Pig Vomit Quotes in Private Parts (1997)

Researcher: The average radio listener listens for eighteen minutes. The average Howard Stern fan listens for - are you ready for this? - an hour and twenty minutes.

Pig Vomit: How can that be?

Researcher: Answer most commonly given? "I want to see what he'll say next."

Pig Vomit: Okay, fine. But what about the people who hate Stern?

Researcher: Good point. The average Stern hater listens for two and a half hours a day.

Pig Vomit: But... if they hate him, why do they listen?

Researcher: Most common answer? "I want to see what he'll say next."

[after Howard called up Pig-Vomit's wife]

Pig Vomit: You're the anti-Christ. You know that, Stern?

[shouts]

Pig Vomit: You are the mother-fucking anti-Christ!

Pig Vomit: [last lines - Pig Vomit speaks to the camera as road construction happens off-screen] I bear no grudge against Howard Stern. He's been very successful, and God bless him. God bless him. But I'll tell something; I ain't done too badly, myself. Uh, I manage a shopping mall down in Florence, Alabama. Yeah, it's the number one mall in Colbert County. It's number four in the state, so it's not too bad, you know? Uh, I play golf several times a week, you know? But I'll tell ya, if Howard woulda listened to me, I'd still be up there in radio. Still be doin' radio, you know... How 'bout that? That goddamn motherfucker, you know. I tried every

[jackhammer]

Pig Vomit: thing I could

[jackhammer]

Pig Vomit: think of, mold him into a proper kind of deejay, but that goddamn son-of-a-bitch

[jackhammer]

Pig Vomit: ! I'll tell you, Howard Stern, man! That motherfuckin'

[extended jackhammer and siren]

Pig Vomit: ! And I'll say that with no shame, either! Man's a

[jackhammer]

Pig Vomit: ! Foul-mouthed, immature... The man's immature, you know? He's like a

[jackhammer]

Pig Vomit: child. I'll tell ya this much: There ain't no God while Howard Stern's walking the Earth, I'll tell you that.

[jackhammer]

Pig Vomit: I gotta go.

[He walks away. To a passerby]

Pig Vomit: How 'bout that? Howard Stern, huh?

[to the camera]

Pig Vomit: Howard Stern can kiss my ass in hell!

[sustained jackhammer as Pig Vomit exits the frame]

Researcher: The average radio listener listens for eighteen minutes a day. The average Howard Stern fan listens for - are you ready for this? - an hour and twenty minutes.

Pig Vomit: How could this be?

Researcher: Answer most commonly given: "I want to see what he'll say next."

Pig Vomit: All right, fine. But what about the people who hate Stern?

Researcher: Good point. The average Stern hater listens for two and a half hours a day.

Pig Vomit: But... if they hate him, why do they listen?

Researcher: Most common answer: "I want to see what he'll say next."