Caretaker Quotes in Ghost Rider (2007)

[last lines]

Caretaker: [voiceover] It's said that the West was built on legends. And that legends are a way of understanding things greater than ourselves. Forces that shape our lives, events that defy explanation. Individuals whose lives soar to the heavens or fall to the earth. This is how legends are born.

[Johnny transforms into Ghost Rider]

Caretaker: Contract of San Venganza.

Caretaker: [Johnny reaches for the Contract, Caretaker pulls it away] Hell on Earth.

Johnny Blaze: Now you're gonna have to trust me.

Caretaker: Why is that?

Johnny Blaze: He may have my soul but he doesn't have my spirit.

Caretaker: Any man that's got the guts to sell his soul for love has got the power to change the world. You didn't do it for greed, you did it for the right reason. Maybe that puts God on your side. To them that makes you dangerous, makes you unpredictable. That's the best thing you can be right now.

[first lines]

Caretaker: [voiceover] It's said that the West was built on legends. Tall tales that help us make sense of things too great or too terrifying to believe. This is the legend of the Ghost Rider.

Caretaker: [voiceover] The thing about legends is... sometimes, they're true.

Caretaker: [to an exhausted Johnny Blaze] Morning, Bonehead.

[from trailer]

Caretaker: The story goes he made a deal to save someone he loved. He'd be normal during the day, but at night, in the presence of evil, the Rider takes over.

Caretaker: San Venganza's 500 miles from here. We'd better get going.

[walks on]

Johnny Blaze: [following the Caretaker] We?

[Caretaker whistles and a black horse comes trotting out of the mist]

Caretaker: I've got one last ride left in me.

[the Caretaker mounts the horse, donning a ten-gallon hat, and transforms into a Ghost Rider]

Johnny Blaze: [grins knowingly] Carter Slade.

[Slade slowly nods his head]

Johnny Blaze: Can YOU keep up?

[Slade's horse transforms into a fiery phantom steed]

Johnny Blaze: Let's ride!

[Johnny mounts his bike, turning into the Ghost Rider]

Caretaker: [Changed back into human, as Johnny is about to head to San Venganza] This is the end of the trail for me. I got nothing left, I could only change one more time and I was saving it for this. God knows I made my share of mistakes. I've been trying to make them right ever since. All I can do is hope he sees fit to give me a second chance.

Johnny Blaze: Thank you.

Caretaker: No. Thank you, kid.

[Caretaker/Slade tips his hat at Johnny and rides off, disappearing]

Johnny Blaze: [Staring at a grave stone titled Carter Slade] Carter Slade?

Caretaker: Legend has it that he's the "Texas Ranger", a man of honor. But then he got greedy, waiting on the gallows.

Caretaker: You all right?

Johnny Blaze: Yeah, I'm good. I feel like my skull is on fire, but I'm good.

Caretaker: Sterilize that for me.

[handing over the hooked needle to Johnny Blaze]

Johnny Blaze: Sterilize? Ummm...

[making hand poses toward the hooked needle as if he would sterilize it with his hellfire]

Caretaker: In the boiling water.

Johnny Blaze: Right. Okay. Little confused.

Caretaker: [Johnny turns around to get his bike] It does.

Johnny Blaze: [turns around] What?

Caretaker: If you're wondering if your bike looks normal, it does. And to answer your next question: last night did happen.

Johnny Blaze: Who are you?

Caretaker: [points at Johnny] Who are you?

Caretaker: [Johnny turns around and walks away; Caretaker calls] You're the Ghost Rider!

Caretaker: Come on. You're either alive or dead - there ain't no in-between, pal.

[after Doris has jumped out of a fourth story window]

Caretaker: Thank god that fat cow didn't land on anyone!

Switowski: He broke-ded my nose

Paul 'Wrecking' Crewe: Let me try to fix that.

[Crewe fixes his nose]

Switowski: How do I look?

Caretaker: Much better, like a young Michael Jackson.

Switowski: I love little Michael.

Caretaker: Who we gonna crush?

(prisoners team): The guards!

Caretaker: Who we gonna kill?

(prisoners team): The guards!

Caretaker: Who we gonna kiss?

Brucie: [shouting out loud all alone] The guards!

Caretaker: [smile] Gotcha.

Switowski: Will you teach me to football?

Paul 'Wrecking' Crewe: Sure, I'll teach you to football.

Caretaker: I'll teach you anything. Just don't eat me.

Brucie: [after being hit hard] I got a bird, his name is Ronnie!

Caretaker: Well, tell Ronnie you got knocked the fuck out!

Caretaker: Well, we didn't get the whole chocolate bar, but we got a Hershey's kiss.

Caretaker: [to an exceptionally fast runner] Run, Forest, run!

Deacon Moss: The only game I'll play with you... is slap the point shaving white boy, til he cries like a baby back bitch.

Cheeseburger Eddy: baby back bitch, baby back bitch, baby back bitch, baby back bitch.

Caretaker: That's a big ass robot

Joey Battle: Wow, no bullshit! Football, against the guards?

Coach Nate Scarborough: Yep, full contact.

Joey Battle: Captain Knauer is the quarterback?

Caretaker: Yep.

Joey Battle: So I get to tackle him?

Paul 'Wrecking' Crewe: Yeah, either that you can hit him over the head with that hammer.

Joey Battle: I wanna hurt him, not kill him.

Caretaker: Lets get outta here before that thing bites someone!

