Lucy Bell Quotes in Maybe Baby (2000)

Lucy Bell: [writes in her diary] Carl Phipps came into work today all brooding and Byronic. He looked like the dispossessed lord of a bleak Mooreland estate. I swear his aftershave smelled of heather.

Lucy Bell: [reading] Samuel Bell: sperm test. 30% sluggish.

Sam Bell: Sluggish? Is that the word they use?

[Lucy nods]

Sam Bell: Well, couldn't they have found a nicer way of putting it? Like relaxed or unhurried? Relaxed, laid back sperm I can handle, but sluggish?

Lucy Bell: Motility poor.

Sam Bell: Oh, that is just an outrageous slur!

Lucy Bell: 41% swimming in the wrong direction.

Sam Bell: They're in a plastic pot! How are they supposed to know what the right direction is?

Lucy Bell: [about Sam's sperm test] Conclusion...

Sam Bell: I've got slack, stupid sperm. That's the bloody conclusion. The stuff's been dawdling back up my dick all these years, bumping into each other, getting their abnormal tails tangled.

Mr. James: Mr. Puter here is a medical student. You don't mind if he observes, do you?

Lucy Bell: [voice-over] Oh, no there's nothing I like more than a gormless, adolescent youth peering into my splayed vagina!

[out loud]

Lucy Bell: No, not at all.

Mr. James: [completing a gynecological exam] Try to relax if you can, Lucy.

Lucy Bell: [voice-over] Stick a traffic cone up your arse mate and see if you can relax.

[out loud]

Lucy Bell: I will try.

Sam Bell: Lucy, if I have to serve a life sentence for what I did, can't I at least serve it with you?

Lucy Bell: Is that a line from your new screen play?

Sam Bell: No... well yes, but I still mean it.

Sam Bell: [seeing each other for the first time in months] You look wonderful.

Lucy Bell: You look like Rasputin.

Lucy Bell: I hope Dick and Debbie know what I'm going through for them.

Sam Bell: Well, you can tell them some day.

Lucy Bell: There's only a one in five chance.

Sam Bell: Lucy, any child of yours would be one in a million.

Richard Powell: [of Betsy] Can she love me?

Lucy Bell: She will.