Stan Helsing Quotes in Stan Helsing (2009)

Nadine: I can't believe I ever went out with you.

Stan Helsing: The best six weeks of your life.

Nadine: It was two weeks.

Stan Helsing: Yeah, but I was doing you in my mind for the other four.

Mason: We're not gonna go that easy.

Stan Helsing: Oh, actually, you both have the same weakness.

Stan Helsing: [looks up Mia's undies] I think now it would be a great time for a reverse POV.

Stan Helsing: This van just went from an automatic to a stick shift, Teddy got a boner.

[first lines]

Stan Helsing: [picking up a ringing phone] Schlockbuster. Happy Halloween.

[pause]

Stan Helsing: Yeah yeah yeah, we carry porn.

[pause]

Stan Helsing: What do I recommend? Well... "Schindler's Fist", "How Stella Got Her Tube Packed", "Six Degrees of Penatration". This is a good one. "Glad He Ate Her".

[pause]

Stan Helsing: Yeah, yeah, okay. You're welcome, Grandma.

Stan Helsing: [confronted by a giant cockroach in a restroom stall] Oh, cock... roach. Sorry, dude! I thought this was available, but it's okay. I don't actually need it, 'cause I just pissed myself. You look tense. Uh... you need a magazine? Toilet paper? Here, I'll get you a magazine.

[the giant cockroach grabs Stan]

Stan Helsing: Ah, I see you're a fan of the Kobe Bryant position.

Stan Helsing: That doll mimed a blowjob and started smacking his ass. That's so weird.

Nadine: No no no no. That's not weird at all. It's you know, it's a MILF driving a car with a doll that's miming a blowjob and spanking his ass. Yeah yeah.

Teddy: Sound perfectly normal.

Mia: My brother said I used to give his GI Joe doll a boner.

Nadine: Okay, you probably want to keep that to yourself.