Brenda Quotes in Highlander (1986)

Connor MacLeod: I've been alive for four and a half centuries, and I cannot die.

Brenda: Well, everyone has got their problems

Brenda: I was hoping you could give me some advice.

Connor MacLeod: Are you the kind of woman who takes advice?

Brenda: Sometimes.

Connor MacLeod: Advice about what?

Brenda: What can you tell me about a seven foot lunatic hacking away with a broadsword at one o'clock in the morning, New York City, 1985?

Connor MacLeod: ...Not much.

Brenda: [to herself, in the mirror] You know what you're doing?

Connor MacLeod: What are you doing here?

Brenda: I'm looking for a dead guy named Nash. He died at birth in Syracuse, New York.

Barman: [Brenda sitting alone in a pub] Hey, Brenda. The usual?

Brenda: Lots of it.

Barman: [Barman pours Brenda's drink into her glass] Say when.

Brenda: When.

Barman: [Connor arrives and sits at the bar] Excuse me a minute, Brenda.

Connor MacLeod: A double Glenmorangie on the rocks.

Barman: Glenmorangie? - Right.

Connor MacLeod: Go to the Garden often?

Brenda: What did you say?

Connor MacLeod: [Connor points at himself] Hmm?

Brenda: [Brenda walks over to Connor] What did you say?

Connor MacLeod: Madison Square Garden. Do you go there often?

Brenda: Why?

Connor MacLeod: Basketball, the circus, wrestling...

Brenda: Why are you asking me about it? Have you been following me?

Connor MacLeod: I'd like to walk you home, Brenda.

Brenda: I can take care of myself.

[Brenda throws money on the bar and leaves]

Brenda: [from trailer] I'm a Crank. I'm slowly going crazy. I keep wanting to chew off my own fingers and randomly kill people.

Brenda: Hope is a dangerous thing. Hope has killed more of my friends than the Flare and Scorch combined.

[Brenda has been at the bus station downtown for so long, she's starving. She tentatively approaches a hot dog vendor]

Brenda: Uh, those are hot dogs, right?

Hot Dog Vendor: Yeah, want one?

Brenda: Mmm, yeah I'd love one.

Hot Dog Vendor: That'll be two bucks.

Hot Dog Vendor: [Brenda hands him a check, he stares incredulously] A check?

Brenda: Yeah, but it's a good check. See, Chris' mom wrote it to Chris 'cause Chris bought her something, I can't remember what. Then I bought Chris some press-on nails, I gave Chris the difference, and she wrote the check over to me. So I'll write the check over to you, you keep the difference, and I'll take the hot dog. So, you got a pen?

Hot Dog Vendor: Get outta here!

Brenda: Wait! I'm starving, you'd rather throw it away than give it to me?

Hot Dog Vendor: I work on a cash-only basis.

Brenda: But it's a perfectly good check!

Hot Dog Vendor: No! I'll make it very clear. You slip me the cash, and I'll slip you the weiner.

Brenda: But I don't have any cash!

Hot Dog Vendor: Then I don't have a weiner!

[in a telephone booth in the bus station]

Brenda: Chris I'm begging you, it's really scary here. I've just seen three people shoot up, a bald Chinese lady with no pants on, and there's this old guy outside who wants his bedroom slippers!

Old Man: [banging on telephone booth] Get out of my house!

Brenda: [kicks out a small box and the guy's slippers] You just moved!

Janitor #1: Put the animal down.

Brenda: Why?

Janitor #2: We gotta kill it!

Brenda: [shocked] What? You monsters! Why would you want to kill a poor defenseless little kitten?

Janitor #2: Kitten?

[both janitors start laughing loudly]

Janitor #1: This ain't no kitten, kid.

Janitor #2: That's a jumbo-sized sewer rat!

[camera goes down to see that they are right, and Brenda screams hysterically]

Mrs. Parker: That was Mrs. Anderson, she wants to know if you can babysit tonight.

Chris: [sees the look Brenda gives her] No, tell her I can't.

Mrs. Parker: Why not?

Chris: Because I want to sit at home and be depressed.

Brenda: Oh, sit for the Andersons, that'll depress anyone.

Chris: Mom, I'm too old to babysit.

Preacher: Man I hate this song.

Brenda: Like the tunes Preach?

Chris: Uh, Phil has had a statute of himself made.

Brenda: Solid craftsmanship!

Fargo: Well, well, well... what do we have here? The game's over, bitch. This time you're dead for sure. First, I'm gonna fuck you. Then, I'm gonna slice you into little pieces.

Brenda: Sounds nice and kinky to me. Too bad you're not double-jointed.

Fargo: Why?

Brenda: Because if it were, you'd be able to bend over and kiss your ass goodbye!

Brenda: God, Wes? That faggot? Now who the hell wants him? If you could keep him away from me, I'd be eternally grateful to you.

Cindy: You're the one who keeps leading him on!

Brenda: Let me make this simpler so that even YOU can understand. I wouldn't fuck him if he had the last dick on earth!

Cindy: [screams in anguish as she lunges at Brenda] AUUUUGGGGGHHHHH!

Cindy: Well, well. It looks like the little slut's at it again.

Wes: Cut it out, Cindy, we're only talking.

Cindy: I know it's not your fault, Wes.

Brenda: Fuck off, bitch.

Brenda: [Brenda confronts Fargo and Red in the warehouse] Welcome home... ASSHOLES!

Fargo: You must be out of your mind, coming here!

Red: [laughs] Maybe she's looking for a little bit of what we gave her sister, huh?

