Amy Poehler quotes:

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  • Tina Fey and I have 15 things in development: 'Laverne and Shirley', 'Starsky and Hutch 3', 'Cagney and Lacey', 'Wonder Twins Activate From Two Hot Broads', 'Little House on the Prairie: The Musical: The Movie'.

  • I used to get my hair dyed at a place called Big Hair. It cost $15. They just used straight bleach, so my hair was the color of white lined paper, and my eyebrows looked like they were done with a thick black marker.

  • In a recent Valentine's Day posting on her fan website, Britney Spears says that - oh, who cares?

  • Don't treat your heart like an action figure wrapped in plastic and never used. And don't try to give me that nerd argument that your heart is a 'Batman' with a limited-edition silver bat-erang and therefore if it stays in its original packing it increases in value.

  • Improvisation is almost like the retarded cousin in the comedy world. We've been trying forever to get improvisation on TV. It's just like stand-up. It's best when it's just left alone. It doesn't translate always on TV. It's best live.

  • Great people do things before they're ready. They do things before they know they can do it. Doing what you're afraid of, getting out of your comfort zone, taking risks like that - that is what life is. You might be really good. You might find out something about yourself that's really special and if you're not good, who cares? You tried something. Now you know something about yourself.

  • I cannot stress enough that the answer to life's questions is often in people's faces. Try putting your iPhones down once in a while, and look in people's faces. People's faces will tell you amazing things. Like if they are angry, or nauseous or asleep.

  • Always remember your kid's name. Always remember where you put your kid. Don't let your kid drive until their feet can reach the pedals. Use the right size diapers... for yourself. And, when in doubt, make funny faces.

  • Try to keep your mind open to possibilities and your mouth closed on matters that you don't know about. Limit your 'always' and your 'nevers.'

  • I've said this before, that, when you're in school and you're the class clown, men are really good at making fun at other people and women are really good at making fun of themselves.

  • I lived in Chicago for a few years and got a sense of - kind of that broad-shouldered, windy, um, stern, Midwestern, warm-slash-passive aggressive, wonderful - every adjective I can think of, very cold.

  • Both conservatives and liberals watch 'Parks and Recreation,' and they each think the show is for them, which is really cool. 'SNL' was totally different. It was exciting because everyone was paying attention. Political humor works when people know what you're talking about.

  • You deserve love and you'll get it.

  • I've always dreamed of growing up to be Amy Poehler.

  • Sometimes in my class I have people come in and do monologues inspired by people they know and I always find that to be useful to do specifics about somebody and then you're actually doing a character and not doing some random old lady or something.

  • When you're a stay-at-home mother you have to pretend it's really boring, but it's not. It's enriching and fulfilling, and an amazing experience. And then when you're a working mother you have to pretend that you feel guilty all day long.

  • I think the days of putting your feet up when you're pregnant are long gone. Women who are nine months pregnant now have to work till the bitter end - they don't get to be on TV.

  • So, if you're doing good longform with talented people than you can step out and you can be the president or a construction worker and people accept that. It's really the roles you give yourself.

  • I have to say I enjoy physical comedy and I've always loved to kind of take risks. I don't like worrying too much about how I look or how I come across, so that can sometimes... You know, I like to play those kinds of deluded but fun characters.

  • The earlier you learn that you should focus on what you have, and not obsess about what you don't have, the happier you will be.

  • It likes it when you don't depend on it. It will reward you every time you don't act needy. It will chase you if you act like other things (passion, friendship, family, longevity) are more important to you. If your career is a bad boyfriend, it is healthy to remember you can always leave and go sleep with somebody else.

  • It's not communism, it's shouldn't be that everybody gets a try no matter how good or bad they are. It's our profession and our art, so we should eventually strive to be working with the best people.

  • Your career and your passion don't always match up.

  • I think real life couples on screen are kind of deadly. For the most part, they're kind of deadly. You'd be surprised. Unless they're falling in love onscreen for the first time, you don't have quite the same energy for some reason.

  • Right now I'm singing along to books on tape. I typically pop in something like Stephen King's 'The Stand,' and I love singing along to that kind of stuff.

  • I was the daughter of teachers, so school was always very important. I liked it.

  • I was trapped in an awful spiral of insecure narcissism

  • You can only move if you are actually in the moment. You have to be where you are to get where you need to go.

  • Treat your career like a bad boyfriend. Your career wont take care of you. It won't call you back or introduce you to its parents. Your career will openly flirt with other people while you are around.

  • You are all so good and I wish I were better. Now get out of here because I want to be where you are.

