Mike Mathews Quotes in The Last Boy Scout (1991)

[Joe has just found out that Mike was sleeping with his wife]

Mike Mathews: It just happened, Joe. It...

Joe Hallenbeck: Sure, sure, I know... it just happened. Coulda happened to anybody. It was an accident, right? You tripped, slipped on the floor and accidentally stuck your dick in my wife. "Whoops! I'm so sorry, Mrs. H. I guess this just isn't my week."

Joe Hallenbeck: [Joe just found out that Mathews was having an affair with his wife] Head or gut, Mike?

Mike Mathews: Joe, how long have we been friends?

Joe Hallenbeck: I'd say roughly until you started banging my wife. Head or gut?

Mike Mathews: [sighs] Gut.

Joe Hallenbeck: [punches Mike in the gut] Got that address for me?

Mike Mathews: [out of breath] Huh?

Joe Hallenbeck: The surveillance job.

Mike Mathews: [still out of breath] You still want the job?

Joe Hallenbeck: 500 bucks is 500 bucks, Mike.

Mike Mathews: [gives Joe a picture of Cory] Yeah, I guess you're right.

Joe Hallenbeck: [looking at the picture] Cory, huh? You throw a shot into her too?

[Mike leaves]

Joe Hallenbeck: [to his neighbor's dog who keeps coming into his yard] Get the fuck out of here, go shit in your own yard.

Mike Mathews: [about Cory] She's hot, Joe. She rates a three on my finger scale. That means I'd cut off three of my fingers if God would let me fuck her.

Mike Mathews: [Mike is trying to offer Joe a case] So listen, I'm booked. You got plans?

Joe Hallenbeck: I'm thinking about smoking some cigarettes.

Mike Mathews: Could you postpone?

Joe Hallenbeck: These are pretty good cigarettes.