John Bristol Quotes in How to Get Ahead in Advertising (1989)

John Bristol: Don't you think the way you reacted could be considered a little irrational?

Denis Dimbleby Bagley: Don't start the old irrational bollocks with me, Bristol, I'm up to here with it! I know everything there is to know about rationality, and I know everything there is to know about advertising. So don't tell me I'm being irrational, cos I'm the man who's taken the stench out of everything but shit!

John Bristol: OK, old chap, why don't you take some time off?

Denis Dimbleby Bagley: What the fuck do you think I'm resigning for? I'm taking forever off. I'm going to cleanse my life. I'm going to rid my mind and body of poisons, and when I've done it, I intend to make it my life's work to encourage others to do it.

John Bristol: And how will you do that?

Denis Dimbleby Bagley: By telling them, you bald fool.

John Bristol: Walking up and down with a sandwich board?

Denis Dimbleby Bagley: If necessary.

John Bristol: Advertising, dear boy.

John Bristol: 15 years ago I was out there on the floor where you are now and I was very like you, Bagley, I was the best. But I got myself into some trouble with a gas-fired heating system. I tell you, I was desperate. I made myself ill with worry. I finally ended up with a specialist who told me I'd given myself an ulcer. But it was a lot more than that to me. As far as I was concerned, I'd given myself a detonator. I became obsessed with fears of spontaneous combustion. This gas-fired business had penetrated so deeply into my subconscious, I thought I was seconds away from busting into flames. I started drinking water. Sometimes as much as 25 pints a day. I slept with a bucketful by the bed. I even bought a fire extinguisher.

Denis Dimbleby Bagley: I'm surprised you needed to bother. You must have pissed like a fire engine.