  • If your career is a bad boyfriend, it is healthy to remember you can always leave and go sleep with somebody else.

  • Creativity is connected to your passion, that light inside you that drives you. . . . Your creativity is not a bad boyfriend. It is a really warm older Hispanic lady who has a beautiful laugh and loves to hug.

  • When I had a job catering, I catered a wedding for the Smashing Pumpkins bassist in Indiana. And I served Billy Corgan shrimp off a tray.

  • Telling me to relax or smile when I'm angry is like bringing a birthday cake into an ape sanctuary. You're just asking to get your nose and genitals bitten off.

  • A top McCain policy adviser claimed this week that McCain's work in the Senate helped create the BlackBerry, saying, 'You're looking at the miracle that John McCain helped create.' He then handed the BlackBerry to McCain, who attempted to withdraw $20 from it.

  • I ate two waffles, a banana and cereal with blueberries. And that whas between my two breakfasts.

  • There's only, like, five perfectly symmetrical people in the world, and they're all movie stars, and they should be, because their faces are very pleasing to look at, but the rest of us are just a jangle of stuff, and the earlier you learn that you should focus on what you have and not obsess about what you don't have, the happier you will be.

  • I just love bossy women. I could be around them all day. To me, bossy is not a pejorative term at all. It means somebody's passionate and engaged and ambitious and doesn't mind leading.

  • Whenever I read stories of people doing huge pranks on set, all I think is, 'These people have too much time on their hands.' Besides, I don't want to make some poor assistant clean up someone's trailer after I've filled it with, say, Cadbury eggs. See? I can't even think of a good prank.

  • We don't want to be afraid to make a choice because we're afraid to make a mistake because most decisions aren't final. Feelings change all the time. You can always change your mind and taking risks and making choices is what makes life so exciting because we never know what's going to happen. Every day something new comes our way.

  • Prince Harry this week toured the Jersey Shore with New Jersey Governor Chris Christie. It was the first meeting between the Prince, of the House of Windsor, and the Governor, of the House of Pancake.

  • As you navigate through the rest of your life, be open to collaboration. Other people and other people's ideas are often better than your own. Find a group of people who challenge and inspire you, spend a lot of time with them, and it will change your life.

  • I am interested in people who swim in the deep end. I want to have conversations about real things with people who have experienced real things. I'm tired of talking about movies and gossiping about friends. Life is crunchy and complicated and all the more delicious.

  • Anybody who doesn't make you feel good, kick them to the curb. And the earlier you start in your life, the better.

  • Be easy on yourself. Have fun. Only hang around people that are positive and make you feel good. Anybody who doesn't make you feel good, kick them to the curb. And the earlier you start in your life the better. The minute anybody makes you feel weird and non-included or not supported, you know, either beat it or tell them to beat it.

  • Watching great people do what you love is a good way to start learning how to do it yourself.

  • Just breathe. Sometimes you're only a few breaths away from feeling better.

  • An interesting thing about the beginning of our friendship and professional collaboration [with Tina Fey] was that the improve scenes we would do together were basically dramatic and not funny at all.

  • We have to agree beforehand to divide the funniest lines between us. But Tina [Fey] is so brilliant that I just love every moment working with her and also just hanging out together as friends.

  • When in doubt, make funny faces.

  • Try putting your iPhones down every once in a while and look at people's faces.

  • Believe me, blond hair can take you really far, especially with the older men. It can really distract from the face. I am convinced I could have had sex with both Tony Bennett and John McCain if we weren't each happily married at the time we all met.

  • Nobody looks stupid when they are having fun.

  • Your ability to navigate and tolerate change and its painful uncomfortablene ss directly correlates to your happiness and general well-being. See what I just did there? I saved you thousands of dollars on self-help books. If you can surf your life rather than plant your feet, you will be happier.

  • The only thing we can depend on in life is that everything changes. The seasons, our partners, what we want and need. We hold hands with out high school friends and swear to never lose touch, and then we do.Change is the only constant. Your ability to navigate and tolerate change and its painful uncomfortableness directly correlates to your happiness and general well-being.

  • Creativity is connected to your passion, that light inside you that drives you. That joy that comes when you do something you love. That small voice that tells you, 'I like this. Do this again. You are good at it. Keep going.' That is the juicy stuff that lubricates our lives and helps us feel less alone in the world.

  • I worked at an ice cream parlor called Chadwicks. We wore old-timey outfits and had to bang a drum, play a kazoo, and sing 'Happy Birthday' to people while giving them free birthday sundaes. Lots of ice cream scooping and $1 tips.

