Dr. Quackenshaw Quotes in Polyester (1981)

Dr. Quackenshaw: [with German accent] Hello moviegoers. I am Doctor Arnold Quackenshaw. And I am here to explain to you the wondrous screen gimmick... Odorama. Odorama will enable you, ze viewer, to actually *smell* right from your movie seat, some of life's most fragrant odors. Ze producers of zis film have *unselfishly* spent untold *millions* of dollars to develop zis startling process. And I, *I* have been... locked away for many years, in ze laboratory, experimenting with this *mindboggling* project. I would like to share with you some of my research.

[walks over to a chart]

Dr. Quackenshaw: All right, first of all, this... is da nose, da most prominent part of the human face. It bears the nostrils und covers the nasal passsages. We all have one, zis nose. Call it what you will - schneezer, schnoz, beak, schmeller, schnout, schnoot - it all means the same thing. Through zis nose comes some of life's most rewarding sensations, und we plan to share with you some of ze most beautiful odors known to mankind. *Unfortunately,* zis same nose... is also responsible for bringing us some odors that are rather... repulsive. We have not shied away from zis distressing fact. You will experience some odors that may *shock* you. But ze producers of zis film believe that today's audiences are mature enough to accept ze fact that some things in life just plain stink.

[walks over to a counter top]

Dr. Quackenshaw: All right now, this is the product of our endless experimentation: Mmm! Ze Odorama card. The card is actually quite simple to operate. Just listen carefully und follow my instructions. When a number appears on ze screen, that is your signal to scratch und to sniff ze same number on your Odorama card. Mmm. Ja? Mmm? Look - use anything you want to scratch it. Use a key, a coin, use your fingernail! Hmmm? Number one? Ah! Now sniff it, number one? Ja? See? You get it? You smell it? Yeh? It works! By God, it actually works! Ladies and gentlemen, this... is Odorama! Yeh?