Abner DoubleDay Quotes in The Ridiculous 6 (2015)

Tommy aka White Knife: [Running between base plates] Where you going, nobody hit it.

Abner DoubleDay: I stole the base. You weren't looking so I stole it.

Chico: You said you could only advance after you hit the ball!

Abner DoubleDay: Not when you're stealing.

Short Stop: That's bullshit.

Abner DoubleDay: OK, Short Stop.

Tommy aka White Knife: [Playing baseball] Okay, that's two past ya. So you're done, right?

Abner DoubleDay: No, no, I said three times.

Short Stop: No, you said two.

Abner DoubleDay: I said three! Three strikes and I'm out. I know what I said, shortstop. That's your new name, Short Stop, that's right. Now and forever, forever and ever, Short Stop, Short Stop, Short Stop.

[laughs]

Abner DoubleDay: Let's play ball. Welcome, my friends, to the first ever playing of a new sport. A sport of my own devising. On this field, two ten-person teams will engage in a battle of... Yes, Qi?

Qi: Only 18 people here.

Abner DoubleDay: Two nine-person teams will engage in a battle of strength, speed, and strategy. One team will go out onto the field to play defense while the other team will take turns hitting this ball... with a stickie.

Chico: What are you gonna call this game?

Abner DoubleDay: What else? Stickie McSchnickens. Now your goal, ball thrower, is to get the ball past me two times without my hitting it. Fire when ready.

Abner DoubleDay: [after credits] Before you go... Two - four - six - eight - who do we appreciate?

Chinese Baseball Team: [in unison] The Stockburns! The Stockburns! Yeah! The Stockburns!