don't give a shit! We learned that routine fair and square. We logged the man-hours. Don't punish the squad for Big Red's mistake. This isn't about cheating. This is about winning. Everyone in favor of winning?

Courtney: Where the hell are my spanky pants?

Cheerleaders: [Cheerleaders from opposing team] Hey, Toros! / That's right / The red black and white / Guess What / Guess What / You really SUCK!

Torrance Shipman: Hey...

Torrance Shipman, Courtney, Whitney, Kasey, Darcy, Missy, Jan, Les: That's all right. That's OK! / You're gonna pump our gas someday! / That's all right. That's OK! / You're gonna pump our gas someday!

Darcy: The words "big" and "britches" come to mind.

Whitney: She's crazy. She'll kill us all.

Courtney: Some of us haven't spent the whole summer working out. Right, Carver?

Theatre Boy: [performing] Give my regards to Broadway, remember me to Harold Square...

Courtney: Excuse me! What's... with... the song?

Theatre Boy: Isn't this the audition for Pippin?

Courtney: [waves finger] No.

Courtney: Tell me we're not actually continuing the masquerade and having try-outs. Let's cut the crap and pick somebody now! Whitney's little sister Jamie is really teeny. She'll be easy to toss, and she doesn't give lip.

Jan: Just tongue.

Whitney: Kiss my ass, Jan!

Jan: I'd love to.

Torrance Shipman: Missy is bank!

Courtney: Uh, bankrupt!

Courtney: If I got that money, I'd give it all to the homeless. Every cent.

Veronica Sawyer: You're beautiful.

Dennis: Take a look. We'll have a two page layout with her suicide note here in the right hand corner. It's more tasteful than it sounds.

Veronica Sawyer: I don't know. This kind of thing leaves a bad taste in my mouth.

Courtney: Like last night, Veronica?

Christina: You're too big to fit in here...

[covers her front]

Courtney: Too big to fit in HERE...

[smacks butt]

Courtney: OW! Unh!

Jane: Too big to fit in here...

[covers mouth and moans]

Christina: [Patrons begin playing music and drumming on things] Oh, my God!

Courtney: Oh my god, we are in Fame right now!

Christina, Jane, Courtney: [All singing] What a lovely ride

Jane: Your penis is a thrill!

Christina: Your penis is a Cadillac!

Courtney: A giant Coupe DeVille!

Christina, Jane, Courtney: [All singing] Your penis packs a wallop, your penis brings a load.

Courtney: And when it makes delivery...

Christina: It needs its own zip code! Nine-double zero PENIS!

Courtney: How could you not know what a glory hole is?

Christina: Well unlike my WHORE friend Courtney Rockcliff, I don't usually spend much time in men's public bathrooms.

Christina: Ew! What is that?

Courtney: What is what?

Christina: You don't smell that?

Courtney: Smell what? I don't smell anything.

Christina: Oh Jesus! You're used to it, and that's, that's what's really scary!

Courtney: I don't smell anything!

Christina: It smells like moldy ass is what it smells like in here!

Courtney: Wait a minute, come to think of it, I did leave some ass in the back.

Christina: You did!

Courtney: I did, about a week a ago. I did, it's the ass! It must be the ass!

Courtney: Maybe it's you. Did somethin' crawl up your poonani?

Christina: Hey! I have never had any complaints in the poonani odor department!

Courtney: Yeah! Well neither have I, okay!

Christina: High five on the clean poonani!

[Gives a high five]

Courtney: Bitch!

[to little boy sitting in the pew in front of her in church]

Courtney: Turn around.

[Little boy shakes his head]

Courtney: Turn around.

[Little boy shakes his head]

Courtney: Look, it's Jesus. Look at Jesus!

Courtney: What you did was incredibly brave. You dropped all your boundaries and you met him half way... shit you met him more than halfway you went all the way to Somerset.

[Courtney and Christina look at themselves dressed in ridiculous clothes]

Christina, Courtney: These are..."The Days Of Our Lives"!

[after knocking over a flower arrangement and disrupting an entire wedding]

Courtney: This isn't the Glichtman Barmitzvah is it? Mosha are you in here, no?

Christina: Come along Sharron. Mazeltov! Shalom!

[while holding her breats]

Christina: You know when I was 22, my breasts were up here, nice and perky, but gravity has taken them. It's like 22, 28, 22, 28, 22...

