Landlady Quotes in Kung Fu Hustle (2004)

Barber: Why don't you train us to be top fighters... and we'll avenge them!

Landlady: Becoming a top fighter takes time, unless you're a natural-born kung-fu genius, and they're 1 in a million.

Barber: [Does martial arts routine] It's obvious I'm the one.

Landlady: [immediately punches him in the face] Don't think so.

Landlady: You may know kung fu... but you're still a fairy.

Landlady: How come you became righteous? Have you anything to say?

[sing draws a stick of candy on the ground with his blood]

Landlady: I don't recognize this character. What are you trying to say?

Landlord: [commenting on Sing's newfound abilities] If he studies hard, he could be a doctor or a lawyer.

Landlady: A stuntman, more likely.

Sing: All right. Now, we will sneak attack and take out that old lady.

[throws knife, knife richchets off overhang and gets Sing in his right shoulder]

Sing: Erg... Well, I'll let you try one.

[stands beside sidekick]

Sing's Sidekick: [takes knife, accidentally throws backwards, gets Sing's left shoulder]

Sing: Ack!

[stands beside sidekick]

Sing: Look, just take the knife, aim carefully, and throw.

Sing's Sidekick: [takes knife, winds back to his right, kinfe sticks Sing in his left arm, handle flys off at Landlady]

Landlady: Who threw a handle?

Sing: Quick! Take this cage of snakes and throw it at her. The snakes will all bite, and our problem will be solved.

Sing's Sidekick: [takes cage, winds back over his head, snakes fall out the back of the cage all over Sing]

Sing: You idiot! Now what am I supposed to do?

Sing's Sidekick: Try whistling. I've heard that helps.

Sing: [whistes, two snakes bite him on his lips]

Landlady: So you're on their side?

The Beast: Don't get me wrong! I only want to kill you, or be killed by you.

Donut: [nearing death, grabs the landlord] With great power comes great responsibility...

Landlady: Donut, you are badly hurt. You must keep still.

Donut: This could be the end of a beautiful friendship!

Landlord: Oh, Donut. Tomorrow is another day!

[Donut passes away]

Landlady: [to Tailor] What's with the red underwear?

Sing: Fat woman, you're in charge here, right?

Landlady: [takes her shoe off, slaps Sing with it] Fat woman, my ass!

Sing: I'm with the Axe Gang!

Landlady: [slaps him] Axe Gang, my ass!

Sing: Boss!

Landlady: [slaps him] Boss, my ass!

Sing: You have to pay our medical bills!

Landlady: Bills, my ass!

Sing: We're on the same side!

Landlady: Same side, my ass!

Sing: A snake!

Landlady: Snake, my ass!

Landlady: Master! Someone wants to learn Wing Chun.

Ip Man: You want to learn Wing Chun?

Wong Shun Leung: Maybe. Just checking it out. I don't know what Wing Chun is.

Ip Man: Let me give you an introduction. As a matter of fact, Wing Chun is a close combat style from the South...

Wong Shun Leung: No need to tell me all this. Let's just fight. I'll pay you the school fees if I lose.

Ip Man: Ok. I am Ip Man of Wing Chun.

Landlady: Still no students?

Landlady: [Roy is throwing up in the background after having had sex with his Landlady, to keep from being evicted. The Landlady is too satisfied to care] What is it about good sex that makes me have to crap? I guess it's all that pumpin'. Pump and dump.

[She laughs at her own jokes]

Landlady: You really jarred something loose, tiger.

Landlady: Hold it! Who do you think you're kidding?

Iggy: What do you mean?

Landlady: You think I don't know what's going on upstairs?

Iggy: You do?

Landlady: I didn't come in from Stupidsville on last night's bus! You've got a woman in that apartment.

Iggy: Wow, hold it! What kind of talk is that?

Landlady: Don't double-talk me! I've got ears, haven't I?

Iggy: It's Dan's mother, you see she came down all un-expected like.

Landlady: I don't care if it's Pocahontas!

[arguing with Dan and Iggy when a $20 bill starts to fall from the ceiling, to her]

Landlady: And I don't care, this is gonna cost you.

[a twenty-dollar bill fell into her hands but Iggy quickly & quietly pickpocketed it back]

Landlady: Twenty bucks! Well, I guess that makes us even.

Landlady: [Max is holding up his identification] That doesn't look anything like you.

Maxwell Smart: It's my thumb print.

Landlady: [on discovering Hazel mortifying his flesh] People quit doing things like that.

Hazel: People still doing it so long as I'm doing it.

Landlady: Good afternoon. We haven't seen much of you these past two days. Have you been praying or only fasting?

Roderick Raskolnikov: I've been contemplating life.

Landlady: You better contemplate the rent! I haven't had a penny out of you in six months! How much longer do you expect me to wait?

Landlady: Serves you right, you hussy!

Landlady: ...and what things does she want? Her bird cage and her Chinese fan. But she says, never mind about sending any clothes.

Richard Mason: [after he thinks he's seen his dead wife entering a deserted apartment] She's supposed to be dead, you understand. She's supposed to be murdered.

Landlady: Murdered?

[the landlady starts becoming increasingly more fearful of his tone]

Richard Mason: [He becomes increasingly maniacal] Yes, murdered. You know what that means?

Landlady: Yes, sir.

Richard Mason: You don't like that, do you?

Landlady: No, sir.

Richard Mason: [His eyes now have a wild look to them] Yes, sir - no, sir - yes, sir! Cats come back sometimes, but women don't. You put cats in a bag and thriow them in the river, but sometimes they get out and come back.

Landlady: No, sir.

Richard Mason: Even if they do come back, you're not supposed to harbor them. It's against the law. It's against the housing law!

Landlady: Yes, sir.

Richard Mason: Especially a person who's been murdered!

Landlady: [She becomes panicked] Murdered?

[Screaming]

Landlady: HELP!

[first lines]

Landlady: I can tell you like it.

Samantha: Oh, I love it. It's perfect.

Landlady: Well, great. It's such a neat place. You know, I showed it to another girl this morning, but to be honest I did like her very much. She looked like trouble, and I'm way too old to be dealing with all that nonsense. I go a lot on my gut feelings, and I have a good one about you. You remind me of my daughter.

Susan Lenox: I'd like to see Mr. Spencer.

Landlady: Oh, that crazy ape. Sure, he's gone.

Susan Lenox: Well, when do you expect him back?

Landlady: He's never coming back. He's gone for good. And like a wild one, he was, threw twelve dollars down the kitchen stairs and rushed off...

Susan Lenox: Well, where did he go?

Landlady: Maybe the Ritz Hotel or Timbuktu. How should I be knowin'?