Joanna Quotes in The Gamers: Dorkness Rising (2008)

Joanna: What's with the pirates?

Lodge: Everything's better with pirates!

Lodge: I've got a new villain lined up. Got it from a friend. Sort of a ninja-swashbuckler... the Shadow.

Joanna: [surprised] The Shadow?

Gary: [confused] The Shadow?

Mark: [scared] The Shadow?

[Mark runs off screaming]

Joanna: [after Drazuul moves after Luster's announcement of spell] What happened to the spell?

Gary: No good, Drazuul moves before me, blast me unless I have a barricade or something...

Leo: [Leo looks up with great purpose and realization] Hide behind the pile of dead bards.

Matt Douglas: A cookbook. He wrote a cookbook. How dare he?

Joanna: Well, you know, when he was President, he did cook for his guests all the time.

Matt Douglas: That's not the point. Did George Washington write a book called "Your Wooden Teeth and You?" Did William Howard Taft write "Thirty Days To A Slimmer Ass?" It's shameful, just shameful.

Matt Douglas: Look, Joanna, if the book goes, if it doesn't go, I don't really care. I'm only writing it 'cause, frankly, I don't know what else to do.

Joanna: I'm sure you've got plenty of options.

Matt Douglas: Not really. But I'll tell you one thing, I'll never be like Kramer, running around the country sucking up every dime that isn't nailed down. Now Jimmy Carter, there's a class act. He goes around building homes for poor people with his own hands. That's classy.

Joanna: Well, you could do that.

Matt Douglas: Yeah, yeah. Maybe in a couple of years, but, uh, right now, my attitude is, they didn't vote for me, let 'em freeze.

Joanna: Ask me and I'll stay.

Joanna: [to Mick] I want you and I want you now. I want it to be rough and I want it to be quick so take off your pants.

Frank Abagnale, Jr.: [whispering to Joanna] Hey... You should fold it.

Joanna: What?

Frank Abagnale, Jr.: That note. It's a fake, right? You should fold it.

Joanna: It's... It's a note from my mom. I have a doctor's appointment.

Frank Abagnale, Jr.: Yeah, but there's no crease in the paper. When your mom hands you a note to miss school, the first thing you do is, you fold it and you put it in your pocket. I mean, if it's real, where's the crease?

[Joanna folds note to give it a crease]

Joanna: I don't normally like blondes, I know, but she's really cute.

Mike Martingano: Yeah, but she's not going to be like you know, our type. You know what I'm saying?

Joanna: So, you're not into her?

Mike Martingano: No,no, that's not what I'm saying, she's like, she's a little uptight.

Joanna: OK, well we're fucking her, not taking her to dinner.

Mike Martingano: That's not going to happen. She's a dinner type is what I'm trying to say, if you get me.

Joanna: Oh, OK, um, if you decide you want to share... If you change your mind and put some effort into it, you know my number. And besides you know how much I love to eat.

Joanna: So, where do you work, Peter?

Peter Gibbons: Initech.

Joanna: In... yeah, what do you do there?

Peter Gibbons: I sit in a cubicle and I update bank software for the 2000 switch.

Joanna: What's that?

Peter Gibbons: Well see, they wrote all this bank software, and, uh, to save space, they used two digits for the date instead of four. So, like, 98 instead of 1998? Uh, so I go through these thousands of lines of code and, uh... it doesn't really matter. I uh, I don't like my job, and, uh, I don't think I'm gonna go anymore.

Joanna: You're just not gonna go?

Peter Gibbons: Yeah.

Joanna: Won't you get fired?

Peter Gibbons: I don't know, but I really don't like it, and, uh, I'm not gonna go.

Joanna: So you're gonna quit?

Peter Gibbons: Nuh-uh. Not really. Uh... I'm just gonna stop going.

Joanna: When did you decide all that?

Peter Gibbons: About an hour ago.

Joanna: Oh, really? About an hour ago... so you're gonna get another job?

Peter Gibbons: I don't think I'd like another job.

Joanna: Well, what are you going to do about money and bills and...

Peter Gibbons: You know, I've never really liked paying bills. I don't think I'm gonna do that, either.

Joanna: Well, so what do you wanna do?

Peter Gibbons: I wanna take you out to dinner, and then I wanna go back to my apartment and watch 'Kung Fu'. Do you ever watch 'Kung Fu'?

Joanna: I love 'Kung Fu'.

Peter Gibbons: Channel 39.

Joanna: Totally.

Peter Gibbons: You should come over and watch 'Kung Fu' tonight.

Joanna: Ok.

[Peter nods]

Joanna: Ok. Can we order lunch first?

[Peter nods again]

Joanna: Ok.

Joanna: You know what, Stan, if you want me to wear 37 pieces of flair, like your pretty boy over there, Brian, why don't you just make the minimum 37 pieces of flair?

Stan, Chotchkie's Manager: Well, I thought I remembered you saying that you wanted to express yourself.

