Sally Quotes in Oblivion (2013)

Jack Harper: How can a man die better...

Sally: You don't have to die, Jack. She doesn't have to die.

Jack Harper: Everybody dies, Sally. The thing is, to die well.

Jack Harper: What Horatius said was, "How can a man die better / Than facing fearful odds"

Sykes: Drones! Get inside! Get inside!

Jack Harper: "For the ashes of his fathers / And the temples of his Gods"

Sally: I created you, Jack. I am your God.

Jack Harper: Fuck you, Sally.

Sally: Hi, Jack. I don't believe we've had the pleasure.

Jack Harper: What have you done?

Sally: You can't blame yourself for this. Drones are unreliable. Sometimes things go wrong.

Jack Harper: Go wrong? You killed her.

Sally: I know, it's tragic. She was a wonderful person.

Sally: There's been a pattern of insubordinate behavior recently.

Jack Harper: Yeah. I feel bad about that.

Victoria: Mission, this is Tower 49.

Sally: Go ahead, 49.

Jack Harper: No.

Victoria: I'm having a problem with my technician.

Jack Harper: No, you don't know what you're doing.

Victoria: He found a survivor at the crash site.

Jack Harper: You've gotta listen to me.

Victoria: She's impeding his abilities, and he is unfit for service.

Jack Harper: No, no, no.

Sally: I'm sorry to hear that, Vika. Are you still an effective team?

Jack Harper: Vika... Open the goddamn door, Vika!

Victoria: No. We are not an effective team.

Sally: Are you an effective team?

Sally: Voice analysis indicates you are lying to me, Jack. Tell me why you are here. You have five seconds.

Jack Harper: I want Julia to live. I want our species to survive. This is the only way.

Sally: Proceed to landing. Atmosphere provided.

Jack Harper: Morning, boss.

Sally: Tower 49, this is mission control. How are you all doing this lovely morning?

Victoria: Another day in paradise, Sally. Uploading data now.

Sally: Vika, are you okay? Everything good between you two?

Victoria: Of course.

Sally: You're still an effective team?

Victoria: We're great. Never better.

Jack Harper: How can man die better: than facing fearful odds, for the ashes of his fathers, and the temples of his Gods.

Sally: I created you, Jack. I am your god.

Jack Harper: Fuck you, Sally.

Sally: Kill him! Kill him! Kill him!

Dwight McCarthy: [stops punching Joey] Nobody's killing anyone.

Sally: Then can I have a ride?

Tom Lone: Hello, Miss Phillips.

Patience Philips: Hi.

[to Sally]

Patience Philips: This is the officer I was telling you about from earlier.

Tom Lone: Detective Lone. Tom Lone.

Sally: God that's such a good name. Tom Lone rhymes with cone, bone, phone. Not the rhyming's all that important. I must be in my cubicle alone.

Sally: When are you going to tear down that jeep out there?

Mr. Furious: Now we went through this yesterday. That "jeep" is actually an armored car of some kind. It was made to withstand bombs, I can't just rip it apart with a crowbar.

Sally: You're LATE!

Mr. Furious: 'Morning, Sally. I'm sorry I was late; I was up all night defending the city from evil, but I'm sure you don't care about that.

Sally: Work starts at NINE! It's *nine-twenty five*!

Sally: Just junk it, you miserable cuss!

Barney: It's all right. Air's gettin' a little thin.

Sally: Can we go where it's thick?

Lightning McQueen: [as a crowd gathers around the television] Oh, it's the Italian Formula car. His name is...

Sally: [trilling the R's] Francesco Bernoulli. No wonder there's a crowd.

Lightning McQueen: Wait, why do you know his name? And don't say it like that. It's three syllables, not ten!

Sally: [Sees Fransisco on television] He's so good looking, what, with those big, open wheels...

Lightning McQueen: Wait, what do you got against fenders?

Sally: Nothing! Nothing.

Lightning McQueen: What's wrong with my fenders?

Ruby: We got something for you.

Ada: For all your kindness. Coffee and pie.

Ruby: That's real coffee. It ain't chicory and dirt.

Sally: Thank you both. Ruby, I look forward to this. We all do. Esco and me.

Ruby: [grinning at Ada] She made it.

Ada: I made it.

Sally: Good God in Heaven.

Ruby: I'm still alive!

Sally: [to Ada] You're skinny as a whippet, girl!

The Cat: [showing his car] Here she is, the Super Luxurious Omnidirectional Whatchamajigger, or S-L-O-W for short.

Sally: S-L-O-W?

The Cat: Yeah, S.L.O.W. It's better than the last thing we had: Super Hydraulic Instantaneous Transporter.

Conrad: Oh, you mean...

The Cat: No! Quick! To the S.L.O.W.!

The Fish: Someone else should drive!

The Cat: Alright, you win. Concrete, you drive.

[gives Conrad the wheel]

Conrad: Are you serious?

The Cat: I don't know. A little voice inside of me is saying, "This is a bad idea." But I can barely hear that little voice, because an even louder little voice is screaming, "Let the twelve-year-old drive!" Now punch it.

Conrad: This is awesome!

Sally: I want to drive.

The Cat: I think that's a great idea.

[gives Sally another wheel]

Conrad: Wait, two people can't drive at the same time.

The Cat: You're right. We should all drive.

[gets his own wheel]

The Cat: [sinister voice] There is a third option!

[Vaudeville keyboard music]

Sally: There is?

The Cat: Yes. It involves... murder!

[More vaudeville keyboard music]

Conrad: That's your option?

The Cat: [normal voice] No. You guys both had options. I just wanted to have one too.

The Cat: [back to sinister] Or did I?

[More vaudeville keyboard music]

Sally: Cat, you're not helping!

Sally: [jumping on the couch] Like being in the circus!

The Cat: Yeah, but without those tortured animals or drunken clowns that have hepatitis.

[Sally, Conrad and Mrs. Kwan are watching TV. It shows a scene of Taiwanese Parliament Members fighting]

Conrad, Sally: Taiwanese Parliament.

Mrs. Kwan: You tell them, Kwi-Chang. No more big government! Rip his heart out!

Sally: Where did you come from?

The Cat: Hmm, How do I put this... When a mommy cat and a daddy cat love each other very much, they decide that...

Conrad: Oh, no, no, no, no, no. Where did you *come* from?

The Cat: My place, what do you think?

The Fish: Stop this right now!

Conrad: Who said that?

The Fish: Me! Remember, the fish? Came home in a baggy, loved me for two weeks, and then *nothing*!

Sally: The fish is talking.

The Cat: Well, sure, he can talk. But is he saying anything? No, not really.

Sally: Who are you?

The Cat: Who, Me? Why I'm The Cat in the Hat, there's no doubt about that. I'm a super fundiferous feline, who's here to make sure that you're..."meline"..."key lime"..."turpentine". I got nothing! I'm not so good with the rhyming, not really, no. Look, I'm a cat that can talk that should be enough for you people!

Conrad: So, what do we do?

