Mayonnaise quotes:

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Mayonnaise: One of the sauces which serve the French in place of a state religion. -- Ambrose Bierce
Gentiles are people who eat mayonnaise for no reason. -- Robin Williams
Europe's the mayonnaise, but America supplies the good old lobster. -- D. H. Lawrence
In Germany, salads are assemblies of ham and mayonnaise, not trendy tossed leaves. -- Rachel Johnson
My favorite snack would have to be Fritos, no doubt about it. Fritos and mayonnaise. I know. Really healthy, isn't it? -- Sylvester Stallone
I spent my childhood eating. The only exercise I got was trying to twist off the cap of a jar of mayonnaise. -- Richard Simmons
Mayonnaise is a lot like men, it can make everything much better, adding flavor and ease to your life. Or, it can just be sticky and gross and make you nauseous"- "Keeping the Moon -- Sarah Dessen
Mayonnaise, like hollandaise, was invented by the French to cover up the flavor of spoiled flesh, stale vegetables, rotten fish. Beware the sauce! Where food comes beslobbered with an elegant slime you may well suspect the integrity of the basic ingredients. -- Edward Abbey
Sometimes it's just 'Oh my God, I love the taste of fried oysters on French bread with mayonnaise and an order of French fries.' I'm not going to lie to you - I deal with that temptation every single day, many times. -- Richard Simmons
One of my favorite things is mayonnaise and I have to tell you that. I love mayonnaise, but I don't eat it any more. If I do I put light mayonnaise on it, which I know is still not good but it's a lot better than the other one and I don't eat it that much. -- Mike Ditka
I've been craving peanut butter-and-mayonnaise fried cheese sandwiches. -- Anna Nicole Smith
Elizabeth Taylor's so fat she puts mayonnaise on aspirin. -- Joan Rivers
Chic is a kind of mayonnaise, either it tastes, or it doesn't. -- Karl Lagerfeld
It's hard to swallow your pride. That's why I slather mine in mayonnaise. -- Stephen Colbert
I have always wanted to write a book that ended with the word 'mayonnaise. -- Richard Brautigan
I eat so much mayonnaise they were going to send me to the Mayo Clinic. -- Tom Robbins
And oil's not supposed to mix with water. But then someone invented mayonnaise, and wham - instant mixing. -- Jackie Morse Kessler
We need to have lectures about why we can't have every day things like mayonnaise, ketchup and coke. -- Paolo Di Canio
My notion of an elegant table is you don't leave the knife sticking out of the mayonnaise jar. -- Sue Grafton
My favorite sandwich is peanut butter, baloney, cheddar cheese, lettuce, and mayonnaise on toasted bread with catsup on the side. -- Hubert H. Humphrey
You don't use mayonnaise, why? ... Are you addicted to mayonnaise? Is it okay if I use mayonnaise? I could go outside... -- Jim Gaffigan
I love mayonnaise. Every birthday when I was a kid I'd go to Black Angus and just dip my burger in mayo. -- Blake Anderson
I mix mayonnaise, ketchup and brandy and a little bit of mustard. This is a heck of a good sauce for seafood. -- Jose Andres Puerta
My mom taught me this really great beauty tip. She used to put oil or mayonnaise on the bottom half of her hair before she would shower. -- Blake Lively
I said Yo Jay, I can rap. And I spit this rap that said I'm killin' ya'll *****s on this lyrical sh*t, mayonnaise colored benz, I push miracle whips. -- Kanye West
My mornings go by so fast I forget breakfast. Lunch - that's turned out to be my biggest meal. I like tuna fish with low-fat mayonnaise and celery, egg whites and garlic. It's delish. -- Jackee Harry
The Japanese have become so smitten with the Western condiment - its texture as silky as a kimono, its tang as understated as the tang of Zen - that today they have a word for mayonnaise junkie: mayora. -- Tom Robbins
In my 'Big Dinners' cookbook, I recreated my mother's recipe for crab dip. The creamy dressing for this dip, made with mayonnaise, tomato paste, a touch of honey, sliced chives, lemon juice and zest, horseradish and Tabasco, is reminiscent of Thousand Island dressing. -- Tom Douglas
When this girl at the museum asked me who I liked better, Monet or Manet, I said, "I like mayonnaise." She just stared at me, so I said it again, louder. Then she left. I guess she went to try to find some mayonnaise for me. -- Jack Handey
I just want to tell you what it's like not to have Planned Parenthood... you have to give your kids Ramen noodles at the end of the month to fill up their little bellies so they won't cry. You have to give them mayonnaise sandwiches. They get very few fruits and vegetables because they're expensive. -- Gwen Moore
Food, like anything else, lives in the physical world and obeys the laws of physics. When you whisk together some oil and a little bit of lemon juice - or, in other words, make mayonnaise - you are using the principles of physics and chemistry. Understanding how those principles affect cooking lets you cook better. -- Nathan Myhrvold
I'm not a person who writes really abstract things with oblique references. I look at abstraction like I look at condiments. Give me some Tabasco sauce, some ketchup, some mayonnaise. I love all of that. Put it on a trumpet. I've just got to have the ketchup and Tabasco sauce. That's my attitude about musical philosophy. -- Wynton Marsalis
I keep looking for ultimate answers, but maybe there aren't any or maybe I'm not looking in the right places, because in the section marked ANSWERS in the back of my geometry book, there's only a bunch of numbers, and all I can find to stare at in the refrigerator is five carrots and a jar of no-fat mayonnaise. -- Rachel Vail
Coconut oil mixed with olive oil is what I put on my body every day; I put rose hip oil on my face. If my hair feels dry, instead of going and buying something filled with chemicals, I put egg whites or avocados or mayonnaise in my hair. I leave it on there for an hour or two and I wash it out. -- Nikki Reed
Life's like a mayonnaise soda. -- Lou Reed
Pittsburgh did not smell of mayonnaise that day. -- Sandra Staas
If science took my IQ and spread it evenly among the world's population, like mental mayonnaise, we'd have more art, less war, and higher cholesterol. -- Jarod Kintz
Through my quick action, I was able to capture her mannerism and store it in a jar. It looks like mayonnaise, but it tastes like love. -- Jarod Kintz
I remember the stink of the liverwurst. How I was put on a platter and laid between the mayonnaise and the bacon. The rhythm of the refrigerator had been disturbed. -- Anne Sexton

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