Funny Thanksgiving quotes:

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Some people are absolutely funny and you want to wish them Happy Thanksgiving in funniest way possible. Here is the list of Funny Thanksgiving sayings. Just chose the quote you want to wish that person. Vegetables are a must on a diet. I suggest carrot cake, zucchini bread and pumpkin pie. -- Jim Davis
No One Diets on Thanksgiving. -- Erma Bombeck
The thankful receiver bears a plentiful harvest. -- William Blake
There is no sincerer love than the love of food. -- George Bernard Shaw
Thanksgiving, man. Not a good day to be my pants. -- Kevin James
Gratitude is the fairest blossom which springs from the soul. -- Henry Ward Beecher
I come from a family where gravy is considered a beverage. -- Erma Bombeck
Cooking Tip: Wrap turkey leftovers in aluminum foil and throw them out. -- Nicole Hollander
My cooking is so bad my kids thought Thanksgiving was to commemorate Pearl Harbor. -- Phyllis Diller
It took me three weeks to stuff the turkey. I stuffed it through the beak. -- Phyllis Diller
I love chicken. I would eat chicken fingers on Thanksgiving if it were socially acceptable. -- Todd Barry
A lot of Thanksgiving days have been ruined by not carving the turkey in the kitchen. -- Kin Hubbard
Vegetables are a must on a diet. I suggest carrot cake, zucchini bread, and pumpkin pie. -- Jim Davis
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You can tell you ate too much for Thanksgiving when you have to let your bathrobe out. -- Jay Leno
Thanksgiving dinners take eighteen hours to prepare. They are consumed in twelve minutes. Half-times take twelve minutes. This is not coincidence. -- Erma Bombeck
I like football. I find its an exciting strategic game. Its a great way to avoid conversation with your family at Thanksgiving. -- Craig Ferguson
If you want to save a species, simply decide to eat it. Then it will be managed - like chickens, like turkeys, like deer, like Canadian geese. -- Ted Nugent
You know that just before that first Thanksgiving dinner there was one wise, old Native American woman saying, Don't feed them. If you feed them, they'll never leave. -- Dylan Brody
I celebrated Thanksgiving in an old-fashioned way. I invited everyone in my neighborhood to my house, we had an enormous feast, and then I killed them and took their land. -- Jon Stewart
Ever since you're little you hear this: 'The pilgrims left England to escape religious persecution and sneak religious freedom into the new world.' But even when you're little you're like, 'Umm.. Bullsh*t?' -- Greg Proops
It was dramatic to watch my grandmother decapitate a turkey with an ax the day before Thanksgiving. Nowadays the expense of hiring grandmothers for the ax work would probably qualify all turkeys so honored with gourmet status. -- Russell Baker
Thanksgiving is the day when you turn to another family member and say, 'How long has Mom been drinking like this?' My Mom, after six Bloody Marys looks at the turkey and goes, 'Here, kitty, kitty.' -- David Letterman
It must be an odd feeling to be thankful to nobody in particular. Christians in public institutions often see this odd thing happening on Thanksgiving Day. Everyone in the institution seems to be thankful 'in general.' It's very strange. It's a little like being married in general. -- Cornelius Plantinga
Thanksgiving is a magical time of year when families across the country join together to raise America's obesity statistics. Personally, I love Thanksgiving traditions: watching football, making pumpkin pie, and saying the magic phrase that sends your aunt storming out of the dining room to sit in her car. -- Stephen Colbert
I have strong doubts that the first Thanksgiving even remotely resembled the 'history' I was told in second grade. But considering that (when it comes to holidays) mainstream America's traditions tend to be over-eating, shopping, or getting drunk, I suppose it's a miracle that the concept of giving thanks even surfaces at all. -- Ellen Orleans

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