Vince Quotes in Fast Five (2011)

Vince: [upon seeing Brian for the first time] Buster...

Vince: Why don't you try Fat Burger from now on? You can get yourself a cheese and fries for 2.95, faggot!

Brian: I like the tuna here.

Vince: Bullshit asshole, no one likes the tuna here!

Brian: Yeah well I do.

Dom: This you're beer?

Vince: Yeah that's my beer... Yo Dom! Why'd you bring the busta here?

Dom: Because the busta kept me out of handcuffs, he didn't just run back to the fort, the buster brought me back

Vince: What is this guy sandwich crazy or something?

Leon: Nah. He ain't here for the food, V.

Vince: He's got no call bein' up there, you don't know that fool for shit!

Leon: Yeah he's right, Dom.

Dom: Vince there was a time when I didn't know you!

Vince: That was in the third grade!

Vince: There were mass cops out there, that shit was orchestrated.

[last lines]

Vince: Hey, kid, look around you. Alright? WICKED just kicked our ass. You think about where you're headed...

Thomas: I'm not asking anyone to come with me.

Newt: Thomas, listen to me. I've known Minho for... well, as long as I can remember. So if there is any way we could help him, trust me, I would be up there standing next to you. This, what you're talking about, is impossible.

Jorge: More like suicide.

Thomas: Maybe. But I know what I'm supposed to do now. It's not just about Minho. It's about all of us. It's about everyone WICKED's ever taken, everyone they will take. They'll never stop. They'll never stop, so, I'm gonna stop them. I'm gonna kill Ava Paige.

Harriet: I have to admit... I'd like some revenge.

Vince: Well, that's a good speech, kid. So what's your plan?

Vince: Look, I don't wanna get in the middle of no big gang hassle!

Savon: Gang? You think we some punk ass gang?

King James: I am a businessman. These are my associates.

Vince: It's been up there fifty years and it isn't even tarnished!

Bradlee: That's the beauty of gold. It never tarnishes. Lasts forever, too. You can twist it, pound it, even piss on it but it's always the same gold. It was here long before we were and it'll be here a long time after we're gone. I bet you a lot of men have died for the gold that's just in this one piece.

Principal Underwood: I don't want to see any of you guys around my schoolyard. You or any of your scum!

Fargo: Aw man, who the fuck are you, the principal?

Principal Underwood: THAT'S RIGHT! And as for you, Vince, if you want to trash your life, go ahead. But do it your own time, not mine! YOU HEAR THAT?

Vince: [sarcastically] YES... SIR.

Vince: For Christ's sake... it's wasn't my fault!

Brenda: [flicks open switchblade] You're gonna die, Vince.

Jake: [Jake and the Scars are sitting on the bleachers on the track field outside of Vince's school... Vince runs up] What's going on, Vinnie?

Vince: It's all over school, Jake... the girl we raped. Do you think she's gonna die?

Jake: Look, we've been through this, all right? So just calm the fuck down! I mean she's a retard, right? She can't even talk.

Red: Yeah... and the only way anyone's gonna know is if Vinnie here opens his big fat mouth.

Fargo: [menacingly] You wouldn't do that... would you Vince?

Vince: [nervously smiling] Hey Jake... you know I'd never do anything to hurt the Scars!

Jake: Just forget about it. Now tell me where I can find that bitch who cut me.

[after seeing a tractor beam shoot at the sky]

Vince: Now that right there. That was messed up.

Ashley: Hey, remember that summer after the second grade when we went down to the pond every day to catch minnows?

Gretchen: Or how about that summer we all carved our initials in that big tree in the Wilson's backyard?

Vince: And Spinelli spelled her's wrong.

Ashley: Hey, I was seven. And "S's" are tricky.

[Gus begins sobbing]

Ashley: What's your problem? This is the first summer you've lived here.

Gus: I know, and I'll never have any of those memories.

[chasing a nun he thinks is Delores]

Vince: Hey babe.

[Nun turns round, it's Mary Lazarus]

Sister Mary Lazarus: Yes, sweetheart?

Vince: Is it done?

Willy: Not completely.

Vince: What do you mean?

Joey: Vince, we can't waste a nun.

Vince: What are you two nuts talking about? It's Delores, in a costume.

