Police Officer Quotes in xXx (2002)

[Xander Cage drives a stolen Corvette, which belongs to senator Dick Hotchkiss, and is chased by the police]

Police Officer: You, in the red Corvette! Pull over immediately.

Xander Cage: Yeah, yeah. These monkeys are following me because I just took this car. Obviously the car doesn't belong to me, it's not my style. It belongs to Dick. Dick Hotchkiss, a California state senator. You remember Dick? He's the guy who tried to ban rap music because he feels that the lyrics promote violence. It's music, Dick! He's also the guy who wants to pull every video game off every shop in the country, because he feels that the video games diminishing intelligence of our youth. Oh, come on, Dick. It's only education we got. Dick, you're a bad man. You know what we do to bad men. We punish them. Dick, you've just entered The Xander Zone.

[on the walkie talkie]

Xander Cage: Okay, I'm coming in hot with a side of bacon.

Hillside Video Shooter: Go. Go, go, go, go!

[Xander jumps with the Corvette off the bridge]

Van Video Shooter: Pull it! Pull it!

[Xander jumps out of the Corvette with a parachute]

Van Video Shooter: Yes!

[the Corvette falls on the surface and explodes while the three guys in a Cadillac arrive to pick up Xander and the equipment]

Caddy Driver: Go get the cameras. Go, go, go.

Xander Cage: Moral of the story is, don't be a dick, Dick.

[first lines]

Police Officer: All units. All units. Code 3 pursuit of 2-11 white SUV heading east on Alameda service road. Suspects: three Asian males. Request back-up immediately. Be advised. Shots fired. Shots fired.

Police Officer: [cops drive up after the drug dealer shoot-out] Whaddaya got, Riggs?

Martin Riggs: There's three down, and one loose in here, he's got black hair and a red shirt...

Police Officer: Okay, let's go! I'm coverin' the left side...

[Riggs weaves around through Christmas trees, and the 3rd dealer jumps him]

Drug Dealer #3: Freeze! Freeze! Gimme the gun!

[to Riggs, holding a gun to his head]

Drug Dealer #3: How's it feel, sucker?

Martin Riggs: Hey... shoot 'im!

Police Officer: Drop it, prick!

Martin Riggs: Hey, shoot him! Shoot him! Shoot him! Will somebody shoot this prick? Shoot 'im! Shoot 'im!

Drug Dealer #3: Shut the fuck up!

Policewoman: [drawing a bead on the dealer] Freeze!

Martin Riggs: Shoot him! Shoot him! Somebody shoot this prick? Shoot 'im! Shoot 'im!

Martin Riggs: [to drug dealer] Shoot me! Shoot me! Shoot me! Ohhh...

[in frustration, Riggs head-butts him, grabs the gun away from him, and holds it to the dealer's throat]

Cooper: We have to get out of this car right now or they're going to kill us both. Follow me... Mrs. Riva is having some problems with some lady business.

Police Officer: Can't she just hold it?

Daniella Riva: No, you see, once a month it sheds its lining.

Cooper: It sheds!

Daniella Riva: So that the eggs descend into the...

Detective Hauser: Oh my God!

Police officer: [At the scene of an explosion in a men's room] Well, we were lucky this time.

Harry Callahan: Getting so a fellow can't even go to the can in peace.

Police Officer: [processing Latimer for attacking Kim's divorce attorney] Occupation?

Rick Latimer: [sarcastic grin] School teacher!

[after seeing Yulaw run past a squad car]

Police Officer: Holy shit! He's doin' fifty!

Michael: [a traffic cop points to a "No Moonwalking" sign] Me and my friend, Spike, we were just... But, my friend, he was just... Spike, he was just here...

Police Officer: [Hands him a ticket pad] I need your autograph right HERE.

Police Officer: What happened?

Det. Lt. Lon McQ: [after punching a radical who insulted him] He bumped into a chair.

