Candy Quotes in Highlander (1986)

Kurgan: At last. The Gathering...

[Mini-blades pop open from Kurgan's sword before a knock is heard by his door]

Candy: Hi. I'm Candy.

Kurgan: Of course you are...

Candy: [as they're having sex] Oh, baby. Why don't you fuck naked?

Milton: I never disrobe before gunplay.

Candy: We was fucking. He killed them while we was fucking!

Candy: What the fuck are you doing?

Johnny: I'm gonna kill a bunch of people.

Candy: 30 minutes - 30 dollars.

Candy: Goddamn, I wanted to rent you, not buy you.

Candy: If you're looking for a cheap thrill, why don't you go to the dog races.

J.H. Kilbourne: Mavis maybe you should go for a walk.

Candy: How long a walk J. Hugh?

J.H. Kilbourne: Average, just average.

Cooper: [jumps into the hot tub with Candy in it] Oh, crap! This isn't where I parked my car!

Candy: Cooper Harris, you're a pig!

[starts getting out]

Cooper: Wait, Candy. Before you go, you might want to clean that off.

Candy: Clean what off?

Cooper: It's like dirt or something. Go like this.

[shows her how to rub her breast]

Cooper: No, just cut it under. To the side, and under.

Candy: Is it off?

Cooper: No. I think your top is getting in the way.

Candy: Really?

Cooper: Trust me.

[Candy takes off her top]

Cooper: That's better. But keep rubbing it!

[she rubs]

Cooper: No, it's just not coming off.

Candy: [looks at her chest] Well, what is it?

Cooper: Oh, I'll do it. Come here.

[Cooper starts reaching for Candy's breasts]

Missy: [walks in with three jocks] Oh my God, Candy!

Candy: [covers herself] Cooper!

Cooper: [looks at the jocks] Hey. This isn't where I parked my car.

Candy: [describing the typical sexuality of men] They're like animals. Their entire lives revolve around their penises.

Candy: Have a mental margarita.

Candy: Okay you guys, what's the plan for tonight?

Valerie: Whoa, Candy, reality check. We can't go out with these guys, they're aliens!

Candy: So? They can still be dates!

Candy: Well I see split ends are universal. Lost in space with no conditioner, huh?

[from the song "'Cause I'm A Blonde"]

Candy: I took an IQ test and I flunked it, of course / I can't spell VW, but I got a Porsche.

[from the song "'Cause I'm A Blonde"]

Candy: I just want to say that being chosen as this month's Miss August is like a compliment I'll remember for as long as I can. Right now I'm a freshman in my fourth year at UCLA, but my goal is to become a veterinarian, 'cause I love children.

[from the song "'Cause I'm A Blonde"]

Candy: 'Cause I'm a blonde! B-L-... I don't know!

Candy: If you wanna be a femme fatale, you can't rest on your L'Oréals!

Valerie: You know, I think she might be right!

Candy: Grab the bleach, she's seen the light!

Valerie: [Frantically to Candy] A UFO landed in my pool and they captured me but we made friends and I fed them Pop-Tarts and, um, they're here now, but Ted's coming home tonight so you've got to cut their hair.

Owner of Beauty Shop: What did you say?

Valerie: Oh, nothing. I'm on drugs.

[Turns back to Candy]

Valerie: Candy, you've got to help them out.

Candy: Would you listen to yourself? Valerie, no man is worth getting yourself in this state over. Mel Gibson, maybe, but not Ted! Valerie, come here, just sit down, honey, relax, have a mental margarita, and everything is...

[Gets interrupted by Valerie]

Valerie: Okay, I'm going to show you something that's going to totally change your life, completely, forever. Okay?

Candy: Well, in that case, let me get a cigarette.

Candy: You don't know what it's like when people call you names like airhead, dingaling, yo-yo, bimbo. There's no way you can know that Scotty.

Candy: [to Gregory] Look, you're always such a nice guy. But let's face it, we have nothing in common except sex and the fact that you idolize me.

Todd Woods: Sorry Candy, I'm going out for a pack of cigarettes.

Candy: But Todd, You don't smoke!

Candy: [in Vietnamese] Ooh, Casey has a straight boyfriend!

Casey: [in Vietnamese] It's better than a gay husband!

Tiffani von der Sloot: [in Vietnamese] Pam, Candy, this is the fag who will clean for us and attract gay customers.

Candy: [in Vietnamese] He's too skinny. The gays want more meat on the bone.

Pam: [in Vietnamese] No. Some like to take a twig boy, spread his legs reeeeal wide and snap him in two.

Candy: Oh-ho.