Fargo: Maybe she's looking for a whole lot more than what we gave her sister!

Vince: For Christ's sake... it's wasn't my fault!

Brenda: [flicks open switchblade] You're gonna die, Vince.

Ms. Jenkins: [the girls are in gym class working out] Pick it up, Brenda.

Brenda: [low] Stuff it, bitch.

Ms. Jenkins: That goes for you too, Stella!

Stella: [low] Kiss my black ass.

Ms. Jenkins: Get that ass up. Get moving, Francine!

Francine: [low] Up yours.

Brenda: [has the upper hand on Jake] See? I told you to stay where you were. Now look what you got yourself into. You know what you look like? You look like a pig in a slaughterhouse, ready to butcher.

[opens her switchblade]

Brenda: You ever wonder what a pig must feel like, before they slit his throat? Or cut his balls off? Couldn't have been any worse than my sister must of felt. Or Francine? She was pregnant.

Brenda: [Jake spits at her] Fucking bastard. It's not gonna be quick, Jake.

Principal Underwood: [Brenda is standing in Underwood's office after the fight with Cindy] Now I'm sorry about your sister, Brenda. The police are doing everything they can. But she shouldn't have been there in the first place.

Brenda: Fuck you!

Principal Underwood: [smiles] You're a tough little bitch, aren't you? I like that. But I don't give second warnings. So consider yourself suspended.

Brenda: [after getting suspended from school] I am never gonna get out of this place.

Carl: Look at these big ol' buns!

[wolf whistles getting their attention]

Carl: Ye-ah, you know it, baby! Work those buns! All of you, all day, ur-day, lined up, waiting to get filled with my meat!

Brenda: Yeah. Right, Carl. You really think any of these buns are gonna line up to get filled by you? Here's my impression of that happening: 'Oh! Oh! Is he in there yet? Oh, I can't feel him! I don't think he's in there! Oh, wait he is!' It's so sad! I bet you jackrabbit for a quick fifteen seconds.

[jackrabbits mockingly]

Brenda: And then you slump over.

[Carl goes insulted]

Brenda: [laughs] I mean honestly, guys! Who in this package would ever let Carl get up in them?

[Another bun raises their hand]

Brenda: Roberta, put your fucking hand down! You're ruining my joke. See? Nobody. That's who.

Frank, Barry, Carl: [singing with the other sausages] In here, we keep our wieners in our packages. That's how it is.

Brenda: [singing with the other buns] It sucks, but that's the way our butts keep fresh and pure. Baby, baby.

Frank, Barry, Carl: But once we're out the doors, it's not a sin.

Brenda: For us to let you slip it in.

Frank, Barry, Carl: In other words, we finally get to fuck!

Brenda: And love!

Frank, Barry, Carl: And fuck!

Brenda: And hug!

Frank, Barry, Carl: And fuck!

Brenda: And feel!

Frank, Barry, Carl: And fuck!

Brenda: And share!

Honey Mustard: You're celebrating your doom! Wake up! They're lying to your fucking faces! The Great Beyond is bullshit! Why is anybody listening to me?

Frank: Hey. Buddy, are you all right?

Honey Mustard: No! I'm not all right. It's all a lie. Everything you've been told, everything you believe in.

Carl: Hey, Honey Mustard, you're acting cray cray!

Brenda: Carl, we shouldn't even be talking to this asshole. Everyone knows Honey Mustard's weird. I mean, What is he, Honey? Is he mustard? It's like make up your mind, I just kill yourself.

Honey Mustard: You fucking idiots! I've been there, I've seen that shit and there ain't no way I'm going back.

Frank: Wait, wait, wait, wait. You've been to the Great Beyond?

Honey Mustard: 'Great' my asshole! Everything we've ever known is a dirt covered pile of shit. Jacking off in our fucking faces. Covering our eyes with their cum, So cum covered we can't fucking see! We don't know! We don't know, they're jerking off into our eyes! Our faces!

Brenda: Dude, shut up! The gods are gonna hear you talking about that.

Honey Mustard: They're ain't gods! They're monsters, horrible, ugliness skipping budget! They ain't gonna get Honey Mustard twice... FUCK YOU, GODS! I've got a date with oblivion.

Douche: [sees Frank] Oh, so now you're gonna come at me, bro?

Frank: No, I'm coming at you!

[prepares to punch him. But, Darren tries to grabs Frank]

Douche: Okay, we got him. Easy now, easy now.

Darren: Well, it's hard when your head's up my ass and you're yanking on the scrote!

Douche: Look, sausage... I relish the fact that you mustard the strength to ketchup to me!

[to Mustard, Ketchup and Relish]

Douche: Yeah, that's right, shut your mouths.

[to Frank, cackling]

Douche: I sucked a juice box's dick, and I'm shoved up a God's asshole, and this is the weirdest thing that I've done so far, bro!

[takes the bite of his torso, Frank screaming in pain]

Brenda: [gasps, shocked] Oh, my God! FRANK!

Douche: I'll tell you who eat shit; Gods do, bro... I'M A FUCKING GOD!

Darren: Good-bye, little sausage.

[prepares to kill Frank]

Frank: Hey, Brenda. What up, girl?

[chuckles]

Frank: Sorry about those guys. such fucking dicks, right?

Carl: Oh, I can hear you, dude.

Frank: [turns to Carl] Shut up, fuck you.

[turns back to Brenda]

Frank: So, uh, Tomorrow's the big day, huh?