[McQ's Pontiac has just been sandwiched and smashed between two semi trucks in an alley. The cops arrive and find McQ in the wreckage]

Police Officer: How bad are you hurt?

Det. Lt. Lon McQ: How the hell do I know? Get some foam on this thing! I'm up to my butt in gas!

Police Officer: CHAARI!

Chari: PRABHAKAR!

Police Officer: Hey...

Chari: Sorry. You stepped on my feet!

Police Horse: What you got to do is go straight back down west 42rd.

Marty the Zebra: Uh huh.

Police Horse: It's on your left, after Vanderbilt.

Marty the Zebra: Okay.

Police Horse: If you hit the Chrysler building, you're gone too far.

Marty the Zebra: Alright. Thanks a lot, Officer.

[Marty walks away]

Police Horse: Hey! Wait for the light... Freak

Police radio: [a police officer is on top of the house talking to his police radio] Did you say "zebra"?

Police Officer: Yeah, yeah, that's right. A Zebra, right in front of me. Can I shoot it?

Police radio: Negative.

Police Officer: Then I'm going to need some backup.

Police Officer: [Linda and Tulio watch as Sylvio gets questioned by a police officer] So let me get this straight? You were attacked by a little white bird?

Sylvio: Yes! With this rag!

[he holds up a small white rag]

Sylvio: He held it to my mouth, like... like this!

[he holds the rag against his mouth, takes a breath and faints to the ground; the police officer catches the rag, takes a sniff of it and also faints]

Linda: We're doomed.

Police Officer: Now you do realize that was a Depelter Turbo.

Gladys: Officer, please. This Verminator sold it to me.

Police Officer: Hey, hey, it was in your yard, your name's on the contract, so you can tell it to the judge.

Gladys: Oh please, it's not my fault, let go of me don't do this to me...

Police Officer: Ma'am...

Gladys: [yelling] You can't do this to me! I am president of the Homeowners Association!

Dwayne: [quietly as she is fighting the police] Get her.

[he climbs over a fence and accidently steps on a squeak toy]

Nugent the Dog: Play.

Dwayne: Oh, no, no, no, no, no...

[there is a bite heard]

Dwayne: AHHHHH!

Police Officer: Drop the saber and step away from the futuristic orb!

Robespierre: I take orders from no man! Liberte, Fraternite, Egalite!

[gets tasered]

Robespierre: [twitching] Oooh-la-la!

[Bastian's father sees Mr. Koreander's bookstore completely barren]

Bastian's Father: [to a policeman, furiously] There was no "For Sale" sign this morning!

[he bangs on the door in fury]

Bastian's Father: This is one sophisticated operation, I'm telling you. This morning, this place was filled with books - wall to wall!

[the policeman looks inside]

Police Officer: Looks like there hasn't been a bookstore here for a long time. Are you sure this is the right address.

Bastian's Father: I am not the kind of person to make things up! Look, I'm an engineer, all right! What I see is what I see... when I...

[he goes lost for words]

Police Officer: [leaves] We'll do what we can, Mr. Bux.

[Bastian's father goes puzzled]

Ringo: Hey, would you believe me if I told you I was being followed by a yellow submarine?

Police Officer: Um, uh, no. No, I would not.

Ringo: I, uh, didn't think you would. I could've sworn it was a yellow submarine. But that isn't logical now, is it? It must've been one of them "Unidentified Flying Cupcakes". One of the figments of me imagination. But I don't have an imagination.

[Martin Price holds a gun on Gonzo's chicken]

Martin Price: Get back or the chicken gets it!

Police Officer: That's a threat?

Police Officer: If these are your friends then what are you doing in the trunk?

Khris: Well I begged them to go but there wasn't room up front and they couldn't put the cooler back here cause it was too warm and everything would spoil from the fumes.

Police Officer: Alright, I buy that.

Police officer: Attacked by Christmas toys? That's strange, that's the second toy complaint we've had.