  • Hey, guess what? Turns out the free market? Not so free. Wall Street was hit hard Monday when Lehman Brothers filed for bankruptcy, Merrill Lynch was sold to Bank of America, and insurance giant AIG neared a collapse of its own. Basically, if your commercials air during golf tournaments, you're done.

  • Taking risks and making choices is what makes life so exciting.

  • According to Washington insiders, White House Press Secretary Scott McClellan could be the next official to leave the Bush administration. McClellan says he'd like to spend more time lying for his family

  • In the wake of newly-alleged prisoner abuse this week, Senator John McCain said that continued mistreatment of Iraqi prisoners is hurting the nation's image. Also hurting the nation's image: letting people drown when it rains.

  • I want to be around people that do things. I don't want to be around people anymore that judge or talk about what people do. I want to be around people who dream and support and do things.

  • There's power in looking silly and not caring that you do.

  • I had no idea how to get guys to notice me. I still don't. Who cares?

  • Opening your heart and being courageous and telling people that you care about them or like them or that you think they're special only makes you a better, bigger, kinder, softer, more loving person, and only attracts more love into your life.

  • My phone is trying to kill me. It is a battery-charged rectangle of disappointment and possibility. It is a technological pacifier.

  • Sometimes painful things can teach us lessons that we didn't think we needed to know.

  • Career is the stringing together of opportunities and jobs. Mix in public opinion and past regrets. Add a dash of future panic and a whole lot of financial uncertainty. Career is something that fools you into thinking you are in control and then takes pleasure in reminding you that you aren't. Career is the thing that will not fill you up and will never make you truly whole.

  • In my twenties I tried cocaine, which I instantly loved but eventually hated. Cocaine is terrific if you want to hang out with people you don't know very well and play Ping-Pong all night. It's bad for almost everything else.

  • Don't treat your heart like an action figure wrapped in plastic and never used.

  • Saying "yes" doesn't mean I don't know how to say no, and saying "please" doesn't mean I am waiting for permission.

  • I love saying 'yes' and I love saying 'please.' Saying 'yes' doesn't mean I don't know how to say no, and saying 'please' doesn't mean I am waiting for permission. 'Yes please' sounds powerful and concise. It's a response and a request. It is not about being a good girl; it is about being a real woman.

  • If I wanted to see Jonah Hill masturbate at a pool party, I'd go to one of Jonah Hill's pool parties.

  • Vulnerable people are powerful people. Opening your heart and sharing it means you're going to get so much love in your life. and it's the way to true connection and real purpose and meaning in your life, in my opinion.

  • Most of the women in your life will outlast the men in your life. The Saturday Night Live ladies - Maya Rudolph, Rachel Dratch, Tina - and I text pictures of our kids back and forth all the time. It keeps us connected. As my nanny used to say, the older you get, the more important it is to know people that knew you when.

  • I'm going to do 'The Social Network Two: The Electric Boogaloo.' And I have a part in 'Beige Swan.' I'm going to be the lead, but I don't dance. I just do a lot of sitting down. It's too tiring to get up and dance around. That should be coming out in 20-never.

  • I had already made a decision early on that I would be a plain girl with lots of personality, and accepting it made everything a lot easier. If you are lucky, there is a moment in your life when you have some say as to what your currency is going to be.

  • You never know what's around the corner unless you peek. Hold someone's hand while you do it. You will feel less scared.

  • Continue to share your heart with people even if it's been broken.

  • I've grown tired of smoke and mirrors. I yearn for the clean, well-lighted place.

  • I have a boyfriend who knows how to settle me. He puts his hand on my chest and tells me boring stories. On one of our first nights together I woke up apologizing for my snoring and he pulled out two earplugs he had worn to bed so he could hear what I was saying.

  • When you're doing sketch comedy and you're pregnant, it's like wearing a giant sombrero in every sketch.

  • Ladies like improv stilts, and I think men like improv giant cocks. But one of the great things about improv is that you get to play some roles you'd never get to play otherwise, you know, like the old Italian pizza-maker who's passing on the business down to his son. You get to play it all when you improvise.

  • Stop whining about getting old. It's a privilege. A lot of people who are dead wish they were still alive.

  • Doing what you're afraid of, getting out of your comfort zone, taking risks like that- that's what life is.

  • If you do a scene and you really like a character in it or a premise in it to write it down and to work on it so that you can have five or six characters that you can pull out in an audition.

