Toula Portokalos Quotes in My Big Fat Greek Wedding (2002)

Toula Portokalos: Ma, Dad is so stubborn. What he says goes. "Ah, the man is the head of the house!"

Maria Portokalos: Let me tell you something, Toula. The man is the head, but the woman is the neck. And she can turn the head any way she wants.

Toula Portokalos: I had to go to Greek school, where I learned valuable lessons such as, "If Nick has one goat and Maria has nine, how soon will they marry?"

Toula Portokalos: I woke up with this huge zit this morning.

Ian Miller: Where?

Toula Portokalos: [points to spot on face] There.

Ian Miller: I had a huge zit this morning!

Toula Portokalos: Really? Where?

Ian Miller: [points to his face] Well, it was there, but it's gone now.

Toula Portokalos: Why?

Ian Miller: I put some Windex on it.

Ian Miller: What do you do for Christmas with your family?

Toula Portokalos: Uh, my mom makes roast lamb.

Ian Miller: Mmm... with mint jelly?

Toula Portokalos: No.

[pause]

Ian Miller: And...?

Toula Portokalos: And...

[pause]

Toula Portokalos: I'm Greek, right?

Ian Miller: Right?

Toula Portokalos: So, what happens is my dad and uncles, they fight over who gets to eat the lamb brain. And then my aunt Voula forks the eyeball and chases me around with it, try to get me to eat it, 'cause it's gonna make me smart. So, you have two cousins, I have 27 first cousins. Just 27 first cousins alone! And my whole family is big and loud. And everybody is in each other's lives and business. All the time! Like, you never just have a minute alone, just to think, 'Cause we're always together, just eating, eating, eating! The only other people we know are Greeks, 'cause Greeks marry Greeks to breed more Greeks, to be loud breeding Greek eaters.

Ian Miller: Wow.

Maria Portokalos: Toula, on my wedding night, my mother, she said to me, "Greek women, we may be lambs in the kitchen, but we are tigers in the bedroom."

Toula Portokalos: Eww. Please let that be the end of your speech.

Toula Portokalos: There are three things that every Greek woman must do in life: marry Greek boys, make Greek babies, and feed everyone.

Aunt Voula: Ian, I'm Aunt Voula. Let me touch your hair. Oh, oh oh.

Toula Portokalos: Umm Aunt Voula.

Aunt Voula: Ok Ok. Why don't you come to my house and I cook for you

Toula Portokalos: That may be a problem.

Aunt Voula: Why it a problem? Don't you tell him I'm the best cook in the family?

Toula Portokalos: Oh, I did.

Ian Miller: Twice!

[they laugh]

Toula Portokalos: Ian is a vegetarian. He doesn't eat meat.

Aunt Voula: He don't eat no meat?

Toula Portokalos: No, he doesn't eat meat.

Aunt Voula: WHAT DO YOU MEAN HE DON'T EAT NO MEAT?

[the room goes silent]

Aunt Voula: Oh that's ok, That's ok, I make lamb!

Maria Portokalos: We must let Kosta think this was his idea.

Aunt Voula: All right, I know.

Maria Portokalos: That he came up with it.

Aunt Voula: All right.

Toula Portokalos: Ma, he's gonna figure it out.

Maria Portokalos: Don't you worry.

Aunt Voula: Okay, I know what to do you.

Maria Portokalos: You don't know what to do. You talk, talk, talk, all the time!

Aunt Voula: Do you want my help?

Maria Portokalos: Yes, I want your help!

Aunt Voula: Tell me what to say. But don't tell me what to say.

Maria Portokalos: Perfect!

Toula Portokalos: [Seeing her cousins walk into the restaurant arguing] My cousins have two volumes; Loud and Louder!

Nick Portokalos: Don't let your past dictate who you are, but let it be part of who you will become.

Toula Portokalos: Nick that's beautiful.

Nick Portokalos: Yeah that dear Abby really knows what she's talking about.

[during Ian's baptism]

Nick Portokalos: See? This isn't so bad.

Toula Portokalos: Are you kidding? Any second now he's gonna look at me and go, "Ha. Yeah, right, you're so not worth this."

Nick Portokalos: Yes, you are.

Gus Portokalos: [crying] Why you want to leave me?

Toula Portokalos: I'm not leaving you! Don't you want me to do something with my life?

Gus Portokalos: Yes! Get married, make babies! You look so... old!