Police officer: Attention. Attention, citizens. Terrible news. There is still no sign of Santa Claus. Although the imposter has been shut down. It looks like Christmas will have to be cancelled this year. I repeat: The imposter has been shot down, but there is still no sign of the real Santa Claus...

[fades off in the distance]

Reinaldo Arenas: What do you want?

Cuban Police Officer: What do I want... First of all, I want Carlos to frisk this guy.

Reinaldo Arenas: But he's not even dressed.

Police Officer: What's your name?

Reinaldo Arenas: My name? Franz Kafka.

Police Officer: Hm. You think I am ignorant?

[Reinaldo shakes his head]

Police Officer: Have any of you ever heard of a Camp called La Isla de Joventud?

[Everyone declines]

Police Officer: Then maybe you can tell me, when's the last time you took it up your ass.

Reinaldo Arenas: The last time? Oh, I don't remember.

Police Officer: No?

Reinaldo Arenas: But I remember the last time you did.

Police Officer: When was that?

Reinaldo Arenas: Maybe the last time you bent over to tie your boots.

Armstrong: [as he's getting arrested] I'm a cop!

Police Officer: Not anymore, you're not!

Lieutenant Mitch Kellaway: Drop it, Tyrell!

Dorian Tyrell: Hey, Kellaway!

Lieutenant Mitch Kellaway: Drop it!

Dorian Tyrell: A'right.

[drops gun]

Dorian Tyrell: So, you got a warrant this time? Or'd you just stop by for a nightcap?

Lieutenant Mitch Kellaway: What I got is probable cause. A couple of your boys was spotted knocking over Edge City Bank.

Dorian Tyrell: [to Doyle] Easy, junior, you're giving me a Woody.

Lieutenant Mitch Kellaway: And one of 'em was wearing a big green mask.

Dorian Tyrell: You know, for once, Kellaway, you're right. Except it wasn't one of my boys. Maybe if you tried a little actual police work...

Lieutenant Mitch Kellaway: [to policemen] Cuff 'em.

Police Officer: Hey, lieutenant, we got a stiff upstairs. It's one of the guys from the heist.

Lieutenant Mitch Kellaway: Better call that high-priced lawyer of yours, Tyrell. You and I are going downtown for a little chat. Get him out of here!

Lieutenant Mitch Kellaway: [Spots a piece of Stanley's pajamas on floor] Ipkiss!

Henry: Officer, I think there's been a misunderstanding.

Police Officer: I don't.

Police Officer: Could you turn down the stereo?

Gordon Bombay: [drunkenly] Sure. I guess it was a 'widdle' noisy.

Police Officer: A 'widdle'? OK, I'm taking down to precinct. Breath, blood or urine?

Gordon Bombay: [drunkenly] No, thanks. I'm full.

Police Officer: These kids there just running around wild these days. Them kids last night they stole a cop car.

Bar Man: NO?

Police Officer: Yes! And then they exposed theyselves!

Bar Man: Exposed theyselves?

Police Officer: Yes! They put them wieners on the glass at the Alano Club, while the ladies were rehearsing the Christmas pageant.

Police Officer: Congratulations.

Charlie Tweeder: Congratulations to you, too.

Police Officer: Congratulations for what?

Charlie Tweeder: For getting to wear such cute "mountme" hats.

Police Officer: Mount me?

Charlie Tweeder: Not right away. After a few drinks...

Kurt: Listen, I can explain everything. This is all just a big misunderstand.

[Siren wails]

Kurt: I don't understand. I don't know what happened.

Dexter: Oh, sure, you do. Why don't you go on ahead and tell your little police friend that you made your big Beefy Burgers all big and beefy by using illegal food additives.

Police Officer: Is that true?

Kurt: No! He's lying! You're lying! You're full of crap!

Police Officer: Yeah? Well, why don't we just check these out, and we'll see who's lying.