The Cat: Well, there are two treatments I'd recommend. One is a series of painful shots injected into your abdomen and kneecaps, and the other involves a musical number! Me me me me-ow!

Sally: How many shots?

Sally: Stop! That's...

Sally, Conrad: Mom's dress!

The Cat: This filthy thing?

Sally: She was gonna wear that tonight and you ruined it.

The Cat: Honey, it was ruined when she bought it.

[snaps, snaps]

The Cat: Mmm-mmm-hmm yeah.

[snaps, snaps]

The Cat: Mmm-hmm.

Mom: Well, if you're both staying, remember the rules; Conrad, no playing ball in the house, no fighting, no answering the phone: "City Morgue".

Sally: Mommy, can't I have some rules?

Mom: No chewing tobacco.

Lawrence Quinn: Anything for my little Princess.

Sally: Oh, I don't wanna be a princess, in a constitutional monarchy, parliament has all the real power.

Sally: You need to clean this mess up, pronto. We have a contract.

The Cat: Alright, I'll try.

Sally: [grabs the Cat in the Hat by his bowtie] You don't try, you do!

Sally: Are you all right?

Baron Munchausen: Am I dead?

Sally: No.

Baron Munchausen: Blast!

Sally: Who are you really?

Baron Munchausen: [groans]

Sally: Baron Munchausen isn't real, he's only in stories.

Baron Munchausen: Go away! I'm trying to die!

Sally: Why?

Baron Munchausen: Because I'm tired of the world and the world is evidently tired of me.

Sally: But why? Why?

Baron Munchausen: Why, why, why! Because it's all logic and reason now. Science, progress, laws of hydraulics, laws of social dynamics, laws of this, that, and the other. No place for three-legged cyclops in the South Seas. No place for cucumber trees and oceans of wine. No place for me.

Baron Munchausen: You do believe me, don't you?

Sally: I'm doing my best.

Baron Munchausen: What's this?

Vulcan: Oh, this is our prototype. RX, uh, Intercontinental, radar-sneaky, multi-warheaded nuclear missile.

Baron Munchausen: Ah! What does it do?

Vulcan: Do? Kills the enemy.

Baron Munchausen: All the enemy?

Vulcan: Aye, all of them. All their wives, and all their children, and all their sheep, and all their cattle, and all their cats and dogs. All of them. All of them gone for good.

Sally: That's horrible.

Vulcan: Ahh. Well, you see, the advantage is you don't have to see one single one of them die. You just sit comfortably thousands of miles away from the battlefield and simply press the button.

Berthold: Well, where's the fun in that?

Sally: It wasn't just a story, was it?

[the Baron tosses her a flower]

Sally: You look different, younger.

Baron Munchausen: I always feel rejuvenated by a touch of adventure. For heaven's sake, don't you get any younger or I'll have to find a wet nurse.

[the Queen's head comes to rescue the Baron]

Baron Munchausen: Where exactly is Roger?

Queen Ariadne: In bed, with my body, of course. OH!

[makes a series of high-pitched moans and squeals]

Queen Ariadne: Stop it. Stop it!

[to the Baron]

Queen Ariadne: If he discovers my head's with you - ooh! Quickly, quickly. Quickly! Climb into my hair.

[continuing to whimper]

Sally: Why is she making those funny noises?

Baron Munchausen: Um, her body is with the King, and he is, uh... tickling her feet.

Sally: [to Vulcan] The Baron's kissing your wife.

Sally: Where's the fun in that?

Vulcan: Oh, we cater for all types here. You'd be surprised.

Sally: Where's my brother?

Henry Salt: You don't have a brother.

Sally: It says "And son". I'm your daughter.

Henry Salt: I should never have taught you to read. "And son" is traditional.

Sally: [the King of the Moon has imprisoned Sally and the Baron in a cage] 'One of the King's favourites'!

Baron Munchausen: This cage isn't real, just part of the King's lunacy.

Sally: [stamping on the metal floor] Seems solid enough to me.

Baron Munchausen: I see we're in a not-very-helpful frame of mind...

Johanna: 6'3", 6'1", maybe 5'9" - You can't be sure, you know the flippers, they add height or they take it away, or something. Anyway short dark hair... Not punk or anything, just short. And the cutest smile. He wasn't smiling at me, I don't think - just smiling. And he thought he saw me in the lake. I mean that was a figure of speech... They're so romantic, the French.

Sally: [bored] I thought you said he was Peruvian?

Johanna: Haven't you been listening?

Sally: ...Since eight o'clock last night...! You're in love.

Johanna: Don't be a jerk. There's no such thing as love at first sight.

Neal Oliver: If I tell, it won't come true

O.W. Grant: Actually, that's an old wives tale, truth is you should always tell your wish, kind of Karma thing, put it out there, project it. Then it just might come true.

Neal Oliver: Never heard that before

O.W. Grant: Oh, it's true, believe me. I know. I'll cut this

[cake]

O.W. Grant: for you.

Sally: Okay, so now, you have to tell us

Charlie Brown: Good bye, everybody! Take care of the old ball field, Schroeder, I'm going to miss it.

Sally: The last time you went away, big brother, your team won three games in a row.

Violet, Pig-Pen, Schroeder, Sally: Bon voyage, Charlie Brown!

Lucy: And don't come back!

Sally: Hey, Pappy, you ex-wife's on the phone. This is the second time she's called today. She says your three months behind on your alimony payments... whatever that means. She says if you don't answer the phone and talk to her about it right now, she's gonna have your ass on a silver platter.

Pappy: Tell the old fart that I'm in Mexico!

Sally: All right, Pappy.

Pappy: [to Mike] My ex. God, that woman is an absolute menance! So... how are you doing with your beer?

Mike Thompson: Fine, Pappy. Fine

Pappy: Now, what's so damn important that you have to interrupt my afternoon water sports?

Mike Thompson: I need your help.

Pappy: [sarcastic] So what else is new?

Mike Thompson: This is different. It's Williams. I want you to help me find him.

Pappy: [serious tone] Williams? That no good bastard owes me 20 grand.

[writes something down on a notepad]

Pappy: Here, check this place out. It used to be one of his hangouts downtown. Meanwhile, I'll put the word out on the street.

Mike Thompson: Thanks, Pappy. I owe you one.

Pappy: Don't thank me. Now, just get the hell out of here and let me get back to my water sports.

Sally: Forty years ago, that interstate down there didn't exist.

Lightning McQueen: Really?

Sally: Yeah. Back then, cars came across the country a whole different way.

Lightning McQueen: How do you mean?

Sally: Well, the road didn't cut through the land like that interstate. It moved with the land, it rose, it fell, it curved. Cars didn't drive on it to make great time. They drove on it to have a great time.

Lightning McQueen: You know, I've really missed you Sally.

Sally: Well, I create feelings in others that they themselves don't understand, and blah blah blah blah...

[Both lean in to kiss]

Mater: McQueen and Sally, sitting in a tree, K-I-S-S- uh... I-N-T!

