Fairy Godmother Quotes in Twice Upon a Time (1983)

Fairy Godmother: Call me F.G.M. I hate excess verbiage.

Rod Rescueman: I'm a super hero!

Fairy Godmother: You're kidding

Rod Rescueman: I'm actually not a full fledged one, I'm on my learner's permit but that's almost as good.

Fairy Godmother: You have a resume, perhaps I could check something out?

Rod Rescueman: Yeah I do, right here. It's a blank piece of paper but it is notarized and it's legal signed.

Fairy Godmother: You've made my day! If only I could give you a little test you could show me that you're capable of doing...

Rod Rescueman: I've got an idea!

Fairy Godmother: Yes?

Rod Rescueman: Why don't you give me a test?

Fairy Godmother: There's an idea!

Rod Rescueman: Thank you!

Fairy Godmother: Let me think of something... Here we go, I though of it so very quickly, let's pretend that I'm a damsel in distress.

Rod Rescueman: You'll be the damsel in distress.

Fairy Godmother: Better me than you.

Rod Rescueman: Well I couldn't rescue myself, that doesn't count.

Fairy Godmother: It really doesn't.

[flies up onto her desk]

Fairy Godmother: OK, to make it a little more interesting I will be a damsel in distress currently on fire.

Rod Rescueman: At this moment, on fire.

Fairy Godmother: Here we go.

[lights a ring of fire around her]

Fairy Godmother: Oh, help! Damsel in distress currently on fire! Oh, help!

Rod Rescueman: This is the test where I show you...

Fairy Godmother: This is where you jump in and do something!

Rod Rescueman: Alright, you're on fire...

Fairy Godmother: Currently!

Rod Rescueman: Excuse me ma'am! Superheros are very polite!

Fairy Godmother: [fire stops blazing] Skip polite, go right back!

[fire starts blazing again]

Fairy Godmother: I now feel molecules charing internally!

Rod Rescueman: Gotchya!

Fairy Godmother: Oh, help! Damsel in distress currently on fire!

Rod Rescueman: Would you like to be rescued?

Fairy Godmother: [fire stop blazing] More than life itself!

[fire begins to blaze again]

Rod Rescueman: Let me just suck those flames up then!

[sucks flames into his mouth]

Fairy Godmother: My hero!

Rod Rescueman: Thank you!

[blows out flames all over the fairy godmother turning her black and crispy with the top of her wand eventually falling off]

Fairy Godmother: Oh, jeez! This is pain!

Rod Rescueman: Do I get the job, or should we move right onto the shark infested waters test?

Fairy Godmother: I'll give you the job, you'll get out of here!

Fairy Godmother: Harold, you have forced me to do something I really don't want to do.

King: What... Where are we?

Fast Food Clerk: Well, hi there! Welcome to Friar's Fat Boy. May I take your order?

Fairy Godmother: My diet is ruined! I hope you're happy.

Fairy Godmother: He endured blistering winds and scorching deserts - he climbed the highest bloody room of the tallest bloody tower - and what does he find? Some gender-confused WOLF telling him that HIS princess is already married!

King: Well, it wasn't my fault - he didn't get there in time!

Fairy Godmother: We have to go. I have to do Charming's hair. You know, he's all high in the front and he can't reach the back. He always needs someone to take care of the back.

Prince Charming: Oh, thank you, Mother.

Donkey: [outside window] Mother?

Shrek: Uh... Mary! A talking horse!

Fairy Godmother: The ogre!

Shrek: Hi. I'm here to see...

Receptionist: The Fairy Godmother? I'm sorry, she's not here right now.

Fairy Godmother: [on intercom] Jerome! Coffee and a Monte Cristo! Now!

Fairy Godmother: Your fallen tears have called to me / So here comes my sweet remedy / I know what every princess needs / For her to live life happily / With... just a wave of my magic wand / Your troubles will soon be gone / With a flick of the wrist in just a flash / You land a prince with a ton of cash / A high priced dress made by mice no less / Some crystal glass pumps and almost dressed / Worries will vanish your soul will cleanse / Confide in your very own furniture friends / We'll help you set a new fashion trend / I'll make you fancy, I'll make you great / The kind of gal a prince would date / They'll write your name on the bathroom wall...

Bookcase: For happy ever after, give Fiona a call!

Fairy Godmother: A sporty carriage to ride in style / A sexy man-boy chauffer Kyle / Vanish your blemishes, tooth decay / Celulite thighs will fade away / And oh, what the hey? / Have a Bichon Frise / Nip and tuck here and there / To land that prince with the perfect hair / Lipstick liners, shadow blush / To get that prince with a sexy tush / Lucky day, hunk buffet / For the lipstick a roll in the hay / You can spoon on the moon / With the prince to this tune / Don't be drab, you'll be fab / Your prince will have rock-hard abs / Cheese souflee Valentine's Day? / Have some chicken fricassee...

Fairy Godmother: Harold, you were supposed to give her the potion!

King: Well, I guess gave her the wrong tea.

Fairy Godmother: What in Grimm's name are you doing here?

Shrek: It seems that Fiona is not at all happy.

Fairy Godmother: Oh, and is there any question as to why that is? Let's explore that, shall we?

[looks over her bookshelf]

Fairy Godmother: Let's see... P-p-p-p-p, Princess. Cinderella... Handsome prince, lived happily ever after... oh, no ogres! Sleeping Beauty... handsome prince, no ogres. Thumbelina, no! Handsel and Gretel, no! The Golden Bird, the Little Mermaid, Pretty Woman... no, no, no, no, NO! You see, ogres don't live happily ever after.

