Shad Quotes in Battle Beyond the Stars (1980)

[in Gelt's lair and treasure chamber]

Shad: I'm hiring mercenaries to protect against an invasion, but food and shelter is all we can offer in payment. All of our wealth is in our culture.

Gelt: I could buy your planet ten times over with what I've gathered in this room: plutonium, cadmium, qualine crystals... I've been very well paid for my work.

Shad: I'm sorry. I've wasted your time.

Gelt: NO! Wait. Listen to the rest of it: I sleep with my back to the wall - when I CAN sleep. I eat serpents seven times a week. There's not a major city in this galaxy where I can show my face, or spend my wealth. Right now, your offer looks very attractive to me... A meal, and a place to hide.

Cowboy: [after seeing Gelt blast a ship] Beautiful. I love to see a pro work!

Shad: He's got a lot of practice. Nell, I think we may have bought ourselves a chance! Let's head to the surface!

Gelt: What a place to end up - a minor planet in a third-rate galaxy.

[Gelt dies]

Shad: Have somebody prepare a meal.

unknown (extra): A meal?

Shad: Full course, then bury it with him.

unknown (extra): Bury it?

Shad: That was our arrangement: A meal and a place to hide.

[after a dogfight against the Malmori]

Saint-Exmin: Shad, did you see me on the monitor? There was a drone right on my tail. I pulled out; he smashed into an asteroid!

Shad: [grimly] Let me tell you something. This may just be a game to you, but these are my people.

Saint-Exmin: I'm sorry. I forgot about your Varda. I am from a warrior race. We EXIST for battle. Our creed is to live fast, fight well, and have a beautiful ending.

Shad: [looking her in the eyes] NO violent ending is beautiful.

Saint-Exmin: [smiling] You've never seen a Valkyrie go down.

Cayman: [upon meeting Shad for the first time] I'm only in this for Sador. I want his head.

Shad: [surprised] Oh. Well, you're welcome to it.

Shad: Nanelia, the Akira believe that no form ends until all the lives that it has touched are ended, until all the good that it has done is gone.

Saint-Exmin: I am Saint Exmin of the Valkyrie. It's been a very enjoyable fight.

[She explodes her ship]

Shad: [quoting Saint-Exmin, mesmerized by her action] "Live fast, fight well, and have a beautiful ending."

Nestor 1: We are Nestor.

Shad: All of you?

Nestor 1: [speaking of himself and the four behind him] This is but a facet. These are but facets. There are hundreds of thousands like us at home and scattered throughout the universe. We are Nestor.

Shad: You're clones.

Nestor 1: In a manner of speaking. We share identical consciousness. What one sees, all see. What one knows, all know.

Shad: And all of you want to help us?

Nestor 1: These five facets, yes. Four of us are required to operate this ship.

Shad: What about the fifth?

Nestor 1: We always carry a spare.

Cowboy: [upon seeing Gelt's ship approach] Here comes somebody else. Who's that?

Shad: [switching over to Gelt] Do you want your name used?

Gelt: My name is Gelt.

Cowboy: Where ya from, Gelt? I'm from Earth. Know where that is?

Gelt: I was born in space.

Cowboy: Oh, well, put in between us. I'll cover you.

Gelt: I don't like anyone behind me.

Cowboy: Okay, you keep a scanner on our tail.

Gelt: I always do.

[Shad and the mercenaries arrive on Akir, seemingly deserted]

Cayman: HAIL THE CONQUERING HEROES!

Shad: I'm sorry. I think they must be afraid.

Cayman: Afraid? Of what?

Shad: Of you. They're not accustomed to violence or violent forms.

Saint-Exmin: That's a hell of a note!

[after "Hammerhead" wings Gelt]

Shad: Gelt, are you all right?

Gelt: [just prior to force-landing back on Akir] That remains to be seen, Shad. Have a nice fight!

[Shad can't bring himself to shoot down Kalo and Tembo's Malmori warship]

Shad: Can we outrun 'em?

Nell: We sure as hell can't OUTFIGHT 'em, not with YOU in the driver's seat!

Shad: [drawing his handgun as he finds himself aboard Nestor's ship] Okay, what's the big idea?

[All five Nestors turn to face him]

Shad: Don't everybody talk at once!

[None of the Nestors respond]

Shad: Listen, if I don't get some answers FAST, I'm gonna have to use this thing!