Lightning McQueen: Great timing, Mater!

Lightning McQueen: Oh, I am SO not taking you to dinner.

Sally: That's OK, Stickers. You can take Bessie.

Mater: Oh, man, you get to work with Bessie! I'd give my left two lugnuts for somethin' like that!

Sally: Do you want to stay at the Cozy Cone or what?

Lightning McQueen: Huh?

Sally: I mean, if you do, you gotta be clean, because even here, in hillbilly hell, we have standards.

Sally: Just passin' through?

Lightning McQueen: Actually, I thought I'd stop and stay awhile. I hear this place is back on the map.

Sally: It is?

Lightning McQueen: Yeah, there's some rumor floating around that some hotshot Piston Cup racecar is setting up his big racing headquarters here.

Sally: Really? Ah, well, there goes the town.

[Lightning's done a sloppy job of repaving the road]

Sally: It looks terrible.

Lightning McQueen: Well it matches the rest of the town.

Sally: Flo! What do you have at your store?

Flo: I have gas! Lots of gas!

[Mater and Ramone snicker]

Sally: OK, boys, stay with me.

Sally: You called them?

Doc Hudson: It's best for everyone, Sally.

Sally: Best for everyone, or best for you?

Lightning McQueen: After a while, why didn't you go back?

Sally: I fell in love.

Lightning McQueen: [disappointed] Oh...

Sally: Yep.

Lightning McQueen: Corvette?

Lightning McQueen: Okay, you got me out here. Where are we going?

Sally: I don't know.

[McQueen is going to surprise Sally with his new look]

Mater: Here she comes!

Lightning McQueen: Okay, places, everybody! Hurry! Act natural.

[McQueen hides and everybody else gets in a perfectly straight line as Sally approaches]

Mater, Ramone, Flo, Luigi, Sarge, Fillmore: Hi, Sally!

Sally: All right, what's going on?

Sally: Hey there, Mater.

Mater: Howdy, Sally!

Sally: Hi, folks!

[crowd murmuring greetings back]

Lightning McQueen: [to Mater] You know her?

Mater: She's the town attorney - and my fiancée.

Lightning McQueen: What?

Mater: [nudges McQueen playfully] I'm just kiddin'. She jus' likes me for my body.

Sally: So, Stickers. Last one to Flo's buys?

Lightning McQueen: Oh, I don't know. I thought we could just go for a drive.

Sally: Hmmmm... No.

[races off]

Lightning McQueen: Yeah! Ka-chow!

[follows after Sally]

Sally: [Guido and Luigi are fixing up Luigi's Casa Della Tires; Guido paints while Luigi cleans a window] Oh, Guido, è bellissimo!

Guido: Che cosa?

Sally: It looks great! This is great!

Guido: Ti piace, eh? Si, si, bellissimo.

Lightning McQueen: Do I spy a little pinstriping tattoo back there?

Sally: [gasps and backs away, knocking over a bunch of caution cones] Oh, that. You saw that?

Jack Skellington: [singing] My dearest friend, if you don't mind... I'd like to join you by your side. Where we can gaze into the stars...

Jack Skellington, Sally: And sit together, now and forever. For it is plain, as anyone can see. We're simply meant to be.

Sally: [singing] What will become of my dear friend? / Where will his actions lead us then? / Oh, how I'd like to join the crowd / In their enthusiastic cloud. / Try as I may, it doesn't last. / And will we ever / End up together? / No, I think not. / It's never to become, / For I am not the one.

Dr. Finkelstein: Sally! You came back.

Sally: I had to.

Dr. Finkelstein: For this.

[holds Sally's detached arm; she causes it to wave at herself]

Sally: [smiles] Yes.

Dr. Finkelstein: Shall we, then?

Sally: [sings] I sense there's something in the wind / That feels like tragedy's at hand. / And though I'd like to stand by him, / Can't shake this feeling that we have. / The worst is just around the bend. / And does he notice / My feelings for him? / And will he see / How much he means to me? / I think it's not to be.

Sally: Lunch!

Dr. Finkelstein: Mm, what's this?

[sniffs]

Dr. Finkelstein: Wormswort! Mmm...

[prepares to take a bite but then sniffs suspiciously]

Dr. Finkelstein: ...And frog's breath?

Sally: [innocently] What's wrong? I thought you *liked* frog's breath.

Dr. Finkelstein: Nothing's more suspicious than frog's breath! Until *you* taste it, I won't swallow a spoonful!

Sally: I'm not hungry.

[shrugs and in doing so pretends to accidentally knock over the spoon he holds up]

Sally: Oops!

Dr. Finkelstein: [as she shoves the spoon aside on the floor and, still bent over, removes a slotted spoon from her sock] You want me to starve! An old man like me who hardly has strength as it is! Me! To whom you owe your very *life*!

Sally: Oh, don't be silly!

[Dips the sifting spoon in the soup and pretends to taste it]

Sally: Mmmm! See? Scrumptious.

Sally: I had the most terrible vision.

Jack Skellington: That's splendid!

Sally: No - it was about your Christmas. There was smoke... and fire!

Jack Skellington: That's not *my* Christmas! *My* Christmas is filled with laughter, and joy... and this: my Sandy Claws outfit. I want you to make it.

Sally: Jack, please listen to me. It's going to be a disaster!

Jack Skellington: How could it be? Just follow the pattern!

[holds up design of outfit]

Jack Skellington: This part's red, the trim is white...

Sally: It's a mistake, Jack!

Jack Skellington: Now don't be modest. Who else is clever enough to make my Sandy Claws outfit?

Mayor: Next!

Jack Skellington: I have every confidence in you.

Sally: But it seems wrong to me. Very wrong.

Sally: [examining Jack in his newly-finished Santa suit] You don't look like yourself, Jack. Not at all.

Jack Skellington: Isn't that wonderful? It couldn't be more wonderful!

Sally: [holds up the clipboard sketch of him] But you're the Pumpkin King!

Jack Skellington: Not anymore!

[breks it over his knee]

Jack Skellington: I feel SO much better now!

Sally: [pulling a loose thread from his cuff] Jack, I know you think something's missing, but -

[accidentally catches his finger]

Jack Skellington: [lightly] Ow.

Sally: Sorry.

Jack Skellington: You're right. Something *is* missing. But what? I've got the beard... the coat... the boots... the belt...

Jack Skellington, Lock, Barrel: [come in] Jack! Jack! This time we found him!

Jack Skellington: This time we really did.

Lock: He sure is big, Jack!

Barrel: And heavy!

Santa: [bursting out the bag] Let me out!

[the Halloween citizens gasp in awe]

Jack Skellington: Sandy Claws - in person. What a pleasure to meet you.

[prepares to shake but then looks down when their HANDS touch]

Jack Skellington: Wh - ! Why, you have *hands*! You don't have claws at all!

Jack Skellington: [dazed] Where am I?

Jack Skellington: Consider this a vacation, Santy. A reward. It's your turn to take it easy.