Joanna: Yeah. You know what, yeah, I do. I do want to express myself, okay. And I don't need 37 pieces of flair to do it.

[flips off Stan]

Peter Gibbons: Um, the 7-Eleven, right? You take a penny from the tray.

Joanna: From the crippled children?

Peter Gibbons: No, that's the jar. I'm talking about the tray, the pennies for everybody.

Peter Gibbons: Yeah, I know him. I know him! He's my boss! He's my unholy, disgusting pig of a boss!

Joanna: He's not THAT disgusting.

Peter Gibbons: He represents all that is soulless and wrong! And you slept with him!

Joanna: I dunno, it just seems wrong.

Peter Gibbons: It's NOT wrong. INITECH is wrong. INITECH is an evil corporation, all right? Chochkies is wrong. Doesn't it bother you that you have to get up in the morning and you have to put on a bunch of pieces of flair?

Joanna: Yeah, but I'm not about to go in and start taking money from the register.

Peter Gibbons: Well, maybe you should. You know, the Nazis had pieces of flair that they made the Jews wear.

Joanna: What?

Stan, Chotchkie's Manager: We need to talk about your flair.

Joanna: Really? I... I have fifteen pieces on. I, also...

Stan, Chotchkie's Manager: Well, okay. Fifteen is the minimum, okay?

Joanna: Okay.

Stan, Chotchkie's Manager: Now, you know it's up to you whether or not you want to just do the bare minimum. Or... well, like Brian, for example, has thirty seven pieces of flair, okay. And a terrific smile.

Joanna: Okay. So you... you want me to wear more?

Stan, Chotchkie's Manager: Look. Joanna.

Joanna: Yeah.

Stan, Chotchkie's Manager: People can get a cheeseburger anywhere, okay? They come to Chotchkie's for the atmosphere and the attitude. Okay? That's what the flair's about. It's about fun.

Joanna: Yeah. Okay. So more then, yeah?

Stan, Chotchkie's Manager: Look, we want you to express yourself, okay? Now if you feel that the bare minimum is enough, then okay. But some people choose to wear more and we encourage that, okay? You do want to express yourself, don't you?

Joanna: Yeah, yeah.

Stan, Chotchkie's Manager: Okay. Great. Great. That's all I ask.

Peter Gibbons: [Explaining the plan] Alright so when the sub routine compounds the interest is uses all these extra decimal places that just get rounded off. So we simplified the whole thing, we rounded them all down, drop the remainder into an account we opened.

Joanna: [Confused] So you're stealing?

Peter Gibbons: Ah no, you don't understand. It's very complicated. It's uh it's aggregate, so I'm talking about fractions of a penny here. And over time they add up to a lot.

Joanna: Oh okay. So you're gonna be making a lot of money, right?

Peter Gibbons: Yeah.

Joanna: Right. It's not yours?

Peter Gibbons: Well it becomes ours.

Joanna: How is that not stealing?

Peter Gibbons: [pauses] I don't think I'm explaining this very well.

Joanna: Okay.

Peter Gibbons: Um... the 7-11. You take a penny from the tray, right?

Joanna: From the cripple children?

Peter Gibbons: No that's the jar. I'm talking about the tray. You know the pennies that are for everybody?

Joanna: Oh for everybody. Okay.

Peter Gibbons: Well those are whole pennies, right? I'm just talking about fractions of a penny here. But we do it from a much bigger tray and we do it a couple a million times.

Brian, Chotchkie's Waiter: Get a room, you two.

Joanna: I hate that guy.

Joanna: How dare you judge me? I mean what are you? You think you're some kind of, like, angel here? No, you're just this penny-stealing... wanna-be criminal... man.

Peter Gibbons: Yeah, well, that may be. But at least I never slept with Lumbergh.

Joanna: Why don't you just call me when you grow up! Oh, wait, you know what, that's probably never gonna happen, so just don't call me, OK?

[Joanna starts to close car door]

Peter Gibbons: Say hello to Lumbergh for me!

Andrew: [Andrew hands Joanna her earrings after they've drank tequila shots below decks with the crew] You best not lose these again, madam.

Joanna: [perplexed] Again?

Andrew: You will forgive me, madam.

[clearly mocking her]

Andrew: "Andrew! I seem to have lost my ruby earrings somewhere between 64th and 68th street, find them."

Joanna: [geniunely contrite] I've behaved so badly.

[Andrew raises his eyebrows]

Joanna: You've done all these wonderful things for me and I never even once said thank you.

[beat]

Joanna: I'm sorry.

Andrew: [embarrassed] Apology accepted, ma'am.

[he turns away and to the sink]

Joanna: [following him] Everyone on this boat thinks I'm crazy. Do you think they're right?

Andrew: [turning around to face her] Oh no, madam. Oh no. You... most of us go through life with blinders on. Knowing only that little station to which we were born. But you madam, have had the... rare privilege of escaping your bonds for just a spell. To see life from an entirely new perspective. How you choose to use that information is entirely up to you.