Police Officer: I think you better come with us.

Kurt: Man, you're out of your minds. You're crazy, man! You know who I am? Huh?

Police Officer: Yeah, I know, I know.

[the Police officers placed Kurt Bowell under arrest and put him in the car]

Dexter: Bye-bye.

Ed: Hey, hey, remember: when you mess with Good Burger...

Dexter, Ed: you go in the grinder!

[Ed laughing]

Dexter: Oh, dog, you enjoy prison now.

Police Officer: You better take it easy. Pain pills and alcohol don't mix.

George Webber: [laughs] You could have fooled me.

Gaz: Told 'ya, robbing pipes, that's all.

Police officer: Gary, my friend, no bugger robs pipes in the buff.

Gaz: We do. Don't get your clothes dirty, do you?

Police officer: Oh well, don't fret, gents. There's a right good laundry in Wakefield Prison!

Gerald: You're always ahead there!

Gaz: You're always bloody behind, more like

Gerald: [to policeman] Can I borrow this?

[he rewinds the clipping of the CCTV showing their strip act]

Gerald: [to giggling police officers behind them] Shut up will ya? Watch

Police officer: [to Gaz] He's right. You're ahead.

Gaz: Bollocks!

Police Officer: Why'd you drive her car into the bay?

Paul Crewe: Couldn't find a car wash.

Leopold: Are you suggesting madam that there exists a law compelling a gentleman to lay hold of canine bowel movements?

Police Officer: I'm suggesting that you pick the poop up.

Police Officer: [Chasing Dodge and Lexie up a staircase] Stop, or I'll shoot!

Lexie Littleton: [Gasps] He said he'll shoot!

Jimmy 'Dodge' Connelly: They always say that!

Lexie Littleton: [Dodge and Lexie run up some more stairs. The officer suddenly fires a shot. Lexie screams] You said he always says that!

Jimmy 'Dodge' Connelly: He does. Just before he shoots!

[a cop is writing her a ticket]

Audrey 'Lulu' Hankel: I was just admiring your bike.

Police officer: Oh, do you like motorcycles?

Audrey 'Lulu' Hankel: No, I just like big things between my legs.

Police Officer: We got a call saying that there was someone parked up here and you it's illegal after sunset...

Rosalee: You got a call at this hour? From who? A racoon?

Police Officer: [on radio] We have a black guy in a white neighborhood minding his own business. All units respond. Repeat, all units respond.

Police Officer: And do you suffer from any nervous conditions such as panic attacks?

Alan Partridge: (snorts) Do I look like I suffer from panic attacks? I had one panic attack at the car wash, it was a perfect storm of no sleep, uh no wife and angry brushes whirling towards me and by the time the hairdryer came on, I was in the footwell.

Police Officer: Identify yourself!

Alan Partridge: Alan Partridge! Who the f- Alan Partridge! You know who I am, I've not been off TV for that long! Identify yourself.

Police Officer: [reading from transcript of radio conversation] 01:00 Partridge: I wish this was abroad because it would make a brilliant 'Banged Up Abroad'

Police Officer: Farrell: What's 'Banged Up Abroad'?

Police Officer: Partridge: You don't know 'Banged Up Abroad'?

Police Officer: Farrell: No

Police Officer: Partridge: Everyone knows 'Banged Up Abroad'

Police Officer: Farrell: I don't, what is 'Banged Up Abroad'

Police Officer: Partridge: You seriously don't know 'Banged Up Abroad'? You have to be shitting me

Police Officer: Farrell: I've never even heard of 'Banged Up Abroad'

Policewoman: Just get to the bit where they stop saying 'Banged Up Abroad'

Police Officer: Sidekick Simon: I once banged up a broad

Police Officer: Partridge: That's the best you've got, even with a gun to your head?

Policewoman: He's got a gun to his head?

Jan: Officer, arrest this man - he's taking me up to his apartment!