Santa: B-But there must be some mistake!

Jack Skellington: See that he's comfortable... Just a second, fellas! Of *course*! *That's* what I'm missing!

[takes Santa's hat]

Santa: B-But...

Jack Skellington: Thanks.

Santa: Hang on - you just can't -

[has the bag thrown over him again]

Santa: Hold on! Where are we going now?

[the henchmen leave with him]

Jack Skellington: Ho, ho, *ho*! No...

[monotone]

Jack Skellington: Ho, ho, ho. Ho...

Sally: This is worse than I thought. Much worse. I know!

[leaves to get fog juice]

Dr. Finkelstein: That's twice this month you've slipped deadly nightshade into my tea and run off.

Sally: Three times!

Jack Skellington: Sally! I need your help most of all.

Sally: You certainly do, Jack. I've had the most horrible vision!

Jack Skellington: That's splendid!

Sally: Good-bye Jack... My dearest Jack... Oh, how I hope my premonition is wrong.

Sally: [the musicians start playing, Sally starts singing] I sense there's something in the wind / That feels like tragedy's at hand / And though I'd like to stand by him / Can't shake this feeling that I have / The worst is just around the bend / And does he notice / My feelings for him? / And will he see / How much he means to me? / I think it's not to be. / What will become of my dear friend? / Where will his actions lead us then? /

Sally: [Sally walks through the iron gate, song continues] Although I'd like to join the crowd / In their enthusiastic cloud / Try as I may, it doesn't last /

Sally: [pets a black cat, song continues] And will we ever / End up together? / No, I think not / It's never to become / For I am not the one.

[song ends]

Jack Skellington: Sally, I need your help more than anyone's.

Sally: You certainly do, Jack: I had the most terrible vision.

Jack Skellington: That's splendid!

Sally: No, it was about your Christmas, there was smoke and fire!

Jack Skellington: [chuckles] That's not my Christmas, my Christmas is filled with laughter and joy, and this!

Jack Skellington: [Jack shows Sally a sketching of himself in a replica of Santa's suit] My Sandy Claws outfit; I want you to make it!

Sally: Jack, please listen to me, it's going to be a disaster!

Jack Skellington: How could it be? Just follow the pattern. This part's red, the trim is white.

Sally: It's a mistake, Jack.

Jack Skellington: Now don't be modest. Who else is clever enough to make my Sandy Claws outfit?

[Johnny and his parents and Aunt Tempy are going to Johnny's grandmother's plantation for a visit]

Johnny: [referring to his grandmother] Why don't she come to see us, like she did last spring?

Sally: Well, because it... I thought you'd enjoy seeing the plantation.

Johnny: Is Grandma mad at us?

Sally: But of course not, Johnny. Whatever gave you that idea?

Johnny: Well, Georgie says everybody's mad at what Daddy writes in the newspaper.

Sally: Uncle Remus, I'm trying my best to bring up Johnny to be obedient and truthful. But you and your stories are making that very difficult. I think maybe it would be better if he didn't hear any more for a while.

Uncle Remus: Well, Miss Sally, the stories ain't done no...

Sally: They only confuse him. Now, I know you mean well, Uncle Remus, but Johnny's too young.

Uncle Remus: Miss Sally...

Sally: I'll have to ask you not to tell him any more.

Uncle Remus: Yes, 'm...

Sally: [screaming] Oh! Why can't you just say fudge?

Sally: He just met her... She's supposed to be his transitional person, she's not supposed to be the ONE. All this time I thought he didn't want to get married. But, the truth is, he didn't want to marry me. He didn't love me.

Harry: If you could take him back now, would you?

Sally: No. But why didn't he want to marry me? What's the matter with me?

Harry: Nothing.

Sally: I'm difficult.

Harry: You're challenging.

Sally: I'm too structured, I'm completely closed off.

Harry: But in a good way.

Sally: No, no, no, I drove him away. AND, I'm gonna be forty.

Harry: When?

Sally: Someday.

Harry: In eight years.

Sally: But it's there. It's just sitting there, like some big dead end. And it's not the same for men. Charlie Chaplin had kids when he was 73.

Harry: Yeah, but he was too old to pick them up.

Sally: When Joe and I started seeing each other, we wanted exactly the same thing. We wanted to live together, but we didn't want to get married because every time anyone we knew got married, it ruined their relationship. They practically never had sex again. It's true, it's one of the secrets that no one ever tells you. I would sit around with my girlfriends who have kids - and, actually, my one girlfriend who has kids, Alice - and she would complain about how she and Gary never did it anymore. She didn't even complain about it, now that I think about it. She just said it matter-of-factly. She said they were up all night, they were both exhausted all the time, the kids just took every sexual impulse they had out of them. And Joe and I used to talk about it, and we'd say we were so lucky we have this wonderful relationship, we can have sex on the kitchen floor and not worry about the kids walking in. We can fly off to Rome on a moment's notice. And then one day I was taking Alice's little girl for the afternoon because I'd promised to take her to the circus, and we were in the cab playing "I Spy" - I spy a mailbox, I spy a lamp-post - and she looked out the window and she saw this man and this woman with these two little kids. And the man had one of the little kids on his shoulders, and she said, "I spy a family." And I started to cry. You know, I just started crying. And I went home, and I said, "The thing is, Joe, we never do fly off to Rome on a moment's notice."

Harry: And the kitchen floor?

Sally: [sadly] Not once. It's this very cold, hard Mexican ceramic tile.

Harry Burns: Right now everything is great, everyone is happy, everyone is in love and that is wonderful. But you gotta know that sooner or later you're gonna be screaming at each other about who's gonna get this dish. This eight dollar dish will cost you a thousand dollars in phone calls to the legal firm of That's Mine, This Is Yours.

Sally: Harry.

Harry Burns: Please, Jess, Marie. Do me a favor, for your own good, put your name in your books right now before they get mixed up and you won't know whose is whose. 'Cause someday, believe it or not, you'll go 15 rounds over who's gonna get this coffee table. This stupid wagon wheel ROY ROGERS GARAGE SALE COFFEE TABLE!

Jess: I thought you liked it!

Harry Burns: I WAS BEING NICE!

[he leaves]

Sally: He just bumped into Helen.

Marie: I don't think he's ever going to leave her.

Sally: Nobody thinks he's never going to leave her.

Marie: You're right, you're right. I know you're right.

Harry: [after he has run into his ex-wife] She looked weird didn't she? She looked really weird.

Sally: I don't know, I've never seen her before.

Harry: Trust me, she looked weird. Her legs looked heavy. Really, she must retaining water.

Sally: Harry.

Harry: Believe me, the woman saved everything.

Sally: [straddling Van and kissing him, turns around and sees Gwen walk into Van's room] You must be Gwen, the truck driver

Van Wilder: Gwen?

[chases her outside]

Gwen: What were you doing up there?

Van Wilder: As smashed as I am, I'm pretty sure that was my room...

Van Wilder: [looking back]

Van Wilder: Wasn't it?

