Aramis Quotes in The Three Musketeers (2011)

Richelieu: Well-played. I could use men like you.

[Richelieu holds out his hand; Aramis takes it to kiss it, then stops]

Aramis: Ehh... I already have a job.

Athos: I'm a drunk.

Porthos: I'm independently wealthy.

D'Artagnan: Thanks, but no.

Richelieu: The day will come when you'll wish you had said "yes".

D'Artagnan: Maybe. But not today.

D'Artagnan: [after getting a ticket] What is this?

Aramis: It's a citation. It's a ticket.

[pause]

Aramis: Failure to remove animal bowel movements from public area.

D'Artagnan: French.

Aramis: Your horse took a dump on the street.

D'Artagnan: You're joking.

Aramis: That's what they all say.

Athos: What is Porthos doing?

Aramis: Walking into the barn naked, or so it would seem.

Athos: But what is he doing?

Aramis: About to hang himself, I suppose; he's been threatening to do it for months.

Athos: Hang himself?

Aramis: Sometimes there are more important things in life than a good pair of tits.

Porthos: Really? If you can name me one thing that is more sublime than the feel of a plump, pink nipple between my lips, I'll build you a new cathedral.

Aramis: Forgiveness...

Porthos: Forgiveness...?

[Porthos farts]

Porthos: There... i am i forgiven? Come on... am i forgiven?

[play fight ensures between them]

[the Four Musketeers and Phillipe are trapped by riflemen at the other end of the hallway]

Aramis: D'Artagnan... They're young Musketeers. They've been weaned on our legends. They revere us. It is an advantage.

Porthos: Yes. Why don't we charge them?

D'Artagnan: I trained these men. They will fight to the death. But if we must die - if WE must die - let it be like this.

[He draws his sword and points it at the floor. Aramis, Porthos, and Athos, join their swords with his]

Athos: One for all. All for one.

Athos: Is that just because you are holier than everybody else?

Aramis: Well, there is that, but also because I'm more intelligent than everybody else.

Porthos: [he puts the rope around his neck and prepares to jump] Farewell cruel world... farewell to useless Porthos.

[jumps]

Athos: [Aramis and Athos are watching the building from the outside] What was that?

Aramis: It's all right; I sawed the beam.

[the building promptly collapses, and Athos stares at Aramis in disbelief]

Aramis: Well, I'm a genius, not an engineer!

Aramis: Perhaps you should take his offer. We're dead anyway.

Porthos: He's right, D'Artagnan.

Phillippe: Wait. Bargain me to Louis for all your lives. You've done your best. Please let me go.

D'Artagnan: No, I cannot do it. Even if I could give up my king, I could never give up my son.

[they all look at him, thunderstruck]

Phillippe: Your son?

D'Artagnan: I loved your mother. I love her still. You are my son. I never knew you existed. And I never felt pride as a father... until this moment.

Aramis: I'm a genius, not an engineer.

Porthos: Aramis, is this the way to hell?

Aramis: Hell may be our destination, but not this trip.

Aramis: Athos, if we fail in this - and we probably will - it will be an honor to die beside you.

Porthos: [a naked Porthos has tried to hang himself but failed] Aramis! You sawed the beam! You knew I would I try to hang myself and you sawed the beam! Admit it. Admit it!

Aramis: Of course I knew! And now that you've got the idea of killing yourself out of your head you can stop boring everyone and be useful for a change. And put some clothes on!

Queen Anne: Aramis!

Aramis: I have come to ask whether you believe that just as one lie can destroy a life, so one truth can make it whole again.

Queen Anne: I have prayed every day for such a miracle.

Aramis: When I discover the identity of this Jesuit rebel, I will kill both him and the man who told me.

Porthos: Stop praying and revel with me, Aramis! I need my spirits lifted. I'm old, I'm weak, my strength is gone.

Aramis: Porthos! I'm praying.

Porthos: I just said you're praying. Are you deaf, too? I know you're blind, because if you'd seen the tits that just walked out of here, you'd have tears in your eyes.