Courtney: Buy some new ones!

[holds up arm shaking the fat on it]

Courtney: Look at this, no what is that, no, what is that, no seriously what is that? It's like Hello, Hi, Hi, How are you?

Voice: There's someone in here.

Christina: Sorry.

Voice: It might be a while.

Christina: How long?

Voice: Let me put it to you this way. I had Lamb Curry last night and I'm shitting out a Buick!

Courtney: Was it absolutely vital for her to tell us that?

Courtney: That is the funniest thing I have ever seen in my entire life. I mean, I flew across that room. And you got fucked in the eye!

Christina: I got a penis in my eye.

Courtney: Let me see.

Christina: How is it? Is it okay?

Courtney: Yeah, it's okay, but I think you're pregnant.

Christina, Courtney: Jane! JANEYYY!

Jane: Sorry you guys, I'm really busy and...

Christina, Courtney: Hey, wait, Jane

[they begin singing]

Christina, Courtney: "Do you like Pina Coladas? And getting caught in the rain...?"

Jane: [Watches her boyfriend in his mascot outfit topple down a flight of stairs] ... shit!

Courtney: Oh, you know, the usual. Defending the rights of my broken hearted clients and try to squeeze every single penny out of their miserable cheating spouses.

Courtney: Fifty percent of what people say when they are joking is true, which means, you do wanna go to this wedding but you are too afraid to admit it. So, by making some sort of joke about it, you get to say what you really want without being vulnerable.

Christina, Jane, Courtney: [All Singing] What a lovely ride!

Jane: Your penis is a thrill!

Christina: Your penis is a Cadillac

Jane: A giant Coupe DeVille!

Christina, Jane, Courtney: [All singing] Your penis packs a wallop, your penis brings a load!

Christina: And when it makes delivery...

Christina, Jane, Courtney: [All singing] It needs its own zipcode

Christina: Nine-Double Zero, Penis!

Courtney: Never send a rose unless dyed black as a warning. And if one is sent to you, destroy it along with the sender. Emotionally of course. It's not like we kill people...

[a pause as Marcie and Vylette look at Courtney, horrified]

Courtney: ...on purpose.

Courtney: I killed Liz. I killed the teen dream. Deal with it.

Courtney: I don't believe we've met, what with the cruel politics of high school and all.

Julie: How can you do that? Frame some guy for Liz's murder?

Courtney: Life's a bitch, then you die.

Julie: No, honey. You're the bitch!

Courtney: [leans in tauntingly] Oh, so aggressive! It's turning me on!

Courtney: Ok, reality check, Liz is in the trunk of this car. And she is dead. That is a sad, fucked up thing, but you are going to walk into that school and strut your shit down the hallway like everything is peachy fucking keen.

Courtney: I made you, and I can break you just as easily.

Vylette: Good idea. Kill me like you did Liz.

Courtney: Wait a minute.

Julie: What?

Courtney: Rape... they'll check to se if she was raped right? Maybe Liz had a friend over, you know, Mommy and Daddy's last night away, maybe he's from school, maybe not. But definitely into kink. He got a little rough, went a little to far, you know, there's a fine line between pleasure and pain. She screamed for help, but no one could hear her. Her screams were muffled by the huge candy ball, she tried, but there was nothing, only sugary sweet death.

Marcie: Oh my God, that like, totally gave me the chills.

Courtney: I taught you to disrespect us?

Fern: You taught me to rule.

Courtney: That's right! Rule, bitch! But don't forget who made you!

Courtney: They'll believe it because it's thier worst nightmare: Elizabeth Purr, the very picture of teenage perfection, obliterated by perversion.

Courtney: You like it?

Dane: It's okay.

Courtney: Okay? There's nothing kinky about "okay", now is there?

Courtney: What a fucking tearjerker. Look, Marce, it's like Terms of Endearment Part III, only this time the boyfriend's gay.

Marcie: Yeah, and the rest of the cast sucks!

Marcie: AHH! She is gonna die! This is so much better then what we did last year!

Courtney: I wish *I* had friends that would do this for *me*!

Julie: Yeah right! You'd have us killed!

Courtney: Brutally maimed, my dear.

Courtney: You knew Liz Purr right?