Police Officer: Well, I can't say that I blame him, miss.

[a pair of police officers come across C-Money, who was laid out by Norman]

Police Officer: What's the matter, Chris? You get knocked the fuck out?

Police Officer: [just catching Bobby Taylor outside a motel, wearing nothing but a firehouse hose wrapped around him] Hey, buddy... where's the fire?

Studs Lonnegan: Hello, sister. Is Nick Charles here?

Nora Charles: Who wants him?

Police Officer: Yeah, who wants him?

Studs Lonnegan: Is your name sister?

Dr. Bertram Charles: I demand to know what those people are doing in my laboratory!

Police Officer: I don't know.

Dr. Bertram Charles: Where's Nick Charles?

Police Officer: I don't know.

Dr. Bertram Charles: You don't know much, do you?

Police Officer: No. But, I don't have to.

Police Officer: [Reading a letter found by Ivan] "Dear Passionate Dolly, If, as you say, you will visit Rome soon, come and see me. We'll spend a few unforgettable hours together. Your White Sheik." So, are you Passionate Dolly?

Ivan Cavalli: Me?

Police Officer: The "only raping clown in town"?

Poolboy: [disguised as clown] Oops, I guess I forgot to add the extra P.

Police Officer: They got fucking bombs, Sarge. They're shooting at us!

Sergeant Jeffrey Pugliese: Yeah, no shit.

[after the shooting of Darlene Ferrin and Mike Mageau]

Police Officer: [over the phone] Vallejo Police Department.

Zodiac 1 & 2: I wanna report a double murder.

Police Officer: May I have your name and...?

Zodiac 1 & 2: [interrupting] If you go one mile east on Columbus Parkway, to a public park, you'll find kids in a brown car. They were shot with a 9mm Luger. I also killed those kids last year

[referring to David Faraday and Betty Lou Jensen]

Zodiac 1 & 2: ... Goodbye...

Police Officer: Ma'am, I'm gonna have to ask you to step out of the car.

Annie Newton: I'm sorry, I can't. I've got to be somewhere.

Police Officer: Do you have relations with men?

Skipper Todd: I try not to. But sometimes there's a guy who's really sweet... it's so easy. We're both men... we both know where it's at. Personally, you not giving anything away.

Police Officer: What's your feeling's towards girls?

Skipper Todd: I can sleep with them once because it degrades them. It makes them dirty. The worst thing about it is... you meet a chick who isn't... bad. You can't screw her because you don't want to make her "dirty".

Narrator: You're making a big mistake, fellas!

Police Officer: You said you would say that.

Narrator: I'm not Tyler Durden!

Police Officer: You told us you'd say that, too.

Narrator: All right then, I'm Tyler Durden. Listen to me, I'm giving you a direct order. We're aborting this mission right now.

Police Officer: You said you would definitely say that.

Police Officer: You said that if anyone ever interferes with Project Mayhem, even you, we gotta get his balls.

Captain Renault: My dear Ricky, you overestimate the influence of the Gestapo. I don't interfere with them and they don't interfere with me. In Casablanca I am master of my fate! I am...

Police Officer: Major Strasser is here, sir!

Rick: You were saying?

Captain Renault: Excuse me.

Jane: I don't understand?

Edwin Flagg: They are trying to say I'm drunk.

Police Officer: Oh, we just say that you're a little happy. Okay?

Edwin Flagg: Whose happy? I'm not happy.

Ernie, Ice Cream Vendor at Beach: I see you found that colored woman.

Police Officer: Yeah, they found her, all right.

Ernie, Ice Cream Vendor at Beach: Sure is a rotten way to get your picture in the paper. You reckon you'll ever find that Baby Jane or whatever her name is?

Greenhaven Mental Patient: [off-screen] I knew he'd be back.

Police Officer: The even numbers always come back.

[last lines]

Police Officer: She says he took her in the woods, but he didn't rape her.