Aramis: The King has ordered me to seek out the secret general of the Jesuits and kill him.

Porthos: You should let the secret general worry about that.

Aramis: Therein is the problem. I am he. I am the general of the order of Jesuits.

Aramis: Why are you so glum?

Porthos: I expected action. There was no fighting, there was no killing. I was useless.

Aramis: Porthos, I grow tired of this attitude. You're surrounded by beauty, by intrigue, by danger. What more can a man want? The robins are singing, the pigeons are cooing. Can't you listen to their song?

[he walks off in disgust; Porthos takes off his hat when something falls on it to reveal it's bird-dung]

Athos: What is Porthos doing?

Aramis: Walking into the barn naked, or so it would seem.

Aramis: [narrating] Some of this is legend, but at least this much is fact - when rioting citizens of France destroyed the Bastille, they discovered within its records this mysterious entry: Prisoner # 64389000 - The Man in the Iron Mask.

Aramis: [narrating] The Man in the Iron Mask was never found. It was whispered among his jailers that he received a royal pardon and was taken to the country where he lived quietly, often visited by the Queen. The King known as Louis XIV brought his people food, prosperity and peace and is remembered as the greatest ruler in the history of his nation.

Aramis: I have prayed every day for forgiveness. But now I realize that forgiveness must come from you before it can come from God.

Aramis: We are offering you the chance to be King.

Phillippe: No, you are offering me the chance to pretend to be King.

Athos: What gives you the right to judge me, to play God with the lives of others? Is it because you're so much holier than everyone else?

Aramis: Well yes, there is that. But also because I'm more intelligent than anybody else.

Queen Anne: Bless me Father, for I have sinned.

Aramis: So have I.

Aramis: Porthos... don't you understand? I'm trying to PRAY!

Porthos: You're always praying!

Aramis: [explaining to Phillippe that he's the one who put him into the mask] For my country, for my king, I brought peace with your life and with my soul.

Aramis: If Porthos is determined to end his life, he's bound to seek the opportunity, isn't he?

Aramis: You grow fond of him. That is good.

Aramis: You are surrounded by beauty, by intrigue, by danger, what more can a man want?

Athos: Is that just because you are holier than everybody else?

Aramis: Well, there is that, but also because I'm more intelegent than everybody else.

[five Cardinal's guards ride up as Athos and D'Artagnan prepare to duel]

Athos: Only a fool would try and arrest us twice in one day.

Jussac: You're under arrest.

Aramis, Porthos: A fool.

Jussac: Are you coming peacefully or do you intend to resist?

Porthos: Oh don't be so stupid, of course we intend to resist! Just give us a moment, all right?

[to his comrades:]

Porthos: Five of them, three of us. Hardly seems fair.

Aramis: Maybe we should give them a chance to surrender.

D'Artagnan: Excuse me, but there's four of us.

Athos: It's not your fight. You're not a Musketeer.

D'Artagnan: I may not wear the tunic, but I believe I have the heart of a Musketeer.

Porthos: Warrior!

Aramis: Poet!

Athos: You got a name, boy?

D'Artagnan: D'Artagnan.

Athos: Athos, Porthos, Aramis.

Porthos: Pleased to meet you again.

Aramis: Pleasure.

Porthos: Everyone acquainted?

[the four whirl around and unsheathe their swords]

Porthos: NOW, we are prepared to resist you!

[last lines]

D'Artagnan: So what do we do now? What's next?

Porthos: Well, we protect the King.

Aramis: Protect the Queen.

Porthos: In the name of God. And France, correct?

Aramis: France indeed.

[Girard and his brothers have caught up with D'Artagnan. At the other end of the street they draw swords]

Girard: D'Artagnan! My sister's honor will not wait a moment longer.

D'Artagnan: I'll handle this.

Porthos: D'Artganan, we also protect each other.

D'Artagnan: All for one.

Porthos, Aramis, Athos: And one for all.

