Billy Cole Quotes in The Last Boy Scout (1991)

Billy Cole: Ain't life a bitch?

[shoots himself in the head]

Billy Cole: [at the door of the strippers' dressing room] Opportunity knocking!

[when he has their attention:]

Billy Cole: Hi, it's Billy Cole!

Olga: [broken English] Me thought it was Tom Hunks.

Billy Cole: No, it's not Tom Hunks. It's me. Oh, got you a little something. Ta-dah!

[offers a potted bonsai tree]

Crystal: [cocking her blond head] Oh, it's so small.

Billy Cole: That's what they all say.

Crystal: [giggles] What is it?

Billy Cole: It's a bonsai tree. They're very rare. And very expensive.

Olga: So are we.

Julie: Look, Billy, we work hard here. We don't have time for your schemes.

Billy Cole: This ain't no schemes. It's... volleyball!

Olga: [she's Russian, she mispronounces] Wally ball?

Crystal: So we're gonna get... rich, playing around in the sand?

Champagne: And trust me, the sand, it gets in everything!

[dismissive gesture, grunts]

Billy Cole: No, no, you don't understand. Beach volleyball is an Olympic sport, and we can make it sexy!

Crystal: Well then, how come no-one's thought about your great idea until now?

Billy Cole: Lots of guys have ideas, but they don't know how to sell 'em. I know how to sell 'em.

Julie: I'm out of here. Ladies, Billy...

[leaves]

Billy Cole: So what do you say, girls? I meet you tomorrow morning at Zuma Beach?

Olga: [heavy accent] Okay, I do.

[waving a finger:]

Olga: If we make extra money.

Champagne: Me too, cos I don't wanna be shaking my booty forever.

Billy Cole: Okay, I see you tomorrow.

Crystal: Hey, Billy! What do we wear?

Billy Cole: [smiles] Dress for sport.

Billy Cole: [at beach with bikini girls, first practice session] These are balls.

Champagne: Oh, we know all about balls.

Billy Cole: I'm happy for you. These are...

[as if speaking to a child]

Billy Cole: volleyballs.

Olga: Ach, we know how to play wally ball.

[takes one of the balls from him]

Billy Cole: Fine.

[curtly tosses the other ball at Champagne]

Billy Cole: Miss Hansen, hi. Big fan.

Christina Hansen: [attitude says she doesn't suffer idiots gladly] What's your name?

Billy Cole: Billy Cole.

Christina Hansen: Okay.

Billy Cole: Hi. What do you think of my team?

Christina Hansen: [scowling at preening bikini girls] They're your team? So you're the one who is responsible for all this?

[with disdain]

Billy Cole: Yeah. I am the one who's responsible for this. Actually, I think it is gonna be great for volleyball because we'd be giving it a lot of exposure.

Christina Hansen: [smirks] You're kidding me, right?

Billy Cole: [laughs] No.

Christina Hansen: Your name's Billy, right?

Billy Cole: Right.

Christina Hansen: This... this is not only degrading for women, but it's just bad for the sport. I mean, you're putting up some kind of freak show with a bunch of hookers.

Billy Cole: These are not hookers. These are strippers. And actually, let me tell you something about these girls. I mean, they... they didn't come from a lot of money, they... they didn't go to college, they're not the brightest bulbs in the building, or even the room maybe, but get used to their faces, you're gonna see 'em again.

Christina Hansen: [shakes her head] I don't think so. Take a look.

[the pretty girls fumble the ball]

Christina Hansen: They suck!

[walks away]

Billy Cole: [calling after her departing figure] Nobody's perfect!

Billy Cole: [the girls visiting him in his new trailer] Just passing by?

Crystal: We've been thinking. We... we love playing volleyball, but we just wanna be the best.

Billy Cole: [nods as he puffs on cigar] Good! That's what I want. I want you to be the best.

Olga: [strong accent] Ve don't vant to do anymore bachelor parties and company picnics.

Champagne: We just wanna play volleyball.

Crystal: But legitimately, for like AVP or AAU.

Olga: And what about the Olympics? Even Russia has a team!

Billy Cole: I do understand. But first I want you to do this bachelor party coming up.

[coughs on cigar]

Billy Cole: Get a lot of money for that.

[still doing everything his way]

Billy Cole: [change of heart after volleyball-in-the-mud fiasco] I have something to say... Everything I have done, up until now, has been for all of us, not just for me.

[grimaces]

Billy Cole: So I ain't apologizing to nobody.

[the girls, especially Crystal, eye him with a hurt look, and Tenspot shakes his head]

Billy Cole: I have been a little bull-headed,

[sighs]

Billy Cole: I haven't really listened to anybody,

[Olga and Carazon listen attentively]

Billy Cole: actually... I'm kind of a putz.

[genuine regret]

Billy Cole: Oh, I guess I am apologizing. I just hope from now on, we could just start... maybe just... make a clean slate of it, start all over again.

Olga: [moved] Billy... we're here, aren't we?

Billy Cole: [he smiles, nods, and Crystal perks up] From now on, there ain't gonna be no b.s. Tommy Z called, he said that if you guys wanna come dance over there, you're welcome to come anytime you want.

[Corazon shakes her head]

Billy Cole: If you stick around here, you gotta work, but you're gonna be part of something, part of something good, something damn good, you're gonna be part of a team.

[nods]

Olga: Ve still get to keep our fees though?

Billy Cole: There ain't gonna be no more tips, cos you ain't gonna work in more bachelor parties and you ain't gonna work in any more conventions, and when you play volleyball, you're not gonna be playing in the goddamn mud!

[girls happy to hear this]

Billy Cole: You're gonna play real volleyball!

Billy Cole: [Billy lunges out and surprises Charley as Charley is opening the basement storm door] Hey, Kid! What are you doing?

Charley Brewster: Nothin'...

Billy Cole: [Smiling menacingly] Oh, yeah? Well, just see that it stays that way... Kid.

Billy Cole: Well, what do we have here? Vampire-killers?

[Billy begins to ascend up the stairs, and Peter draws his gun]

Peter Vincent: Stop... Stop, or I'll shoot.

[Billy ignores him and continues to walk up the stairs]

Peter Vincent: I'm warning you. Don't force me to shoot!

[Billy still ignores him, and Peter shoots him point blank in the head. His body collides down the stairs as Jerry begins to sneak up behind Charley and Peter. Charley turns around and draws out his cross]

Charley Brewster: STOP!

[Jerry covers his eyes, whimpering]

Charley Brewster: We have him.

[Jerry removes his arm from his eyes and looks down at Billy's body at the bottom of the steps]

Jerry Dandrige: Do you?

[Jerry smiles and retreats; Charley and Peter are confused]

Charley Brewster: What did he mean by that?

Peter Vincent: Nothing! He was just bluffing.

[Behind them, Billy rises... from the dead!]