Ernest Quotes in Death Becomes Her (1992)

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Ernest Quotes:

  • [about his wife]

    Ernest: Is it up yet?

  • Helen: Madeleine! I need to speak to Madeleine!

    Ernest: She's not here.

    Helen: Oh, thank god.

  • Madeleine: I just want you to know one thing...

    [Madeleine points gun at Helen]

    Madeleine: You brought this on yourself.

    Ernest: Madeleine!

    [Madeleine shoots Helen and Ernest screams]

  • Ernest: Is this an angel I see before me?

  • Madeleine: Oh, it's you.

    Ernest: Fine, dear, thank you, like a rock.

  • Ernest: You're sitting there, you're talking to me, but you're dead!

  • Helen: Ernest, ask me to go. Ask me to leave this house immediately!

    Ernest: You just got here!

  • [Lisle stabs his finger]

    Ernest: What are you doing?

    Lisle: I'm loving you.

  • Lisle: But you'll never grow old!

    Ernest: Yes, but everybody else will! I'll have to watch everyone around me die. I don't think this is right. This is not a dream. This is a nightmare!

  • Ernest: Well, from now on, I'm going to be the kind of idiot I want to be!

  • Dr. Lee: Good morning.

    The Band: Good morning.

    Dr. Lee: Good morning to music. Good morning and welcome to Atlanta A&T University marching band training. The next two weeks will be your introduction and possibly induction into a great marching band legacy. If you are here, it's because you believe in musicianship. If you are here it's because you believe in Coltrane, Miles Davis, Stevie Wonder, and the elements known as Earth, Wind, and Fire. If you are here, it's because you have a fervent, unequivocal belief in teamwork.

    [Several students just arrive at the A&T field]

    Dr. Lee: And if you wish to remain here, you better start believing in being on time.

    [looks at Ernest]

    Dr. Lee: You...

    [points to him]

    Dr. Lee: who's your roommate?

    Ernest: Uh, Devon... Miles, sir.

    Dr. Lee: [looks at Devon, walks off the platform, and approaches him] Eyes front!

    Devon: Hey, what's up, Dr. Lee?

    Dr. Lee: It's all good, Mr. Miles, glad to have you here.

    Devon: Thank you, sir.

    Dr. Lee: Why was he late?

    Devon: I, um... guess he overslept.

    Dr. Lee: Well, why didn't you wake him?

    Devon: I'm not his mother, sir.

    Dr. Lee: I asked Mr. Miles why his roommate was late, he says he guesses he overslept. I asked, "Why didn't you wake him?" and he says he is not his mother. Section leaders, what is our concept?

    SeanTuba Section LeaderSax Section LeaderTrumpet Section Leader: One band, one sound!

    Dr. Lee: One band, one sound. When one of us is late, we are all late. When one of us looks or sounds bad, we all look and sound bad. So what's the concept?

    The Band: One band, one sound.

    Dr. Lee: Now I want ten laps from those who are not their roommates' mama.

  • Diedre: Hey Devon, ya know, if you keep messing up, Ernest actually might get a chest.

    Ernest: And Diedre might get strong enough to pick up a hot comb.

  • Buck Wild: If you're up for marching band training, gather 'round. Take a good look at this man. This black Adonis is known as God's gift, A.K.A. Double G. You will know him and call him such from this day forward. I'm Buck Wild. We are your drum majors. Starting tomorrow, white T-shirts at all times. It'll help us identify you as a crab who knows absolutely nothing. Maybe you'll one day have the honor and privilege to wear the school colors. But for now, you're as blank as the white T-shirts you'll be wearing. Understand?

    The Band: Yes sir.

    Buck Wild: UNDERSTAND?

    The Band: YES SIR!

    Buck Wild: Get up to your dorms. Get well-acquainted with the rule book. Dinner is at 6 o' clock in the cafeteria. And after that is night-night. You're dismissed!

    Devon: Man, I ain't trying to have no curfew. But I know this spot where the girls are supposed to be banging. Y'all dance?

    Ernest: Yeah!

  • Ernest: You should be in the staff boat - not with us.

    Bill Crichton: Shall I withdraw, sir?

  • Ernest: I know just when to look... when the wind blows up their skirts... or they lift a gam to climb on the bus. Am I shocking you?

    Léna: Not at all. You're not the first skunk I've met.

  • Ernest: You've got to admit you females do everything to excite us males. Why the lipstick? Why the nail polish? Why the tight-fitting sweaters? And the short skirts? Why the high heels? And the stockings? Why do you wear stockings? Why don't you wear socks like we men do?

  • Ernest: Boy this is great! This is just like that John Wayne movie when he and Sundance were in Bulgaria.

    Abner: Bolivia. They were in Bolivia. Wait a minute, they were killed in Bolivia.

    Ernest: Well maybe they should've stayed in Bulgaria.

  • Abner: Look, consider the ramifications!

    Ernest: We don't have any ramifications, all we've got is this cannon!

  • Ernest: Know what I mean?

  • Ernest: Isn't that one of those lizards that when its tail falls off, it can grow another lizard?

  • Abner: I left my detector!

    Ernest: So did I!

    Abner: But it was a Ten Co.

    Ernest: Mine was an Eleven-Co.

  • Abner: Ernest, are you dead?

    Ernest: I guess I would be if I weren't just *that* close to being an actual cartoon.

  • Ernest: Why the long face? I thought you were a "hysterical" professor.

  • Ernest: Could it be? Is it possible?

    [Unearths a bicycle seat]

    Ernest: It is! It's Cleopatra's crystal skull!

  • Ernest: [after approaching a sign reading "Apple Maggot Contamination - Do not pass go, do not collect $200] Stopped by apple maggots again!

  • Ernest: [as Dr. Glencliff's Cadillac is approaching Ernest, Abner, and the cannon from the distance] Oh, no, it's that crazy doctor in the Batmobile!

  • Ernest: Don't be so bellicose. Men don't like women who are bellicose. I don't wanna have no trouble from you.

  • Ernest: What's happened to the chief?

    Carol Baldwin: I don't know. Why, what's the matter?

    Ernest: Oh, keep your blouse on, he's alright.

  • Ernest: What a worm. What a worm!

    Carol Baldwin: No, Ernest, I'm the worm!

Browse more character quotes from Death Becomes Her (1992)

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