Tiffani von der Sloot: [to Casey, in English] They just said they can't wait to get to know you.

Casey: Oh, cool. Uh, tell 'em I feel the same way.

Tiffani von der Sloot: [in Vietnamese to Pam and Candy] He says treat him nice or he'll call immigration on your asses.

[Candy has slept with Darlene's husband]

Darlene: And you call yourself my friend.

Candy: Damn right I do.

Candy: You've got the world by its balls and you don't even know it!

Donnie Earl: How much does a girl like that cost you, Roy?

Candy: Damnit Lonnie Earl! It's none of your business!

Donnie Earl: Well I tried to leave...

Candy: You're like a mole. And I'm not talking about that THING on Cindy Crawford's face.

Candy: What do you mean you don't take bubble baths?

Darlene: 'Cuz my pooter infection stings worse than a swarm of bees.

Candy: He ate my flesh. It was awesome.

Candy: I'm not gonna marry you! I'd rather blow William H. Macy!

Candy: Some men, not many, but some of the hot men out here are actually straight, okay?

Candy: Don't let it get you down. It's what they want.

Beverly Hills Lawyer: Candy, what do you do?

Candy: Oh, I'm an actress.

Beverly Hills Lawyer: Really?

Candy: Yeah.

Beverly Hills Lawyer: What might I have seen you in?

Candy: Oh, um, "Sect of Lucifer," perhaps?

Beverly Hills Lawyer: I've never heard of that show, but I never watch television. I just don't have the time.

Candy: Uh-ha-ha. And what do you do?

Beverly Hills Lawyer: I'm a lawyer.

Candy: Oh, really? That's so interesting. What court cases might I know you from?

Candy: Ow! That is not a wig!

Candy: [to Duncan] I'm sick and fed-up. Of you and all men. How do ya like them apples?

Candy: What's the name of it? PIGS? That's attractive... Oh I see, Politically Involved Girls.

Candy: What do you mean come down off the trapeze into the sawdust? That's circus talk!

Candy: I don't want anything to do with you or your girl question mark friends!

Penny: I don't have anything against men, I just want more money, that's all.

Candy: You want money? Go out and earn it!

Leisman: Tickle your ass with a feather?

Candy: Maybe later.

[after seeing the Potato Bug's tent]

Candy: Holy hot curls!

Candy: We did see him that afternoon lurking around the neighborhood.

Candy: She has legs 'n eggs today.

Solo: Okay, what the fuck is legs 'n eggs?

Candy: My tongue is everything you never were!

Candy: I'm gonna be like everybody else! I'm gonna make friends! I'm gonna have fun! I'm gonna wear make-up, I'm gonna go out with boys, I'm gonna sleep with truck drivers and get crabs, and I'm gonna finally get to use my diaphragm!

Randy: Hey Sandy, want some candy?

Sandy: Some candy'd be dandy.

Randy: Hey Candy, want some candy?

Candy: No candy for me, Randy.

Andy Jackson: Aw, come on, Candy, have some candy.

Candy: I said no candy, Andy.

Andy Jackson: Okay, Candy. I'll have some candy, Randy.

Randy: Okay, Randy. I'll give you Candy's candy.

Andy Jackson: Can I also have Mandy's candy?

Sandy: No, Randy! Don't give Andy Mandy's candy! Give him the candy that's handy!

Randy: All right, Sandy. So, Andy, what's your favorite candy?

Andy Jackson: Mints.

Candy: What you lookin' at?

Otis B. Driftwood: I'm lookin' at you, mama.

Candy: Yeah, you see something you like?

Otis B. Driftwood: Maybe. I set my standards pretty low, so I'm never disappointed.

Candy: Oh, well I don't disappoint.

Charlie Altamont: Okay, everybody in the peanut gallery, Simon says hands up.

Candy: He said put your fuckin' hands up!

Candy: Nobody shoves dirty money in my mouth.

Moe Williams: You got any Happy Money?

Candy: Happy Money?

Moe Williams: Yeah, money that's gonna make me happy.

Candy: You've been recommended as the best pickpocket stoolie in the business.

Moe Williams: What kind of talk is that, calling me a stoolie? I was brought up to report any injustice to the police authority. I call that being a solid citizen.

Candy: But you get paid for it.

Moe Williams: You gonna knock it?

Candy: Lots of people aren't criminals.

Eddy: You've got a lot of nerve... Hey, when this is all over, I'm gonna have enough money to buy me a bowling alley!

Candy: Who are you?

Miss Century: Why I'm Miss Century. The World's only 100 year old stripper.

