Joe Putzman Quotes in Schlock (1973)

Joe Putzman: But surely, Professor Shlibovitz...

Professor Shlibovitz: No, that's Professor Shirley Shlibovitz. A strange quirk of my mother's.

Joe Putzman: Excuse me, Detective Sergeant Wino, I'm Joe Putzman. I was wondering if you'd like to reassure our viewing audience that this reign of terror in our town will soon be over. That these ghastly series of banana murders will soon cease. Can you tell us anything, give us one ray of hope that our streets will soon be safe to walk again?

Detective: No.

[after Professor Shlibovitz puts a piece of metal tubing over his head]

Joe Putzman: Excuse me once again, Professor. What is the purpose of that peculiar headgear?

Professor Shlibovitz: This particular helmet was designed by Dr. Heywood Floyd Jerome of the Acme Research Group.

Joe Putzman: Well, yes, I see, but why is it you're wearing it?

Professor Shlibovitz: I have no idea.