Gwen: What was that girl, a freshman?

Van Wilder: She reads at a sophomore level.

Van Wilder: I'm all out of love. I'm so lost without you. I know you were right. Believing for so long.

Sally: Dope song. What's it called?

Van Wilder: Gwen Used Me For Her Story, Then Married an Ass Wipe... and Ran Over My Heart With a Big Metaphorical Truck. Originally performed by Air Supply.

Sally: What happened to Jonathan?

Helena Shebritch: I've been all over it with Crystal. He left me for another woman.

Sally: No!

Helena Shebritch: A deceased one. They're always the stiffest competition... No pun intended.

Sally: [to Roy bitterly after meeting Charmaine] That cheap tart is what he left my mother for? Actress, my foot! The only acting she's ever done is faking an orgasm.

Sally: [to Greg after finding out he's having an affair with her friend and protege] Maybe I... should have told you things weren't going so well with my husband and was... RIPE for an affair. Maybe,

[She ruefully sighs]

Sally: who knows, maybe we could have had an affair before you met Iris.

Sally: Actress, my foot! The only acting she's ever done is faking an orgasm.

Carol Petersen: The shot count is however many strokes it takes to get the ball in the hole.

Sally: Golf talk is so sexual sounding, isn't it?

[Carol gets amused]

Sally: Balls, holes, strokes, putts.

Sally: Turk, did you come?

Newbomb Turk: A little.

Sally: A little? What do you mean a little? Either you came or you didn't come. Did you come or not?

Newbomb Turk: I came.

Sally: Oh my God, I'm so embarrassed.

[Sally's friends are topless sunbathing by the pool]

Sally: I don't know why you're doing that. The last time I did that my tits peeled so much I went from a B cup to an A.

Sally: I mean, I don't know what it's gonna be. Soon I'll be going away to college and I'll probably never see you again.

Newbomb Turk: You're going to UCLA.

Sally: Turk, come over here. Now he happens to be very hysterically funny. I put him right up there with Steve and Edie. He has more talent in his little pinkie than you have in your whole... pinky.

Sally: Who is Pearl Harbor?

Sally: Boy, that was fast! Probably helped I had the hiccups.

Diction Student: Hark! I hear the cannons roar! Is it the King approaching?

Diction Student: Hark! I hear the cannons roar! Is it the King approaching?

Sally: [in a very thick New York accent] Hahk! I hear the cannon's raw! Is it the King approaching?

Rocco: It's nothin' personal. It's just bad luck you were a witness.

Sally: My whole life, I had bad luck.

Rocco: Me too.

[pause]

Sally: Where are you from?

Rocco: Brooklyn.

Sally: Yeah? Me too.

Sally: It's the Second Law of Thermodynamics: sooner or later everything turns to shit. That's my phrasing, not the Encyclopedia Britannica.

[On Gail, the woman she thinks her husband has been sleeping with]

Sally: What can I say? She's me, but she's younger.

[On finding out that her husband, with whom she separated recently, had been cheating on her]

Sally: It was a huge blow to my ego. You know, I thought he loved me, that, uh, that we were experimenting, you know.

Interviewer: But if you had met someone first?

Sally: [smiling] Probably right. Probably would have done the same thing.

Sally: Fucking men! Woman gets to be over a certain age, it becomes a different ballgame.

Paul: Oh, no, no -...

Sally: Don't defend your sex! It's true! You're great 'til you start to show your age - then they want a newer model.

Sally: I thought that I liked what Michael was doing to me, and it felt different from Jack; more gentle. And more exciting. And I thought how different Michael was from Jack. How much deeper his vision of life was. And I thought Michael was a hedgehog and Jack was a fox. And then I thought Judy was a fox and Gabe was a hedgehog. And I thought about all the people I knew, and which were hedgehogs and which were foxes. Al Simon, a friend, was a hedgehog, and his wife Jenny was a hedgehog. And Cindy Salkind was a fox. And Lou Patrino was a hedgehog.

Sally: Don't not support us!

Dribbles: How's your little girl? Why don't you bring her in here more often?

Sally: Why? So you can undress her with your eyes? For Christ's sake, she's only six years old.

Dribbles: I know, but I just like to play with her. I wish I was a little girl.

Sally: Well, throw a goddamn penny in a fountain and make a goddamn wish and maybe it'll come true.

Sally: You stay right there, I'll go. There's a stench of adultery in here.

Sally: Have I got a ronnie?

Mick: A what?

Sally: A ronnie, moustache, like?

Mick: Show.

[pause]

Mick: Well you're no Tom Selleck, but...

Sally: Ah, go fuck yourself.

Sally: Would you ever hurt me?

Oscar: No!

Sally: Neglect me?

Oscar: Never!

Sally: Shit on me?

Oscar: [pause] Do you want me to?

Sally: This is a swimsuit catalog shoot! Not Hustler!

Sally: My face it turning into one big pimple!

Courtney: Sally, I don't see a thing.

Sally: You may not see it but its there. There's one, its just lurking below the surface.

Courtney: Do they always make that much noise?

Sally: The more they do it the louder they get. Practice makes perfect.

Sally: You know what you look like?

Sheila: [laughs] What?

Sally: A big chicken!

Sheila: Shmerack! Shmerack!

[Sheila flaps her open bra]

[Courtney is having a hallucination whilst talking to Sally]

Sally: The weirdest things are happening to my face! I've got the fastest growing zit I have ever had in my entire life! I mean, look at this thing! Isn't this the grossest thing you've ever seen? I need to get some more "Oxy 10". It hurts like hell.

[Suddenly, Sally's zit starts growing to a grotesquely monstrous size until her face explodes in an eruption of goo]

Sally: Sheila, be careful... Who knows who's out there.

Sally: I've always dreamed of being a big hit singer.

Dorian: Oh, can you sing?

Sally: No, that's why they call them dreams.

Dorian: I'd like to be the father-to-be.

Sally: You can't be the father and the brother! That's the kind of thing that messes kids up!

Sally: You don't wanna talk you wanna poke dents on my baby's head!

Jim: Mom! You're home!

Sally: Yep.

Jim: How?

Sally: Something called bail. One of the girls in prison told me about it. Apparently your father never realized it was an option.

[first lines]

Toby: You okay, Miss Sally?

Sally: 'Cept for a sore ass. Give me a light will ya, Toby?

[last lines]

Sally: You see, there was no way to catch us. Toby also built the escape gimmicks we used in the hills every time you got too close. You sure did look silly drivin' by. I admit I *was* lucky to meet you when no one else was around so I could lay my story on you. Anyway, even if we are caught, we won't ever confess.

Sally: [finds a blindfolded naked man cuffed to her bed] What the hell is this?

Darren: OH HAPPY BIRTHDAY DEAR GERALDINE, CONGRATULATIONS, YOU'RE SEVENTEEN!

Sally: My name is not Geraldine and it's not my birthday

Darren: Isn't it? This is 25 Shelldrake Avenue?

