Susan Orlean Quotes in Adaptation. (2002)

John Laroche: You know why I like plants?

Susan Orlean: Nuh uh.

John Laroche: Because they're so mutable. Adaptation is a profound process. Means you figure out how to thrive in the world.

Susan Orlean: [pause] Yeah but it's easier for plants. I mean they have no memory. They just move on to whatever's next. With a person though, adapting almost shameful. It's like running away.

John Laroche: Then one morning, I woke up and said, "Fuck fish." I renounce fish, I will never set foot in that ocean again. That's how much "fuck fish." That was 17 years ago and I have never stuck so much as a toe in that ocean. And I love the ocean.

Susan Orlean: But why?

John Laroche: Done with fish.

Susan Orlean: There are too many ideas and things and people. Too many directions to go. I was starting to believe the reason it matters to care passionately about something, is that it whittles the world down to a more manageable size.

Susan Orlean: It's over. Everything's over. I did everything wrong. I want my life back. I want it back before everything got fucked up. I want to be a baby again. I want to be new. I WANT TO BE NEW.

Susan Orlean: What I came to understand is that change is not a choice. Not for a species of plant, and not for me.

Susan Orlean: Do you ever get lonely sometimes, Johnny?

John Laroche: Well, I was a weird kid. Nobody liked me. But I had this idea. If I waited long enough, someone would come around and just, you know... understand me. Like my mom, except someone else. She'd look at me and quietly say: "Yes." Just like that. And I wouldn't be alone anymore.

Susan Orlean: YOU FAT PIECE OF SHIT. He's dead.

Charlie Kaufman: Shut up.

Susan Orlean: YOU LOSER. You've ruined my life, YOU FAT FUCK.

Charlie Kaufman: FUCK YOU LADY. You're just a lonely, old, desperate, pathetic DRUG ADDICT.

Susan Orlean: I suppose I do have one unembarrassed passion. I want to know what it feels like to care about something passionately.

John Laroche: Who's gonna play me?

Susan Orlean: Well, I've gotta write the book first, John. Then, you know, they get somebody to write the screenplay.

John Laroche: Hey, I think I should play me.

Susan Orlean: Aww, I wish I were an ant. Awww, they're so shiny.

John Laroche: You're shinier than any ant darlin'

Susan Orlean: That's the sweetest thing anybody has EVER said to me.

John Laroche: Welp, I like ya', that's why.

Susan Orlean: Can I ask you a personal question?

John Laroche: Look, we're not lost.

John Laroche: Darling, I don't know what's come over you.

Susan Orlean: You came all over me last time I was here, as I recall.

John Laroche: My goodness.

Susan Orlean: John Leroche is a tall guy, skinny as a stick, pale eyes, slouch-shouldered, sharply handsome, despite the fact he's missing all his front teeth.

John Laroche: [viewing an orchid at a flower show] Angraecum sesquipedale! A beauty! God! Darwin wrote about this one. Charles Darwin? Evolution guy? Hello? You see that nectary all the way down there? Darwin hypothesized a moth with a nose twelve inches long to pollinate it. Everyone thought he was a loon! Then, sure enough, they found this moth with a twelve-inch proboscis. Proboscis means "nose," by the way.

Susan Orlean: I know what "proboscis" means.

John Laroche: Yeah, let's not get off the subject. This isn't a pissing contest!

Susan Orlean: [stoned] Very happy now.

Matthew Osceola: I can see your sadness. It's lovely.

Susan Orlean: I'm just tired, that's all. That's my problem. So, maybe we could chat a little bit, and, you know, get some background for...

Matthew Osceola: I'm not going to talk to you much. It's not personal. It's the Indian way.

Valerie Thomas: Susan, we would really like to option this.

Susan Orlean: You wanna make it into a movie?

Valerie Thomas: Into a movie

Susan Orlean: Oh, God!