Ouiser Boudreaux Quotes in Steel Magnolias (1989)

Ouiser Boudreaux: I'm not crazy, I've just been in a very bad mood 40 years!

M'Lynn: [crying] I'm fine, I'm fine, I'm fine.

[screaming]

M'Lynn: I'm fine! I can jog all the way to Texas and back, but my daughter can't! She never could! Oh God! I am so mad I don't know what to do! I wanna know why! I wanna know *why* Shelby's life is over! I wanna know how that baby will *ever* know how wonderful his mother was! Will he *ever* know what she went through for him! Oh *God* I wanna know *why*? *Why*? Lord, I wish I could understand!

[in a firm tone]

M'Lynn: No! No! No! It's not supposed to happen this way! I'm supposed to go first. I've always been ready to go first! I-I don't think I can take this! I-I don't think I can take this! I-I just wanna *hit* somebody 'til they feel as bad as I do! I just wanna hit something! I wanna hit it hard!

[continues sobbing]

Clairee: Here!

[grabs Ouiser by the shoulder and positions her in front of M'Lynn]

Clairee: Hit this! Go ahead M'Lynn, slap her!

Ouiser Boudreaux: [taken aback and confused] Are you crazy?

Clairee: Hit her!

Ouiser Boudreaux: Are you *high*, Clairee?

Truvy: [in a frightened tone] Clairee, have you lost your mind?

Clairee: We'll sell t-shirts sayin' "I SLAPPED OUISER BOUDREAUX!" Hit her!

Annelle: [in a scared tone] Ms. Clairee, enough!

Clairee: Ouiser, this is your chance to do something for your fellow man! Knock her lights out, M'Lynn!

Ouiser Boudreaux: [snatches away] Let go o' me!

Clairee: M'Lynn, you just missed the chance of a lifetime! Half o' Chiquapin Parish'd give their eye teeth to take a whack at Ouiser!

Clairee Belcher: You know, you would be a much more contented, pleasant person if you would find ways to occupy your time.

Ouiser Boudreaux: I'm pleasant. Damn it! I saw Drum Eatenton this morning at the Piggly Wiggly, and I smiled at the son of a bitch 'fore I couldn't help myself.

Drum: Ouiser you look like hammered shit.

Ouiser Boudreaux: Don't you talk to me like that!

Drum: Oh,I'm sorry you look like regular shit.

Ouiser Boudreaux: A dirty mind is a terrible thing to waste.

Ouiser Boudreaux: Yes, Annelle, I pray! Well, I do! There, I said it, I hope you're satisfied.

Annelle: I suspected this all along!

Ouiser Boudreaux: Oh! Well don't you expect me to come to one of your churches or one of those tent-revivals with all those Bible-beaters doin' God-only-knows-what! They'd probably make me eat a live chicken!

Annelle: Not on your first visit!

Clairee Belcher: Very good, Annelle! Spoken like a true smart-ass!

Annelle: We are in the house of the Lord!

Clairee Belcher: Oh like she cares. Ousier's never done a religious thing in her life.

Ouiser Boudreaux: Now that is not true. When I was in school, a bunch of my friends and I would dress up as nuns and go bar-hoppin'.

Ouiser Boudreaux: I am just about at the end of my rope with you.

Drum: Well, then why don't you tie a noose and slip it 'round your head?

Ouiser Boudreaux: This is it, I've found it, I'm in hell.

Ouiser Boudreaux: You are a pig from hell.

Ouiser Boudreaux: You are evil, and you must be destroyed.

Clairee Belcher: Mother Nature's taking care of that faster than you could.

Clairee: And I can also report that a mysterious car is parked in her driveway at least once a week...

Ouiser Boudreaux: There. My secrets out. I'm having an affair with a Mercedes Benz!

Ouiser Boudreaux: What's the matter with you these days, M'Lynn? You got a reindeer up your butt?

Ouiser Boudreaux: You know you would be a much more contended pleasant person if you would find ways to occupy your time.

Ouiser Boudreaux: I am pleasant! Dammit! I just saw Drum Eatenton this mornin at the Piggly Wiggly and I smiled at the son of a bitch for I couldn't help myself!

Ouiser Boudreaux: I do not see plays, because I can nap at home for free. And I don't see movies 'cause they're trash, and they got nothin' but naked people in 'em! And I don't read books, 'cause if they're any good, they're gonna make 'em into a miniseries.

Ouiser Boudreaux: Drum, eat shit and die.

Ouiser Boudreaux: Annelle, take your Bible and shove it where the sun doesn't shine.

M'Lynn: Oh Ouiser, Drum would NEVER point a gun at a lady!

Ouiser Boudreaux: Oh! He's a real gentleman! I bet he takes the dishes out of the sink before he PEES in it!

Clairee Belcher: [trying to do "color commentary" by discussing the color of the football uniforms] ... But I love the top - such a vibrant purple. Bob, would you call this color "grape" or "aubergine'?

Ouiser Boudreaux: SHUT UP!

Clairee Belcher: What?

Ouiser Boudreaux: You're makin' a fool outta yourself, Clairee.

Clairee Belcher: I am not.

Ouiser Boudreaux: This is football. All the people wanna hear about are touchdowns and injuries. They don't give a damn 'bout that grape shit.

Ouiser Boudreaux: Don't try to get on my good side, Truvy. I no longer have one!

Ouiser Boudreaux: He is a boil on the butt of humanity!

Ouiser Boudreaux: The only reason people are nice to me is because I have more money than God.

Ouiser Boudreaux: I'm not as sweet as I used to be.

Ouiser Boudreaux: You are too twisted for color TV!

Ouiser Boudreaux: I should have never said that in front of Shelby.

Clairee: Ouiser no one pays any attention to you.

Ouiser Boudreaux: [after knocking Clairee off the bench and pulling some of her hair] Get your roots done!

Ouiser Boudreaux: Clairee, this is just a gesture. We're not feedin' Drum until the end of time.

Clairee Belcher: Drum loves pork and beans. Eats 'em with everything.

Ouiser Boudreaux: That explains a lot.

Tommy Eatenton: [at same time as his brother] Hello Miz Ouiser

Jonathan Eatenton: Hello Miz Ouiser.

Ouiser Boudreaux: [Makes a face] Ugh! Leave me alone!

Clairee: Why do you give all these to me?

Ouiser Boudreaux: Somebody's gotta take em, I hate em, I try not to eat healthy food if I can possibly help it.

Clairee: Anne Boleyn had six fingers.

Ouiser Boudreaux: Who's Anne Berlin?

Clairee: Anne Boleyn. She was one of the six wives of Henry VIII.

Ouiser Boudreaux: I never watch public television.

Clairee: She had six fingers.

Ouiser Boudreaux: What happened to the other four?

Clairee: She had 11 total.

Ouiser Boudreaux: Are you trying to confuse me, Clairee?

Clairee: No. I just want to expose us to a little more culture. And that's not easy to come by in this neck of the woods.

Ouiser Boudreaux: My God, you look different. Have you shrunk?

Clairee Belcher: The older you get, the sillier you get.

Ouiser Boudreaux: Yeah, well the older you get, the uglier you get.