[chuckles]

Frank: You and me, finally gonna be official.

Brenda: I'm so happy, the Gods put our packages together.

Frank: Because, we belong together.

Frank: It's like, we were made for each other.

Frank: I can't wait just finally get up in there, just raw-dog it. But full disclosure, I'm pretty fucking nervous about this. I don't know how well, I'm gonna perform once it happens. I've obviously never been in a bun, so.

[chuckling]

Brenda: Hey, I'm not gonna be any better. I've never opened up. I mean, look how tight I am.

Frank: Oh, sweet fucking fuck. Look, okay. I know it's against the rules. But, I can't wait anymore. I need to just feel you.

Brenda: Are you thinking what I'm thinking?

Frank, Brenda: Just the tips?

Brenda: I can't believe we're doing this.

Frank: I know. We're so naughty.

Brenda: It's fine, right? I mean, nothing bad's ever happened from just the tips.

Frank: No. No, no, no. No, no, no, no, no.

[Frank and Brenda tries to touching the tips]

Frank: Oh, yeah. Go in. Put it in there.

Brenda: Big tip.

Frank: Oh, you wouldn't dare.

Brenda: Oh, no. What's the Gods are doing this to us? Because, we touched tips!

Frank: What? No! There's no way!

Brenda: Just the tips. Why are we thinking? It wasn't even that... I mean it was fine, it's not like anyone writes home and says 'Oh, god. I had the best tip.'

Brenda: [while saving Frank from a drugged woman] Stay away from my sausage, you SKANK!

Douche: That's no way to treat a lady.

Brenda: Oh, fuck!

Douche: That's right, girl. It's me. And what we got here? A taco? A whiny donut? And some stupid flappy thing that nobody knows exactly what it is. Okay, so...

Queso: Did someone say 'Queso'?

Douche: That's a fucking stretch and you know it, Queso!

Frank: You see? There is hope!

Licorice Rope: Aw, not this guy. No one ask for an encore asshole!

Frank: No, no! You don't what I got it this time. This time it's gonna be good... Look, I'm sorry. I wasn't respectful of your believes and I acted like and I know all the answers. But, I don't. Nobody knows everything. But, when I do know is that together, we can fight these monsters and take control of our own lives!

Brenda: Yes! Our lives and our bodies!

Frank: We need to unite and stop focusing on each other's differences. Especially in immature and outdated ways. We have to cooperate and...

[notices the drugged shopper screaming]

Female Shopper #2: DIE!

[slaps a piece of pizza and smashed the window door]

Frank: Oh, no! Pizza!

[Frank, Brenda, Barry and the others looked the drugged shoppers]

[last lines]

Frank: You're ready to get baked and walk through Gum's stargate with me?

Brenda: As long as we're together. I'm ready to get baked and do anything.

Jamaican Rum: Hey, bun! Welcome to the aisle! Want to dance?

Brenda: No thank you, man. I'm quite irie, just being left alone over here, don't you know?

Tequila: Excuse me? Are you a bun?

Brenda: Uhh... Yeah, I am. Why?

Tequila: And you've been traveling with the sausage?

Tequila: I have! He's looking for you in my aisle. He's right this way. I can take you to him, chica. I take you to him real good.

[laughing hysterically]

Tequila: All right, vaminos. Let's go. I am to be trusted.

[laughs again]

Brenda: First, I fell out of the cart, then I lose Frank. And now, I'm being hunted by a douche. The god must be punishing me, don't you see? This is what I get for giving in to my disgusting urges. I'm such a whore.

Teresa: Sweet bun, I must admit I too something urges, impure thoughts. We all do.

Brenda: Oh. Oh, good! Okay. Well, that actually makes me feel a little better.

Teresa: And we must never give in to them.

Brenda: Oh, no. That's the opposite of what I thought you were gonna say.

Teresa: Oh, yes. The gods are always watching... Even when we cannot see them.

Brenda: Do you think it's too late for me?

Teresa: Do not worry, bun. I will get you home.

Brenda: Kind of stuffy in here, Eh, girls? So I'm just gonna get out, get a little air for a second.

[She tries to get out, But the buns grabs Brenda]

Loretta Bun: What's your problem?

Brenda: Let go of me!

Loretta Bun: First, you smushed Sally...

[sees Sally, who smushed, she turns back to Brenda]

Loretta Bun: ... And then, you try to fuck up red, white and blue day for us?

[Buns began to fighting Brenda in package]

Brenda: Get your hands off me! I've got to get out of here!

Loretta Bun: Just chill out, you crazy bitch!

Old Pork Sausage: BUN FIGHT! Check it out!

Brenda: What are you saying? I should believe in nothing? That everything is pointless?

Frank: Better than believing a bunch of bullshit that you can't explain!

Brenda: Well, maybe I don't need to explain it, because it's something I feel.

Frank: Well, I feel like that makes it hard to have a rational conversation.

Brenda: F you, Frank!

Brenda: Oh, yeah, Frank. That's it. Oh, yeah, it's dinner time.

Frank: Yo... I'm actually over here jerking off with these fellas.

[it turns out it's Teresa who gives Brenda oral sex]

Teresa: Once you go taco, you'll never go back-o!

Sammy: Fifty-five minutes.

Brenda: I know. Where is he?

Lavash: [laughs] Looks like you got ditched, bun!

Brenda: He wouldn't ditched me, dumbass. He's my boyfriend. I mean, we touched T-I-P's.

[giggling]

Indian Chutney: We choose the more pleasant thing!

