Josh Whitney Quotes in Josh and S.A.M. (1993)
Josh Whitney Quotes:
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Josh Whitney: Dad can I be excused?
Thom: For God's sake, Josh, clean your plate!
[Josh stands up and scoops all the food off his plate]
Josh Whitney: Is that clean enough?
Thom: Go to your room.
Josh Whitney: You're *in* my damn room!
-- Josh Whitney -
Delivery Man: [Italian accent] Now de credit card, Jean Pierre LaTorette?
Josh Whitney: Yeah, he's out in the field going to the bathroom. Yeah, he's out there in the field with diarrhea.
Delivery Man: Diarrhea?
Josh Whitney: Diarrhea.
Deliver Man: That's nice.
-- Josh Whitney -
Josh Whitney: You know, Sam, I didn't want to mention this with Mom around but I know a place where all kids who have to repeat a grade get together. It's way beyond the Bluffs, high above the Pacific Coast highway.
Sam Whitney: What do they do there?
Josh Whitney: Jump off.
-- Josh Whitney -
Josh Whitney: What can I do? I'm a wanted man with a screwed up brother.
-- Josh Whitney -
Derek Baxter: I knew it!
Josh Whitney: Knew what Mr. Baxter?
Derek Baxter: Don't call me that, Josh, call me Dad.
-- Josh Whitney -
Derek Baxter: There's this one thing I want to ask you Josh?, What day were you born on?
Josh Whitney: umm... uh... June 17th
Derek Baxter: That's uh, nine months back, that's the night we beat Carling, that's perfect... woo-hoo... that's homecoming night, I knew it!
Josh Whitney: Knew what Mr. Baxter?
Derek Baxter: Don't call me that... (blushes)... Call me Dad!
-- Josh Whitney -
Josh Whitney: Doesn't it make you feel sad inside?
Sam Whitney: Genetically altered inside. I'm all metal and wires. It's cold. I don't feel things the way you do.
-- Josh Whitney -
Josh Whitney: Sam you're a genius!
Sam Whitney: Yeah well it's not my fault. They made me that way.
-- Josh Whitney -
Sam Whitney: You're not my brother anymore!
Josh Whitney: What?
Sam Whitney: I just decided it, the same way Dad isn't Mom's Husband anymore
Josh Whitney: You must be dumber than Dad's stepsons, you can't divorce me
Sam Whitney: uh-huh, he can take you away like he took the lawn mower and the barbeque
Josh Whitney: Doesn't matter, i'd still be your brother wherever I was , evwn if I was a thousand million miles away!
Sam Whitney: I wish you were!
-- Josh Whitney -
Josh Whitney: I just saw Jean Pierre on 60 Minutes confessing everything. He was in the shadows but I could tell by those big lips of his.
-- Josh Whitney -
[last lines]
Sam Whitney: Last night, Dad left his safe open and there was a file inside.
Josh Whitney: So?
Sam Whitney: It was about you.
-- Josh Whitney -
Josh Whitney: I made it all up.
Alison: Even the Liberty Maid?
Josh Whitney: Yes, I got your hair and red hat off a juice box.
Alison: Lord almighty, I've met my maker.
-- Josh Whitney -
[after Josh tells Sam to bite on a piece of tin foil]
Sam Whitney: OW!
Josh Whitney: Oh God, Sam, you're activated.
-- Josh Whitney -
Josh Whitney: Dad is sending you off to fight a war just to he can send the buttholes to football camp.
-- Josh Whitney -
Jean-Pierre LaTorette: [answers the phone] Hello, Jean-Pierre here.
Josh Whitney: [in a deep voice] Uh, Caroline Whitney, please.
Jean-Pierre LaTorette: I'm sorry, my wife cannot come to the phone right now.
Josh Whitney: [in regular voice] Your wife?
-- Josh Whitney -
Josh Whitney: I just discovered something really bad that I have to tell you about.
Sam Whitney: I already know you're a homo.
-- Josh Whitney
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