Willy: How do you know she didn't sign up and become one of them when she was there? Things like this happen.

Vince: [frustrated sigh] Because I know this woman. In the biblical sense and she ain't no nun.

Vince: [refuses to shoot Delores] Joey, do it.

Joey: I can't, Vince. She's still a nun.

Vince: She's a broad. Y'got it? Just a broad!

Reverend Mother: I guarantee you she is no broad! She is Sister Mary Clarence of St. Katherine's Convent. She's a model of generosity, virtue, and love! You have my word for it, gentlemen, she is a nun!

Willy: Ya hear that? Now, aren't you glad we didn't shoot her?

[Vince grilling Ernie]

Vince: I know they're trying to get something on me, Ernie, but so far they've come up with bubkas. They call Willy and Joey in there, and they're out in 20 minutes. *What are you doing there for three hours, Ernie?*

Delores: You still haven't told me what she said?

Vince: What who said?

Delores: What who said. The one with the moustache, the one you're married to.

Vince: You are so damn hot.

Delores: And you are so full of it. You didn't tell her, did you? I knew it. I knew you weren't gonna tell her. I knew it.

Vince: How can you let them grill me there for six hours?

Larry: I can't control how long they're gonna question you.

Vince: Did you go to law school, Harry?

Larry: Yeah, I went to law school, Vince.

Vince: Did you graduate?

Larry: Hey, I'm a lawyer, of course I graduated.

Vince: What's the name of your label?

Rob: Top Five Records.

Michael Kellam: There's been shit all over the place!

Vince: You mean the package burst?

Michael Kellam: [Thinking they meant the baby] Well yes, I guess you could say that.

Vince: Well did you put the shit back?

Michael Kellam: No, we had it bronzed for posterity. What do you think we did with it?

Vince: This is an '81 Honda! How dare you!

Vince: [Jorge takes out a knife while they are in Zack's house, changing all the clocks, and his grandmother comes into the room] What are you doing? There are no weapons in this mission. I will not do time for you. I will roll over on you.

Vince: [after Vince is revealed to have been giving stuff away, he runs off and Semi tackles him to the ground]

[writhes in pain]

Vince: Now I know why they call you "Semi"

Vince: Well, I guess I can get a little anal...

Zack: Actually, I hear he gets alot.

Jorge: [looking at the defaced picture of Vince] ... I love ah-nall, who's ah-nall?

Vince: It's ANAL, dumbass!

Jorge: You do?

Vince: Is your name Semi because you're the size of a huge Mack truck or because you're semi-retarded?

Semi: I don't know.

Zack: Were all pink on the inside...

Vince: Like vaginas!

[awkward pause]

Vince: [cough]

Vince: I realize that you don't care about your job, but I do.

Zack: And I want to thank you for caring about my job, really.

Vincent 'Vinnie' Antonelli: When did your wife leave?

Barney: October.

Vince: That's when my wife left! What is it about the month of October?

Barney: I dunno. The pressure of Halloween? You never know what to go as!

Vince: Hey coach. Name is Vince. I'm just a bartender from Philly whose only dream is to play ball. It's all I got left after I lost my job teaching, and my wife left me. Like my alcoholic father used to say before he passed on, "A man can only take so much failure!" I'll give you everything I got. What do you say coach?

Lambeau "Coach" Fields: I say you can add "Did not make the football team" to your list of woes.

Vince: I've gotta cream soma kinda love story into this thing man. Skanks, make up fifty per cent of the audience

Vince: Man, if she were my girlfriend, I'd be pounding that night and day.

Jimmy Ellis: [shouts across the diner] Hey, Vince!

Vince: [annoyed] What?

Jimmy Ellis: Where's Philly?

Vince: Pennsylvania!

Jimmy Ellis: No, no! Not "that" Philly! Philly the Mouse! Harry and Archie need him for a stick-up!

Vince: Told you I'd kick ass, Dad. What I really wanted to ask was, I, uh - I was wondering, could I get a raise?

Rod: Out of the question.

Vince: Why?

Rod: I don't have the money.

Vince: You got six billion dollars!

Rod: Seven, but things are tight right now. Who the hell's making all this bloody noise? Who's there?