[Girard's eyes widen]

Girard: RUN!

[Girard and co are pursued by all the musketeers]

Porthos: The picnic was delicious, the champagne was excellent, remind me to send the Cardinal a note.

D'Artagnan: The Cardinal! We have to hurry!

Porthos: You two have a date?

D'Artagnan: No. It's the Cardinal. He's conspiring against the king.

Aramis: Tell us something we don't know.

[after finding out his student is married]

Aramis: We must pray for our sins.

[husband busts in and fires]

Aramis: On second thought, God's often busy.

Aramis: Where have you been?

Porthos: Taking care of something ugly!

Porthos: How's your head D'Artagnan?

D'Artagnan: I'm beginning to wish the Cardinal *had* chopped it off. Will you stop whistling please?

Porthos: I'm not whistling.

D'Artagnan: Well somebody's whistling.

Porthos: Barmaid's kiss left him dizzy.

Aramis: I hear it too. Sounds like a...

Athos: Cannon ball!

Porthos: Oh I *hate* cannon balls.

[Aramis is unconscious after being shot at by the Cardinal, Porthos is trying to revive him]

Athos: Is he dead?

[Porthos moves the crucifix round Aramis' neck and Aramis regains consciousness violently]

Athos: Gently! Gently!

Aramis: [groans and looks at the crucifix which stopped the bullet] See? There is a God.

Athos: Your manners have not improved yet. You're late.

D'Artagnan: You in a hurry to die?

Athos: [Porthos and Aramis arrive] Here come the grave diggers now.

Porthos: Athos, you cannot fight this boy.

Athos: Why not?

Porthos: I'm fighting him.

D'Artagnan: Not until 1 o'clock.

Aramis: I have a duel with him too.

D'Artagnan: Not until 2 o'clock.

D'Artagnan: [preparing to start a duel with Athos] I'll be with you gentlemen in a moment.

Porthos: Oh, he's a fiesty little fellow.

Aramis: Fiesty indeed.

Porthos: You, boy, are arrogant, hot tempered and entirely too bold. I like that. Reminds me of me.

Aramis: Don't encourage him. By helping us the boy has made himself an outlaw as well.

Athos: Not if he leaves Paris right now.

D'Artagnan: I can't leave now, I just got here.

Porthos: Go home. Find a wench, raise fat babies, live a good long life.

D'Artagnan: What about the motto of the Musketeers? All for one and one for all.

Athos: Wake up boy. The Musketeers are just a dream.

Aramis: Ah, thank you. You broke my fall perfectly. I do apologize for the inconvenience.

D'Artagnan: Get off me!

Aramis: If there's one thing I can't abide, it's rudeness.

D'Artagnan: You fell on me!

Aramis: And I apologized for it.

D'Artagnan: Well your apology is not accepted.

Aramis: I hope your sword is as quick as your mouth.

D'Artagnan: It's quicker.

Aramis: Ah, a duel then.

D'Artagnan: A duel.

Aramis: Meet me by the Carmes-Deschaux Monastery at two o'clock.

D'Artagnan: I'll be there.

Aramis: As will I.

D'Artagnan: Three duels in one day. Hmm.

[five Cardinal's Guards arrive in an inn, two patrols of their comrades are either bound and gagged or unconscious]

Jussac: What is this?

Athos: We are having a private party celebrating the demise of the Musketeers. Go away.

Aramis: Athos. Is that any way to greet our guests? Gentlemen, don't be shy, come in. Your friends have been expecting you.

Jussac: You are under arrest.

Athos: Under whose authority?

Rochefort: Mine.

Aramis: Ah. Hello again, Cyclops.

Aramis: As morning hues of sun swept fire caress your passion face. Alone with thee in pure desire, to worship your untold grace. My soul would cry in silent prayer, for hours spent apart. Your essence warms the evening air, as I dance into your heart.

Aramis: Only the wrong words are waste of time. the right words can make a more lasting impression than a thousand of Porthos's kisses.

