Office Worker Quotes in Liar Liar (1997)

Office Worker: Hey, Fletcher, how's it hanging?

Fletcher: [groans] Short, shriveled, and always to the left.

Frank: Oh, I get, and I am offended. Not because I've got a problem with bitter, predictable, whiny, millionaire disk jockeys complaining about celebrities or how tough their life is, while I live in an apartment with paper-thin walls next to a couple of Neanderthals who, instead of a baby, decided to give birth to some kind of nocturnal civil defense air-raid siren that goes off every fuckin' night like it's Pearl Harbor. I'm not offended that they act like it's my responsibility to protect their rights to pick on the weak like pack animals, or that we're supposed to support their freedom of speech when they don't give a fuck about yours or mine.

Office Worker: So, you're against free speech now? That's in the Bill of Rights, man.

Frank: I would defend their freedom of speech if I thought it was in jeopardy. I would defend their freedom of speech to tell uninspired, bigoted, blowjob, gay-bashing, racist and rape jokes all under the guise of being edgy, but that's not the edge. That's what sells. They couldn't possibly pander any harder or be more commercially mainstream, because this is the "Oh no, you didn't say that!" generation, where a shocking comment has more weight than the truth. No one has any shame anymore, and we're supposed to celebrate it. I saw a woman throw a used tampon at another woman last night on network television, a network that bills itself as "Today's Woman's Channel". Kids beat each other blind and post it on Youtube. I mean, do you remember when eating rats and maggots on Survivor was shocking? It all seems so quaint now. I'm sure the girls from "2 Girls 1 Cup" are gonna have their own dating show on VH-1 any day now. I mean, why have a civilization anymore if we no longer are interested in being civilized?

Office Worker: So what about you Frank? Did you see that freak on "American Superstars" last night?

Frank: What?

Office Worker: Last night; that freak on "American Superstarz."

Frank: No... I mean yes, I saw that accidentally. I don't watch "American Superstarz"

Office Worker: You don't watch it, but you saw him. What are you too good for the show?

Frank: Yeah, I'm too good for a karaoke contest that makes stars out of people with no talent.

Office Worker: *Laugh You can't say that dude, some of those kids have real talent.

Frank: No they don't. They have good pitch... they're relatively clean, they're non-threatening to little girls and old ladies, they have the ability to stand in line with a stadium full of other desperate and confused people, but I assure you they are talent-free.

Office Worker: Yeah, well I bet 32 million people would disagree with you bro, because that's how many people called-in to vote last year on the finale.

Frank: I wish I was a super-genius inventor and could come up with a way to make a telephone into an explosive device that was triggered by the "American Superstarz" voting number. The battery could explode and leave a mark on the face, so I could know who to avoid talking to before they even talked. And I could look and say, "Hm, no you're gonna be saying anything that's going to add any value to my life."

Office Worker: Yeah, but it's funny. I mean you gotta admit that. Steven Clark, that's funny shit Frank...

Frank: It's not nice to laugh at someone who's not all there. It's the same type of freak-show distraction that comes along every time a mighty empire starts collapsing. "American Superstarz" is the new colosseum and I won't participate in watching a show where the weak are torn apart every week for our entertainment. I'm done, really, everything is so "cool" now. I just want it all to stop. I mean, nobody talks about anything anymore. They just regurgitate everything they see on TV, or hear on the radio or watch on the web. When was the last time you had a real conversation with someone without somebody texting or looking at a screen or a monitor over your head? You know, a conversation about something that wasn't celebrities, gossip, sports, or pop politics. You know, something important, something personal.

Office Worker: What are you doin'... givin' me a sleigh-ride?

Lily Powers: Is that a permanent?

Office Worker: Yeah. They do it for 3.35 at Bourne's Beauty Shop.

Lily Powers: Where's that at?

Office Worker: 81st and Broadway.

Office Worker: You don't know you're out, till they stop counting. Wake up, kid! Baby face is moving out of your class.