Francine Fishpaw Quotes in Polyester (1981)

School Principal: Is Dexter ill today?

Francine Fishpaw: Why, no, Mr. Kirk. Dexter's in school.

School Principal: I'm afraid he's not, Mrs. Fishpaw. Dexter's truancy problem is way out of hand, and the Baltimore County School Board have decided to expel Dexter from the entire public school system.

Francine Fishpaw: Why Mr. Kirk - I'm as upset as you to learn of Dexter's truancy - but surely expulsion is not the answer?

School Principal: I'm afraid expulsion is the only answer. It is the opinion of the entire staff that Dexter is criminally insane...

Francine Fishpaw: Coitus Interruptus?

Francine Fishpaw: Oh Elmer, that dog stinks to high heaven. You'll be permeated by his odor.

Elmer Fishpaw: Yeah? Well, this whole world stinks, Francine, so get used to it! You and that big nose of yours are startin' to get on my nerves. Snortin' around the place like a goddamned anteater. I've about had it with you. Gimme that drink! Hurry up!

Francine Fishpaw: [Cuddles, along with her personal chauffeur, have arrived in the driveway] Oh, it's Cuddles...

La Rue: Good Lord, Francine. Don't you know it's bad luck to let retarded people in your home? Call me a cab this instant!

Francine Fishpaw: But, Mother, she's my best friend.

La Rue: Your "best friend"? She was your cleaning lady, Francine! Are you that unpopular that you seek out the social company of your maid?

Francine Fishpaw: But she's not a maid anymore, Mother. She inherited a great deal of money from the family she used to work for.

La Rue: Money or not... oh, the injustice of it all! She was a scrub woman! Give her carfare, a ham at Easter, but for God's sake, don't hang around with her! Are you going to call me a cab, or do I have to walk?

Francine Fishpaw: [meekly] Yes, Mother...

Lu-Lu Fishpaw: I got my report card today. Wanna see it?

Francine Fishpaw: Have you done any better this time?

Francine Fishpaw: [Looks at her report card, which indicates all "F"s] Lu-Lu, you have failed every single subject again!

Lu-Lu Fishpaw: No, Ma. They changed the grading system. "F" is for "Fantastic"!

Francine Fishpaw: You little liar! It's a good thing you're not Pinocchio... your nose would be a mile long!

Francine Fishpaw: Dexter's been expelled from school!

Cuddles Kovinsky: For what?

Francine Fishpaw: For truancy!

Cuddles Kovinsky: It's just those common Baltimore public schools. God, I wish I lived in Connecticut!

Francine Fishpaw: [visiting La Rue in the hospital] Hello, Mother. Feeling any better today?

La Rue: How can I feel better with a drunken miser as a daughter?

Francine Fishpaw: Shut up, Mother! For 44 years, I've tried to be a good daughter to you and all I've gotten in return is abuse. I've given you money - thousands and thousands of dollars - and still it's not enough! Well, I've had it! You can rot in that wheelchair for all I care!

[storms out of the room]

La Rue: [faking a heart attack] The pain, the pain! My heart! She's giving me a heart attack! Oh God, help! Help!

Francine Fishpaw: My name is Francine Fishpaw, and I am an alcoholic!

Francine Fishpaw: [affectionately] Oh, Lulu, your hair looks so pretty!

Lu-Lu Fishpaw: [angrily] I *know*!

Francine Fishpaw: I'll never be able to show my face in church again! I'll be excommunicated because of YOU!

Elmer Fishpaw: Stop that yammering and fix me a drink!

Elmer Fishpaw: [as Francine kneels by the bed to pray] What the hell are *you* doing?

Francine Fishpaw: Saying my prayers. Asking God to forgive you for showing *dirty* movies!

Elmer Fishpaw: Oh, I don't believe this! I gotta' goddamned nun for a wife!

Elmer Fishpaw: Get up, Francine, you big oaf! I want some breakfast!

Francine Fishpaw: What time is it?

Elmer Fishpaw: Time to get that fat ass out of bed, that's what time it is! I guess *I'll* have to fix my own cereal!

Cuddles Kovinsky: What's the matter, "ma petite"?

Francine Fishpaw: Speak English, Cuddles. *Please*, speak ENGLISH!

Francine Fishpaw: Oh Cuddles, you're too *old* to be a debutante. Just because you've inherited a lot of money doesn't mean that you're suddenly socially prominent.

Francine Fishpaw: I wish I could be more like you, Cuddles: always optimistic. I look into my future, and all I see is a long, dark highway, filled with endless toll booths and... no exits.

Francine Fishpaw: [bursts in on Elmer and Sandra in a motel room] Caught you, didn't I? Right in the act of adultery! I won't stand for this, Elmer. I want a divorce! And a big, fat settlement to go along with it!

Elmer Fishpaw: You'll never get a penny out of me, you fat hunk of cellulite. I only support the women I love!

Francine Fishpaw: Lu-Lu, there's a living thing inside of you... Oh Lu-Lu, that baby is part of you!

Lu-Lu Fishpaw: It's *stealing* part of me, you mean! I can feel it like cancer, getting bigger and bigger, like the Blob. One day it'll rip me open, and it'll be there in my life, ready to rob me of every bit of fun I deserve to have!