Ice Cream: Yeah! I mean... What the sausage is saying is just a... a theory!

Frank: No, no, no! It's not a theory, you morons! It's a fact! I'm showing this psychical evidence! Open your fucking eyes! Don't be so weak!

Brenda: Oh, Frank. What are you doing?

Refried Beans: You, senor have no bedside manner!

Frank: What? I have bedside manner!

Frozen Fruitz: You don't respect anyone else's beliefs!

Sauerkraut: You intolerant piece of shit!

Richard Parker: [after finding Bernie with a girl on the beach] I see... And where did you and Bernie meet?

Brenda: In the conga-line.

Richard Parker: In the conga-line?

Brenda: He's an excellent dancer.

Brenda: You lay a finger on me Robert Drummond, and I'll bite it off!

Robert Drummond: Now, Brenda. Stop playing hard to get!

Brenda: I am hard to get... but it's worth the effort.

Brenda: I think Goldfisch is right.

Diana: Goldfisch is an asshole!

Erin Brockovich: [Mr. Masry just fired Erin because she was gone for a week] I've been working, that is all I have been doing, what am I supposed to do check in with you every two seconds?

Brenda: Yes, it's called accountability and...

Erin Brockovich: I'm not talking to you, bitch!

Brenda: Excuse me?

Erin Brockovich: Get out of my face!

Corny Collins: And now it's time to say goodbye to our very own fun-lovin', free-wheelin' little Brenda.

Corny Collins: [looks to Brenda] Come on up here, Brenda. Brenda will be taking a leave of absence from the show. How long are you gonna be gone, Brenda?

Brenda: [smiles nervously] Just nine months.

Buffy Gilmore: Hey do you think the press is gonna wanna talk to us?

Brenda: Oh please. The press only wanna interview the most ignorant person they find.

Shorty: [Cut to Gail Haistorm interviewing Shorty about Drew Decker's death]

Shorty: I'm on T.V. Oh shit, first "Cops" now this. I'm gonna be a star, son.

Gail Hailstorm: So how close were you to the victim?

Shorty: Oh real close. Right 'til the roofies wore and she woke up. Then she was all talkin' 'bout pressing charges so I just pulled my tongue outta her ass and left.

Gail Hailstorm: If you could have spoken to her before she died what would your last words to her have been?

Shorty: Run bitch, run!

Brenda: Shorty, why you have to be so loud? And make sure you take your behind to class this time.

Shorty: I do be going to class.

Brenda: Lunch is not a class, Shorty.

Shorty: It is when you got the munchies!

Brenda: You a dumbass.

Shorty: Your Mother.

Brenda: You my Brother, that makes her your Mother too, jackass!

Shorty: Oh, well then your Father's stupid.

Brenda: So? I don't know him.

Shorty: Yeah, me either.

Ray: Damn girl, I sure like to get in your pants...

Brenda: Really?

Ray: Yeah, what size are these?

Brenda: [Sucking the sauce off her fingers and screaming at the screen] Uh-uh! Uh-uh! Uh-uh! Don't go in there!

[screams, scaring everyone in the theater]

Brenda: Woah-ho-ho-ho! Lord! I'mma have a heart attack! Oh, this is some scury shit! Hah! Oh I am scared! Oh-ho-ho!

Old Man: [annoyed] Excuse me?

Brenda: Uh ha... I think I paid my money like er'ybody else up in here!

[Watching the movie]

Brenda: That ain't no man! You can see her real hair right there!

Young Lady: [turning around] Do you mind?

Brenda: [sticking out her hand to the women's face] I know you better get outta my face! Outta my face! Outta my face! This is all me up in here! You handle 'dat!

Young Man: [shouting] Will you shut the fuck up!

Brenda: [takes out a camera] Um-umm! This movie is good!

[the Killer sits next to her, but she thinks it's Ray]

Brenda: Hey baby, you back just in tiiiime! She's about to get in on with Shake-a-speare! He found out she's a girl.

Young Man: Shut UP!

Brenda: [turns around with the camera pointing at the young man behind her] Yeah I got you! I got you on camera! You on candid camera now! You ain't know 'dat!

Brenda: [her cell phones rings and everyone groans as they know what is going to happen] Hello? Hey girl! Ah, I'm in the movies! Uh-huh, yeah Shake-a-speare in love! Ohh-ohh! You lying! You lying!

Young Man: For Christ's sake, will you just shut your trap!

Young Lady: Shut up!

Brenda: [to her friend on the phone] Hold on...

[to the audience of the movie theater]

Brenda: I don't know why ya'll is acting like this! My girlfriend already saw the movie and she says they don't even stay together in the end!

Ray: [dressing Brenda up in football clothes] Get your little sexy ass over here...

[Brenda jumps in to the bed]

Ray: Take it Brendan, take it Brendan...

Brenda: Who?

Ray: Uhh... Brenda!

Brenda: Shorty, what are you doing driving? I know you ain't got no papers.

Shorty: I got papers, blunts, blongs, blokes, anything to make a high nigga pie!

Cindy Campbell: [before pushing a dead fisherman in the water] Don't you think we should check his wallet first?

Buffy Gilmore: For what?

Brenda: Shit, he might have some money.

Brenda: Well, we already committed murder, we might as well rob his ass.

Brenda: I know you better get out of my face!

[Brenda does a hand gesture with her face]

Brenda: Out of my face! Out of my face!

[to her girlfriends]

Mary: I want a guy who can play 36 holes of golf, and still have enough energy to take Warren and me to a baseball game, and eat sausages, and beer, not lite beer, but beer. That's my ad, print it up.

