Max Reede Quotes in Liar Liar (1997)

Max Reede: My teacher tells me beauty is on the inside.

Fletcher: That's just something ugly people say.

Max Reede: Do the claw to mom, dad, do the claw to mom!

Fletcher: Uh-oh. You've found the claw's only weakness. Subzero temperatures.

[Splatting sound]

Audrey: So did you have any trouble finding the place?

Fletcher: All right, I'm late. I ran oughta gas! The gauge is broken. Rough neighborhood too. Good thing I was wearing neutral gang colors. Might've had to rip out my nine and bust a cap! My mind on my money and my money on my mind!

Audrey: They'd never hurt you, Fletcher. You're their lawyer.

Fletcher: Ooh. That was below the belt. Try to keep the gloves up.

Max Reede: Mom, dad's taking me to see wrestling!

Audrey: Ugh. Fletcher!

Fletcher: Ugh. Audrey!

Max Reede: Is wrestling real?

Fletcher: In the Olympics, yes. On channel 23, no.

Max Reede: My dad? He's... a liar.

Teacher: A liar? I'm sure you don't mean a liar.

Max Reede: Well, he wears a suit and goes to court and talks to the judge.

Teacher: Oh, you mean he's a lawyer.

Max Reede: I wish, for just one day, Dad couldn't tell a lie.

Max Reede: If I keep making this face... will it get stuck that way?

Fletcher: Uh uh. As a matter of fact, some people make a very good living that way.

[the lights turn on after Max makes a wish and blows out the candles]

Max Reede: Mom? Dad?

[Audrey and Fletcher are kissing]

Fletcher: MAX? Did you wish for your mom and I to get back together again?

Max Reede: No. I wished for rollerblades!

Audrey: Uh... wanna cut the cake... Dad?

Fletcher: I would love to... but I have this horrible pain in my arm...

Audrey: Oh no... run ITS THE CLAW!

Fletcher: NOTHING CAN STOP THE CLAWWWW!

Fletcher: Max! It's 8:45, you made the wish at 8:15. I've been able to lie for the past half hour.

Max Reede: So you were - ?

Fletcher: No! It was the truth. I just wanted to be honest with you, Max. I always want to be honest with you.

Max Reede: Look at what Dad got me!

Jerry: Woah, great! Hey, you know what? I have my glove in the car. Why don't you and I go to the park and play catch. Then we can rub oil in it, and wrap a big rubber band around it! It'll be great!

[to Fletcher]

Jerry: Hey, great gift, Dad!

Fletcher: [to Jerry] Thanks, son!

Fletcher: Hey, creepy. Happy Birthday. How old are you now? 22? 23?

Max Reede: I'm 5, Dad.

Fletcher: Okay.

[pretends to write]

Fletcher: Return the beer keg. Cancel the dancing girls.

Fletcher: Maximus, I'm outta here.

Max Reede: Bye, Dad.

Fletcher: [to Jerry] Jerry, enjoy my wife.

Max Reede: [shows his baseball glove] Look at what Dad got me.

Jerry: Wow, great. Hey, you know what, I have my glove in the car. Maybe we could stop at the park on the way home and play catch. Then tonight we can rub oil in it and wrap a big rubber band around it. It'll be great.

[to Fletcher]

Jerry: Hey, great gift, Dad.

Fletcher: [sarcastically] Thanks, son.

[to Audrey]

Fletcher: I'm so glad my gift could bring those two together. I plan to phase myself out as almost complete.