[Nestor motion causes Shad's gun-hand to turn against him, bringing the muzzle to his own head, which Shad vainly attempts to wrench away]

Shad: Let me rephrase that.

Nestor 1: [releasing Shad] You are not of a violent form. We sensed that you did not intend to shoot.

Shad: You read my mind?

Nestor 1: Among other things.

Shad: The Varda teach us that each form has its function.

Nell: Showing my backside to those mutant sons of bitches. I can't believe it! You got no BACKBONE, kid! When Zed was your age...

Shad: My job is to find mercenaries. And I'm NOT Zed.

Nell: Hmm! You bet. Not even a pale imitation.

Shad: [insulted] Wha... Now, I thought I did pretty well back there. I mean, YOU'RE still in one piece, aren't you?

Nell: Sure, you did. If they hold a contest for running away, YOU'LL be Champion of the Universe!

Shad: Wait a minute! I'm not an android!

Nanelia: [surprised] I'm warm

Shad: Of course, I'm warm. I'm organic. Haven't you ever seen an organic form?

Nanelia: No, besides my father. There are only the androids. I take care of them.

Dr. Hephaestus: Forms must prey on other forms to survive.

Shad: That's not what the Varda teach us. We prey on no one.

Dr. Hephaestus: Your planet is doomed and I have other plans for you.

Shad: Other plans?

Dr. Hephaestus: This station was built for many. It remains a hollow and lonely place. You've met my daughter.

Shad: Yes. Wait a minute. Y... you don't mean... that you want me to... breed with your daughter?

Dr. Hephaestus: It seems a better fate than that offered by the Malmori, does it not?

Shad: You fired without me.

Nell: It had to be done.

Shad: You were placed under my direct command. You fired without me. "That which is not organic must not..."

Nell: "... harm that which is." I know, I know. It's a damn stupid rule.

Shad: Is that real smoke you're putting into your lungs?

Cowboy: Yup. And before ya ask, it is the worst thing in the world for me.

Shad: Well, I don't think you should do it.

Nell: Terrific! Now I've got TWO babies to sit for.

Shad: [sternly] Nell, shut up.

Shad: The First Law of the Varda is to use greater force against itself.

Shad: I've never taken a life before, Nell.

Nell: The Varda SAYS we can take life to SAVE life.

Gelt: There's not a planet in the galaxy where there isn't a bounty on my head.

Shad: What makes you so popular?

Gelt: I settle disputes very quickly. I'm very good at it.

[Saint-Exmin has bested Shad and Nell in a dogfight]

Saint-Exmin: The Valkyrie are great warriors. In our youth, we must leave home and fight in many battles until we have proven ourselves.

Shad: Well, you've proven yourself to be a pain in the neck. So why don't you just... fly off?

Saint-Exmin: But I wish to fight.

Shad: [exasperated] My PLANET is in danger, and you're playing TAG with me! Your ship is like a toy; you have no firepower.

Saint-Exmin: It's one of the fastest in the universe.

Shad: Well, the Varda teach us that "swift rain is little rain."

Saint-Exmin: But I WANT to join.

Shad: But we don't want you, we don't need you, and we won't have you, so go count your coup somewhere else.

[He breaks off communications with her]

Nell: You were a little harsh, weren't you?

Shad: You saw her. She was PLAYING with me.

Nell: Yes... and she WON.

Shad: Did you know that there's a form in the black galaxy who's children have no immune system till the age of five cycles? That means that the slightest trace of infection they would rot just like fallen fruit.

Talking Android: I have heard of them. The Huddites.

Nanelia: Who asked you?

Shad: When they reach the age of five cycles, all the relatives gather together in a special room, and they watch while the child tears and bites at this plastoid with its teeth and nails, till it breaks out into the arms of its parents, feels their skin for the first time, feels the wetness on their cheeks for the first time.

Talking Android: [to Nanelia, realizing what Shad's up to] It's horrible out there. Forms preying on other forms. Death.

Shad: Most of them never do develop immunities. They die shortly afterwards, but the Huddites still feel that the breaking out ceremony is very beautiful.

Chico: Are you Ms. Grant?

Erin Grant: [sarcastically] No, I'm Barbara Bush.

Chico: [to Shad] And you are?

Shad: George Bush.

[Shad appears besides Erin's car while Darrell is holding her at knifepoint inside it]

Shad: Drop the knife! You got 'til three. One...

Darrell Grant: Suck my dick!

Shad: Whip the little fella out. Two...

Darrell Grant: [brandishes the knife at Shad] This here's a domestic squabble...!