Fern: I-I know of her

Courtney: "Knew" of her, past tense. She's dead Fern, she died. But we've got a bit of a problem because you know we did it. You heard us. That gives you a little something Fern, and it's called power. The power to tell, and you're the kind of girl that tells. A tattle-tale.

Marcie: A rat.

[Marcie movies Liz's head]

Marcie: AHHH!

Courtney: What?

Marcie: She looked at me. I swear to God she looked at me!

Courtney: Her eyes are open. She's bound to look somewhere. My God Marcie, she's dead. Relax.

[Julie approaches Fern, now turned into Vylette, who in turn is with Courtney and Marcie]

Marcie: Do you smell something?

Julie: Hi, Fern.

Marcie: Fern? We don't know a Fern.

Vylette: My name's Vylette.

Julie: What?

Vylette: My name's Vylette.

Courtney: Learn it.

Marcie: Live it.

Marcie, Courtney: Love it.

Courtney: We just killed our best friend! Do you realize what this means?

Marcie: You're a shoo-in for prom queen?

Courtney: Listen bitch, one word and you're over, I mean that.

Julie: I'm not scared of you anymore Courtney.

Courtney: We saw you, we all know you did it.

Julie: No one will ever believe you!

Courtney: Ask Fern, ask Marcie... We saw everything.

Julie: You fucking liar.

Courtney: One word, and you perish, I promise you that... Toodles!

[Julie Freeman approaches Courtney Shayne and Marcie Fox]

Courtney: Look what the kitty dragged in.

Marcie: Meow.

Dane: Don't go.

Courtney: Don't come.

[Vylette, in her pink dress, gets out of her red Corvette]

Vylette: Hi, girls!

[Vylette walks past them]

Courtney: What's wrong with this picture?

Courtney: First, we're gonna stuff her pretty face with pancakes, then tie her to the flagpole in her bra and undies and watch the humiliation begin.

Marcie: She is gonna die!

Julie: It's over Courtney.

Courtney: I am petrified.

Courtney: I have this gift, I can smell a lie.

Courtney: I mean, food's cool and all. It tastes good and you need it to live, but the mere act of eating involves thoughts of digestion, flatulation, defecation, even, shall we say, complexion defection.

Courtney: Well, if it isn't the beautiful people!

Brenda: Courtney, I've been meaning to tell you, you are to-die to-die!

Courtney: Thank you my dear

Marcie: [talking to date] I'm so bored tonight... I think it's time for a little room service.

Courtney: MARCIE! Reality check, I think there's a certain announcement that needs to be made!

Dane: Yeah, give it up for the prom queen

Marcie: Oh my god Courtney, I am so sorry!

Courtney: It's ok Marce. We can't all be up to speed, can we girls?

Marcie: Trends change people change, its all about details, if you dont pay attention to details your doomed, i mean look at my nails! I went through junior high wearing nothing but pink now pink makes me puke so i change rearrange, see, its called demented, no seriously the color's called demented.

Courtney: mine,decayed, like julie our friendship with her is decayed, rotten, julie is no more, shes like fern mayo a bad dream, get it!

Courtney: [together give evil laugh] HA HA HA!

Courtney: You know, there's a fine line between pleasure and pain.

Courtney: You wanna' come upstairs with me?

Dizzy: Um... I...

Courtney: You wanna' make out with me?

Dizzy: Uh... oh well...

Courtney: Wanna' take my clothes off with your teeth?

Dizzy: [silence]

Courtney: Ok, you talked me into it!

[as she moves towards the building]

Courtney: Aren't you coming?

Dizzy: Almost...

Courtney: Before I met Gil, I probably would've just looked at you with disgust and walked away wiggling my ass just so you'd know what you were missing.

Kirk: Yeah, well, the universe is upside down.

Courtney: And in a few minutes, you will be too.

Connor: I think I oughta go over there and kick his ass.

Danielle: That's great, because I've always dreamed of dating the expelled guy.

Courtney: Expelled guys rock!

Courtney: Listen, Burt, I really need your help. I mean, if she's really gone for good, I gotta know what to tell Belle. And it's wrong to say that her mom was murdered, right?

Burt Farlander: Yes. I think that would be traumatic.

Courtney: Yeah, but there's finality there.

Courtney: Hey Everett, can I borrow a condom?

Everett: No, but you can have one.