Barmaid: Not likely.

Porthos: Ah ha! The Cardinal's sacred snack chamber.

Aramis: And what have we here? Is he a man of God or a man of gold?

D'Artagnan: Why's Athos sitting by himself?

Aramis: He takes his drinking very seriously. Not to worry; he'll be his usual charming self by morning.

[after dropping a group of the Cardinal's guards with a chandelier]

Porthos: Did I miss anyone?

Aramis: Congratulations, Porthos. You brought down the house.

Porthos: Oh, drat. I was trying to hit Rochefort.

Aramis: Leaving so soon?

Cardinal Richelieu: Oh you know, I abhor bloodshed

Aramis: Especially your own.

Cardinal Richelieu: Stand aside.

Aramis: You are under arrest, charged with treason.

Cardinal Richelieu: You of all people should know that the Cardinal does not answer to the laws of men.

Aramis: Then you'll answer to God.

Cardinal Richelieu: [shoots Aramis] You first.

Aramis: You will never harm another soul ever again. My promise to God.

King Louis: Wait.

[punches Cardinal Richelieu, knocking him into the water]

Aramis: Well done, Your Majesty.

D'Artagnan: As morning hues of sunswept...

Aramis: Fire!

D'Artagnan: ...fire caress your... poisoned face.

[Aramis looks pained. D'Artagnan gives up, and sweeps the bar maid into a kiss]

Porthos: I declare, the boy's a natural!

D'Artagnan: Shakespeare?

Aramis: Aramis.

Porthos: Cheating.

[the musketeers are being fired upon]

Athos: We'll split up... D'Artagnan rides with me.

Aramis: See you in Calais!

Athos: Or Hell!

Aramis: Fear not, my son, we are with you, always... all for one...

Aramis: I think not!

D'Artagnan: The Cardinal! We have to hurry!

Porthos: You two have a date?

D'Artagnan: No, it's the Cardinal! He's conspiring against the King!

Aramis: Tell us something we don't know.

D'Artagnan: He sent a messenger with a secret treaty to a man named Buckingham.

Porthos: The Duke of Buckingham?

D'Artagnan: Do you know him?

Aramis: He rules England the way the Cardinal rules France.

D'Artagnan: There's a ship called the Persephone. It's waiting in Calais to take the messenger to England. It sails Tuesday, midnight.

Porthos: If we get that treaty, we can prove the Cardinal guilty of treason.

Aramis: Calais is over 200 leagues from here.

Athos: Is the Cardinal aware of the fact that you have this information?

D'Artagnan: Yes.

Aramis: The treaty outlines the Cardinal's plans to forge an alliance with Buckingham.

Porthos: No mention of the King?

Aramis: None. However, the arrangement is contingent upon a demonstration of the Cardinal's power.

D'Artagnan: Demonstration? What kind of demonstration?

Aramis: I don't know.

Athos: I know someone who does.

Bad Guy: [referring to the ship's deceased crew] Dead. They're all dead!

Aramis: Not all of us.

[kicks the minion]

Porthos: [to Athos, who is about to duel D'Artagnan] Are you fighting this, er, fellow? But I'm meeting him meself.

D'Artagnan: But not till one o'clock, sir.

Aramis: Oh, no no no. I'm to fight him this afternoon.

D'Artagnan: At two o'clock, sir.

Athos: How long have you been in Paris?

D'Artagnan: Since eight o'clock this morning.

Athos: You waste little time, sir.

D'Artagnan: My father recommended that I fight duels.

Athos: [laughs] Well! Let us hope you can do him some credit, hm?

Aramis: Discretion is the better part of vanity.

Porthos: I don't understand. I know the one about valor, though I don't agree. I can't be discreet about how valiant I am, shouldn't be asked.

Jussac: We have a duty to suppress disorder and arrest brawlers. Put up your swords and come along with us.

Athos: Impossible.

Porthos: Unthinkable.

Aramis: Unlikely.