Sally: No this is 23 Shelldrake Avenue

Darren: Oh, how appallingly embarrassing of me, I'm an S&M-ogram, I must've gotten the wrong address

[embarrassed, under his breath]

Darren: oh no!

Sally: Wait... don't I know you?

Darren: God I hope not

[she unties blindfold, he recognizes her]

Darren: AHH!

Lillian 'Lil': Listen, Sally, I made up my mind a long time ago, I'm not gonna spend my whole life on the wrong side of the railroad tracks.

Sally: Well, I hope you don't get hit by a train while you're crossing over.

Lillian 'Lil': Well you son-of-a-sea-snake! Have you got on my new pajamas?

[Sally hesitates guiltily]

Lillian 'Lil': Yeah, well you shake right out of 'em, Hortence.

Sally: [annoyed] Alright!

Lillian 'Lil': I'm too important these days to sleep informally.

[removes her blouse]

Lillian 'Lil': What if there'd be a fire?

Sally: You'd have to cover up to keep from being recognized.

[camera pans down to Lil's legs as Sally hands her the silk pajama pants]

Lillian 'Lil': [climbing into the pajamas] Say love, let's have a little more respect from you, now that I belong to one of the fine old families...

Sally: Oh, yeah? If I were you I'd go a little bit slow.

Lillian 'Lil': Whaddyou mean by that?

Sally: Well, Bill Legendre and his wife might get together and decide that you were merely a strange interlude.

Lillian 'Lil': Strange interlude, nothing! When I kiss 'em, they stay kissed for a long time.

Sally: Well, see you don't get left holdin' the bag, sweetheart, full of nothin' but air. You better hang on to that bootlegger of yours.

Lillian 'Lil': [incredulous] What? Go on with Al after Bill Legendre? Oh no, I've started on the upgrade, and whatever happens, baby, I'm in the big leagues now.

Sally: Hello, Lil. What have you been doing? A little racketeering?

Lillian 'Lil': Listen, I'm on my way up to the boss' house with his mail.

Sally: Why didn't his secretary do it?

Lillian 'Lil': Because I swiped it off her desk. These are important and they've gotta be answered right away. Maybe I'll get a chance to stay and take dictation.

Sally: What'll that get ya?

Lillian 'Lil': Don't be dumb! His wife's in Cleveland!

Sally: Say, Bill Legendre's crazy about his wife.

Lillian 'Lil': Well, he's a man isn't he?

Lillian 'Lil': Sally, I'm the happiest girl in the world. I'm in love and I'm gonna be married.

Sally: You're gonna marry Albert?

Lillian 'Lil': No, Gaerste.

Sally: In love with Gaerste?

Lillian 'Lil': No, Albert. Besides, I always did wanna learn French.

Sally: Oh, why don't you get yourself a laundryman and learn Chinese?

Sally: You dropped your fur.

Lillian 'Lil': Oh, it's only a silver fox.

Sally: Couldn't you get a gold one?

Lillian 'Lil': Yeah, well, I might have this one plated!

Sally: You got all the furniture you need?

Lillian 'Lil': Well, I still have a few Louis XV tables to get, and a couple of Jacobean bedsteads, and an English highboy...

Sally: A what?

Lillian 'Lil': A highboy.

Sally: Say, I thought you were gonna be on the level, now that you're married!

Sally: [Seeing Lil spraying perfume in her mouth] Who do you think is going to smell your tonsils?

Lillian 'Lil': Gee, I'm beginning to get a little nervous...

Sally: I'd be nervous myself if I didn't have any more brains than you've got.

Lillian 'Lil': And there we were like an uncensored movie, when in walks Mrs. William Legendre, Jr. and catches us! Right in the old family parlor!

Sally: Oh, you dirty little homewrecker!

Sally: Oh, snap out of it Lil. Say, a little powder wouldn't do that gloomy mush of your's any harm.

Lillian 'Lil': Somethin' happened.

Sally: Well, what now?

Lillian 'Lil': Bill made up with his wife.

Sally: How'd you find that out, Mrs. Winchell?

Sally: [Laying down, eating a banana] Well, did you see him?

Lillian 'Lil': [Lighting up a cigarette] Yes, I saw him!

Sally: How'd you come out?

Lillian 'Lil': The same way I went in. What'd you think?

Sally: Thought you might come out on your - rear.

Lillian 'Lil': You know, it really is going to be charming.

Sally: Say, you're gettin' to talk like a pansy.

Lillian 'Lil': All right, it's gonna be swell.

Sally: So, they all had a good time, huh?

Lillian 'Lil': Did they! Why, they could hardly tear themselves away. They wouldn't have left at all, only they have a charity roundup in the morning and they have to get to bed.

Sally: Are they all going to bed with Irene?

Lillian 'Lil': What do you mean?

Sally: Well, your whole party's making a beeline right across the street to her house.

Old Mr. Schultz: [Dancing] Who is that?

Sally: That's my Auntie Lillian. She's chaperoning me, here, in New York.

Old Mr. Schultz: Oh, I see. Tell me, little kitten, is she strict?

Sally: Is she strict? Oh, Mr. Schultz if you only knew!

Old Mr. Schultz: Well, then we better wouldn't let them see us.

Sally: No, we better wouldn't not.

Sally: ...And you're NOT a lesbian. I mean, everybody has girlfriends. Men have friends, women have friends. That doesn't make you a lesbian. Do you sleep in the same room with her?

Jessica: Sure. How else can I be a lesbian?

Sally: Where does Mark sleep?

Jessica: With us.

Sally: In the same bed?

Jessica: In the same bed.

Sally: Is that a way to bring up a boy? He'll be a lesbian!

Sally: Fuck... this... flat!

Young Doctor: Mrs. Matthews, you can claim the body tomorrow.

Sally: [walking away to the exit] I don't want the body!

Sally: [to Dave] You're like King Midas in reverse. I don't want you touching my stuff.

Sally: Why are you doing this for me?

Lou: Hey, it's nothing, Sinatra gives wings to hospitals. We all do what we can.

Alex Forbes: [cheeky] Do you have any children? Well, you're not bad looking. I think you're running out of time, you know?

Sally: [dryly] No, you're the one running out of time

Lord Carfax, Richard Osborne: What's all this about, Holmes, how did you get here?

Sherlock Holmes: I followed this young lady.

Sally: I saw no one.

Sherlock Holmes: That is exactly what you'd expect to see when I follow someone.

Sally: Oh, I've always wanted to go swimming in the moonlight.

Teenage girl: What'll we do for bathing suits.

Another Teenaged Girl: We won't wear any!

Tracy: Having an affair is nothing like taking a pottery class.

Sally: Could be.

Tracy: No. It would start out like that, and then, um, something would happen. Someone, uh, finds out, or someone falls in love, and it ends disastrously. It always ends disastrously.

Tracy: Do you think she's had work?

Sally: Why would she have had work? She still looks gorgeous.

Tracy: Well, that's when they're having it now, before it all turns to shit.

