Scott Calvin/Santa Claus Quotes in The Santa Clause 2 (2002)

Abby: It's... Charlie.

Scott Calvin/Santa Claus: [Obliviously] Sheen? I thought he straightened out?

Abby: Not that Charlie.

Scott Calvin/Santa Claus: My Charlie. My son Charlie? He's on the naughty list? There's gotta be a mistake.

Principal Carol Newman: Well, maybe if you spent more time with your son, there would be fewer problems.

Scott Calvin/Santa Claus: Maybe, but then I wouldn't get to spend more time with you. It's always such a pleasure.

Principal Carol Newman: Oh, a battle of wits. It's a shame that you come unarmed.

Bernard: OK, Chet. This is it. You ready to rock and roll?

Principal Carol Newman: Chet?

Bernard: Yeah. He's still in training.

Scott Calvin/Santa Claus: How much flight time has he had?

Bernard: About a minute and a half.

Curtis, the Experimental Elf: Yeah but he's had a lotta crash time.

Scott Calvin/Santa Claus: Curtis.

Curtis, the Experimental Elf: He's just a baby.

Scott Calvin/Santa Claus: I have to get married?

Bernard: Yes. It's the Mrs. Clause.

Scott Calvin/Santa Claus: Hey party animal, you wanna play?

Principal Carol Newman: [wondering how toys like Toss Across have magically appeared] I just can't figure it out.

Scott Calvin/Santa Claus: It's tic-tac-toe with beanbags.

Principal Carol Newman: No, I mean the Secret Santa thing. Someone tracked down and bought all those wonderful antique toys.

Scott Calvin/Santa Claus: Probably someone that knows his way around eBay.

Scott Calvin/Santa Claus: Why didn't Bernard come tell me this?

Curtis, the Experimental Elf: He's under house arrest!

Scott Calvin/Santa Claus: [shocked] Bernard?

Principal Carol Newman: I owe you one.

Scott Calvin/Santa Claus: It's a great party. Look. That guy moved.

Scott Calvin/Santa Claus: Hey Cupid, why don't you shoot me with one of your darts and then I'll fall in love?

Cupid: First of all, they're not darts, they're arrows. Second of all, no can do.

Scott Calvin/Santa Claus: Why not?

Cupid: Because they have no effect on us. Believe me, if they did, I would've shot myself in the butt, met a nice girl, left business years ago.

Scott Calvin/Santa Claus: [Comet passes gas] Whoa! Eat some roughage, will you?

Scott Calvin/Santa Claus: [indicating a faulty toy kangaroo] Alexander, let's think. Take the hat off.

[Alexander removes hat, kangaroo hops easily]

Scott Calvin/Santa Claus: Too much counterweight.

Elf with Kangaroo: Thanks, Santa - you're the man.

Scott Calvin/Santa Claus: That's why they gave me the big belly, so I don't fall over.

[laughs]