[Courtney pulls out a whole string of condoms]

Everett: Endurance test?

Courtney: More like pop quiz.

Courtney: I don't take sex home.

Courtney: [after Monty kisses her] What are you doing?

Monty: I'm ending our friendship.

[kisses her again]

Simon Wilder: Is this a lover's quarrel? Maybe I should leave.

Courtney: We're not lovers, we're roommates and we respect each others' space.

Simon Wilder: You respect each others' empty air? That's very profound for a couple of Harvard students.

Valerie: [to Courtney] It's too bad Mom and Dad didn't get a divorce before *you* were born.

Courtney: I love you, too.

Courtney: How come you weren't invited to the party?

Valerie: I was, I just turned them down so I could take care of my darling little sister.

Courtney: Like hell.

Valerie: As the famous Jim Jones once said, 'Shut up and drink your Kool-Aid'.

Courtney: [hallucinates that her burger has a bloody severed hand in it; she screams, tossing the burger aside]

Amy: What's wrong?

Courtney: My... burger's... weird.

Sally: My face it turning into one big pimple!

Courtney: Sally, I don't see a thing.

Sally: You may not see it but its there. There's one, its just lurking below the surface.

The Driller Killer: Oh come on, baby. Light my fire!

Courtney: You bet I will.

[lights the killer on fire with a blowtorch]

Courtney: Do they always make that much noise?

Sally: The more they do it the louder they get. Practice makes perfect.

Amy: What were you looking at?

Courtney: A dead bird...

Amy: YEEEECH! You are so weird sometimes.

The Driller Killer: [after killing Matt, wielding the gory guitar drill] C'mon baby! Let's rock-and-roll!

Courtney: [confesses to him he's not real] No, you're a dream! You're a dream!

The Driller Killer: [picking up dead boyfriend's arm] DOES THIS LOOK LIKE A DREAM TO YOU? DOES IT?

[tosses it away, splatting it on Courtney's birthday cake]

Rashad: Also, when we get the funds, we should gather all the parents at your church, Reverend Blunton, and you give an encouraging speech before handing over the check to the principal of Stuyvesant.

Rev. Jones: An encouraging speech.

Rashad: Yeah. I could hear it now. Blunton giving a speech, directed at the poor black folks, denouncing further spending on depreciable products while investing more in their children's education. We'll be leading by example when handing over the check.

Sandra: What?

Alex: Poor black people?

Rashad: Blunton can also encourage everyone to start celebrate black intellectual ability, not just athletes and rappers.

Courtney: Who doesn't do that now?

Rashad: Most black people I grew up with.

Blunton: I'm not doing anything of the kind.

Rashad: Why not? The dropout rate was at its highest last year at the Stuy. Education is no big deal to them.

Sandra: Rashad. It would make Cal look like a... middle class elitist.

Alex: An obnoxious, middle class elitist.

Courtney: A non authentically black, obnoxious, middle class elitist.

Courtney: I guess that's what happens when you discover the power of a dick.

Courtney: Everyone wears the mask of sanity simply because it's part of their vanity.

[Courtney has found a gun in Palmer's apartment]

Courtney: You know this is unauthorised.

Palmer: My mother gave it to me for Christmas.

Courtney: Do you always wear your glasses?

Palmer: Yes. Except in bed.

[Palmer comes home early to find agent Courtney searching his flat]

Courtney: You're supposed to be at work.

Palmer: Oh, you are, of course.

Palmer: Have you seen everything?

Courtney: Yes, thank you.

Palmer: Then you know where the... whiskey is?

Courtney: Yes.

Palmer: Fix us both one, will you?

Palmer: What are you gonna tell Dalby on your L101?

Courtney: That you like girls.

Palmer: You got that right.

Courtney: You're not the tearaway he thinks you are. You also like books, music, cooking.

Palmer: I like birds best.

Courtney: You were bailed out of detention barracks.

Palmer: Yes, I was.

Courtney: So, What bailed you in?

Palmer: Er... I was stationed in Berlin and I was making rather a lot of money out of the German army, and they insisted that the British army made an example of me.

Courtney: What did you do?

Palmer: It's very complicated.

Courtney: It impressed Ross.

Palmer: It impressed me. Boy, has he got me by the short hairs for it. Still, it's better than two years in the nick. The food's terrible.