Anaïs Pingot: If you don't want to believe me, then don't.

Police Officer: You know what year it is?

Gail White: It's 2000.

Police Officer: Ok, you know who the president is?

Gail White: George *cocksucker* Bush.

Lieutenant Tony Willett: [sirens wailing] Uh-oh. Yep. It's one of them all right.

Mrs. Anne Hilton: What have we been doing? You weren't speeding.

Lieutenant Tony Willett: Have things changed around here? Do you have to be doing something now before you get a ticket?

Police Officer: Where do you think you're going?

Lieutenant Tony Willett: I wish I knew. What's your guess? Gibralter? New Guinea? Kiska?

Police Officer: You stationed around here?

Lieutenant Tony Willett: Well, yes and no. Look officer, I don't want to be rude, but we're not in a particularly chatty frame of mind. So, would you mind filling out one of those pretty little slips and getting it over with?

Police Officer: You weren't doing anything.

Lieutenant Tony Willett: I wasn't?

Mrs. Anne Hilton: Well, what's all this about?

Police Officer: Oh, it's just that it gets so lonely along this road since gas rationing. And say, ain't it a beautiful night?

Mrs. Anne Hilton: Well, I hadn't noticed it before, but now that you mention it, officer.

Police Officer: Well, guess I'd better be checking in. Nice to met up with you folks.

Mrs. Anne Hilton: Good night.

Police Officer: Get one of them Japs for me!

Lieutenant Tony Willett: If I lay my hands on one, I'll give him a ticket!

Police Officer: [Holding a copy of Lenin's "The State and Revolution"] Who's book is this? Who's book is this!

Student Activist #!: It's ours.

Police Officer: Yours?

Student Activist #!: It's our book. And anybody who hasn't read it is an ignoramus.

[Shot and killed]

Peter Strelzyk: Are we in the West?

Police Officer: Of course you are.

Sally: Oh, nothing so domestic as a flying saucer, officer. Just a flying battleship.

Police Officer: Well, have a good time with your flying battleship.

Police Officer: A good lickin' never hurt anybody, boy. My old man used to give me enough of 'em when I was a kid. Hey, still in all, I never thought of callin' the cops when he did.

[first lines]

Police Officer: 628 Tremont. 6-2-8. Three dead. No, just the usual. Fuck. Usual. It's no big deal these days, right?

Police Officer: Fucking shoots his wife and kid, and then eats the licorice. Sticks it in his mouth and blows his own brains out.

[Lt. Vincent D'Agosta arrives to the abandoned ship and talks with Det. Hollingsworth]

Det. Hollingsworth: Good morning, Lieutenant. I've just been to the front of the boat. I got something to show you.

Lt. Vincent D'Agosta: It's a ship, Hollingsworth, not a boat, and the pointy end is the bow.

Det. Hollingsworth: Custody hearing went badly?

Lt. Vincent D'Agosta: I don't want to talk about it.

Det. Hollingsworth: She got Jerry?

Lt. Vincent D'Agosta: What part of I don't want to talk about it is unclear?

Det. Hollingsworth: [Lt. D'Agosta walks off and Hollingsworth whispers to himself with the other police officer] Shit!

Police Officer: His ex-wife got custody of his son?

Det. Hollingsworth: His dog.

Police Officer: His dog?

Det. Hollingsworth: Yeah. He really loves that dog.

Sophie: He's

[vincent]

Sophie: out here!

[last lines]

Police Officer, Police Officer: Who's out here?

Police Officer: License and registration, please.

Jay Powers: You see, you just told me to put my hands outside the car, genius. I see how you got this job now. Couldn't quite make it into sanitation, could you?

Police Officer: [gets gun] That's it. Out of the car, now.

Jay Powers: You like barking orders, don't you? I guess when you're in a position of power, you can do anything you want to other people, can't you? Like this.

[makes the cop crap his pants]