J. Pierpont Finch Quotes in How to Succeed in Business Without Really Trying (1967)

Miss Jones: What's your name?

J. Pierpont Finch: Finch, F-I-N-C-H. J. Pierpont Finch.

Miss Jones: Well, why haven't I seen you before?

J. Pierpont Finch: Well, ma'am, I'm not supposed to deliver the executive mail. That's his job. Bud Frump, F-R-U-M-P.

J. B. Biggley: I like the way you thinch, Fink.

[Long pause]

J. Pierpont Finch: That's "think, Finch."

J. Pierpont Finch: This is the secret ingredient: it can't miss, I'm combining greed with sex.

J. Pierpont Finch: Just remember, Wally, we're all brothers.

J. B. Biggley: Some of us are uncles.

J. Pierpont Finch: Be patient? Don't you realize I've been working here... well, two whole hours now?

J. Pierpont Finch: What are you taking that down in?

Hedy LaRue: Long hand. It's safer. I make up for it when I type.

J. Pierpont Finch: Oh, you type fast.

Hedy LaRue: Like a jack rabbit - 12 words a minute.

Mr. Twimble: Last month I became a quarter-of-a-century man.

J. Pierpont Finch: Oh, that's beautiful, a quarter-of-a-century.

Mr. Twimble: Quarter-of-a-century.

J. Pierpont Finch: How long have you been in the mail room?

Mr. Twimble: Twenty-five years. It's not easy to get this medal. It takes a combination of skill, diplomacy, and bold caution.

J. Pierpont Finch: I feel sorry for men who don't knit, they lead empty lives.

J. Pierpont Finch: An emotional involvement can only lead to getting involved... emotionally.

J. Pierpont Finch: Mediocrity is not a mortal sin.

J. B. Biggley: Do you know who I am?

J. Pierpont Finch: No, sir.

J. B. Biggley: I'm J. B. Biggley, the President of this company, that's who I am. In fact, that's who the hell I am.

Bud Frump: Are you ambitious, Finch?

J. Pierpont Finch: No, not necessarily.

Bud Frump: Good. You just keep that in mind. If you just remember who I am and who you are, we'll get along fine. If not...

Rosemary: You go crying to your uncle!

Bud Frump: I beg your pardon, I do not go crying to my uncle! It just happens my mother is Mrs. Biggley's sister. If I feel something's wrong, I phone my mother. She phones Mrs. Biggley, and Mrs. Biggley phones Mr. Biggley. That's the DEMOCRATIC way.

[There is music when Finch thinks of Rosemary]

J. Pierpont Finch: Can't you hear it? It's all around me, it's like a beautiful pink sky.

Rosemary: J. Pierpont Finch, what are you...

J. Pierpont Finch: Rosemary, darling, will you please marry J. Pierpont Finch?

Rosemary: NOW I hear it.

Rosemary: Lunch.

J. Pierpont Finch: Huh?

Rosemary: I said, "Lunch."

J. Pierpont Finch: What about "lunch"?

Rosemary: I'd love to!

[Song lyrics]

Smitty: Now she's thinking:

Rosemary: I wish that he were more of a flirt.

Smitty: And he's thinking:

J. Pierpont Finch: I guess a little flirting won't hurt.

Smitty: Now she's thinking:

Rosemary: For dinner we could meet.

Smitty: And he's thinking:

J. Pierpont Finch: We both've gotta eat.

Smitty: And she says:

Rosemary: [Sneezes]

Smitty: And he says:

J. Pierpont Finch: Gesundheit... well, it's been a long day.

J. Pierpont Finch: [Twimble is singing the praises of the company] The company restaurant?

Mr. Twimble: Every day, same lunch. The haddock sandwich, it's delicious!

J. Pierpont Finch: [Unimpressed] I must try it.

Mr. Twimble: [a warning] Early in the week.