Ewan Proclaimer Quotes in Maybe Baby (2000)

Ewan Proclaimer: "Sick Junkie" is a comedy about a group of normal, ordinary kids - all heroin addicts, of course. Possibly Welsh, maybe Irish, probably Scottish. We see a week in their ordinary, mundane lives. They inject heroin into their eyeballs. They have babies in toilets. They get AIDS. They try and raise veins on their private parts in order to inject more heroin. They kill a social worker. They have anal sex in exchange for heroin, which turns out to be cut with bleach, and kills them. They have abortions. They're raped by gangs of English policemen.

Sam Bell: [interrupting] Excuse me. Um, I just want to make sure I'm following this... This is a comedy we're discussing, is it?

Ewan Proclaimer: It's total comedy. But real comedy about what's actually happening to kids today. Not escapist English crap.

Ewan Proclaimer: Isn't that amazing? Grown men and women that have to be taught how to use a hypodermic needle. It's extraordinary.

Ewan Proclaimer: This stuff is great... but it occurs to me that we might be missing out on some comedy. What if Rachel's fertility meds gets mixed in with Colin's drug stash and she injects that instead?

Sam Bell: [sarcastically] Yes, that would be good, except, damn! Colin doesn't take drugs.

Ewan Proclaimer: What do you think?

Sam Bell: Honestly, with the disappearance of the rainforests, I thought it was ecologically unsound for him to turn in such a wooden performance. Anal, repressed, and uptight.

Ewan Proclaimer: Exactly! A totally convincing Englishman.