Turds quotes:

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You can't polish a turd. -- Stephen King
that's as nutty as squirrel turds -- P. C. Cast
You're like a turd that won't flush. -- Dennis Hopper
Nobody makes a turd like that and lives. -- Mike Rowe
Never kick a fresh turd on a hot day. -- Harry S. Truman
If it's not working you can't polish a turd. -- Lee Unkrich
If you don't have a mobile strategy, you're in deep turd, -- Jen-Hsun Huang
Don't ever write a novel unless it hurts like a hot turd coming out. -- Charles Bukowski
Life is not like a box of chocolates unless there's a few turds in the box. -- Bill Maher
Childbirth is no more a miracle then eating food and a turd coming out of your ass. -- Bill Hicks
I'm the sort of loser who succeeds really well and then drops a turd in the punch bowl. -- Christopher Titus
I always say to my religious friends, if a pool had even one turd in it, would you jump in? -- Bill Maher
A woman's love is like the morning dew. It's just as likely to settle on a horse turd as a rose. -- Larry McMurtry
If I started thinking too much about how influential I've been, then I'd be more of a turd than I already am. -- Iggy Pop
[On journalists:] They are as disruptive a menace to the public body: as grating turds in the intestines are to the private body. -- Caitlin Thomas
So do you want a turd sandwich or a turd sandwich with mustard. I'd go with the mustard, but still, it's a turd sandwich. -- Cody Lundin
I like to think of myself as a regular guy, except I play football for a living. I try not to be an arrogant turd out there. -- Brian Urlacher
If we mix only a moderate minority share of turds with the raisins each year, probably no one will recognize what will ultimately become a very large collection of turds. -- Charlie Munger
The people of your century no longer require the service of composers. A composer is as useful to a person in a jogging suit as a dinsoaur turd in the middle of his runway. -- Frank Zappa
Although to be fair, cherry picking isn't quite what we do. Cherries are sweet and delicious. What we do is more turd mining. And I'll thank you to give our work the respect it deserves! -- Jon Stewart
The most hopeful thing in the stories, I hope, is wit. I make it up. If I make up a world in which we're ruled by big talking turds, it doesn't mean that we are. So you shouldn't feel depressed... -- George Saunders
I like to work with people who have a sense of putting a song over, and can sing in tune, and with passion. With technology you can polish a turd, but there's still no button you can press for passion. -- Tony Visconti
I was talking to my friend from New York yesterday, and I used the expression, 'You can't polish a turd'. He looked at me, disgusted, and said, 'No, you can't, but you can roll it in glitter'. He's a lovely guy but I wouldn't want to go to a craft fair with him -- Steve Williams
My wife, trying to be helpful, goes to the grocery store and buys this stuff called soy bacon. Let me tell you something: I know soy beans are good for a lot of things. Let's stay out of the bacon market! It says It looks and tastes like real bacon! No it doesn't! It tastes like somebody bacon-flavored a turd, that's what it tastes like! -- Bill Engvall
Made up of corallitic accretions and painful increments, lit on rare occasions by bolts of revelation, and then stuffed behind the wainscotting to grope in the mouse-turd dust, art is the equivalent of athlete's foot, at best an exquisite itch, at worst an excuse to stop walking. On the emotional side, it is either masturbation with a hockey glove or a night beneath the sliding moon that shames Eros. -- Harold Town
Don't pole-vault over mouse turds. -- Wayne Dyer
Neferet, you're nuttier than squirrel turds. -- P. C. Cast
When you mix raisins and turds, you've still got turds. -- Charlie Munger
Mushrooms grow on cow turds. I love that. I think that's why you giggle the first hour. -- Bill Hicks
As you swim the river of live, do the breast stroke. It helps to clear the turds from your path. -- George Carlin
When a writer is swayed with his fame and his fortune, you can float him down the river with the turds. -- Charles Bukowski
...and - holy shit was this song bad. It was like the singer was stabbing my ear with a dagger made of dried turds. -- David Wong

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