[Shad seizes his knife hand and wrenches his arm over the window jam, snapping the bone. Darrell screams]

Shad: Three.

Darrell Grant: You broke my arm!

Shad: You sure?

Nico: What are you, nuts?

Shad: Yeah, psycho. Delusions of invincibility combined with a strong homicidal urge. I have a kick-your-ass fetish.

Shad: You talk to her?

Erin Grant: Darrell's phone's disconnected. I think he moved again.

Shad: You know, I'd embrace the opportunity to maim his white ass up.

Erin Grant: I know you would, and that's really thoughtful, but I don't think it would help my case in court if I had him attacked.

[about going after Erin without police backup]

Shad: So we're it? A cop and a bouncer?

Lt. Al Garcia: Plus two strippers and a kid. We're in great shape.

Erin Grant: [Shad has just put a roach in a container of yogurt] So, this is the new brainstorm, huh?

Shad: Accordin' to the Wall St. Journal we got here the hottest selling yogurt in the country. I bring this in, say my hair fell out from the shock. BOOM! They pay off big time. My lawyer thinks it's a genius idea.

Erin Grant: Your lawyer has an office over a video store.

Shad: Call me a dreamer. I don't wanna be a bouncer forever.

Alan Mordecai: Do you follow politics, Mr. Shad?

Shad: Do I look like I follow politics?

Shad: "Free Willy" back yet?

Video Clerk: Still out.

Shad: People are pigs! Sit on movies like they own 'em!

[Orly hires Lorelei and her trained python away from the Flesh Farm, only they send the snake's dead body]

Orly: Here, go rustle up a new snake.

Shad: Where, the AM/PM? Who the fuck carries pythons at ten o'clock at night?

Orly: There's an all-night snake farm on Route 27. Ask for Jungle Juan. And get rid of that thing! God, I hate this business! You know why? It's lost its humanity.

Lt. Al Garcia: [in the morgue] Now here comes that brilliant and charming attorney of yours, Mr. Mordecai. Found him 400 yards offshore. Now show him the rest of his kisser.

Medical Examiner: [uncovers Mordecai's face] Crabs find lawyers a particular delicacy, yeah.

Shad: Looks like lasagna. Cover that shit up.

Lt. Al Garcia: You mind telling me why your name was on his calendar for tomorrow?

Shad: I was involved in a litigation with a yogurt company.

Lt. Al Garcia: Just based on my limited experience, this doesn't look like the sort of thing a yogurt company would ordinarily do. You know, I hear this prick represented the same poor kid who got mauled at your club. Now that I find fascinating, Shad!

Shad: He had a picture...

[retching]

Shad: Man, I'm gonna lose it!

[the coroner starts to cover Mordecai's face, Garcia stops him]

Lt. Al Garcia: A picture of what? A certain legislator?

Shad: Yeah... beatin' the kid's ass.

Lt. Al Garcia: And where's the original?

Shad: I got no idea.

[the coroner covers up Mordecai, Garcia hands Shad a box of mints]

Lt. Al Garcia: Here, freshen up. Thanks.

Medical Examiner: Can I interest you in dessert?

Lt. Al Garcia: No, just the check.

[the coroner laughs and wheels Mordecai away]

Lt. Al Garcia: [about Erin] Dilbeck didn't invite her back?

Shad: She said no.

Lt. Al Garcia: Well, that's good. Because I don't think she should go back there, even with you. And what was with her tonight? She seemed edgy.

Shad: She got her moods, man. Could be that time of the month.

Lt. Al Garcia: So now you're the gynecologist-bouncer, bouncer-gynecologist?

Shad: Hey! I just watch out for the girls.

Lt. Al Garcia: Wow... so do I. That makes a grand total of two people in the entire state of Florida. Because the higher-ups in my department, they're not exactly pushing this investigation. Is any of this making sense to you?

Shad: Because of this asshole Congressman.

Lt. Al Garcia: Bingo! We've got two homicides here, and nobody gives a shit except you and me. And I'm worried about that girl. She's all alone out there.

Shad: I heard a story that last week down in Brentwood, a guy croaked and nobody knew he had died alone in his house. By the time they found him, his pet dog had eaten his dead face off.

Lilith: Dogs eating people is cool.

Shad: [giggling] I... wanna... die. LET'S ALL DIE.

Shad: [having is palm read] Well, what do you see?

Fortune Teller: Death!

Shad: Cool!