Fairy Godmother: I don't care whose fault this was, just get this place cleaned up! And could someone please bring me something deep fat fried and smothered in chocolate!

Prince Charming: [waving his sword] Where is he Mum? I shall render his head from his shoulders! I will smite him where he stands! HE WILL RUE THE VERY DAY HE STOLE MY KINGDOM AWAY FROM ME!

[a bird sheds its droppings on him]

Fairy Godmother: Oh, put it away, Junior! You're still going to be King. We just need to work out something smarter, that's all.

Donkey: [after just being snuck up on by Puss In Boots, who steps on his hoof] Owww! You little hairy little licking sack of...

[tear lands onto card]

Fairy Godmother: ["Voice Message" Bubble forms after landing] Is it on?, Is it on?

[clears throat]

Fairy Godmother: What? Is it on? Is it on? This is Fairy Godmother. I'm either away from my desk or with a client, but if you come by the office, we'll be glad to give you a personal appointment. Have a Happy Ever After!

[bubble pops]

Fairy Godmother: I told you ogres don't live happily ever after!

Fairy Godmother: Don't you point those dirty, green sausages at me!

Fairy Godmother: Remember, happiness is just a teardrop away...

Fairy Godmother: [singing] I need a hero!

[singing softly]

Fairy Godmother: Your fallen tears have come to me, so here comes my sweet remedy, I know what every princess needs, for her to live happily...

Fairy Godmother: No one will recognize you for what you are. People seldom do.

Fairy Godmother: You're not meant to understand it. You're meant to accept it. Graciously.

Fairy Godmother: I suppose I shall simply have to rise to the occasion and do something spectacular, yet again. And spectaculars always take so much out of me... It was the same with Snow White. All the same, you young girls: never do as you're told! Men are MUCH easier.

Fairy Godmother: Time to get your prince, my dear Mozzarella!

Ella: It's Cinderella.

Fairy Godmother: Really? Why'd you change it?

[after creating a coach, horses, a coachman, and a footman for Cinderella]

Fairy Godmother: Well, hop in my, dear. We can't waste time.

Cinderella: But, uh...

Fairy Godmother: Uh, uh, now, now, now, don't-don't try to thank me.

Cinderella: Oh, I wasn't... I mean, I do, but-but don't you think my dress...

Fairy Godmother: Yes, it's lovely, dear, lov...

[realizing]

Fairy Godmother: Good Heavens, child! You can't go in that.

[the Fairy Godmother appears as Cinderella sobs]

Cinderella: Oh, no. No, it isn't true. It's just no use. No use at all. I can't believe. Not anymore. There's nothing left to believe in. Nothing.

Fairy Godmother: Nothing, my dear? Oh, now you don't really mean that.

Cinderella: Oh, but I do...

Fairy Godmother: Nonsense, child. If you'd lost all your faith, I couldn't be here. And here I am.

Cinderella: Why, it's like a dream. A wonderful dream come true.

Fairy Godmother: Yes, my child, but like all dreams, well, I'm afraid this can't last forever. You'll have only 'til midnight, and then...

Cinderella: Midnight? Oh, thank you.

Fairy Godmother: Oh, now, now, now, now, now, just a minute. You must understand, my dear: On the stroke of twelve, the spell will be broken, and everything will be as it was before.

Cinderella: Oh, I understand, but... it's more than I ever hoped for.

Fairy Godmother: What in the world did I do with that magic wand? I-I was sure I...

Cinderella: Magic wand?

Fairy Godmother: That's strange. I-I always...

Cinderella: Why, then you must be...

Fairy Godmother: Your Fairy Godmother? Of course. Now, where is that wand? I- Oh! I forgot. I put it away.

[Literally pulls the wand from thin air]

[as the Fairy Godmother casts her spell]

Fairy Godmother: [singing] Salaga-doola, menchika-boola, Bibbidi-bobbidi-boo. Put them together, and what have you got? Bibbidi-bobbidi-boo. Salaga-doola, menchika-boola, Bibbidi-bobbidi-boo. It will do magic, believe it or not, Bibbidi-bobbidi-boo. Now, "Salagadoola" means, "A-Menchika-boola-roo," but the the thingamabob, that does the job, is "Bibbidi-bobbidi-boo."

Fairy Godmother: Which one of ya honkeys got my bag?

Fairy Godmother: I'm your Hairy Dogfather... Oh! I mean, your Fairy Godmother.

[after Cinderella finds her outside and asks who she is]

[last lines]

Fairy Godmother: [narrating] And so Kit and Ella were married. And I can tell you, as her fairy godmother, that they were counted to be the fairest and kindest rulers the kingdom had known. And Ella continued to see the world not as it is, but as it could be, if only you believe in courage, and kindness, and occasionally, just a little bit... of magic.

Fairy Godmother: At the last stroke of midnight, the spell will be broken.

Cinderella: Midnight?

Fairy Godmother: Midnight.

Cinderella: That's more than enough time!

Fairy Godmother: Now off you go... for you *shall* go to the ball.

Fairy Godmother: [voiceover] Forgiven or not, Cinderella's stepmother and her daughters would soon leave with the Grand Duke, and never set foot in the kingdom again.

Fairy Godmother: [after the greenhouse and pumpkin transform into a golden carriage] There! One carriage!

Cinderella: [in amazement] You really are my fairy godmother!

Fairy Godmother: Look at you. You've been sleeping by the fireplace again, haven't you.

Queen Cinderella: I don't ever want to forget who I am.