Missionary Quotes in Carry On... Up the Khyber (1968)

[the British outpost at the Khyber Pass has been attacked]

Lady Joan Ruff-Diamond: Oh! How awful! What can have happened ?

Captain Keene: I don't like making guesses, but I wouldn't be surprised if there hadn't been a spot of foul play here.

Missionary: Foul play? Look at them! Lying around like a lot of unwanted cocktail snacks!

Private Jimmy Widdle: Ginger!

Missionary: Who is?

Private Jimmy Widdle: He is. Ginger, my mate.

Sergeant-Major MacNutt: Private Hale ?

Private Jimmy Widdle: Yes, Ginger Hale. Hello, Ginge. It's me, Jimmy. Your old mate, Jimmy Widdle.

Private Ginger Hale: Jimmy? Is it you? My old mate?

Private Jimmy Widdle: Ginge, mate! How do you feel?

Private Ginger Hale: Oh, not so good. I think I've been wounded.

Private Jimmy Widdle: Only here and there.

Private Ginger Hale: Jimmy, I can trust you. Now, give it to me straight. Am I going to be all right?

Private Jimmy Widdle: Of course not, Ginge mate.

Private Ginger Hale: Eh?

Private Jimmy Widdle: I said, "Of course not, Ginge mate."

Private Ginger Hale: I'm not going to be all right?

Private Jimmy Widdle: Well, how could you be, with half a dozen dirty great holes in you? You've had it.

Private Ginger Hale: You're a bleeding fine mate, I must say.

Private Jimmy Widdle: What do you mean? You asked me to give it to you straight.

Private Ginger Hale: Yeah, but I didn't mean you to. You horrible little runt, you!

Sergeant-Major MacNutt: That's enough! Widdle, you're a great little comfort to a dying man, aren't you? Now listen, Hale, it's Sergeant-Major MacNutt. What happened, lad?

Private Ginger Hale: They attacked about a half-hour ago, Sir. Hundreds of them.

[He belches]

Private Ginger Hale: Burpas! They... they... oooh!

[Hale faints. Sergeant-Major MacNutt shakes his head sadly]

Private Jimmy Widdle: Oh, no! Ginge! Ginge, mate! I'm sorry, I... Poor old mate!

[Widdle gently covers Hale's body with a greatcoat. Hale throws it off]

Private Ginger Hale: That's right! Bleeding well suffocate me!

Captain Keene: Then I was going to say keep a stiff upper lip.

Missionary: Well I'm not standing around here waiting for mine to stiffen!

Missionary: Oh what pretty earrings are they rubies!

Busti: No they are mine.

Missionary: The Lord be with you.

Inuk: No, just Asiak, Powtee and me. We do not know Lord.

Missionary: A very short sleep ago, you both offended Him.

Inuk: Oh, we did not know. One must apologize.

Missionary: If you will listen to my words and believe in me,the Lord will come and stay with you and follow you in all your travels.

Asiak: [whispers to Inuk] We do not want another with us.

Inuk: Maybe he good hunter.

[to Missionary]

Inuk: We will be pleased if your friend comes with us.

Asiak: He must bring his own sled. Will this Lord bring everything He needs?

Missionary: He will bring you faith.

Inuk: [Puzzled look on face] Faith?

Missionary: That wonderful light that drives back the shadows of sin.

Inuk: [after a moment's thought] OH, light, LIGHT, ahhh...

Asiak: It is good, Inuk,if it is the kind at the trading post, we could save it up for the winter, and our eyes will not get tired anymore...

Inuk: [Offering missionary a bowl of food with live worms wriggling in it] Here is something you will like...

Missionary: [Pushing bowl away] I come to give, not to receive.

Asiak: It is old marrow, it is much better, it is old and full of worms...

Missionary: Maybe another time, not right now.

Inuk: [whispers to Asiak] Has this white man come to insult us?

Missionary: Men don't live by bread alone.

Asiak: [to Inuk] Maybe he wants to laugh with a woman.