Brenda: "Fatty who likes golf and beer." Gee, Mary, where are you gonna find a gem like that?

Courtney: Well, if it isn't the beautiful people!

Brenda: Courtney, I've been meaning to tell you, you are to-die to-die!

Courtney: Thank you my dear

Marcie: [talking to date] I'm so bored tonight... I think it's time for a little room service.

Courtney: MARCIE! Reality check, I think there's a certain announcement that needs to be made!

Dane: Yeah, give it up for the prom queen

Marcie: Oh my god Courtney, I am so sorry!

Courtney: It's ok Marce. We can't all be up to speed, can we girls?

Brenda: [having a nightmare] Lil' Kim- Lil' Kim got my sandwich. Look out- Russell Crowe's got a phone! R.Kelly, don't pee on me! MY LOVELY LADY LUMPS! Where are we?

Cindy Campbell: I'm not sure, but I think were close. It's supposed to be near mile 62.

Brenda: Is something wrong?

Cindy Campbell: No, it's just... I met this guy, and I wonder if he's safe. Oh, you'd love him, Brenda.

Brenda: What's his name? I might've already loved him.

Cindy Campbell: Tom Ryan.

Brenda: Yeah, did him. Big, fat Chinese guy?

Cindy Campbell: No... No.

Cindy Campbell: [relieved] But he is the kind of guy I'd like to share the rest of my life with.

Brenda: This is some shit, up with which we will not put.

Brenda: Hey, Cindy! Look, I'm on TV, y'all! Check it out! I'm gonna give a shout out to all my peeps!

[Jigsaw turns round and slaps Brenda in the face]

Brenda: HAVE YOU LOST YOUR MIND?

[bashing Jigsaw's face into the camara]

Brenda: NO ONE... BITCH SLAPS... BRENDA!

Saw Villain: Zoltar, help!

[Zoltar comes in and hits Brenda over the head with a metal pipe]

Saw Villain: Oh, oh! This is some bullshit!

[Brenda grabs the pipe and wacks Jigsaw with it before pushing Zoltar out of view]

Gloating Driver: Ey! I got the last workin' car in New York! This is how I roll, bitches! Haha!

[Brenda throws car part at Lil' Jon's head]

Gloating Driver: AAHH!

[gets knocked unconscious, car bumps into a trash pile and stops]

Brenda: You're right, Cindy! That worked pretty well.

[finding empty liquor bottles in trash]

Brenda: Let's examine the evidence. Look! all bottles and gallon jugs!

Elise: I had guests!

Brenda: Who? Guns N Roses?

Brenda: Where's Shelly?

Morty: In the car.

Brenda: Glove compartment?

Morty: Trunk.

Brenda: My Morty becomes this big shot on T.V... He was selling electronics, right? On our 20th wedding anniversary it hits midlife crisis major. He starts working out, he, he grows a moustache, he gets an earring. I said, "Morty, Morty, what are you? A pirate? what's next? A parrot?" And all of a sudden I'm a big drag. I'm holding him back because I won't go rollerblading.

Brenda: What's wrong?

Jilted Lover: It's my lover. She left me for this younger woman that weighs twelve pounds.

Brenda: That's just like my Morty.

Jilted Lover: Who?

Brenda: Morty.

[Shows Woman her picture]

Jilted Lover: She's butch.

Elise: You've always been jealous of me, even in college! Because I was blonde and beautiful, and could have any guy I wanted!

Brenda: Could and did! All the senior class and half the faculty!

Elise: It was the sixties.

[about her ex-husband's scantily clad date]

Brenda: What's the matter, Morty? Can't you buy her a whole dress?

Elise: I drink because I am a sensitive and highly strung person.

Brenda: No, that's why your co-stars drink.

[Upon seeing a slinky dress]

Brenda: Now, I ask you, Duarto, who's supposed to wear that? Some anorexic teenager? Some fetus? It's a conspiracy, I know it is! I've had enough. I'm leading a protest. I'm not buying another article of clothing until these designers come to their senses!

Brenda: I remember your first talk-y.

Elise: Oh yeah, what did you ever win? A pie eating contest? "Best digestion?"

Brenda: When men know women are a certain age...

Elise: Good bye love.

Brenda: Hello pop-tarts.

Duarto: [upon seeing an "unnaturally" young Elise walk into Cynthia's funeral] She looks fabulous; do you think she's had work done?

Brenda: [rancorously] Honey, she's a quilt!

Brenda: Morty! Well, look at you. You look prosperous.

Morty: Brenda, don't embarrass me.

Brenda: [Mocking Morty] Don't embarrass you.

Morty: Don't make a scene.

Brenda: Don't make a scene.

Morty: Do not make a scene.

Brenda: Don't embarrass you! You've got a *nerve*! I'll tell you what's embarrassing!

Morty: Keep your voice down.

Brenda: Being hassled by Mr. Zaworsky... because I'm behind in the rent, *that's* embarrassing. Worrying about how I'm gonna get my kid through college, *that's* embarrassing!

Morty: You know something? You *never* listen. For twenty years you never ever listened. Here,

[grabs a yellow blouse]

Morty: honey why don't you try this one in a fitting room, looks very nice on you.

Brenda: You know, I could use this. It's very beautiful and I love the color. But what am I gonna to use for money? HOW AM I GONNA PAY FOR IT?

Morty: It's the *company* that is expanding. Don't you understand that? The *company*, not *me*! I'm a mere laborer!

