Funny Graduation quotes:

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There is no delete button for bigotry. -- Tom Brokaw
A professor is someone who talks in someone else's sleep. -- W. H. Auden
Live all of your life. Understand it, see it, appreciate it. And have fun. -- Joss Whedon
Try putting your iPhones down every once in a while and look at people's faces. -- Amy Poehler
There's no half-singing in the shower, you're either a rock star or an opera diva. -- Josh Groban
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I too turned to Webster's Dictionary and it defined Harvard University as a season for gathering crops. -- Andy Samberg
If you can imagine it, you can achieve it. If you can dream it, you can become it. -- William Arthur Ward
I have never been jealous. Not even when my dad finished fifth grade a year before I did. -- Jeff Foxworthy
When I made coffee and Xeroxed and distributed newspapers at ABC News, I thought my life was over. -- Katie Couric
... a relentless focus on the outward markers of success can lead to complacency. It can make you lazy. -- Barack Obama
So, what's it like in the real world? Well, the food is better, but beyond that, I don't recommend it. -- Bill Watterson
... I could have said something profound, but you would have forgotten it in 15 minutes - which is the afterlife of a graduation speech. -- Art Buchwald
My favorite animal is the turtle. The reason is that in order for the turtle to move, it has to stick its neck out. -- Ruth Westheimer
I can tell you how bad our boards are... I don't have to watch Saturday Night Live anymore; I just go to the board meetings. -- Carl Icahn
Pay off your student loan. Even if you don't have a job...Because when you finally get a job you're going to be one of us. -- Bill Cosby
Learn to trust yourself. That's very vital. ... Just stand with yourself. Remember, in his lifetime, Van Gogh sold only two paintings. I personally sold even fewer. -- Eric Idle
A graduation ceremony is an event where the commencement speaker tells thousands of students dressed in identical caps and gowns that 'individuality' is the key to success. -- Robert Orben
I've observed a few things about the few really great people I've had a chance to meet and cover...They need to be around people. You and I require sleep. They require people. -- David Brooks
As you set off into the world, don't be afraid to question your leaders. But don't ask too many questions at one time or that are too hard because your leaders get tired and/or cranky. -- Will Ferrell
Now I usually try not to give advice. Information, yes, advice, no. But, what has worked for me may not work for you. Well, take for instance what has worked for me. Wigs. Tight clothes. Push-up bras. -- Dolly Parton
When I was here there was still a requirement that students had to swim 50 yards to graduate...because Harry Elkins Widener had drowned with the sinking of the Titanic. And it made me very grateful at the time that he had not gone down in a plane crash. -- Barney Frank
In 1986, our commencement speaker was George Schultz, secretary of state, fourth in line to the president. You get me-basic cable's second most popular fake newsman. At this rate, the class of 2021 will be addressed by a zoo parrot in a mortar-board that has been trained to say "congratulations. -- Stephen Colbert
Whatever you choose, however many roads you travel, I hope that you choose not to be a lady. I hope you will find some way to break the rules and make a little trouble out there. And I also hope that you will choose to make some of that trouble on behalf of women. -- Nora Ephron

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