Vaughn Haige Quotes in My Super Ex-Girlfriend (2006)

[over the phone]

Matt Saunders: What's going on there?

Vaughn Haige: Some big fire on 73rd and Broadway. Everything's burning.

Matt Saunders: Is anyone hurt?

Vaughn Haige: I don't know, probably. It's blocking my way to the gym.

Matt Saunders: All my thoughts are with you in this time of crisis.

Matt Saunders: Hannah!

Vaughn Haige: Oh, man, I think she's dead. Time to start the grieving process.

Vaughn Haige: [Looking the word 'dick' burnt on Matt Saunders's forehead] Man! No woman's ever done that to me, and I actually am a dick.

[over the phone, as Vaughn watches G-Girl put out a fire by spinning up a whirlwind]

Vaughn Haige: It's G-Girl! She's doing her thing!

Matt Saunders: Are you serious? You lucky S.O.B., I've never seen her in person. How does she look?

Vaughn Haige: She looks...

Matt Saunders: What?

Vaughn Haige: ...blurry! But still pretty hot!

Vaughn Haige: Oh, no no. Don't tell me. You have invaded the female nation and spread your democracy.

Matt Saunders: I find your argument both repugnant and intriguing.

Vaughn Haige: That's kind of my thing.

Matt Saunders: If you could have any superpower, what would it be?

Vaughn Haige: The ability to gratify myself orally.

Matt Saunders: Interesting. But wouldn't that be a little...

Matt Saunders, Vaughn Haige: Gay.

Vaughn Haige: No.

Matt Saunders: Yeah.

Vaughn Haige: Not at all. Think about it.

Matt Saunders: Really? It seems that way.

Vaughn Haige: There are 3 moments I'll remember 'til the day I die. 1: the look on my father's face when I graduated from Harvard law school. 2: Helping a beached mother whale give birth. And... 3: You and me, together, here, tonight.

Shapely Bartender: Don't speak to me again... ever.