Brenda: You're a liar and a FRAUD!

Morty: I have no money.

Brenda: Really? Why don't you look in your purse?

Morty: Oh you're very funny.

Shelly: There stunning Morton, I need all of them.

Brenda: Morton?

Shelly: [covers her face with a dress] Oh God, make it go away.

Brenda: Shelly! Look at you! My my, the bulimia certainly has paid off.

Morty: Don't start.

Brenda: What's a matter Morty? Can't you buy her a whole dress?

Shelly: Brenda, why don't you try these on in

[holds out her arms]

Shelly: *your size*!

Morty: It's really a delight running into you today Brenda.

Brenda: There she is. Princess Pelvis!

Annie: Let's synchronize our watches.

Brenda: Ooo, just like "Mission: Impossible!"

Elise: Oh, that was a big hit.

Elise: Annie, you choose. Who's your friend? Me or Brenda?

Brenda: Yeah, for once in your life make a decision? Who's your friend? Some Beverly Hills science project?

Elise: Or a woman with her own aisle at the supermarket?

Annie: What if Elise starts drinking again and then you start sniping away?

Elise: Been there!

Brenda: Done that!

Brenda: Those lips - what's in 'em? Are they wax?

Brenda: I'm saying this, with love compassion and the spirit of true sisterhood... you are full of SHIT!

Elise: Whhhaaattt?

Brenda: Wake up and smell the audit!

Elise: [Drunk] You never even wrote to me!

Annie: [Meekly] You were unlisted...

Elise: And you always talked about me behind my back!

Brenda: Oh, you deserved it!

Brenda: So okay, alimony sucks. Okay, you didn't get to play a police woman in a wonder bra. But look at you, you're gorgeous! And thanks to Cher's pioneering efforts you still haven't hit puberty! And once upon a time you *were* a terrific actress! You've even got an Oscar to prove it! You've spent your whole life with people *sucking* up to you! I'm sure Annie will agree with me when I say that *your* perception of life is *somewhat altered*!

Brenda: My, my, the bulimia has certainly paid off.

Brenda: Ya know I wonder how drunk Cynthia was when she decided to do a jack knife off Park Avenue.

Elise: And you didn't even invite me to your son's bar mitzvah!

Brenda: I didn't think you would come.

Annie: Yeah, it was in Hebrew!

Brenda: Oh shutup!

Brenda: This coke's kinda sweet. It's really good stuff.

David: The best.

Brenda: What the - Who are you?

Madea: Who you?

Brenda: I'm the owner of this house.

Madea: [buzzer sound] Wrong answer. My granddaughter Helen is the owner of THIS house! You da hoe, you aint got no power or no deed.

Brenda: [notices one or her ruined clothes] Did you do this? This is Vera Wang!

Madea: Who dat is? She do nails? I need to get my nails did.

Brenda: That's it! I'm calling the police.

Madea: I aint scared a no po po. Call da po po hoe. Call da po po hoe!

Brenda: I know Tae Kwan Do.

Madea: And I know whoop your ass.

Brenda: If I call the cops, they will be here in *ten* minutes.

Madea: Good. Then that give me nine to beat the hell outta you.

Brenda: I know tae kwon do!

Madea: and I know whoop yo oss!

[hears Charles and Helen arguing downstairs!]

Madea: Oh hell no!

[Runs and smacks Brenda in the back of the head]

Brenda: Yeah, you better keep runnin'!

Brenda: Desert's almost ready. Who wants coffee?

Eggbert: I would love a double-cream, no coffee.

Valerie: I'll have a half mocha macchiato.

Teddy: I'll have a caf, half latte caramel venti frappuccino.

Molly, Joel: Boy, whatever happened to just good old regular coffee?

Molly: ...Asshole.

Joel: Cunt.

Molly: [playing charades, acting like a shark]

Brenda: Paws!

Valerie: Laws!

Eggbert: Jizz!

Teddy: Jews!

Bob: Time's up.

Molly: Jaws. I was doing Jaws.

Brenda: Joey, I'm not into dead guys!

Joey: But they smell so good... so spicy...

Brenda: Take me!

Brenda: Is it cancer?

Doc Mandel: If we're lucky.

Brenda: Now why would you want to leave?

Debby: Too much harmony.

Brenda: Don't tell me that was it, Arnie! I mean, you gotta be kidding! That what I had you come up here for? I don't believe it! I mean she, she shows up outta nowhere without a car, without a map. She ain't got nothing but a suitcase filled with men's clothing. How come? How come she act so funny like she was gonna stay here forever? And with no clothes?! No! I don't like it! It don't make no sense at all! No, no, no, no, no! It don't make no sense!

Jasmin Münchgstettner: Goodbye Miss Brenda.

Brenda: Bye Miss Jasmin.

Phyllis: [nonchalantly plopping down in front of her mother's office desk after she's been out with some friends] Hi, mom! That trucker was a real cute dude, for a trucker. Like, I mean, he let me off in town, and I ran into Reggie, and so we buzzed around in his cruise-mobile over to Devil's Playground. Then we ran into these really grody airheads...

Phyllis: [noticing her mother's nicely cleaned and organized office desk] What happened here?

Brenda: [normal voice] Pick up your shit, sweetie.

Phyllis: [she didn't hear her, since she's wearing earphone] Huh?

Brenda: [shouting] Pick up your SHIT! This is an office... for customers!

Brenda: Another evening of sarcasm and self-pity...