Tracy: [while Connie and Paul are having sex in the restroom] She's not like that. She's really nice.

Sally: Of course she is. That only makes it worse. She's nice and sweet and her ass is exactly where it was when she was in college.

Sally: Why do I always have to sit next to the exes? Is this some kind of a hint, sweetheart? Anyway, shouldn't the exes have a table of their own, where they can all ex together in ex-quisite agony?

Big George: What's a Philistine?

Sally: Well, it's just a real dirty person.

Big George: That's terrible.

Sally: It's horrible.

Big George: Terrible is what it is.

Sally: Doesn't my body drive you wild with desire?

Sally: I'm going to be a great film star! That is, if booze and sex don't get me first.

Brian: What is it darling?

Sally: GOD DAMN IT, I'M GOING TO HAVE A BABY!

Sally: [singing] Life is a cabaret ol' chum so come to the Cabaret.

[on the pronunciation of "phlegm"]

Brian Roberts: P H is always pronounced as F, and, uh, you don't sound the G.

Natalia Landauer: Then why are they putting the G, please?

Brian Roberts: That's, that's a very good question, but rather difficult to explain.

Sally: Try, Brian.

Brian Roberts: Well, uh, it's just there.

Natalia Landauer: So, Mr. Professor, you do not know?

Brian Roberts: No.

Natalia Landauer: Then I am sorry. I cannot help you.

Brian: Screw Maximilian!

Sally: I do.

Brian: So do I.

Sally: You two bastards!

Brian: Two? Two? Shouldn't that be three?

Brian Roberts: You're American.

Sally: Oh God, how depressing! You're meant to think I'm an international woman of mystery. I'm working on it like mad.

[describing a telegram from her father]

Sally: Ten words exactly. After ten it's extra. You see, Daddy thinks of these things. If I had leprosy, there'd be a cable: "Gee, kid, tough. Sincerely hope nose doesn't fall off. Love."

Natalia: I am sorry to bother you, but I could not tell no one else. I do not know no other woman who gives her body so frequently... Oh! I am sorry, my English. Have I offended you?

Sally: Oh, no, not at all.

Sally: Well obviously those three girls were just...

Brian, Sally: [both laughing] ... the wrong three girls.

Sally: The only thing you can do with virgins like that is pounce!

Sally: So, you took on the whole Nazi party?

[Brian holds up three fingers]

Sally: Of course, I may bring a boyfriend home occasionally, but only occasionally, because I do think that one ought to go to the man's room if one can. I mean, it doesn't look so much as if one expected it, does it?

Sally: I suppose you're wondering what I'm doing, working at a place like the Kit Kat Club.

Brian Roberts: Well, it is a rather unusual place.

Sally: That's me, darling. Unusual places, unusual love affairs. I am a most strange and extraordinary person.

Sally: Don't be so British!

Sally: I saw a film the other day about syphilis. Ugh! It was too awful. I couldn't let a man touch me for a week. Is it true you can get it from kissing?

Fritz: Oh, yes. And your king, Henry VIII, got it from Cardinal Wolsey whispering in his ear.

Natalia: That is not, I believe, founded in fact. But from kissing, most decidedly; and from towels, and from cups.

Sally: And of course screwing.

Natalia: Screw-ing, please?

Sally: Oh, uh...

[thinking]

Sally: fornication.

Natalia: For-ni-ca-tion?

Sally: Oh, uh, Bri, darling, what is the German word?

Brian Roberts: I don't remember.

Sally: [thinking] Oh... um... oh yes!

Brian Roberts: Oh, no...

Sally: Bumsen!

Natalia: [appalled] Oh.

Brian Roberts: That would be the one German word you pronounce perfectly.

Sally: Well, I ought to. I spent the entire afternoon bumsening like mad with this ghastly old producer who promised to get me a contract.

[pause]

Sally: Gin, Miss Landauer?

Sally: Bri, listen... we're practically living together, so if you only like boys I wouldn't dream of pestering you.

[pause]

Sally: Well, do you sleep with girls or don't you?

Brian: Sally! You don't ask questions like that!

Sally: I do.

Sally: Mayr tells Kost's fortune every morning, and it's always the same: "You will meet a strange man." Which under the circumstances is a pretty safe bet.

Sally: My God! It's enough to drive a girl into a convent! Do they have Jewish nuns?

Brian Roberts: You did it, didn't you?

Sally: Did what, darling?

Brian Roberts: The abortion. In God's name, why?

Sally: One of my whims?

Brian: [after trying a prairie oyster for the first time] Peppermint prairie oysters?

Sally: Oh, you got the toothpaste glass!

[laughs a little]

Sally: Does it really matter so long as you're having fun?

Sally: Have you got a cigarette? I'm desperate!

Sally: But Sidney, you make a living. Where do you want to get?

Sidney Falco: Way up high, Sam, where it's always balmy. Where no one snaps his fingers and says, "Hey, Shrimp, rack the balls!" Or, "Hey, mouse, mouse, go out and buy me a pack of butts." I don't want tips from the kitty. I'm in the big game with the big players. My experience I can give you in a nutshell, and I didn't dream it in a dream, either - dog eat dog. In brief, from now on, the best of everything is good enough for me.

Sally: Where do you want to get?

Sidney Falco: Way up high, Sal, where the air is balmy.

Earth Mother: [conducting job interview] Let me tell you what I think. Either you want to punish your parents for spoiling you when you were a child, you want to save the poor black man from all the indignities he suffered at the hand of your ancestors, or you had a nanny when you were a little girl. A Jamaican, probably, who treated you better than anybody else. I've had enough bright-eyed kids tell me that all they wanted to do was make a difference in this life. But let me tell you one thing, you're parents did the best they knew how. And as for me and the other white men, you are not going to get a pat on the back for putting your life at risk on our account. My neighborhood is never going to be like your neighborhood. And guilt - guilt is no bridge to build your future on.

Sally: So are you going to ask me any questions, or did I just come all this way to get my mind read?

Sally: Homo

Jamie: Homo got the part!

Victor: [pointing at a picture of the ship] Check it out. This is the same ship. This thing's old.

Downey: Yeah, 1932. It is the same. Here's where we boarded.

Victor: [reads name of the ship] Aeolus.

Downey: Aeolus. Aeolus was the Greek god of the winds and the father of Sisyphus, the man condemned by the gods to the task of pushing a rock up a mountain only to have it roll back down again.

Victor: That's a shitty punishment. What did he do?

Sally: He cheated Death. No, he made a promise to Death that he didn't keep.

Sally: They don't like bright lights, you know, those things.

Sally: Well, flying battleships, pink elephants, same difference.

Mitch MacAfee: I said it looked like a battleship, not that it was a battleship.

Sally: Oh, come off it, Mitch, you've done enough harm with your flying battleship...

Sally: Something that seemingly destroyed four planes and just missed you the first time. Something like your flying battleship?

Sally: Oh, nothing so domestic as a flying saucer, officer. Just a flying battleship.