Candy: Whip out that dip-stick and make my engine purr

Miss Devonshire: Left foot, yellow!

[Samantha grabs Anvil]

Candy: You heard her! Middle leg, G-spot

Scabia: Sounds of bottles crashing is music to my ears!

Candy: I feel the same way when I hear a construction worker's drill.

Candy: [innocently] You all crazy?

Candy: Spring break forever, bitches.

Candy: Once upon a time, there was a Candy and Dan... Things were very hot that year... All the wax was melting on the trees... He would climb balconies, climb everywhere. Do anything for her... Oh Danny boy. Thousands of birds. The tiniest birds adorned her hair... Everything was golden... One night the bed caught fire... He was handsome, and a very good criminal... We lived on sunlight and chocolate bars... It was the afternoon of extravagant delight... Danny, the Daredevil... Candy went missing... The day's last rays of sunshine cruise like sharks..."I wanna try it your way this time!" You came into my life really fast, and I liked it. We squelched in the mud of our joy. I was wet thighed with the surrender... Then there was a gap in things... And the whole earth tilted... This is the business. This is what we're after. With you inside me... Comes the hatch of death...

Dan: What if that was it?

Candy: That was what?

Dan: The last shot.

Candy: I wouldn't care...

Elaine Wyatt: What happened to that beautiful little girl?

Candy: What happened? What happened? Can't you see? Don't you understand? I have been clenching my fucking fists since I was six years old!

Candy: I wanna try it your way this time.

Candy: That was beautiful. Let's have some more.

Candy: [when Dan asks if she had sex with another man] Firstly, you don't know what you're talking about. Secondly, I hate the sound of your voice. Thirdly, why don't you just fuck off?

Candy: Do you know what I do here, Dan? I have sex with men that I hate.

Dan: Oh right, like I held a gun to your head, did I? Held you down and hit you up did I?

Candy: Fuck you

Dan: Fuck you too Candy.

Candy: Fuck you ten times.

George Milton: You had a cigarette and a drink and a look at a pretty dress, and it cost you fifteen bucks! You just shot a week's pay to walk on that red carpet!

Candy: A week's pay? Sure, but I worked weeks all my life. I don't remember none of them weeks, but this - nearly twenty years ago - I remember that.

Candy: Seems to me like Curly's worse since he got married. Like he's sittin' on an ant hill.

Candy: George?

George Milton: Yeah?

Candy: I shouldn't a oughta let no stranger shoot my dog. I shoulda shot my dog myself, George.

Slim: Carlson's right, Candy. That poor dog ain't no good to himself. I wish somebody'd shoot me when I get old and crippled.

Candy: [choked up] Maybe it would hurt him. I don't mind taking care of him.

Carlson: He'd be better off dead. The way I'd shoot him he wouldn't feel nothin'.

Candy: Curly's like a lot of little guys. He hates big guys. Kinda like he's mad at em, 'cause he ain't a big guy. You've seen a lotta little guys, ain't ya? always spattin'

Dr. Sebring: How much to fuck you in the arse, darlin'?

Candy: For you, darlin'? Fifty.

Candy: Sarah, you're up next!

Candy: [To Sarah] Just go on back and let him know you're next.

Sarah: Okay!

Marvin Goldblum: Hi, remember me?

[puts money into Sarah's hand]

Marvin Goldblum: I'm next.

Candy: She's been waiting an awfully long time already.

Sarah: Yeah, two years and one day!

Marvin Goldblum: Kid, you'll understand. See, Dr. Feinstone can't keep me waiting. It's in his own interest. Or.. do we start the audit now?

Candy: Look Mr. Goldblum.... I...

[To Sarah]

Candy: It's alright Sarah, he won't be too long.

Marvin Goldblum: You'll understand.

Sarah: [Looks at the money] I can't take this...

Marvin Goldblum: Kid, that's nice... but next time take the money. I'll let myself in!

Caty: Sleep.

Candy: That's impossible for me. I can't sleep if I don't make love.

Caty: And what have you been doing the last couple of days?

Candy: Lea and I have managed...

Caty: And Mabel thought you two were a couple of prudes!

Candy: I'm a wild animal!

Caty: Bite me, you wild animal!

Candy: Clothes always get in the way.

[while having sex]

Candy: Ah, a little hair!

Caty: Well, make a wish and blow!

Candy: Out of my face, bitch!

Suzie: [points a finger to Candy] Slut.

Keith: Baby, I don't think you're a slut, I think you're really nice. Baby, wait!

Candy: Fuck you.

Suzie: Fuck me? Fuck YOU!

Slim: Who doesn't love candy?

Candy: My parents.