[he opens the door and he sees no one]

Vince: Okay, look. Uh, what about a-a small advance on my inheritance?

Rod: What inheritance?

Vince: Well...

[nervous laugh]

Vince: I-I'm your son! You have to leave me something.

Rod: Why?

Vince: 'Cause you... you screwed up my whole childhood!

Rod: How could I have? I wasn't even there.

Vince: No, no. This is the kind of conversation that two people have when one of them is female.

Vince: I don't like you. You're weird and unattractive.

Willa Weston: For one thing, he loves animals.

Vince: Oh, he doesn't just love 'em.

Vince: I never have to listen to you again, do I? With your

[Switches to rod's voice]

Vince: "You're no son of mine, you miserable little worm! You've been a disappointment to me since the day your mother farted you out of her womb!"

Rollo Lee: [Turning to face Willa] Brilliant!

Vince: Did you get a whiff of that guy's cologne? Eau de Monkey Fart!

Vince: [after catching Willa and Rollo kissing] I can understand the gorrila, but not... not Mr Disgusting!

Vince: [Vince and Willa are looking at Rod's portrait] Round here, he's known as Rod Almighty!

Vince: [Describing Rollo] He looks like he's borrowed his body for the weekend, and hasn't figured out how it works yet!

Vince: How does he get three girls... where does the third one go?

Rod: Christ!

Vince: What?

Rod: That's a biggest goddamn spider I ever saw.

Vince: That's what's probably making the bleeting noise.

Rod: I don't like spiders. Kill it.

Vince: I'd rather have a case of the clap than a case of this wine.

Vince: You've got only one life to live. You can either make it chickenshit or chicken salad.

Vince: Can you keep a secret?

Mitch: Yeah.

Vince: So can I.

Vince: [a the cemetery, declining to join the funeral group] At my age, you don't want to get too close to an open grave.

Vince: [ater Edie reluctantly accepts his dinner invitation] You've made an old man very happy!

Edie: You're not so old.

Vince: Yeah, I know, and I'm not so happy.

Mitch: [at the funeral] So, Grandpa, how come you didn't come to the church?

Vince: God makes me nervous when you get him indoors - besides, I don't like to see people in their coffins. They always look so much smaller without their spirits.

Belinda: Boy, you just get right down to the point, don't cha?

Vince: Ah, you know, five years in jail. Not much time to waste.

Vince: I'm an artist.

Vince: How does a guy like me end up in a place like this?

Vince: I'm workin' on paying you off. What else you want?

Kranski: I want you on the job

Pogue: You know, Vince, I'm gonna be watchin' you. I'm looking out for you, man. I got your back.

Vince: Lucky me.

Kranski: You're my favorite, you know that?

Vince: You should have told that to the new guy.

Larry: Look, man, I got some old titty mags in the can if you wanna blow off some steam.

Vince: Titty mags? Thanks, man. You know, five years practice, I think I'm ready for the real thing.

Vince: Do you sleep with all your artists?

Belinda: Sleep? You doze off in the middle there?

Vince: Hey, you just ran that light!

Kranski: Yeah, it's a game I play. "Red light green light". Every red light's green.

Vince: And the green lights?

Kranski: Uh, they're green, too.

[first lines]

Pogue: Two pairs of socks, that's the key.

Vince: Key to what?

Pogue: The key to staying fresh and feeling good, ya know. What you do is you keep an extra pair of socks in your pocket, one in your lunch pale, around 2-3 o'clock in the afternoon you slap those bad boys on, bam, you fell like a million bucks.

Vince: I'll have to remember that.

Pogue: And you know the number one thing that makes all parolees go back to jail?

Vince: Not enough socks?

Pogue: No, stay away from all know felons and former criminal associates.

Kranski: Want a piece of advice?

Vince: Yeah.

Kranski: Women with tiny breast are better in bed.

[Vince laughs]

Kranski: True!

Vince: I'll keep that in mind.

Kranski: Where ya goin'?

Vince: Gonna change my socks.

Belinda: [about her wax] Oh, Vince, you didn't tell me how it looks.

Vince: Looks like you're giving birth to Hitler.

Pogue: I'm looking for you.

Vince: Mr. Pogue, uh, can I get you something, like, uh, champagne, pee in a cup?