Joey Battle: Wow no bullshit! Real football, against the guards?

Coach Nate Scarborough: Full contact.

Joey Battle: Captain Knauer is the quarterback?

Caretaker: Yep.

Joey Battle: So I get to tackle him?

Paul 'Wrecking' Crewe: Yeah, you can either tackle him or you can hit him over the head with that *hammer*.

Joey Battle: [looks down at his crotch] I wanna hurt him, not kill him.

Caretaker: Lets get outta here before that thing bites someone!

Paul 'Wrecking' Crewe: Alright we'll see you and your pet iguana at practice.

Caretaker: [introducing himself to Crewe] Whatever your pleasure, I can facilitate. You need weed, you need meth- hey, you need Prozac, I'm your man. I know how you white boys always deal with that depression. I mean me personally, I don't understand what you white boys are all depressed about. Hey, you're white! Smile!

Caretaker: Look in your toilet, I left you a surprise.

Paul 'Wrecking' Crewe: You took a shit in my toilet?

Caretaker: No, that's what I left in Brucey's toilet.

Paul 'Wrecking' Crewe: You play football?

Caretaker: Me? No, I sucked so bad they used to pick after the white kids. Used to be mad to be like, "Man I can't beleive i picked a nigga that cant play"

Switowski: I'm sorry... I brokeded your toy.

Paul 'Wrecking' Crewe: Oh, no, it's a good thing! you should share a victory hug with Caretaker.

Caretaker: What?

[Switowski lifts Caretaker in bear-hug and spins around laughing]

Caretaker: [to Paul] Asshole!

Caretaker: [Switowski has him in a bear hug] Down, Shrek, down!

Caretaker: Yo man, that's my flyer, man. I worked hard on that. You see he ran like a little bitch right? You saw that right.

[Cheeseburger Eddy gets in his face]

Caretaker: Yo, the team needs you. Team needs you. You should come to the tree-outs.

Caretaker: Ain't you guys glad you got a black man for a friend?

Paul 'Wrecking' Crewe: Why are there 2 glasses?

Caretaker: Shut up and pour me a drink, bitch!

Caretaker: That boy's got slave feet.

Caretaker: That boy got slave feet!

Caretaker: He could catch a cold in the desert.

Caretaker: [talking to crowd about the try outs] This is our chance to get a free shot at the guards!

Big Tony: And how are we going to do that?

Caretaker: Just show up at the tree-outs you big dumb bitch!

[Everyone laughs]

Ms. Tucker: Do the girls get to play?

Caretaker: No, we're playing football, not balls-balls

Caretaker: Stop the violence! Can't we all just get along?

Caretaker: [to Paul] Don't give me that shit! O.J. Chopped his wife's head off and still got some ass!

[Paul Spits out his drink in laughter]

[Caretaker and Crewe are watching a prisoner go through his workout]

Caretaker: Well, there he is. Connie Shokner, baddest cat in the joint. Even the guards are scared of him. He killed three people on the outside and two since he's been in here.

Crewe: Yeah, that karate's some bad stuff.

Caretaker: Oh, that was before he learned karate.

Crewe: Say, what's he doing now?

Caretaker: Nobody's ever had the guts to ask him.

Paul Crewe: Whattya got for me, Sunshine?

Caretaker: I can get you steroids, vitamins, greenies, anything you want. You name it. I'm the best hustler in the joint.

Paul Crewe: How much of what this guy says he can do, can he do?

Nate Scarboro: He can get you laid in here... with a woman.

Paul Crewe: You take your football down here real serious, don't you?

Caretaker: You mind if I ask you one question?

Paul Crewe: Yes, I do mind!

Caretaker: Why did you do it?

Paul Crewe: It's a long story.

Caretaker: Well, I got eight years.

Paul Crewe: What's his name?

Caretaker: Indian.

Paul Crewe: That makes sense.

Caretaker: Now don't go making any ethnic jokes.

[They meet the Indian]

Paul Crewe: Paul Crewe. Heard you played some football.

The Indian: Yeah.

Paul Crewe: Where?

The Indian: Oklahoma State.

Paul Crewe: Oklahoma State U?

The Indian: Prison.

Paul Crewe: Well, first thing we have to do is get you out of here.

The Indian: How?

[Paul looks back at Caretaker]

Paul Crewe: Well, we'll work on it.

Crewe: [looking at a shirtless Shokner doing some unusual physical moves] What's he doin' now?

Caretaker: Nobody's ever had the guts to ask him.

Caretaker: Most of these old boys don't have nothing. Never had nothing to start with. But you, You had it all. Then you let your teammates down, got yourself caught with your hand in the cookie jar.

Paul Crewe: Oh I did, did I?

Caretaker: Oh I ain't saying you did or you didn't. All I'm saying is that you could have robbed banks, sold dope or stole your grandmother's pension checks and none of us would have minded. But shaving points off of a football game, man that's un-American.

Caretaker: Now to me, that's biscuits and gravy.

Caretaker: [Vesalius and Trout visit the Phibes vault in Highgate cemetery] Fools. They'll have the worms soon enough.

Antonietta: What is it you have against him?

Caretaker: I say this for your own good. Certain people are bad for your name. I didn't want to say it... but that one from the sixth is a wart, a traitor... an antifascist. In short, a bastard.

Officer Joe Vickers: Looking for a cop?

Caretaker: It can't be!

Officer Joe Vickers: But it is!!!