Dr. P Quotes in School for Scoundrels (2006)

Dr. P: How many of you have self-help books? Okay, that's your first problem. You can't help yourself, because your *self* sucks!

Dr. P: This is not a goddamn Tony Robbins seminar. If you're looking for "Chicken Soup for the Soul," get the hell outta here!

Dr. P: There are two kinds of men in the world: those who run shit, like me, and those who eat shit, like you.

[repeated line]

Dr. P: Lie, lie, and lie some more.

Dr. P: [to the class] If that's why you're here, then just get the fuck outta here.

Eli: [when he grabs his paintball gun] It says here that the shooter must maintain a 100-yard distance from target.

Dr. P: [shoots Eli in the chest] Anyone else wanna read their gun?

Dr. P: Every once in a while, a shepherd has to pluck a sheep from the heard and challenge him. It lets the man know he's worthy of leading him.

Roger: Well, you know what? I don't want to be a shepherd anymore!

Dr. P: You're not the shepherd, DUMB ASS, I'm the shepherd! Its called an analogy, moron!

Roger: Look, you dont understand. Everything was going so well between us.

Dr. P: Well, clearly I'm sure you're just days away from adopting a Chinese kid together.