[last lines]

Kristen: Who's the better kisser?

Vince: Come here, you.

Larry: How ya doin' there, Vinnie?

Vince: It's like riding a bike all the way back to prison.

Kristen: She's a pit bull but she knows what she's doing.

Vince: Pill bulls are sweeter.

Vince: What're you doin'?

Kristen: Blowing. It's part of my job.

Vince: Well, you do that very well.

Vince: Why do you put up with her?

Kristen: Why do you?

Vince: Money. Fame. Chicks.

Kristen: Ha! Me, too.

Belinda: If you like to join us...

Vince: Open bar?

Belinda: Just wine. You have to bring your own meth.

Vince: That's why they make women's watches so small, so you can't see how late it is.

Vince: You shoot him, you think we're just gonna ride away?

Virgil Cole: Nope.

Vince: We'll kill you and Hitch.

Virgil Cole: You'll try.

Vince: You're willing to die to keep us from taking him?

Virgil Cole: Sure.

Vince: Hitch, you willing to die, too?

Virgil Cole: Of course he's willing to die. You think we do this kind of work because we're scared to die? You.

Vince: Me?

Virgil Cole: You afraid to die?

Vince: I ain't afraid.

Virgil Cole: Good, because you go first. And that boy with the red scarf goes next. You go on home, Vince. You go on home. Go on. Too many people die if you don't.

Vince: [beating up a bigot backstage] Say what you like about any jew in the world... BUT NOBODY CALLS MY PARTNER A *KIKE*

Vince: Look at you, you're a disgrace!

Vince: [as she comes to, he is drinking tea] Morning.

Karen: That was not a Quaalude you gave me. I've had Quaaludes.

Vince: Hmmm. I said it was like a Quaalude.

Karen: And you didn't take one yourself, you palmed the pill.

Vince: [smirking] Somebody had to drive.

[puts down his tea-cup]

Vince: Don't worry, you won't get pregnant. Not from Alice, and certainly not from me. I didn't take off my pants, as you may or may not remember.

Karen: There are laws against drugging people.

Vince: Oh, please! You took it voluntarily, nobody slipped it into your drink. And you chased it with one of the most expensive wines in the world. I think you're just in a dither because you discovered you can swing both ways.

[she looks at him in dismay]

Vince: You see, I needed to get something on you. Of course, your behavior with Lanny might have been even better than this, but... well, I'd already set the wheels in motion, and, as I was dying to see you and Alice get it on, I... well, these are just a sample.

[holds up revealing Polaroids, smiles, she is even more dismayed]

Karen: Why would she agree to do this? Doesn't she want a career?

Vince: Well, it's your career I'm worried about. You're a journalist playing loose with the rules. She's just a vulnerable young singer you seduced. A promising

[looking at a snapshot:]

Vince: oh, good heavens...! A promising artist that I happen to manage. You met her through me, and had your way with her.

[peeks at her past a Polaroid]

Karen: [scoffing softly in distaste] What do you want from me?

Vince: You're gonna continue writing the book. I'm gonna continue telling you juicy stories, funny stories, heart-tugging stories, and you're not gonna ask me a single question about what happened to the girl in New Jersey. You're gonna go to your publisher and say you tried every angle, but you could find nothing odd or suspicious in what I told you.

Vince: I may not be "Mr. Tess" anymore, but I still own half this place.

Tess: Mr. Tess?

[pause]

Tess: That is *so* hot.

Vince: Nice. But it won't pay the bills.

Vince: Have you read this letter from the bank?

Tess: Vincent. How many times have I told you? No business during business hours.

Vince: This isn't going away. You won't talk to me before the show, you won't talk to me after the show. It's like you're avoiding me.

Tess: Well, I didn't divorce you to spend more time with you.

Vince: Do you know what you could do with that money, Tess?

Tess: Do you know what *you* could do with that money, Vince?

Vince: Not now...

Tess: Don't "not now" me.

Marcus: Remember, you got that balloon payment due on the first.

Tess: [annoyed, to Vince] Did you also tell him I have a tattoo on my ass?

Vince: [earnestly] No... it's business.

Marcus: I don't think you're gonna get another opportunity like this. So take it.