Yianni: Ian, if you're gonna be in this family, I get you some earplugs because the Portokalos women, if they're not nagging someone... THEY DIE!

Toula Portokalos: Ah, you're in so much trouble when I tell my sister!

Athena: Tell me what?

Toula Portokalos: [Pointing to Ian's bruised nose] What happened? Biker fight? nose job? What?

Ian Miller: Uh... yeah.

Toula Portokalos: No, really.

Ian Miller: You don't want to know.

Toula Portokalos: Oh I don't know. If I had survived an old lady ass-kicking I would want to brag about it.

[seeing herself in her wedding gown for the first time]

Toula Portokalos: I'm a snow beast!

Toula Portokalos: [narrating] My dad believed in two things: That Greeks should educate non Greeks about being Greek and every ailment from psoriasis to poison ivy can be cured with Windex.

Toula Portokalos: When I was growing up, I knew I was different. The other girls were blonde and delicate, and I was a swarthy six-year-old with sideburns.

Toula Portokalos: Nice Greek girls who don't find a husband, work in the family restaurant. So here I am, day after day, year after year, thirty and way past my expiration date.

[Toula is wearing a fancy dress for a secret date with Ian]

Gus Portokalos: Where are you going?

Toula Portokalos: I'm taking a pottery class.

Gus Portokalos: Ah! The Greeks invented pottery. Hmph.

[Ian reads the wedding invitation]

Ian Miller: My parents' names are Rodney and Harriet.

Toula Portokalos: [horrified] Rodney and HARRY!

Nick Portokalos: We didn't notice, so maybe they won't.

Ian Miller: I know this great place... Zorba something... anyway, I'd love to take you there if you'd like to go.

Toula Portokalos: Uh, that place, Dancing Zorba's...

Ian Miller: Dancing Zorba's!

Toula Portokalos: My family kinda owns that place.

Ian Miller: [looking at her closely] I remember you. You're that waitress.

Toula Portokalos: Seating hostess, actually.

Ian Miller: I remember you.

Toula Portokalos: Look, I was going through a phase. I was Frump Girl.

Ian Miller: I don't remember Frump Girl, but I remember you.

Toula Portokalos: Why?... Why do you love me?

Ian Miller: Because I came alive when I met you

Toula Portokalos: If nagging were an Olympic sport, my Aunt Voula would win a gold medal!

[last lines]

Paris Miller: Mom, I want to go to Brownies.

Toula Portokalos: I know. I know. But I promise you this. You can marry anybody you want.

Ian Miller: [to Toula] Ah, thanks, baby.

[to Paris]

Ian Miller: Greek school. Pame! What's that mean?

Paris Miller: Let's go.

Ian Miller: Let's go.

Toula Portokalos: That's pretty good.

Ian Miller: Looking good, Gus.

Toula Portokalos: Hi, dad.

Gus Portokalos: Where you going?

Toula Portokalos: Greek school.

Toula Portokalos: [about her brother] My brother Nick has two jobs; one to cook and to marry a Greek Virgin.

Toula Portokalos: [Watching her sister come into the restuarant with her kids] My sister married young and became a Greek Baby Breeding Machine!

Toula Portokalos: [narrating] We told my grandma the war was over, but she still slept with a knife under her pillow.

Toula Portokalos: Nice Greek girls are supposed to do three things in life: marry Greek boys, make Greek babies, and feed everyone... until the day we die.

Toula Portokalos: [narration] My family is big and loud but they're my family. We fight and we laugh and yes, we roast lamb on a spit in the front yard. And where ever I go, what ever I do they will always be there.

Nick Portokalos: Hello ladies, fresh baklava!

[takes picture]

Nikki: [girls scream] Nick, give me the camera!

Nick Portokalos: Toula! Toula, help me, c'mon!

Nikki: No boys allowed!

Nick Portokalos: Oh, nice mustache, Nikki!

Nikki: Thank you!

Gus Portokalos: Niko, let's go, let's go.

Nick Portokalos: Dad, is that my tux?

Gus Portokalos: No, this one.

Toula Portokalos: Nick, go to the airport and pick up the band!

Nick Portokalos: Okay, okay.

Gus Portokalos: Hey, what is that thing?

Aunt Lexy: It's a mosquito bite.

Cousin Jennie: [runs, bumps into Nick] I've got the coverup!

Nick Portokalos: [as the girls girls cheer and leave ] You're all nuts!

Ian Miller: You're that waitress.

Toula Portokalos: Seating hostess, actually.