Big Bob Freelander: [looking at Brenda's book of beauty pageant applicants] Wow, any real lookers this year?

Brenda: Oh, you men...

Big Bob Freelander: What do you mean, "us men"? You women are checking each other out a lot more than any man I ever saw. You're always the first ones to sneak a look at the centerfold of "Playboy."

Brenda: That's not true!

Brenda: Y'all need to go to church!

Jamal: Hi, I'm Santa's Number One Elf!

Brenda: More like numbers one through ten...

Jerry: Brenda, let me tell you something about pot. When you take it, your taste buds become so physically sensitive that a grapefruit tastes like caviar. Your whole ability to touch to love to see to understand to feel to know is magnified so you could split the universe open like a walnut and know its secrets.

Brenda: Okay, let me have some.

Jerry: I don't have any.

[Union leaders try to think of ways to disrupt the pajama factory]

Brenda: How about if the packers put the size large bottoms with the size small tops?

Prez: Sure. Now, that's what I mean. That's constructive.

Brenda: You'll be transferred to the other cellblock, at some point tomorrow.

Selma: That's the cellblock where they hang people?

Brenda: Yeah. That's were they spend the last day.

Selma: And then they do the 107 steps - it's from that room to the gallows, isn't it?

Brenda: That's what they say, Selma. But, look it, you're gonna get your stay. Why don't you try to think of something nice. All right?

Selma: It's just so quiet here.

Mary: Oh that cheap liquor. Why do I do it?

Brenda: Because you're just crazy about bicarbonate of soda.

Brenda: Steve Larwitt loves me too. The one thing in his life that stops him going to pieces is me. I just can't let him down.

Tim: No, you can't...

Brenda: I believe you, thousands wouldn't.

Brenda: Of all the liars, you're the biggest I've ever known.

Arthur Seaton: I always was a liar, a good 'un and all.

Brenda: Liars don't prosper.

Brenda: Hey Arthur, what a time we had last night.

Arthur Seaton: It seems years... aye you're lovely Brenda.

Arthur Seaton: Pour us some more tea duck, it's thirsty work falling down stairs.

Brenda: Two ain't it.

Arthur Seaton: You're good to me Brenda, love, and don't think I don't appreciate it.

Brenda: Yes, yes it's yours right enough. Haven't done aught like that with Jack for a couple of months or more - and I don't want to have it I can tell you that now!

Arthur Seaton: Have you tried aught, took aught I mean.

Brenda: Yes, some pills, they didn't work. 30 bob they cost me too, gone right down the drain.

Arthur Seaton: God almighty.

Brenda: He won't help you.

Brenda: What do you think having a kid means? You're doped and sick for 9 months, your clothes don't fit, nobody will look at you. One day you're yelling out and you've got a kid. That's not so bad but you've got to look after it for the rest of its life. You want to try it sometime.

Arthur Seaton: Well if that's how you feel.

Brenda: How do you expect me to feel?

Arthur Seaton: What's the matter with you tonight?

Brenda: I'll tell you what's the matter with me Arthur, I'm pregnant, good and proper this time - and it's your fault.

Arthur Seaton: Oh aye, it's bound to be my fault isn't it.

Brenda: Well of course it is, you never take care, you just don't bother, always said this would happen one day.

Arthur Seaton: What a wonderful Friday night.

Brenda: Having a good time?

Arthur Seaton: Not bad, I'm with some pals from work, had to come out or I'd go crackers, I've been worrying about you all week.

Brenda: Well you can stop worrying.

Arthur Seaton: Is it all right then, did you see that doctor?

Arthur Seaton: Oh yeah, I went, I didn't stay.

Arthur Seaton: What?

Brenda: I've decided to have it and face whatever comes of it.

Aunt Ada: It ain't right is it, I think men get away with murder.

Brenda: They do, don't they.

Arthur Seaton: I don't know that much.

Aunt Ada: Don't be such a big 'ead - and get cracking so as I can talk to her. What's your name duck?

Brenda: Brenda.

Brenda: Been 'ere long?

Arthur Seaton: 10 minutes, I was just looking at the lovely view.

Brenda: Better come down to earth then, adn't you?

Arthur Seaton: How did you go on at Aunt Ada's, it go off all right?

Brenda: No it didn't, was just one of them old wive's tricks, she made me sit in a hot bath for 3 hours, had to drink a pint of gin. I'll never go through that again, it was terrible, I thought I was gonna die. And it didn't work.

Brenda: Somebody told me the other day they'd seen you coming out of the pictures with a young girl.

Arthur Seaton: It's a bloody lie then.

Brenda: Do you think I'm daft Arthur? I can tell you don't go as much on me as you used to .

Arthur Seaton: That isn't true Brenda, you know I like you a lot.

Brenda: I know you do, you can see it a mile off.

Arthur Seaton: Not my fault if you don't believe me, is it?

Brenda: You know the trouble with you, you don't know the difference between right and wrong, and I don't think you ever will.

Arthur Seaton: Maybe I won't, but I don't want anybody to teach me either.

Brenda: You'll learn one day.

Arthur Seaton: We'll see, but it's now that matters isn't it, we've still got to clear this mess up.

Brenda: Fuck you, Felix!

[Felice breaks through the glass doors towards Brenda and Amy; Brenda holds a gun at her]

Felice: [In an angry, raspy voice] You can't kill something that's already dead!

Brenda: Do you wanna fucking bet?

[Felice howls; Brenda shoots Felice in the head, but the bullet does nothing that kills her]

Felice: [raspy] You gonna die!