Porthos: May one ask - delicately - the cause in which we're expected to die?

Aramis: When you go on a campaign, does the King give his reasons? He says, "Porthos, fight!" and you fight.

Porthos: Oh, I do, I do!

Aramis: Then let's go and be killed where we're told to! Is life worth so many questions?

Aramis: We're drunks, not fools.

Aramis: Young Louis was given a baby crocodile from Egypt. The queen dropped it in a sewer, and it's been living off whatever it can find ever since.

Porthos: Is that true, Bonacieux?

Bonacieux: Something kept dragging the poor workers away. All we ever found were bones.

Porthos: I'm very glad you and D'Artagnan lead this little group.

D'Artagnan: Me too. Crocodiles attack from behind.

Cook: We need more bread. Can you get some, please?

Aramis: Does he mean you or me?

Athos: Me.

Aramis: I thought I was the baker.

Athos: There's blood on your apron. You think that came from a croissant?

Aramis: Do not turn your back on me, D'Artagnan, for I will fight you!

D'Artagnan: Do not fight me, Aramis, for I will kill you.

[the four musketeers are observing the stronghold where Cardinal Richelieu's army is entrenched]

Athos: We'll take them by surprise!

D'Artagnan: Yes... they're expecting an army...

Aramis: Oh! Perhaps we shall not disappoint them!

Porthos: You know, it strikes me that we would be better employed wringing Milady's pretty neck than shooting these poor devils of Protestants. I mean, what are we killing them for? Because they sing psalms in French and we sing them in Latin?

Aramis: Porthos, have you no education? What do you think religious wars are all about?

Athos: [the Musketeers have captured MiLady] As the Comte de la Fere; with the rights of high, middle and low justice, I accuse this woman of the murder of Constance de Bonacieux. How say you?

Aramis: Death.

Porthos: Death.

D'Artagnan: [Hesitating] Death.

Athos: Death.

MiLady DeWinter: No! You have no power of justice over me! D'Artagnan! If you love me; do not let them do this!

Athos: Make one move to save her, D'Artagnan and we will cross swords; and this time, I swear I will kill you.

Aramis: [upon learning that a bottle of wine is poisoned] I always had my doubts about the Anjou '22.

Aramis: [to D'Artagnan] Let us rescue your mistress. It's the very least one can do for a friend.

D'Artagnan: If she can stay with the Sisters

[in a convent]

D'Artagnan: while we're at La Rochelle...

Porthos: I'm sure they'll learn a great deal from each other.

Swiss Officer: Warm work, gentlemen. And where were the Musketeers?

Aramis: At our prayers, sir, like good Christians!

Swiss Officer: Ha! By God, sir, so was I! And with good reason. That bastion was buzzing like a beehive.

Athos: And yet you did not stay for breakfast, sir.

Swiss Officer: Neither would you.

Athos: Hmm. Will you bet on that? I'll wager you, better more I will wager you the finest dinner on this camp that my friends and I will have breakfast on that bastion, now.

Swiss Officer: [laughs] Done. Done! Do you hear that, Spengler? You and I will eat that big dinner alone, I think!

D'Artagnan: What is it? What's new?

Porthos: Ah. Our good friends Athos proposes to have us killed for breakfast. Up yonder.

D'Artagnan: What?

Athos: Planchet, get me a basket, some bread, and four cold chickens. Ham, some oysters, and eight bottles of wine, now.

Planchet: Oh fine.

Porthos: And make the wine champagne.

Aramis: At breakfast? Oh my dear Porthos.

Old Porthos: Ah, it is useless. I had hoped to ride with you, but I cannot. Devil take this gout! And yet, young D'Artagnan and Aramis ride in their fathers' steeds.

Porthos: Then I shall ride for you!

Old Porthos: Then one for all!

D'Artagnan, Aramis, Porthos: One for all!

Old Porthos: And all for one!

D'Artagnan, Aramis, Porthos: All for one!

Old Porthos: Ride hard and fast, my lads!