Mrs. Higgins Quotes in China Seas (1935)

Sir Guy: Aw, there you are.

Captain Alan Gaskell: Good morning, Mrs. Higgins.

Mrs. Higgins: We were just talking about you, Captain.

Sir Guy: Mrs. Higgins tells me you've been sensationally blotto ever since you went ashore.

Prof. Henry Higgins: [directed to Eliza in anger] Get out and come home and don't be a fool!

Mrs. Higgins: Very nicely put indeed, Henry. No woman could resist such an invitation.

Mrs. Higgins: How ever did you learn good manners with my son around?

Eliza Doolittle: It was very difficult. I should never have known how ladies and gentlemen really behaved, if it hadn't been for Colonel Pickering. He always showed what he thought and felt about me as if I were something better than a common flower girl. You see, Mrs. Higgins, apart from the things one can pick up, the difference between a lady and a flower girl is not how she behaves, but how she is treated. I shall always be a common flower girl to Professor Higgins, because he always treats me like a common flower girl, and always will. But I know that I shall always be a lady to Colonel Pickering, because he always treats me like a lady, and always will.

Mrs. Eynsford-Hill: I do hope we won't have any unseasonable cold spells; they bring on so much influenza. And the whole of our family is susceptible to it.

Eliza Doolittle: My aunt died of influenza, or so they said. But it's my belief they done the old woman in.

Mrs. Higgins: Done her in?

Eliza Doolittle: Yes, Lord love you. Why should she die of influenza, when she come through diphtheria right enough the year before? Fairly blue with it she was. They all thought she was dead. But my father, he kept ladling gin down her throat. Then she come to so sudden she bit the bowl right off the spoon.

Mrs. Eynsford-Hill: Dear me!

Eliza Doolittle: Now, what call would a woman with that strength in her have to die of influenza? And what become of her new straw hat that should have come to me?

[pause]

Eliza Doolittle: Somebody pinched it. And what I say is: them as pinched it, done her in.

Lord Boxington: Done her in? Done her in, did you say?

Lady Boxington: What ever does it mean?

Mrs. Higgins: It's the new slang, meaning someone has killed her.

Mrs. Eynsford-Hill: Surely you don't think someone killed her?

Eliza Doolittle: Do I not? Them she lived with would have killed her for a hatpin, let alone a hat.

Mrs. Eynsford-Hill: But it can't have been right for your father to be pouring spirits down her throat like that, it could have killed her.

Eliza Doolittle: Not her, gin was mother's milk to her. Besides he poured so much down his own throat, he knew the good of it.

Lord Boxington: Do you mean he drank?

Eliza Doolittle: Drank? My word, something chronic.

[responding to freddy's laughter]

Eliza Doolittle: Here! What are you sniggering at?

Freddy Eynsford-Hill: The new small talk, you do it so awfully well.

Eliza Doolittle: Well, if I was doing it proper, what was you sniggering at? Have I said anything I oughtn't?

Mrs. Higgins: No, my dear.

Eliza Doolittle: Well, that's a mercy, anyhow...

Professor Henry Higgins: Mother!

Mrs. Higgins: What is it, Henry? What's happened?

Professor Henry Higgins: [quietly, bewildered] She's gone.

Mrs. Higgins: Well, of course, dear, what did you expect?

Professor Henry Higgins: What... what am I to do?

Mrs. Higgins: Do without, I suppose.

[pause]

Professor Henry Higgins: And so I shall! If the Higgins oxygen burns up her little lungs, let her seek some stuffiness that suits her. She's an owl sickened by a few days of my sunshine. Very well, let her go, I can do without her. I can do without anyone. I have my own soul! My own spark of divine fire!

[storms outs]

Mrs. Higgins: Bravo, Eliza.

Mrs. Higgins: Henry! What a disagreeable surprise.

Mrs. Higgins: Where's the girl now?

Professor Henry Higgins: She's being pinned. Some of the clothes we bought her didn't quite fit. I told Pickering we should have taken her with us.

Mrs. Higgins: Think you can make anymore damn noise, what that damn car of yours?

Stephen: Sorry, Mrs. Higgins.

Mrs. Higgins: And stop trying to look through my dress, and see my nipples.

Mrs. Higgins: Simmons. Your house is on fire again.

Elizabeth: Oh, my duck does a wonderful trick. My duck can lay an egg.

Mrs. Higgins: And just what is so wonderful about that?

Elizabeth: Well, can *you* lay an egg? (pause)... Oh, excuse me.

Mrs. Higgins: Child, you're absolutely uncontrollable.

Elizabeth: Yes, Ma'am!

Mrs. Higgins: Under the circumstances, I have made every allowance for you, but when you bring animals into the dormitory, I must act.

Elizabeth: That's what my daddy and mommy used to do!

Mrs. Higgins: What?

Elizabeth: Act!

[both sobbing]

Mrs. Higgins: Henrietta, what are you blubbering about?

Mrs. Denham: I can't help it. I'm so happy.

Mrs. Higgins: There's no need to be sentimental.

Mrs. Denham: Well, what are *you* crying for?

Mrs. Higgins: Why shouldn't I? Why can't I be happy, too?