Tess: [after some contemplation, then firmly] No.

Vince: [quickly, to Marcus] She means not now.

Tess: No, no. "Not now" means not now, Vince. "No" means no. Marcus, I don't care what you're offering. My club is not for sale.

Vince: Well, you can take an early retirement, collect disability. With the pension we offer you should be comfortable.

Gus: Save it. Being comfortable is overrated.

Vince: [about Sarah] Did she ever love you?

William Harding: I don't know. I think so.

Vince: Don't do anything, just be cool, you know. Just wait, she'll call you.

William Harding: She won't.

Vince: Yes, she will.

William Harding: No, she won't.

Vince: Well then, fuck her, you know. People who give up on love aren't worth loving.

Vince: What you think I'm a dick?

Jon: Uh, no. But I do know that occasionally you have a tendency to act in a phallic fashion.

Jon: Thanks, Vince.

Vince: [confused] What?

Jon: Thanks.

Vince: For what?

Jon: For all your *honesty*.

Jon: What's up man?

Vince: Oh, nothin' much.

Jon: You're not dressed.

Vince: Lay off.

Jon: Not that I don't like it...

Vince: What?

Jon: Nothing.

Vince: So?

Jon: So nothing.

Vince: Okay.

Jon: Okay.

Amy: I have a boyfriend.

Vince: Who is he?

Amy: He's the District Attorney.

Vince: Oh, God. That is so typical.

Amy: Typical. Why?

Vince: It just is.

Bernie: Man you are the king of cheese!

Jay Austin: What does that mean?

Vince: You just made $3000 on that car.

Jay Austin: That's why the sign says Jay Austin motors not Vince Burkley motors.

Vince: Nah, you really think he's gonna stiff a minister?

Bernie: 20 bucks says he will.

Bernie: I'd like to think of myself as hard working man trapped in a lazy man's body.

Vince: I've always thought of myself as a tan body builder stuck in a white chubby man's body.

Jay Austin: Sam anything we should know about you?

Sam: I'm just a black man in a black man's body, working with a bunch of strange white boys.

Vince: Every move I make is calculated.

Vince: Remind me to tell my friends never to buy a car from this place!

Bernie: I didn't think you had it in you, Jay.

Jay Austin: What's that?

Bernie: The ability to stiff a minister.

Jay Austin: Excuse me, St. Bernard, but I figure you think I'm interested in making the least amount of money we can.

Bernie: Hey, I'm all for making money. I just thought you'd cut the Reverend a deal.

Jay Austin: And you would have?

Bernie: I'd try to.

Jay Austin: Bull. Vince, would you trust Bernie to sell a car to your mother?

Vince: To my mother?

Jay Austin: To your mother.

Vince: No way.

Bernie: Oh, come on!

Jay Austin: What's worse Bernie - overcharging the Reverend for the Camry, which is a good car, or squeezing that old lady for the Marquis last week?

Bernie: She wasn't that old.

Jay Austin: She was in her 70s!

Bernie: Late 50s.

Vince: Oh please.

Bernie: Maybe early 60s.

Jay Austin: Don't wag your tongue at me over the Camry. You've ripped off more naive ladies than anyone else in Albany, and stop judging me for something you do yourself. That old lady last week was probably an honorable woman. Husband probably served in the military.

Bernie: Or the ministry.

Vince: Thank you, fans and friends and odds and ends. And now, for you gals and guys, a few words to the wise. You Jims and Sals are my best pals. And to look your best for the big contest, just be yourselves and have a ball. That's what it's all about, after all. So, forget about the camera and think about the beat. We'll give the folks at home a real big treat. Don't worry about where the camera is, just keep on dancin', that's your biz. Hey, if I tap your shoulder, move to the side. Let the others finish the ride! This is the event you've all been waiting for, the National Dance-Off. And away we go with Johnny Casino and the Gamblers!

Vince: It doesn't matter if you win or lose, it's what you do with your dancin' shoes.

Vince: Hi, I'm Vince Fontaine, I'm judging the dance contest.

Marty: I don't think I'm entered.

Vince: A knockout like you? What's your name?

Marty: Marty.

Vince: Marty what?

Marty: Maraschino. You know, as in cherry.