Joanna: [on her yacht; she's about to call for caviar when Andrew brings it in] Well! I *almost* had to wait.

[she tastes it and makes a sick face]

Joanna: What is this gelatinous MUCK? Andrew, when I tell you to pack staples, must I specify that you are to pack *good* caviar and not this $1.99 fish bait? Caviar should be round, and hard, and of adequate size, and should burst in your mouth at *precisely* the right moment.

[after Joanna leaves her husband and Dean finds out all the money is hers]

Dean Proffitt: What could I possibly give you... ever... that you don't already have?

Joanna: A little girl.

Joanna: I have behaved so badly. You've done so many wonderful things for me and I've never even once said thank you. I'm sorry

Andrew: Apology accepted, madam.

Joanna: Well, the entire civilized world knows that ALL closets are made of CEDAR.

Dean Proffitt: [in a backwoods accent] Well up here in Elk Snout ma'am see we don't know 'bout them closets, nor bathrooms neither. Shit woman, you're lucky I am house broke.

Joanna: What's my name?

Dean Proffitt: Mrs. Annie Proffitt

Joanna: Well what's my maiden name?

Dean Proffitt: Annie Goolaheey

Joanna: ANNIE GOOLAHEY... Where in God's name did I grow up, Dogpatch?

Dean Proffitt: No, not there honey over in Goober, Idaho but it's a nuclear waste dump

Joanna: Thank you Dean! Thank you for bringing me here and making a wife, and a mother and WHY DID YOU DO THAT?

Joanna: You know forks were invented so that man could at least make a pretense of separating himself from the apes.

Dean Proffitt: So were thumbs.

Joanna: What did you say?

Dean Proffitt: Nothing. It was... my stomach.

Joanna: Well try to control your bodily noises so I can hear myself think.

Joanna: Captain Karl?

Capt. Karl: Yes madam?

Joanna: We've never really had time to talk.

Capt. Karl: No, we haven't.

Joanna: Well, there's no time now.

Andrew: Champagne for everyone.

Joanna: Andrew, I'd like a beer.

Edith Mintz: A beer?

Joanna: [takes a swig from a bottle] Mmmmm, good stuff.

Rosa: So I am looking and I see a young woman, and it's de Sabrina. And she's talking. Who's she talking to? A man, but not her daddy because he's not as tall.

Joanna: It was Linus. Sabrina went out with Linus.

Rosa: It was Mr. Linus.

Linda: Sabrina went out with Linus? That's too weird.

Scott: I always thought that guy was gay.

Rosa: Mr. Linus is not a gay.

Joanna: It's not "a" gay, Rosa. It's just gay.

Linda: Linus is gay? That makes me like him more.

Fairchild: Linus Larabee is a heterosexual.

Fairchild: Marry me. Marry me for my money. People do it every day.

Joanna: I'm not amused, Thomas, and I have a great sense of humor.

Fairchild: Then marry me for love.

Joanna: Race and religion are irrelevant. If you're a dickhead, then you're a dickhead.

Gary: I'm sure every man and his dog has tried a line on you, but has anyone ever told you you have very sad eyes?

Joanna: Well, yes, they have, Gary. Has anyone ever told you you need a shower?

Alex: [as to her selecting him for marriage] Why me?

Joanna: Because you can't see who I really am, and I think it's in the stars.

[repeated line]

Joanna: Merry Christmas, Daddy.

Joanna: Congratulations, Daddy.

Joanna: I have never been to Cleveland, and everybody looks like somebody else.

Reva, Desk Clerk: A gentle reminder, darling. Take out your own trash on Tuesday and Thursday.

Joanna: Of course.

Reva, Desk Clerk: And don't throw it in the street. Throw it in a bin. And tell your boyfriend to do the same.

Joanna: Which one?

Reva, Desk Clerk: The one who's been following you around all week. You know the one - the one who waits outside for you and follows you around like a lost dog.

Joanna: You like sharks?

Gary: I like the myths. They have limited memory. Maybe only a minute or two. Sounds like a pretty good life to me. Of course, the downside is they can never stop swimming. Even when they're asleep, they have to keep moving forward, 'cause if they stop even for a moment, they'll die.

Joanna: Are you going to have sex with her?

Matt: What do you know about sex?

Joanna: Enough. Don't change the subject.

Joanna: Where the fuck have you been? I've been looking all over for you.

Bruno: Joanna we have to get out of here.

Joanna: Well what are we waiting for, huh?

Joanna: [translated lines] You said you'll cook for me. You will let me taste your buns?

The Reverend: I will love you and you will learn to love me. It is God's will.

Joanna: I will kill you.

The Reverend: That would not stop me.

Joanna: You are mad.

The Reverend: Who was that man? He put foolish thoughts in your mind.

Joanna: He helped me. I love him.

The Reverend: No, you do not. It is lust.

Joanna: Yes.

The Reverend: I will beat your mother out of you.