Zach Orfman Quotes in Life After Beth (2014)

Erica Wexler: I'm so sorry about Beth, by the way. Your mom talked to my mom about it.

Zach Orfman: I used to really want her to come back.

Erica Wexler: Of course.

Zach Orfman: But things are really complicated between us, you know? Like kind of fucked up.

Erica Wexler: Right.

Zach Orfman: Now, I just kind of wish she would stay dead.

Zach Orfman: We're going to go for a hike.

Geenie Slocum: Not a hot idea.

Maury Slocum: In broad daylight? Zach, are you nuts?

Geenie Slocum: Wait till nightfall.

Beth Slocum: Why?

Maury Slocum: Because, baby, it's safer.

Beth Slocum: At night? Who hikes at night?

Zach Orfman: Oh, everything's great. Beth's alive and it was all just one big hoax. So, just forget about it.

Judy Orfman: Well, I don't think that's funny.

Zach Orfman: Yeah, well, I don't either.

Zach Orfman: You have like, really great skin.

Erica Wexler: Really?

Zach Orfman: Yeah, it's like... It's really great.

Erica Wexler: Oh, my God. Thank you.

Zach Orfman: Can I touch it?

Erica Wexler: Yeah, okay. You're so interesting.

Zach Orfman: [touches her cheek] Wow. It's like flawless.

Erica Wexler: Oh, my God! Thank you.

[giggling]

Zach Orfman: And I can breathe through my nose around you.

[first lines]

Supermarket Stocker: Can I help you find something, sir?

Zach Orfman: Yeah, do you have any black napkins. I've been looking all over.

Supermarket Stocker: Black napkins... I don't think so. If you don't like white, this is a beige one

Zach Orfman: They have to be black.

Supermarket Stocker: That's more of a Halloween item. You might want to try a party store.

Zach Orfman: [gives a slow, incredulous look]

Beth Slocum: Your hair is so warm.

Zach Orfman: My hair is warm? What does that mean?

Zach Orfman: You don't want to eat me, do you?

Beth Slocum: Zach! Not right now. Remember?

Zach Orfman: No, I mean really eat me.

Beth Slocum: Stop. Not with my parents around. Come on.

Noah Orfman: You're up pretty early, son.

Zach Orfman: Or is it really, really late? I mean, it's all relative, you know?

Noah Orfman: [nervous chuckle] Not really, no.

Zach Orfman: Well, it's like there's no past, no future, no up or down. No dead or alive. Jesus realized this.

Zach Orfman: Beth, just chill out. Everything's going to be fine. We're gonna make this better, and then we'll go hiking.

Beth Slocum: Really? You promise?

Zach Orfman: Yeah. Just go easy on the interior, baby.

[leaves her in the car chewing on the seats]