Ian Miller Quotes in My Big Fat Greek Wedding (2002)

Ian Miller: How do you say "thank you" in Greek?

[Nick tells him a Greek phrase: "Oréa viziá." Ian repeats it]

Ian Miller: [English translation] Nice boobs.

Toula Portokalos: I woke up with this huge zit this morning.

Ian Miller: Where?

Toula Portokalos: [points to spot on face] There.

Ian Miller: I had a huge zit this morning!

Toula Portokalos: Really? Where?

Ian Miller: [points to his face] Well, it was there, but it's gone now.

Toula Portokalos: Why?

Ian Miller: I put some Windex on it.

Ian Miller: What do you do for Christmas with your family?

Toula Portokalos: Uh, my mom makes roast lamb.

Ian Miller: Mmm... with mint jelly?

Toula Portokalos: No.

[pause]

Ian Miller: And...?

Toula Portokalos: And...

[pause]

Toula Portokalos: I'm Greek, right?

Ian Miller: Right?

Toula Portokalos: So, what happens is my dad and uncles, they fight over who gets to eat the lamb brain. And then my aunt Voula forks the eyeball and chases me around with it, try to get me to eat it, 'cause it's gonna make me smart. So, you have two cousins, I have 27 first cousins. Just 27 first cousins alone! And my whole family is big and loud. And everybody is in each other's lives and business. All the time! Like, you never just have a minute alone, just to think, 'Cause we're always together, just eating, eating, eating! The only other people we know are Greeks, 'cause Greeks marry Greeks to breed more Greeks, to be loud breeding Greek eaters.

Ian Miller: Wow.

Nick Portokalos: Listen, you know. I really think you should say: eho tria orchidea. It means: everyone, let's come in the house. I think everybody will really like it.

Ian Miller: [mispronouncing] Eho tria orchidea?

Nick Portokalos: Yeah! That's good! Very good! You got it!

Ian Miller: I'm not falling for that again, Nick.

Nick Portokalos: What?

Ian Miller: Yeah, what. Angelo? How do you say: everyone, let's go into the house?

Angelo: Eho tria orchidea!

Nick Portokalos: Hum?

Ian Miller: Everyone: eho tria orchidea!

[in Greek: "I have three testicles!" - everybody laughs and Taki looks at Ian's crotch, surprised]

Aunt Voula: Ian, I'm Aunt Voula. Let me touch your hair. Oh, oh oh.

Toula Portokalos: Umm Aunt Voula.

Aunt Voula: Ok Ok. Why don't you come to my house and I cook for you

Toula Portokalos: That may be a problem.

Aunt Voula: Why it a problem? Don't you tell him I'm the best cook in the family?

Toula Portokalos: Oh, I did.

Ian Miller: Twice!

[they laugh]

Toula Portokalos: Ian is a vegetarian. He doesn't eat meat.

Aunt Voula: He don't eat no meat?

Toula Portokalos: No, he doesn't eat meat.

Aunt Voula: WHAT DO YOU MEAN HE DON'T EAT NO MEAT?

[the room goes silent]

Aunt Voula: Oh that's ok, That's ok, I make lamb!

Ian Miller: May I please date your daughter?

Gus Portokalos: NO!

Toula Portokalos: [Pointing to Ian's bruised nose] What happened? Biker fight? nose job? What?

Ian Miller: Uh... yeah.

Toula Portokalos: No, really.

Ian Miller: You don't want to know.

Toula Portokalos: Oh I don't know. If I had survived an old lady ass-kicking I would want to brag about it.

Maria Portokalos: Ian, are you hungry?

Ian Miller: Uh no, I already ate.

Maria Portokalos: Okay, I make you something.

[Ian reads the wedding invitation]

Ian Miller: My parents' names are Rodney and Harriet.

Toula Portokalos: [horrified] Rodney and HARRY!

Nick Portokalos: We didn't notice, so maybe they won't.

Ian Miller: I know this great place... Zorba something... anyway, I'd love to take you there if you'd like to go.

Toula Portokalos: Uh, that place, Dancing Zorba's...

Ian Miller: Dancing Zorba's!

Toula Portokalos: My family kinda owns that place.

Ian Miller: [looking at her closely] I remember you. You're that waitress.

Toula Portokalos: Seating hostess, actually.

Ian Miller: I remember you.

Toula Portokalos: Look, I was going through a phase. I was Frump Girl.

Ian Miller: I don't remember Frump Girl, but I remember you.

Toula Portokalos: Why?... Why do you love me?

Ian Miller: Because I came alive when I met you

[last lines]

Paris Miller: Mom, I want to go to Brownies.

Toula Portokalos: I know. I know. But I promise you this. You can marry anybody you want.

Ian Miller: [to Toula] Ah, thanks, baby.

[to Paris]

Ian Miller: Greek school. Pame! What's that mean?

Paris Miller: Let's go.

Ian Miller: Let's go.

Toula Portokalos: That's pretty good.

Ian Miller: Looking good, Gus.

Toula Portokalos: Hi, dad.

Gus Portokalos: Where you going?

Toula Portokalos: Greek school.

Mike: [Leaving Dancing Zorba's] Come on, let's go, I'm giving a pop quiz and I can't wait to hear the groans!

Ian Miller: Wow! You're mean! I give a test on Hamlet but I give fair warning!

Ian Miller: You're that waitress.

Toula Portokalos: Seating hostess, actually.