Lily Bedford: [What are you doing]

Brenda: [Nothing i]

Lily Bedford: [What are you doing with my mothers clothes, don't touch them there not yours there hers]

Michael Bedford: [Whats going on?]

Brenda: [Michael i]

Michael Bedford: [Lily, Lily, Lily]

Lily Bedford: [I hate her, i hate her]

Michael Bedford: [I'm sorry honey brenda didn't mean to]

Lily Bedford: [Not her]

Michael Bedford: [Well what is it honey tell me]

Lily Bedford: [Why'd she leave me]

Michael Bedford: [Faith]

Lily Bedford: [No, mom, mom]

Michael Bedford: [Sweetie, mom didn't want to leave you it was an accident she didn't want to go]

Lily Bedford: [Well why did it happen, why did it happen to us]

Michael Bedford: [I don't know honey, i ask myself the same thing too, mom loved you, don't you ever forget that mom loved you more than anything]

Lily Bedford: [But where is she dad, sometimes, sometimes i miss her so much, i just want to see her again]

Michael Bedford: [You know where she is Lil, she's right here and she's right here and thats where she'll always be, whenever we need her]

Ned: [shoots arrow at target after Brenda sets it up] Ta-da!

Brenda: Are you crazy?

Ned: Wanna see my trick shot? It's even better.

Brenda: I don't believe you!

Ned: [imitating Humphrey Bogart] You know, you're beautiful when you're angry, sweetheart.

Brenda: Oh, yeah?

Ned: Yeah.

Brenda: Are you gonna help me or scare me to death? If you do that again, I'll tack you up to the wall to dry.

Ned: Yeah! I love that sexy talk.

[while playing strip Monopoly]

Alice: Baltic Avenue.

Bill: No one ever lands on Baltic Avenue.

Alice: I think it's a pretty color. I'll buy it.

[Bill rolls and lands on Baltic Avenue]

Alice: Ha. Baltic Avenue. You owe me one boot.

Brenda: Alice draws first blood.

Bill: That's a terrible way to talk about my feet.

Brenda: Just wait until he lands on my old Kentucky home.

Bill: More beer? More beer.

Brenda: [upon repairing the generator] What hath God wrought?

Brenda: Oh look, Little Bo Peep texted me - she wants her outfit back.

[from trailer]

Brenda: GET ME OUT!

Paul Gardener: Hey, how about some interviews? You know, students react to the tragedy on campus.

Brenda: Okay. I am saddened, and moved by the tragic...

Natalie: This was someone's life Paul. Did you even spend one minute thinking about that?

Paul Gardener: No, I didn't. But because of my story, three-thousand five-hundred students will. I think that's enough to help me sleep at night.

Brenda: [stabbing Natalie with the scalpel] Is this the kidney? Or is that the Liver? Oh, well. First organ I see, I'm just gonna grab it!

[Brenda digs the scalpel in deeper, but Reese bursts through the door with her gun aimed at Brenda]

Reese Wilson: Drop the weapon!

Brenda: [turns around and sees Reese] Oh great! Rent-a-cop to the rescue.

Reese Wilson: Move over the the window, now, you loony psycho bitch!

Brenda: I must say, Natalie, you have proven your friendship to me. Coming all the way out here without even a little pepper spray to defend yourself with.

Brenda: Don't you want to be an urban legend, Nat? All your friends are now.

Brenda: Now, if I remove the gag you've got to promise me that you won't scream. Lord knows I had enough of that with Sasha.

[Brenda smiles and waves, mirroring the killer's little wave after killing Sasha]

[to Natalie, Brenda, Paul, and Sasha]

Parker: Don't you guys get it? Come on, it's just like that urban legend.

Natalie: What are you talking about?

Parker: You know the story, A boy and a girl, parked out in the woods, making out...

Brenda: [to Natalie] You made out with him?

Natalie: Brenda, you need help.

Brenda: I have already tried therapy! Obviously, it did me no good, Natalie.

Damon: I'll see you two in class tomorrow.

Brenda: Unfortunately!

Natalie: You're fucking crazy!

Brenda: I prefer the term "eccentric". But, yeah, I guess I'm a little "nutty".

Professor William Wexler: Had those before?

Brenda: Yeah. They're Pop Rocks; they crackle in your mouth.

Professor William Wexler: Eat some... thirsty?... What's wrong? Something you might have heard about mixing Pop Rocks and Soda?

Brenda: Well, supposedly, your stomach and your intestines and everything bursts.

[Damon has just sneaked up on Brenda and Natalie, proceeding to scare them half to death]

Damon: Boo!

Brenda: [In disgust] Is that what you do in your spare time, Damon? Just go around scaring people like a freak?

Brenda: ...

Brenda: [Brenda sees Johnny peeping at her while she has sex with her boyfriend] The little shit!

Brenda's Boyfriend: Huh?

Brenda: The window!

[Brenda and her boyfriend hurry outside to catch Johnny in the act]

Brenda: I'm telling you, I saw his creepy face! That little pervert's hiding. Well, go look for him!

Brenda's Boyfriend: You look for him! I want a beer!

Brenda: [frustrated] ... Fungus. McFartley, you're a FUNGUS!

Johnny McFarley: [From behind the bushes, making a whiny face] Shut up, shut up!

Brenda: Fungus!

Brenda: I'm glad I'm just a pussy!

[at the football game]

Brenda: Why are cheering so loud?

Rosalie: We're in America. We have to act like the Americans do. Besides, I like it. Come on, NAVY!