John Laroche Quotes in Adaptation. (2002)

John Laroche: Point is, what's so wonderful is that every one of these flowers has a specific relationship with the insect that pollinates it. There's a certain orchid look exactly like a certain insect so the insect is drawn to this flower, its double, its soul mate, and wants nothing more than to make love to it. And after the insect flies off, spots another soul-mate flower and makes love to it, thus pollinating it. And neither the flower nor the insect will ever understand the significance of their lovemaking. I mean, how could they know that because of their little dance the world lives? But it does. By simply doing what they're designed to do, something large and magnificent happens. In this sense they show us how to live - how the only barometer you have is your heart. How, when you spot your flower, you can't let anything get in your way.

John Laroche: You know why I like plants?

Susan Orlean: Nuh uh.

John Laroche: Because they're so mutable. Adaptation is a profound process. Means you figure out how to thrive in the world.

Susan Orlean: [pause] Yeah but it's easier for plants. I mean they have no memory. They just move on to whatever's next. With a person though, adapting almost shameful. It's like running away.

John Laroche: Then one morning, I woke up and said, "Fuck fish." I renounce fish, I will never set foot in that ocean again. That's how much "fuck fish." That was 17 years ago and I have never stuck so much as a toe in that ocean. And I love the ocean.

Susan Orlean: But why?

John Laroche: Done with fish.

Susan Orlean: Do you ever get lonely sometimes, Johnny?

John Laroche: Well, I was a weird kid. Nobody liked me. But I had this idea. If I waited long enough, someone would come around and just, you know... understand me. Like my mom, except someone else. She'd look at me and quietly say: "Yes." Just like that. And I wouldn't be alone anymore.

John Laroche: Who's gonna play me?

Susan Orlean: Well, I've gotta write the book first, John. Then, you know, they get somebody to write the screenplay.

John Laroche: Hey, I think I should play me.

John Laroche: Sometimes bad things happen and darkness descends.

John Laroche: Look, I'll tell you a story, all right? I once feel deeply, you know, profoundly in love with tropical fish. Had 60 goddamn fish tanks in my house. I skin dived to find just the right ones. Anisotremus virginicus, Holdacanthus ciliaris, Chaetodon capistratus. You name it. Then one day I say, "fuck fish". I renounce fish. I vow never to set foot in that ocean again. That's how much "fuck fish".

Susan Orlean: Aww, I wish I were an ant. Awww, they're so shiny.

John Laroche: You're shinier than any ant darlin'

Susan Orlean: That's the sweetest thing anybody has EVER said to me.

John Laroche: Welp, I like ya', that's why.

Susan Orlean: Can I ask you a personal question?

John Laroche: Look, we're not lost.

John Laroche: Darling, I don't know what's come over you.

Susan Orlean: You came all over me last time I was here, as I recall.

John Laroche: My goodness.

Charlie Kaufman: [voice over] Okay, we open with Laroche. He's funny. Okay. He says, "I love to mutate plants". He says "Mutation is fun". Okay, we show flowers and... okay. We have to have the court case. Okay, we show Laroche. Okay, he says "I was mutated as a baby. That's why I'm so smart". That's funny. Okay, we open at the beginning of time. No! Okay, we open with Laroche. He's driving into a swamp.

John Laroche: Crazy white man!

[Charlie screams]

John Laroche: [viewing an orchid at a flower show] Angraecum sesquipedale! A beauty! God! Darwin wrote about this one. Charles Darwin? Evolution guy? Hello? You see that nectary all the way down there? Darwin hypothesized a moth with a nose twelve inches long to pollinate it. Everyone thought he was a loon! Then, sure enough, they found this moth with a twelve-inch proboscis. Proboscis means "nose," by the way.

Susan Orlean: I know what "proboscis" means.

John Laroche: Yeah, let's not get off the subject. This isn't a pissing contest!

John Laroche: [about himself] The smartest guy I know, huh?