Police Officer: Well, have a good time with your flying battleship.

Sally: If felt like something collided with us up there!

Mitch MacAfee: Yeah, a flying battleship that wasn't there.

Sally: Did he say what it was?

Gen. Van Buskirk: Yes, he did. A bird. A bird as big as a battleship...

Sally: Will it work, Mitch?

Mitch MacAfee: I don't know. I honestly haven't the faintest, foggiest idea. It's one of those cockeyed concepts that you pull down out of Cloud Eight somewhere in sheer desperation.

[last lines]

Sally: Go! Go!

Sally: [when they arrive at the old house, upon seeing its condition] Oh, I wish they hadn't let the place fall apart.

Jerry: Now it looks like the birthplace of Bela Lugosi.

Kirk: So, where you heading, man?

Hitchhiker: South.

Franklin: You work at that place? The slaughter house?

Hitchhiker: Uh... no.

Sally: How'd you get stuck way out here?

Hitchhiker: I was at the slaughter house.

Franklin: I got an uncle who works in a slaughter house.

Hitchhiker: I used to work there. My brother did too. My grandfather too. My family's always been in meat!

Franklin: [quietly to Sally] A whole family of Draculas!

Franklin: They just shoot a bolt in their head, and then retract it. It's just BOOM-shht-BOOM-shht.

Sally: Franklin, I like meat. Please change the subject!

Sally: Yer gonna get yers now, girl!

[lunges at Toni]

Jackson: See, how do you preserve family strength? How do you keep it pure?

Danny: How?

Sally: We stick to our own.

[Sally has bungled her gymnastics lesson]

Coach Michaels: What happened?

Sally: I'm not sure.

Coach Michaels: What do you mean you're not sure?

Sally: I don't know.

Coach Michaels: You broke your concentration, that's what happened! I've never seen anything so sloppy!

Sally: They're dead, Mr. Sumatra.

Mr. Sumatra: Who's dead?

Sally: Tommy and-and Bill and that new kid. They're dead, just... murdered.

Sally: Hello, Mr. Gordon.

Mr. Gordon: Hello, Sally.

Sally: How's business?

Mr. Gordon: Well, can't complain. And even if I could...

Sally: Who would listen?

Sally: Ruby, give me the knife or I swear I'll rip out your tongue by the roots and feed it to the dog!

Ruby Diamon: We don't have a dog. We ate it, remember?

Sally: Well, then I'll get another one and then we'll see what happens!

Sally: Ruby, I'm home.

Ruby Diamon: Well, it's about time. My supper's almost ruined. Did you get groceries?

Sally: They're outside.

Ruby Diamon: Oh, that blond lady was back up at the house again today. You know, the one who has the pointy titties? Her and some guy I didn't know were looking around.

Sally: Shit, why didn't you say something?

Ruby Diamon: I just did.

Sally: The blond lady is obviously Cynthia Prescott. That bitch is gonna be trouble.

Ruby Diamon: Trouble like here in River City?

Sally: No. Harvey Fucking Benton trouble. He's been building, and building, and working his way towards us like a swarm of locusts. Little Miss Barbie Doll is his calling card.

Ruby Diamon: Well, fuck a furry duck.

Sally: Ruby! Don't talk like that! You should never fuck farm animals. It'll rot your twinky off and make you smell funny.

Jacki: [seeing Sally and Faith kissing] Hello lesbian lovers.

Sally: Hello woman who can't make up her mind.

Sally: How did you choose the tango?

Pablo: I didn't. The tango chose me.

Sally: It doesn't suit me to follow. It suits me to lead, and you can't deal with that.

Private of the Guard: So, you almost got liquidated, hanh?

Sally: What's that mean... 'liquidated?'

Eddie Pratt: I don't know. I never had any.

Sally: That might mean 'vaccinated.'

Private of the Guard: [Sarcastically] Yeah, practically the same thing.

Sally: Robin, come on. You encourage him. I would think that you'd be appalled.

Robin: Why? Why?

Sally: I don't know. I mean, he's got to be breaking some kind of feminist ethic or something.

Robin: Nope.

Sally: A spiritual ethic?

Robin: Mm-mn.

Sally: A social ethic.

Robin: No.

Sally: Definitely a gay ethic.

Robin: Sally, he sex-talk-fucked a supermodel into coming without touching her, in his kitchen. If anything he's up for an award.

Sally: Love is just a big box of chocolate-covered razor blades.

Sally: Victor, why did you hire so many homosexual waiters?

Victor: Because that's the only kind!

Guy Stone: Um, what do you do for fun?

Sally: Watch Guy Stone movies.

Guy Stone: Really? Me too.

Sally: Oh, and I'm taking an acting class from the prestigious Tom Hertz.

Guy Stone: Ah, Tom, sure.

Sally: You take from him?

Guy Stone: Sometimes I'm the student, sometimes I'm the teacher. So, you wanna be an actress?

Sally: Oh, gosh, no. Actresses are whores.

Guy Stone: [trying to hurry Sally out the door:] Now you mustn't be late for Bernice.

Sally: I hate her stupid women's group. Barbara Stanwyck is such a bully. And that Edith Head...

[shudders a bit]

Sally: just stares at me.

Saul Ornstein: [seeing an electric organ in the middle of his office:] What the hell?

Sally: It's Guy's birthday present. They're oodles of fun at parties. I needed someplace to hide it.

Saul Ornstein: A lot full of empty stages, and you pick here?

Sally: Well, this is just were they delivered it. I was gonna move it myself, but it was too heavy on account of I had it done in walnut because that's more masculine. Do you suppose Guy will like it?

Saul Ornstein: Will Guy like a masculine organ? I think that's a safe bet.

Louie: [warning her about John] I don't know how long you're gonna be here or why, but that guy's married, so you lay off!

Sally: My gosh, ain't you anticipatory!

Sam Leeds: Some men are makers. They got to sweat for what they want. I'm a taker. I got to be one.

Sally: You could be good and honest.

Sam Leeds: I saw my father work his heart out on a lathe in Bridgeport. He died young and he died broke. He was an honest man. I never want to be one.

Sally: It's a kind of pity that I only like bad men and want to make them good.

Joe Madden: Sally, I've been thinking about Sam - - Sam and me. He's done fine tonight. In a bad spot like this, he's the best help a man could have.

Sally: Sometimes it's easier to be brave than honest, Joe.

Sally: You'll have to go without me Sam. Maybe I'm selfish. All I want is what every woman wants - a home - a place in the town where she lives - and an honest husband.

Sam Leeds: Yeah, it all adds up kind of dull and tame - - like Joe Madden.

Jack Terry: I'm trying to save our asses!

Sally: I'll look after my *own* ass, thank you.

Sally: Are yuh leavin'?

Jack Terry: Yeah, I gotta go, but, um, whatta yuh say when you get outta here, we have a drink sometime... hmmm - in a glass?

Sally: I don't watch news. It's too depressing

Sally: Ya know, the only trouble I ever got into was when I was TOO careful!