  • It takes years as a woman to unlearn what you have been taught to be sorry for.

  • Girls have to fight against a lot of the same stuff we did growing up... peer pressure, exploitation, etc. But what worries me the most is this trend that caring about something isn't cool. That it's better to comment on something than to commit to it. That it's so much cooler to be unmotivated and indifferent.

  • Your career and your passion don't always match up. Plenty of talented people don't have the careers they want. Plenty of untalented people make millions and make movies. There is a difference between determination and talent.

  • I find that, in general, the amount of sharing men do with each other in one year is about the same as what I share with my female friends while we wait for our cars at the valet.

  • Earlier today former Vermont Governor Howard Dean became the new head of the Democratic National Committee -- no word on who will be the neck.

  • We need to remember what's important in life: friends, waffles, work. Or waffles, friends, work, it doesn't matter. But work is third.

  • I hate Halloween. I hate dressing up. I hate - I wear wigs, makeup, costumes every day. Halloween is like, my least favorite holiday.

  • When you do talk about yourself, or to yourself... try to picture you talking to your own daughter, or your younger sister. Because you would tell your younger sister or your daughter that she is beautiful, and you wouldn't be lying. Because she is. And so are you.

  • I am a firm believer that every few years one needs to shake one's life through a sieve, like a miner in the Yukon. The gold nuggets remain. The rest falls through like the soft earth it is.

  • I really liked the idea of playing that kind of optimistic, super-intense, go-get-'em spirit combined with being a little bit of an outsider. I am really drawn to girls of that age in general, who believe they can be a waitress, scientist, actress, a dentist, a zookeeper...and who really aren't boy-crazy.

  • There's something so romantic about being broke in New York. You gotta do it. You have to live there once without any money, and then you have to live there when you have money. Let me tell you, of the two, the latter is far better.

  • I also think if you're an actor and you can improvise, when you go on an audition and you can improvise you're just a genius. If you can, you know, take a Tide commercial and you can just say one funny line that's not in the commercial they think you're a genius.

  • I get a little itchy if I don't have some control.

  • I would love to do a serious period drama. Oh, absolutely. I mean, you'll find most comedians want to do more serious stuff, most musicians want to be comedians, and most serious actors want to be musicians.

  • Forgiveness is something that's always possibility.

  • Find a group of people who challenge and inspire you, spend a lot of time with them, and it will change your life.

  • It's very hard to watch comedy for me, when I'm doing a comedy show, because I either watch a show and I love it, and I'm jealous, or I watch a show and I see all the problems with it, and I'm angry that I watched it.

  • No one looks stupid when they're having fun.

  • I find my relationships at 40-plus are really emulsified, juicy relationships because you have more of a sense of who you are and who you want to be around.

  • If you can speak about what you care about to a person you disagree with without denigrating them or insulting them, then you may actually be heard.

  • [At Boston College] I started working on the kinds of skills that you need for comedy. It's about being creative and learning to use your gift for being able to let loose and be very unself-conscious. It took me time though before I was really able to get comfortable doing that.

  • Any time you talk to anyone about something that they love, they're, like, their most beautiful. It's a cool gift to get to talk to people about what they love.

  • I really do believe that anything in life, any obstacle or challenge, can be made better with humor.

  • I had to come to terms with how I saw myself. I had to understand that I wasn't pretty or beautiful like most actresses and that I shouldn't care about whether other people found me attractive or not.

  • A person's tragedy does not make up their entire life. A story carves deep grooves into our brains each time we tell it. But we aren't one story. We can change our stories. We can write our own.

  • I like the person who commits and goes all in and takes big swings and then maybe fails or looks stupid; who jumps and falls down, rather than the person who points at the person who fell, and laughs.

  • The truth is, writing is this: hard and boring and occasionally great but usually not.

  • It seems a strange thing, but once I was able to get past that kind of self-image problem, I was able to open up in my comedy work and just go all out, take chances, and have fun with the performance aspect of that.

  • Other people are not medicine.

  • The minute anyone makes you feel weird and non-included or not supported, you know, either beat it or tell them to beat it.

  • To some people, not caring is supposed to be cool, commenting is more interesting than doing, and everything is judged and then disposed of in, like, five minutes. I'm not interested in those kinds of people. I like the person who commits and goes all in and takes big swings and then maybe fails or looks stupid; who jumps and falls down, rather than the person who points at the person who fell, and laughs. But I do sometimes laugh when people fall down.

  • Anyone who has the kind of inventive and inspired comic sensibility to be able to do that kind of work must be pretty talented.

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