Clairee Belcher Quotes in Steel Magnolias (1989)

Clairee Belcher: Well, you know what they say: if you don't have anything nice to say about anybody, come sit by me!

Clairee Belcher: I love ya more than my luggage.

Clairee Belcher: Ouiser, I'd recognize this penmanship anywhere. You have the handwritin' of a serial killer.

Clairee Belcher: Ouiser could never stay mad at me; she worships the quicksand I walk on.

Clairee Belcher: The only thing that separates us from the animals is our ability to accessorize.

Clairee Belcher: You know, you would be a much more contented, pleasant person if you would find ways to occupy your time.

Ouiser Boudreaux: I'm pleasant. Damn it! I saw Drum Eatenton this morning at the Piggly Wiggly, and I smiled at the son of a bitch 'fore I couldn't help myself.

Ouiser Boudreaux: Yes, Annelle, I pray! Well, I do! There, I said it, I hope you're satisfied.

Annelle: I suspected this all along!

Ouiser Boudreaux: Oh! Well don't you expect me to come to one of your churches or one of those tent-revivals with all those Bible-beaters doin' God-only-knows-what! They'd probably make me eat a live chicken!

Annelle: Not on your first visit!

Clairee Belcher: Very good, Annelle! Spoken like a true smart-ass!

Annelle: We are in the house of the Lord!

Clairee Belcher: Oh like she cares. Ousier's never done a religious thing in her life.

Ouiser Boudreaux: Now that is not true. When I was in school, a bunch of my friends and I would dress up as nuns and go bar-hoppin'.

Ouiser Boudreaux: You are evil, and you must be destroyed.

Clairee Belcher: Mother Nature's taking care of that faster than you could.

Clairee Belcher: [quoting her gay nephew] All gay men have track lightin'. And all gay men are named Mark, Rick, or Steve.

Clairee Belcher: [trying to do "color commentary" by discussing the color of the football uniforms] ... But I love the top - such a vibrant purple. Bob, would you call this color "grape" or "aubergine'?

Ouiser Boudreaux: SHUT UP!

Clairee Belcher: What?

Ouiser Boudreaux: You're makin' a fool outta yourself, Clairee.

Clairee Belcher: I am not.

Ouiser Boudreaux: This is football. All the people wanna hear about are touchdowns and injuries. They don't give a damn 'bout that grape shit.

[about the new mayor's wife dancing]

Clairee Belcher: Looks like two pigs fightin' under a blanket.

Clairee Belcher: They were both high. They'd been smokin' everything but their shoes.

Clairee Belcher: That which does not kill us, makes us stronger.

Truvy: You are playin' hard to get!

Clairee Belcher: At her age, she should be playin' beat the clock.

Ouiser Boudreaux: Clairee, this is just a gesture. We're not feedin' Drum until the end of time.

Clairee Belcher: Drum loves pork and beans. Eats 'em with everything.

Ouiser Boudreaux: That explains a lot.

Clairee Belcher: The older you get, the sillier you get.

Ouiser Boudreaux: Yeah, well the older you get, the uglier you get.